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FENWAYGIRL18 Posts: 5,868
11/29/12 12:36 A

Be willing to listen and suggest going to a therapist with him...

11/28/12 3:52 P

Man, here, and although I would NOT admit to having been raped but when I was 16 a woman in her late 20's did steal my virginity from me. I would call it consenual only in that I did not protest but I didn't initiate it either. She did slightly choke me when in the throws of HER passion (it took me years to realize that as I re-played that in my head again and again over the years) so I wonder if that was the starting point of my interest in kinky sex because prior to that it was just regular pictures of naked women in my brother's Playboy mags that interested kink.

I'd say treat him as you would any man because male egos are NOT the same as female's so no kid glove care unless you really sense there's a need to be gentle.

Good Luck!

GLITTERFAIRY77 Posts: 8,023
11/28/12 2:40 P

All you do is be available to him to talk to if he needs you. How absolutely horrifying.

ASHLEYGILLE SparkPoints: (12,745)
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Posts: 1,889
11/28/12 1:34 P

Being a therapist myself, I of course recommend therapy (that is if and when he's ready), so that he can work through this very traumatic experience... Then once he has started to deal with the sexual abuse himself, maybe you can participate in some counseling sessions with him to help you manage this very sensitive issue as well (i.e. intimacy). As far as your interactions with him go, I wouldn't push him to talk/disclose much, but let him know that you are there for him when he's ready. As for you, he clearly feels he can trust you very much, to share such a personal story. That in itself should make you feel good- he is comfortable enough to open up to you. Best of luck to you both.
P.S. In finding a therapist, I always recommend you find someone who has experience working with victims of sexual abuse.

TACDGB Posts: 6,136
11/28/12 1:20 P

Be willing to listen to him if he needs to talk. be supportive of what he needs. You can't imagine what he has been through.........something a child should never have to experiance. Be honest about the physical stuff with him.........if he's close to you he'll talk.

I_HEART_MY_FAM Posts: 1,809
11/28/12 12:17 P

Treat him no differently then someone who you treat that wasn't raped. Listen to him when he talks about it and be very loving, but never, ever let him use that as an excuse for anything. If he uses that for an excuse in any way that is just wrong and he needs to be told that. It may or may not effect his sexuality, if so he needs counseling. He needs to know it is not his fault 100 percent.

PETITFLOUR SparkPoints: (42,571)
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11/28/12 11:31 A


Does anyone have experience with such a situation? My boy friend indicated that he was raped as a child. I know little details - only that he "was screaming like hell and no one heared him".
How should I deal with the situation - particularly in romantic settings?
Is there any experienced man who could explain me what I should / shouldn't do?

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