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anyone else's partner unsupportive???



 
 
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MISSRUTH
Posts: 3,273
1/31/12 7:41 A

I wanted to add one more quick thing. My husband has seen how firmly I've stuck to this lifestyle change; all the healthy choices I've made with my eating, even when we've gone out, even over the holidays, even on vacation. He has seen me exercise every day.

We went to the movies the other day and he got some popcorn and candy. He offered me some-- several times-- even though he was 99% sure I'd say no. Was he being unsupportive? NO. He was being polite. That's all-- no more, no less.



KANOE10
Posts: 4,180
1/31/12 7:38 A

There is a good article on SparkPeople; Defending against diet saboteurs. It explores why people might undermine your diet efforts: sometimes it is fear of change, jealousy, feeling left out, missing the old you..because you have changed your habits.

You have got to make a decision that you are the important one. You will lose this weight and no matter what anyone says or offers you or tries to make you feel guilty for saying no,
you will continue to eat healthy.

after one year of doing this, it gets easier!

Good luck with your husband!



JMELINDY
SparkPoints: (1,243)
Fitness Minutes: (1,205)
Posts: 25
1/30/12 10:38 P

WOW- each of you brought a different perspective and made different lights go on in my brain! THANK YOU!
What I really take away from all of your posts in common, is that I need to do what i need to do,regardless of what others are doing ( or why they are!)
Incredible help, everyone, thanks so much!! emoticon



MISSRUTH
Posts: 3,273
1/30/12 11:02 A

My husband has seen me start and stop "dieting" so many times, I think the poor man was afraid to NOT offer me chocolate or cookies or a bite of his dessert, for fear I was "off" again, and would be offended if he didn't offer to share!!

He's not unsupportive, he's just seen me lose and gain and lose and gain so many times, we've both lost count. This time when I really "got" it-- that it has to be a whole lifestyle change and not just a temporary diet, I didn't bother saying anything for a while, because I knew if I was him, I'd be thinking, Lord have mercy, here we go again!

My DH tells me all the time how great I look. He has cheerfully eaten all kinds of "healthy" food, even when he can't pronounce whatever it is (think: quinoa). I do not fuss at him for what he chooses to eat. Maybe someday he will join me and take a walk or skip the fried food when we eat out. But that's his business.





NONA-UK
Posts: 243
1/30/12 9:34 A

these things can be annoying but we are responsible for ourselves - we can't control anyone else's behaviour but we can control our response to it. Also, we live in the real world and will always be surrounding by people doing tempting things - it's not their fault if we also do them. It's about taking full responsibility for ourselves.

On Sunday I bought cream eclairs for dessert for my OH and his 2 boys but not for me - I was going to have fruit. But I didn't want to sit at the table watching them eat so I made my excuses - saying I didn't want to have to deal with the temptation, ha ha - and left them in the dining room and went and ate my fruit in the living room. Well, blow me if OH doesn't follow me in 10 minutes later with his cream cake and sit on the sofa eating it right in front of me! He wasn't trying to be mean, he just didn't think. I was really cross for a few minutes then realised that it doesn't make any difference where he eats it. It's up to me to make that decision - eat a cream cake or not - for myself and stick with it either way.

It was a bit of an epiphany for me - to realise that my eating is under my own control and no one elses, and that to say I have to eat X because someone else is eating X is just making excuses for making the wrong decision myself.

You can do it too - stop thinking that anyone else's eating has anything to do with you, it isn't always easy, but concentrate on what you are doing and why. then you don't need much will power as you ARE doing exactly what you want to do.

Edited by: NONA-UK at: 1/30/2012 (09:36)


SPIFY54
Posts: 2
1/30/12 8:30 A

Un-supportive spouse? Yes! How about un-supportive daughters who make cookies during Lent. I brew a pot of tea and enjoy the 3 cups while others are eating cookies, and then I freeeze their leftovers so they are out of sight! My husband has health issues but I don't and we both need to lose weight. I am committed to losing my excess weight with an Herbalife program, personalized for me, and he is more concerned with eating meat protein. I have been reminded that I am his wife and not his mother. I make fruit an accessible snack and nuts are available daily. I am worth my effort even without his encouraging words. I was thin when he married me, almost 35 years ago, and he still comments on how good my abs looked. Courage my friend, we can do this!



FITKIZ
Posts: 748
1/29/12 5:34 P

It took my husband a couple months to get on board with my lifestyle changes because he didn't think I'd stick to it, and because he was worried I'd jump off the deep end and do something unhealthy. Rather than fight over it, I overhauled the family 'norms' first and didn't tell him that my usual go-to meals were any healthier. If he noticed, it was generally because he liked whatever I did. After a few weeks, I gave him the nutritional breakdown of the old and new recipes and now he's on board 100%. You don't have start huge to make meaningful changes. One of my friends went through similar issues because her husband was worried that her new changes might jeopardise his place in her life. If he's offering you these things because of insecurities you may have to tell him why you want to change and reassure him that you will always love him, no matter what you weigh. Have an open and honest conversation with him about what you want and why and how he can help you. It could be as simple as he feels left out.



JMELINDY
SparkPoints: (1,243)
Fitness Minutes: (1,205)
Posts: 25
1/29/12 10:30 A

Thanks to both of you for putting the whole thing in great perspective! This is my first time posting on the boards, and the immediate support feels great. Now, I am off to the gym!
Have a great weekend!



ARCHIMEDESII
SparkPoints: (135,654)
Fitness Minutes: (204,285)
Posts: 20,172
1/29/12 6:42 A

Hi, JMELINDY !!

What you're experiencing with your husband is not unusual. In fact, it's quite common. How many of us have spouses or family members who need to lose weight, but don't want to do anything ? Well, they're adults, they know they need to do something. But, you can't change them. They have to want to change. You can only change how you react to them.

So, if you're ready to change your life for the better, you do what you need to do. Does this mean you might be making two different meals ? possibility. However, if you check out the Spark Recipes section, Chef Meg has tons of fantastic recipes that are not only good for you, but taste great too.

Your husband may think he'll have to eat like a rabbit. that is a misconception. Healthy food tastes great. You can even make enchilidas !

At some point, every single one of us here on Spark was a yo yo dieter. We've all gained and lost and regained plenty of times. Well, we all got to a point where we said,"enough". what to do ? Start with small changes. don't try to do everything at once or you will end up frustrated. that's why we all failed i.e. we tried to be perfect. You don't have to be perfect to be healthy. Start with some simple changes you can stick with and build from there.

As far as your husband, he's an adult. he'll change when he's ready to change. What I will say is that when you start seeing results (and that may take time), he may start to make some simple changes too. But, don't push him. let him come of his own accord.







SP_COACH_NANCY
SparkPoints: (158,833)
Fitness Minutes: (112,042)
Posts: 46,222
1/28/12 6:58 P

Hi JMELINDY,

It took me 30 plus years to decide that dieting is not the answer...embracing the habits of healthy living is. I started my final journey 7 years ago and lost 80 pounds in that time frame. It wasn't easy as I could not expect my family to change just because I was. But surprisingly that jumped on board when they discovered how determined I was to get healthy...not just lose the weight, but get healthy.

Below are a couple of links to some SparkPeople articles that may help as well!

I wish you well!
Coach Nancy

www.sparkpeople.com/resource/nutrition_art
icles.asp?id=371


www.sparkpeople.com/resource/nutrition_art
icles.asp?id=371




JMELINDY
SparkPoints: (1,243)
Fitness Minutes: (1,205)
Posts: 25
1/28/12 6:05 P

This is my third year in a row starting a weight loss program, but I believe the important thing is that i keep trying! It took me 4 or 5 tries to quit smoking, and i haven't smoked in 3 years,
Anyway, my husband feels that we've been down this road before, and kind of pretends to support me but really doesn't, offers me cookies and things, too.
ANYONE else have this problem? emoticon

Edited by: JMELINDY at: 1/28/2012 (18:50)


 
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