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1977SHAW SparkPoints: (3,993)
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Posts: 91
11/16/13 10:05 A

Thats kinda what i was thinking thanks for ur input this is the first time that ive went thru this its nice to know that im not the only one to deal with this emoticon

HAPPY-DESTINY Posts: 19,755
11/15/13 6:13 A

Here is my take on this!

I asked if he was 'Manipulative'..Here is what you said.."hes always playing the its my dieing wish card" That is manipulation as well as emotional abuse! Does it leave you feeling 'guilty' because you don't marry him for his dying wish?

If Mom is worried about you.. perhaps you should 'trust' Mom's gut feelings about this man!

"he doesnt show public recognition he worries about what other people think alot " I think if a person loves someone.. who cares what others think!! If it is his dying wish to marry you.. then I think he would shout it to the world.. he would recognize you as 'the love of his life' !

"being stuck with debt from hospital bills " Does he have Health/Life insurance? If so..does it cover catastrophic illness??

Public displays of affection need not be 'over the top'.. Holding hands.. walking close together.. introducing you to friends immediately and being happy together.. going to favorite stores/movies/meals etc!

IF you " feel loved in private " then I feel you should be loved in public!! It is a red flag for me if someone treats me differently in public than in private! That is manipulation.. emotional abuse .. psychological abuse.. even physical abuse in the sense that he practically ignores you and fails to be close to you with his or your friends when you are together! If it is his dying wish to marry you.. then I think he would show that and share that!

I am a 'fan' of Treat Others The Way You Want To Be Treated!

Now... all that being said.. This is just my take on a 'snapshot' of the whole scene. I am NOT saying to 'Dump the guy' nor am I saying 'Marry the guy'.. IF IT WERE ME . . AND I HAVE HAD THIS HAPPEN TO ME AS A MAN BY MY EX-WIFE! ! .. I could not handle being treated in such a manner ! It's living one way by day.. another by night! (Kind of like Fiona from Shrek! )

So .. No is it NOT too much to ask for some recognition in public and NO you are NOT over reacting ! !

As God's people... We stand on our feet.. we do not grovel before anyone!



1977SHAW SparkPoints: (3,993)
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Posts: 91
11/14/13 8:03 P

I am 36 he is 55 ever since ive known him hes been going thru cancer treatment he tells me he loves me dearly and wants to marry me hes always playing the its my dieing wish card my mom doesnt want me to she knows we love eachother she just worries about me being stuck with debt from hospital bills and that is part of the reason the other part is that he doesnt show public recognition he worries about what other people think alot he treats me well in private he treats me good in public hes not demanding he opens doors hes loving kissy smoochy i feel loved in private im proud that im with him hes a great man is it too much to ask for some recognition in public or am i over reacting

HAPPY-DESTINY Posts: 19,755
11/13/13 5:36 A

I was perusing through the pages to find someone to chat with and I came upon your dialogue. Please allow me to 'chime in'!

First: Did he ask you to marry him while he was going through cancer treatment?

Second: This 'generation' thing..How old is he? ( I am 56 and never heard of it . . even us Hippies were never that cool!)

Third: How does he treat you in private? Is he demanding? Is he manipulative? ( IE: "If you love me you will blah blah blah .. IF you . . ) Does he hold the door for you? Does he 'make excuses' for his behavior that you may find unacceptable? (Other than rejecting you in public?)


Fourth: Would you give him your heart if he needed it?
Would he give you his heart if you needed it?

I do not mean to sound so callous yet I will reserve my thoughts when I see your replies (meaning when I get more information.. I do not know him nor what he is thinking) but I am willing to share what I see from my perspective thus far of his behavior. I too am a 'Been there . . Done that . . That happened to me too' kind of person!

I know these are personal questions to you and you need not answer them here in a public forum if you chose not to. I do not want my replies to be a form of embarrassment on your part! You seem like a nice person yet you are looking out for yourself. My goal is to help with self-edification (Be your own Cheerleader)!

ne illegitimi carborundum!

1977SHAW SparkPoints: (3,993)
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Posts: 91
10/18/13 3:12 P

You may b right about him protecting hisself but everytime he needs me im there he has terminal cancer before we were together and almost died twice on me i cant c myself without him ever but i feel like i should get some kind of recognition that were together a public one is what i mean

1977SHAW SparkPoints: (3,993)
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Posts: 91
10/18/13 3:07 P

He makes sure that i know he loves me i turned him down twice not because i dont love him but because he has an issue he has to fix first he is working on it at the moment

1977SHAW SparkPoints: (3,993)
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Posts: 91
10/18/13 3:01 P

Thanks guys yall r so helpful and rivetpa tell me about what u went thru twice in curious it might help me

ERICWS SparkPoints: (8,307)
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10/18/13 11:39 A

Now I second-guess myself: did you TURN DOWN his proposals?

If you did, why? Maybe he is keeping his guard up to try to limit the pain of rejection by not calling you his girlfriend after you turned him down?

ERICWS SparkPoints: (8,307)
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10/18/13 11:37 A

"Labels" show commitment or lack thereof.

If you and he are hooking up, and you know what I mean, and he isn't calling you his "girlfriend", then in my opinion he is openly communicating to everyone, including you, that he wants to keep his opyions open and not appear to be tied down or committed.

No offense intended, but you did ask. I think it is a line of BS that he says that "nobody uses those terms anymore", etc. I guess you need to decide what you want out of this, and be strong in your resolve if you and he want different things......

RODGRODMEDFLOD Posts: 3,800
10/18/13 11:29 A

I agree with the other people who have responded. There's something else going on here!

I've been with my partner for over 4 years and do not refer to her as my girlfriend. It just seems weird at this point in our lives. I usually call her my wife and she usually calls me her husband or partner.

As Rivetpa says, be careful.

RIVETPA Posts: 1,168
10/18/13 11:09 A

Yeah, it sounds like a trend that would continue if you were to get married... some people just want to put that part of life's puzzle in place - the get married thing - and then move on to conquer other things.

Just be careful is all... I've been down that road twice myself...

1977SHAW SparkPoints: (3,993)
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Posts: 91
10/18/13 10:57 A

U r so helpful my thoughts exactly i just cant seem to figure him out hes asked me twice to marry him i feel like if im not introduced as his girlfriend now and hurt it would b three times as hurtful if i wasnt introduced as his wife he doesnt seem to get it everyone seems to know who i am i dont know if when im not there that he lets them know that were together and just doesnt say anything and thats y he doesnt introduce me like that he says everyone knows were together maybe its just me im confused

RIVETPA Posts: 1,168
10/18/13 10:20 A

Or another planet maybe...hahahaha

I think people who are together should be happy and proud to introduce them as girlfriend or boyfriend.. if not then there's a red flag for you, and an issue somewhere.

1977SHAW SparkPoints: (3,993)
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Posts: 91
10/17/13 3:29 P

Thanks i did express that i was upset he said that i was overreacting that were togethwr he is just from another generation where people dont introduce eachother like that

KJFITNESSDUDE Posts: 15,787
10/17/13 1:44 P

"....this is my girlfriend."

that's it, tell him you're upset that he doesn't introduce you that way. In my opinion guys are wordsmiths and not saying the word "girlfriend" totally means you're not his girlfriend.

RIVETPA Posts: 1,168
10/17/13 1:41 P

Well in my opinion, after 4 years you (and he) should be able to talk about what you are to each other... whether that be best friend, girlfriend, etc.

I find that the direct approach is always best - just ask the question "what am I to you?" and see what he says to that.

Otherwise you could spend hours beating around the bush to get to what really matters

1977SHAW SparkPoints: (3,993)
Fitness Minutes: (542)
Posts: 91
10/17/13 11:49 A

i need some info. from a mans point of view if u have been seeing a guy for 4 years and when he introduces u he says ur his best friend or calls by ur first name should u b insulted that he didn't introduce u as his girl friend? im totally lossed here

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