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after a long term relationship do you cut all ties

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3/4/13 10:05 A

Breaking up is painful and your former daughter-in-law probably doesn't want reminders she can avoid at this point. I wouldn't email her again. If you want, send her a note in the mail. Keep it short. Say that you miss her and hope to keep in touch. Perhaps suggest meeting for lunch whenever she's ready. Put contact totally in her court. And leave it at that. It's the best you can do. I think you need to accept that you won't have a continuing relationship with her.

I wish you the best.

Posts: 1,809
3/4/13 9:38 A

I am surprised with so many people here saying send another email. You sent three already a fourth is stalking and just plain annoying.

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3/3/13 7:16 A

write her a physical letter expressing your thoughts
then, give her time to deal with stuff, as she's going through lots already

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3/3/13 7:03 A

I would write her a letter and tell her your feelings.

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3/2/13 7:06 A

Depends on situation

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3/2/13 12:39 A

It's difficult when my brother and sister in law divorced after 23 yrs I felt a loss she was like a sister to me, but it was difficult especially the way he left her. Sometimes it's just best to let go even though it's tough.

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3/2/13 12:32 A

It all depends on the situation

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3/2/13 12:24 A

I don't.

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3/1/13 4:29 P

I think it really depends on your relationship with the ex family,mutual friends.

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3/1/13 4:08 P

Sometimes the other person is hurting so much; they can't deal with people associated with the broken relationship. Let her know you are there and you care if she ever wants to talk. You've left the door open for her to contact you. She may or may not contact you which I know hurts you if she doesn't, but it may be easier for her to handle the break-up this way so don't take it personal. emoticon

Posts: 6,024
3/1/13 3:14 P

I do know that your miss her. But give her some time. she is hurting and needs to sort things out. Just let her know that you care and let her be. If she wants a relationship with you it will happen.

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3/1/13 2:07 P

I'm sorry that this is happening :(

It just depends on the people involved whether they feel its neccessary to cut ties. Personally I wouldnt cut ties and you don't want to either - however, maybe its a different story for her. She also may need time. Maybe wait awhile then try again.

Posts: 1,571
3/1/13 1:08 P

I'd say send one more email letting her know that you understand why she might not want contact right now, but that you'd welcome contact if she ever felt it was right. Then you need to step back and let her make the next move.

Maybe this is her way of dealing with it, at least for now. Sometimes that "former in law" stuff can get kind of tangled and complicated.....

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3/1/13 1:06 P

I want to add 25 years later I am very happy with my decision and was from the beginning even though the kids would cross my mind and I would miss them. I feel lucky to have had the short time with the kids as you should feel about your DIL, she can still be your friend in your heart.... On the flip side my now husband was also married once before with no kids but loved his nephew a lot too, and was attached to him more then I was to the ones I knew because he was married longer. I gave him the option of seeing him, we picked him up once and took him to the park and another time we went to visit him where I met his ex sister in law (mother of the nephew) all she did was talk of everything that happened in his marriage and how bad her sister was. She did not leave it behind so we opted for the break. We just wanted time with the boy not hear smack on the ex. The boy is grown and we run into some of his family to this day and they say how he still refers to him as Uncle. We are also happy with that decision.

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3/1/13 1:03 P

I miss my former in-laws. I kept in touch with them for a while, but it just got a bit weird. I'd be over for a visit and XH would call. It was awkward for them and for me, so we lost touch. That was before the days of Facebook. I'd probably keep in touch with former in-laws that way now.

even friends seem to get divided up in a divorce

sis stays in touch with many of her former in-laws. Some of them even told her XH that if they had to choose, they'd cut ties with him! Her situation is different though. They had kids, and now there are grandchildren. Getting along with the ex is necessary.

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3/1/13 12:09 P

I say when it is over it is over. Even if son says he does not care if you keep in contact with her he might later or his new love someday might. I say no kids then no friendship, it is time to move on. I was once married before now and had no kids and had to break away from the whole family. I loved his nephews but knew I wanted a new life with no baggage so it was a clean cut with zero contact of anyone in the family. Sad at first, but you learn to move on and realize it is for the best.

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3/1/13 11:39 A

I am heartbroken because i really love my daughter in law - and we got a long very well for the last 9 years.
she and my son seem to have parted ways - and despite my 3 emails over the last two plus months since it happened - i haven't had a response. there were no kids - but there is a little pom i love too - and my son has not seen her either -
please comment on this for anyone who has been thru it- it seems this does happen a lot and the reasoning is to just keep clear of everyone you had to do with the past relationship which is now done.
sad - i view people as just that - a person in my life that i still would like to call friend.

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