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STARDUST2K4 Posts: 1,358
6/28/12 11:28 P

I totally understand how you feel. I often overanalyze what people say. I realize that the way that I negatively interpret compliments sheds light on how I feel about myself. I often worry that people didn't mean what they said, or they only said it because they felt obligated to. That's a reflection of ME not them. Today, a complete stranger told me that I had beautiful eyes and I thought maybe she said that because I was staring off in her direction and she thought I was staring at her...see how silly that sounds?

Don't ever let anyone else tell you who you can be

BBINDELRAY SparkPoints: (18,742)
Fitness Minutes: (27,548)
Posts: 18
6/28/12 4:22 P

Linda -

If you are like me, and grew up hearing this "COMPLIMENT" - followed by the proverbial, "If you'd only loose some weight", then I can understand why you automatically feel insulted.

My own hard-headednesss took me all the way up to 325, through my employment of the "so you think THIS is fat?? I'll show you!!!" eating plan. (This is the one where you inhale everything that isn't nailed down!)

It has taken some time - but I finally understood that the person who was saying this wan't trying to hurt me - but to motivate me (allbeit in a backwards kind of way). There were good intentions behind what they were saying - and I wish I could have seen that at the time. But, with age comes perspective - which I had NONE of when I was in the thick of these exchanges.

I am on the way back DOWN the scale now... and am hoping that the next time I hear a compliment - I'll be prepared to simply say "Thank you, darling!" and move on.

Hope this helps you in some way!!!


Easy once you realize this is nothing but a math problem!!
LUANN_IN_PA Posts: 17,409
6/27/12 6:52 P

Give 'em a big smile and say "Thank you!".

I have no idea why some women cannot accept a compliment.

�We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.�
~ Randy Pausch

"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results."
~ Art Turock

"We have a saying in Tibet: If a problem can be solved, there is no use worrying about it. If it can't be solved, worrying will do no good."
~ 7 Years in T
DZDAZR2BGR8T SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (4,123)
Posts: 220
6/27/12 5:42 P

I agree with the other posters-I believe you took the compliment as an insult because of all the stress & anxiety you have in your life as well as about how you see yourself....think of the song lyrics..."I am pretty, oh so pretty.." and RUN with it-literally....every time you get stressed and don't feel like working out, remember-you ARE pretty and your ARE worth the effort....

Day by Day, Step by Step...Each weight I lift, each step I take brings me closer to the person I know I am meant to be...
6/27/12 1:52 P

Some people have foot-in-mouth disease. Don't let it worry you. Just say to yourself, "Heck yes I'm pretty!"

ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (159,747)
Fitness Minutes: (236,030)
Posts: 23,259
6/27/12 9:08 A


I too believe the person meant it as a genuine compliment, not a put down. As the old song goes,"accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative". Instead of taking the comment in a negative way, take it as the POSITIVE as it was meant to be.

There are going to be people who compliment you and it won't be because they are being condescending. Here's what I've learned in my grand old age, people don't know how to accept compliments. We're so used to be criticized that when someone says something nice about us we can't accept it. We think they must be doing it to be malicious. I can assure you, people who give you a compliment are NOT being malicious.

Try this, the next time someone says you have a nice face, reply,"why thank you. that was a kind of you to notice".

Be kind to yourself as you would to others.

GRACEMCC45 Posts: 1,134
6/27/12 8:04 A

Whoever said it likely did not mean it in a harmful way. Regardless of their intention, your reaction is up to you. When faced with a hurtful comment or action, we can choose to deal with the stress of it in a positive or negative manner. You can go stress-eat, or you can walk an extra mile to blow off some steam. You can sit all day and stew over it, or you can make a list of other things that will improve as you lose the weight, and make an inspirational board to motivate you daily.

Your reaction is where your power is, LINDAANNB1


Lost 65lbs in 15 months to get healthy and in top shape to try to get pregnant, and succeeded! Had our first baby in February 2013!

I only gained 32lbs in my pregnancy (and immediately lost half within a few weeks of his birth). April 1st is my full restart date.
LINDAANNB1 Posts: 484
6/27/12 6:51 A

That`s what I was told the other day.... Should make me feel good, right ?
It sure doesn`t. I know I need to lose weight, I know I need to take better care of myself, that I have lots of room for improvement but that compliment sure feels like an insult.
It really is not an inspirational comment, it just makes me feel worse about myself.
I have been seriously stressed lately and I guess it just doesn`t take much to upset me....

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