I often find myself visiting with friends/family or agreeing to help someone with something when both my husband and I are already exhausted just from doing what we need to do for ourselves.
We have moved into a new house and it needs a lot of work. We've done a ton so far, but we still have a lot to do. We are doing the work ourselves both to save money and also because we are almost always disappointed, for a variety of reasons, in how things turn out when we hire people.
Anyway, we don't have much time to work on our house after we take care of the normal life things like work, etc. But, it seems like everyone around us wants (or needs) us to do stuff for them, spend time with them, etc. Right now, we spend as much time helping mom (remodeling her bathroom right now) as we do working on our house. This is because the rest of my family says no, they are too busy or don't just don't want to help her (yes, I'm somewhat irritated with the rest of my family for this). But, she's in her 80s and she cannot do this stuff herself. She needs help. We cannot let her house fall down around her. So, we work on our house on Saturday and hers on Sunday. That's when we're not saying "yes" to seeing friends or family activities (birthdays, etc.). We say yes because we want to have friends (and feel that friendship takes some work, just like any other relationship). We also want to do stuff with family (e.g. birthdays, etc.) so we can have those relationships. Saying yes means no work on our house... Overall, we're exhausted. I suppose we should say no to some of this stuff, but I'm not sure what. We have recently taken a firm stance with saying "no" to some family members who want us to help them work on their house but who have not helped us with ours or even helped a little with mom's house (and they've been doing this sort of thing for years). There's a point where saying yes means you are being taken advantage of and we are no longer going to be allowing that to happen.
I look around and see so many people (including some others in my family) who refuse to go out of their way even a little for anyone else. They refuse to be bothered by anything that's the least bit inconvenient for them. It's pretty self-centered behavior, IMO. I think that, if we'd all go out of our way a little for others that the world would be a lot better place.
I say "yes" a lot when I simply do not mind but have no problems declining if I really don't want to do anything. Does that make sense? LOL!
Fitness Minutes: (0)
306 9/18/13 10:44 A
With a partner one sometimes says yes to things when they would rather say no. Like you have different interests ( ex. fishing) and that person wants to do their favorite activity with their favorite person. Been there but always wound up enjoying myself seeing how much pleasure it gave the other person.
Fitness Minutes: (43,615)
4,576 9/18/13 10:39 A
I'm learning to master the art of a polite (but firm) NO
except with my mom. When she asks "what are you doing Saturday" my immediate reply seems to be "nothing. What do you need?" Sometimes we DO have plans, and I end up having to change them because of that automatic response.
the GOOD thing about my mom being so bent out of shape (over a really stupid misunderstanding) with our current pastor is that I don't get volunteered for things as much - so I guess that cloud DID have a silver lining
Fitness Minutes: (18,507)
1,377 9/18/13 10:27 A
I can be like this but have tried to be mindful of this habit. I think I used to do it because I wanted to please everyone, however as I have aged, I don't feel that need as much as I did before.
Yes, I let them know I will go for a short while because of other obligations I need to attend to (chill out at home). Often I find myself enjoying their company and begin to feel less tired-even if going "out for a bite" I order unsweetened ice tea or a small side salad, saying I already ate . Doing this can be a good diversion that keeps me from wanting to munch on junk/fast food at home because i'm in the Mindset of being to Tired to cook and using the excuse "chill out at home" as a reason to be lazy. If I Am Really Exhausted and choose to be alone, I just tell them "not today" that I will enjoy their company another time.
I do know people like this and think they are extremely nice individuals.
I think it is a good thing that there are nice people in the world lol. I don't see a problem with this.
Fitness Minutes: (76,885)
2,953 9/18/13 6:59 A
Yes I do, myself but I am much better than I used to be in the past. This year I am cutting down my number of volunteer hours at my son's school and letting other parents step up and lend a hand. If I am tired, I won't answer my phone at home and that pretty much takes care of the situation.
I had read an online article about how some folks always say "yes" to family & friends when they really mean "no" like going out for coffee or shopping or any kind of activity when they are really dead tired.
Do you know folks like this?
I do, my gf. I try to be very mindful of her mindset when I ask her to do things with me, I don't want her to just say "yes" when she means "no".
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