Fitness Minutes: (72,159)
19,758 2/18/13 3:30 A
That depends on their age but I would not say anything
Fitness Minutes: (1,201)
205 2/18/13 2:16 A
Humiliating a child is wrong, no matter what the reason is. However, whether you should say anything or not probably depends on your philosophy regarding other people's children.
I would probably definitely say something to a relative or a friend, but probably not a stranger, unless it was so severe I thought it was truly abuse, rather than just bad parenting.
My mother made lots of comments to me about my weight. Not in front of other people and I think she meant well, but it still hurt and made the problem worse. I still remember her pushing me to go on another diet and saying "you don't want to be a fatty in high school."
My mother at about 250 pounds was the most overweight person I can remember encountering as a child and I think she thought she was "doing it for my own good" when she'd say stuff like that. My mom is a good person, but like most parents, she had her faults.
I would say something. I have. My Ex told my son he would not be fat if he lived with him when he was 10 years old. It broke my heart because I knew that was something my son would never forget. I never talked to my son about his weight. I always told him how handsome he is. I tried to steer him toward healthy choices. I know he was a sneak eater because of the shame his father inflicted on him. Now as an adult, he is a healthy weight. He also wants nothing to do with his father.
I have been around a lot of single mom's because of the ministry I worked in at my church. Many are under a TON of stress and really have not developed good parenting skills. This is not true for all. If I witnessed any humiliation towards an obese child if I were close enough friends where I felt I could do so I would confront them. It is a difficult situation to confront people, because it needs to be done out of love and not out of anger. Even though I know I would be angry and hurt that any parent would humiliate or tease, be mean, ect to their overweight child. I also know that it's not only about obese children either. There are many children with eating disorders who are much to thin and many parents badger them, hound them, and are mean to them. Probably because they are fearful and don't know any better way to cope. It's just a thought that it goes both ways. Parents need educating on how to deal with either issue.
personally.... I think a critical personality does it because they can... and certainly, many people treat their kids like possessions instead of little people. But if there is a chance that another adult says STOP ...that might just be enough to let the parent know that someone else sees what their doing.
Another thought...some people act like that because THEY were treated like that and maybe someone bringing it to their attention might make them aware that they are hurting someone else.
This is a sad situation for the child as well as the adult. There are probably a lot of us here who have gone through some of this disturbing and ill treatment of being verbally abused myself included. I did not fully understand why my Dad would call me a circus fat clown I just knew it was mean at the time. Now I know why he did. He had addictions of his own coupled with all of his problems.
I would most likely comfort the child any way that I could with words of encouragement which I believe would speak volumes to the adult. Yes I would say something.
I honestly would want to, but I am not sure if I would because a parent that degrades their own child can do just about anything , plus at times I am a scared being a survivor of child abuse. I am scarred for the things my Mom said to me . I look back on pictures and I was not even fat even though at time I thought I was. My Mom would call me names like Kate Smith, I was just a teen girl, she would also sing a song to me the words were "You eat too much you worry me so" I sometimes wonder why I was so protective of my Mom because she was actually an awful mom!!! I laid in bed this morning thinking I never called her on Valentine's Day ( I really was very busy) that I should go see her and take her some flowers today then I think why the last time I was there she did something awful by being insensitive and perhaps having ill intentions as well, my Mom has some evil in her. I decided to wait and see my Mom and hope that next year at this time she is worthy of at least a Happy Valentine;s day call, this year she is not. I still love her and help her out in any way but I need to take care of me in order to care for anyone else. I am very happy to say that I do not look back very often so I am a strong confident woman. I also can say I have figured out that if my own Mother talked to me that way then I already been hit with the biggest verbal abuse to be had so I fear no one with words of meanness, I have earned to put them in their place instead of walking away wishing I would have said this or that. Believe me I hit them below the belt before leaving with only the truth of their ugly selfs. I never told my Mom off I have only walked out on her at difficult times but with saying I can't take this I am leaving. I am not mad I just don't want to hear this. Sometimes I wish I would have told her off . I know I am scarred from her when my teenaged daughter's would have nasty attitudes and seem disrespectful to me like most teenage girls do at times, it would hurt me real bad because I would think things like gosh how can they do this to me I am a really good mom and then I would reflect on my mom and break down. I am happy to say I finally realized and faced the fact that a happy child can never understand how an unhappy child felt and so for me that meant I needed to stop comparing their happy childhood to my sad one. I handle it much better without my mom popping in my head. I was my Mom's protector because my dad was even worse.
what would be the use? My parents have demeaned me my whole life, not about being fat, and have been talked to by others and my parents only chewed me and them out even more.
Fitness Minutes: (76,885)
2,953 2/17/13 7:19 A
Most definitely I would take that parent aside without making a fuss and impart some knowledge on them which would be theirs to use or ignore....I would not make a big fuss in front of everyone as it would make it worse for the child.
while I grew up with a mother who consistently told me I was fat; I still wouldn't interfere with strangers, and I'd probably not even say something to relatives who did the same - it's not my position to do so
I am glad that most people see this behavior as emotional child abuse and something we should acknowledge to the abusing parent. I think a lot of these type of people do this because they get away with it and think of their kids as 'possessions'. If someone says something to the abuser, they become aware that people aren't blind to that behavior.
I went through some of this as a child, the little comments like you may want to think about a diet, you are to big to wear that, or the names like thunder thighs and hippo hips (all of this said by my family). These things especially the names were done in a joking manner that hurt like **** but they didn't realize it. I spent most of my childhood - teens were spent being on a diet or just getting off a diet. Of course I always saw myself as over weight even when others said I was not. Now I vowed when I grew up I would not do this or anything like it to my children. I tried to get my children to make good choices saying nothing about there weight at all, and did my best to feed them healthy foods. My oldest daughter is over weight...Truth be known she has been over weight for most of her life and she is 20 years old. So which one of these situations were better? Which one was worse? I have to say if I could go back when she was younger I would have made comments, maybe not the same ones but I wish to God that I had said something...Anything!! She is trying to lose weight but it's not going well and even though she does not blame me I do and she has asked why I didn't say something when she was younger....
Fitness Minutes: (5,526)
9,975 2/16/13 5:38 P
That's too bad that some parents can't just "help" their kids instead of criticizing them.
When I was younger an aunt of mine would always tell me how big/fat I was getting. Anytime she saw me, comments like "wow, what are they feeding you?" or "be careful or you'll end up wearing your mom's clothes!" Her side of the family are short and petite and our side, tall and big. Anyway, it seriously affected my self-esteem and never felt good/pretty enough; I think that's when I started sneaking food etc. I would definitely speak up. when it's to a child, I WILL speak. Life is hard enough, esp. for kids these days, without having to take that from people who are supposed to love you. If the relative is so concerned, teach encourage good habits; don't just berate and embarrass without suggesting a solution. Sorry it became a vent, I guess I have certain things I haven't dealt with.
Fitness Minutes: (11,285)
3,116 2/16/13 2:54 P
Yes I would say something privately to a relative or a friend who was doing that.
I agree with ziggy, physical, emotiona, or even sexual abuse, yeah id say something. I grew up with an aunt that didwas very emotionally abusive to me. She would call me fat and say I needed to lose weight but never set a, good example by offering me exercise or a healthy eating plan.
I was treated like that by my mom, she liked to do it when no one was around and when I saw her doing the same to my niece when she was younger I spoke up and put her in her place, she of course said that she never did that to me and was doing that to my niece for her own good. My niece is as thin as a rail and her hair looks dead as I believe she now pukes in order to keep herself thin, not healthy. I blame my mom for that. I know I grew up with little or no self esteem because of my mom always making fun, I was never really obese, just chubby and would get bullied at school and then come home to get bullied by my mother I had no safe place.
Fitness Minutes: (1,055)
279 2/16/13 1:36 P
I would definately say something. The kid got fat because of the parents putting garbage on their plate in the first place. Yes, I would surely say something.
I would speak up, verbal, physically abuse is abuse.. just like bullying should not be tolerated
Fitness Minutes: (1,733)
58 2/16/13 12:45 P
I was verbally abused as a child by my own mother. Because I am overweight. And she is some skinny minny with a major weight complex. So yeah, if a parent was humiliating a child about being over weight I would certainly say something. Because at the end of the day, the parents allowed the child to eat junk. And humiliating the child is not going to help them lose weight. As a child I know that I beat myself up more then anyone else could have, so I didn't really need anyone else's help in making myself feel bad about my weight.
Fitness Minutes: (2,505)
104 2/16/13 11:25 A
The only thing like this that I've seen was my ex mother-in-law ragging on my 12yr old sister-in-law for snacking after school. She told the girl she was getting too fat and she needed to stop eating snacks. All the girl had was one of those small slim jims. And she wasn't fat at all my ex mother-in-law is one of those people that thinks you have to be skin and bones or you are fat. Right from her own mouth once she told me she hates fat people. Guess thats why she didn't like me lol! I didn't say anything in front of my ex mother-in-law at the time. I was only 20 when it happened anyway. That night before we left I hugged my sister-in law goodbye and told her I thought she was beautiful no matter what. I haven't gotten to see her in a few years now.
SparkPeople, SparkCoach, SparkPages, SparkPoints, SparkDiet, SparkAmerica, SparkRecipes, DailySpark, and other marks are trademarks of SparkPeople, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
SPARKPEOPLE is a registered trademark of SparkPeople, Inc. in the United States, European Union, Canada, and Australia. All rights reserved.