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Why does my mother want to sabotage me?



 
 
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COUTURELADY
SparkPoints: (21,054)
Fitness Minutes: (15,218)
Posts: 1,254
3/21/11 1:37 P

One strategy that helps me when either friends or family are sabatoging me is to keep quiet about my goals. Not everyone likes to hear that you are on the weight-loss journey. Either it is threatening to them or they are just not interested. You can eat healthfully and exercise in silence, without calling attention to your plans. YOU know that you are doing it, no one else has to be a part of your commitment.

Hang in there, smile, say no thanks if you don't want what they are eating and have a great time! emoticon



REDSHOES2011
SparkPoints: (35,936)
Fitness Minutes: (66,181)
Posts: 7,159
3/21/11 12:29 P

I am with kissfan1 on this too..



KISSFAN1
Posts: 6,256
3/21/11 12:14 P

I don't really have much interaction with my mother (not because of the reason you mentioned, LOL) but years ago when I lost a lot of weight, we went out to eat and she told me that I was going to splurge.

Hmmm, I guess she felt guilty for eating badly and also eating a fattening dessert on top of that. I'm not a big dessert person and she wasn't happy with me for not ordering one, but why eat something you don't want just because it makes someone else feel uncomfortable?

I think she's just feeling guilty for her food choices and doesn't want you to eat healthy in front of her as a result. Just tell her that it's your body/life (in a nice way of course) and that she can eat whatever she wants with no comments or reaction from you, but that you're not interested in eating what she wants you to.



AF_WIFE_20
SparkPoints: (1,415)
Fitness Minutes: (345)
Posts: 47
3/21/11 12:12 P

I'm just speculating here, but maybe her negative attitude stems from your own attitudes or behavior regarding your healthier choices.

Do you talk about it all the time? Do you look or act sad when others order food you no longer choose to eat but still wish you could? Do you lecture others on their poor choices? Or do you simply raise an eyebrow and look disapprovingly at their choices? Do you put your foot down about where the family is allowed to go or what restaurants they can eat at based on your own diet choices?

It's very possible that what seems like a positive direction in YOUR life can feel less than positive in the lives around you, depending on how you go about it.

What difference does it make to Mom if you happily order grilled chicken and steamed veggies while the rest of the family has fried catfish and french fries? It WILL make a difference if you act like a martyr when doing so....or if you look down your nose at the other dinner choices.....or....

Maybe she feels like this is HER vacation and she doesn't want it spoiled by feeling like there must be some conflict surrounding every meal.

You don't have to compromise your own healthy choices....but you CAN promise her that you'll relax about the whole thing and enjoy the vacation (and allow everyone else to enjoy it) just as much as if you weren't "on a diet."

emoticon



ARCHIMEDESII
SparkPoints: (137,803)
Fitness Minutes: (206,950)
Posts: 20,453
3/21/11 11:32 A

Ah, there is nothing like a good old fashioned guilt trip from mom. You replied appropriately by telling your mother that you were striving for a healthier lifestyle.

Here's the thing, in past, were you very strict with your "diet" ? Did you say that you weren't going to eat x, y or z because you were worried about your weight ? If so, that would explain part of her response. She may feel that this diet thing is nothing more than a phase you're going through. She may feel that your eating habits may have been too strict. What to do ?

Well, you should never feel forced to eat something to make your mom happy. BUT, you shouldn't deprive yourself either. Spark People isn't about deprivation. it's all about moderation and portion control. There is absolutely no reason a couple of cookies, piece of cake, brownie, pizza, etc... can't be part of a healthy lifestyle. It's all about moderation.

When you're on vacation with mom, this is your opportunity to show her all the healthy things you have learned as well as an opportunity to let her know this isn't a diet.






KAZ814
SparkPoints: (13,844)
Fitness Minutes: (8,984)
Posts: 262
3/20/11 7:46 P

OH hmmm, that's rough. :( I'm so sorry she's not supportive. Have you tried to explain to her the reasons you want to eat healthier - beyond losing weight, I mean? Added time with your granddaughter, getting off any meds you might be on, etc?

It could be that she feels threatened by your weight loss/eating healthier - could it be that she feels that doing so means that how she raised you to eat isn't right?

Have a great time on vacation. YOU are the one in charge of what you eat while on vacation and I know that you can stay on track and make healthy choices!



SP_COACH_NANCY
SparkPoints: (158,833)
Fitness Minutes: (112,042)
Posts: 46,222
3/20/11 7:23 P

Hi Sherry,

Congrats on your wonderful success. Why I can't say why your Mom behaves this way, I do have some resources (see links below) that may help you along the way. I hope you and your Mom have a GREAT time on vacation.

Nancy

www.sparkpeople.com/resource/motivation_ar
ticles.asp?id=1325


www.sparkpeople.com/resource/motivation_ar
ticles.asp?id=87


www.sparkpeople.com/resource/nutrition_art
icles.asp?id=371




SHERRYJVP
Posts: 1,178
3/20/11 6:44 P

I am 52. Have struggled with my weight throughout my adult life. Whenever I feel like I am 'getting it together'..and it is time to visit with my mom...and usually 'lose' my moementum. We are currently planning a vacation and taking her where she has wanted to go. I called..and we are all excited. But she told me "I hope you aren't dieting this time". I told her I am not really dieting but am trying to eat healthier. She said "well I hope you aren't making the baby (my granddaughter)." I told her I am hoping to teach her to enjoy healthier foods than I taught my own kids. I really don't understand why all of this is so offensive to her. She says things such as "that is no fun" or "I will be glad when you are through dieting". My mom and I get along in most ways, but this makes me dread spending long periods of time with her. Any advice?




 
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