I am an expert on self-sabotage and I was able to follow along with what you wrote!!
You mentioned that you wanted your efforts to be noticed and then when they notice, you self-sabotage.
If you have no support at home, look for it in your community or online. I went to OA and other support groups and that really helped.
You can also be your own cheerleader!
Little kids give themselves a clap when they do something right...well copy that idea! I have positive statements that I say to myself all the time.
Everyone wants their efforts noticed. Your efforts might not get noticed at this moment in time, but there will be a day when you hug your kids on graduation or attend their wedding. Being healthy, at those moments in time, will be worth the effort.
Also, if someone congratulates you on your weight loss, stop them mid-sentences and tell them you aren't working towards weight loss. You are working to be healthy.
That way you won't have the pressure of having to live up to that compliment. Or feel like they are keeping tabs on your weight.