Fitness Minutes: (5,128)
1,019 11/3/13 1:29 A
HE DOES, selstverständlich!
Fitness Minutes: (5,526)
10,250 11/2/13 12:47 P
Have offered to pay for my own. The guy would usually say No & pay it all.
Fitness Minutes: (36,725)
3,859 11/2/13 12:36 P
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I think it depends on a lot of factors: 1. Who invited whom 2. Who has more money 3. What type of date it is, etc.
I once read an interesting financial breakdown of what a typical date actually costs people. In many cases, a date costs a woman just as much as the man -- even if the man pays for most of the tickets, meal, etc.. That's because a woman can't get a date unless she spends money to maintain her appearance (wardrobe, hair, cosmetics, teeth, perfume, etc.). Most men do not spend as much time/money on such things. (Though of course, there are exceptions.)
So when you see a typical hetero-sexual couple on a date ... remember ... the woman has probably spent considerably more time, effort, and money to get invited on that date. That cost needs to be considered when one considers the actual cost of the date and the determination of what is fair.
It would be an interesting research study to see how the balance of those expenses varies between cultures and over time.
When I was growing up that was never a question. He always paid as a sign of his ability to care for you as it progressed. That's a tough question to answer. Follow his lead. I never paid for a single date with my husband of 30 years.
Fitness Minutes: (8,760)
237 10/29/13 3:32 P
I am traditional. He pays early on. Later if we have developed into an exclusive relationship then I pay too half the time.
In my current relationship, if we go to a restaurant I like, I pay. If he chooses, he pays
I've been married almost 14 years now. When my dh and I started seeing each other we spent time together but didn't do a lot of paid activities. When we did go out somewhere it was always because he asked me to go and he would generally pay the cost of my dinner or movie ticket or whatever.
Fitness Minutes: (0)
1,307 10/29/13 4:20 A
Possibly the first date or two split the bill. Then in the future on and off where sometimes one person pays and then the other. I am in my 30s and that is how I feel. My mom though who is 60 if she is asked out I think she feels he should pay. I am not sure if this is just my mom or because back in the day usually the man paid.
Fitness Minutes: (5,128)
1,019 10/27/13 3:29 A
mostly my partner.
Fitness Minutes: (78,244)
21,691 10/24/13 5:30 A
When The SO and I started dating back a year ago, he paid for our first few dates. We went for coffees, the movies, a museum, a few sporting events and then we decided we wanted to be serious with one another, an exclusive thing. At that point, I found some things we wanted to do and if needed to buy tickets I did so. I did the cooking or preparing the food or snacks for our outings if we didn't have a specific activity in mind. (The SO can barely prepare proper water for tea, but that's another story. lol)
The SO prefers to pay when we go to Professional Sporting Events or do anything more than having dinner out. Its not something I'm going to stress him out about so I do the other little things that would build up to be a big thing in our way of relating with one another. The SO is a manly fella and he likes paying just because its his way of showing he cares for me is how he explained it to me. The SO is the kind of man who opens building doors for me, pulls out my chair, holds my hand with other men round, gets my car door when we go out, and he is always the driver :)~
I'm kosher with the idea of his paying the majority of the time because our relationship evens out in other ways. I know with economics being what they are for many people discussing the plan is always a good thing so nobody is surprised when the bill comes due!
If I'm getting to know someone, it has always been for coffee. I try to get there first and buy my own, but they have always offered. After that, I WANT the man to pay for the next 3-5 dates. I will offer to cover tip if I have cash, and if he seems hesitant to pick it up I offer to split. But that doesn't impress me much.
It's been many years since I dated anyone since I'm 65. But, back in the day, the date always paid but now, I would probably opt to go equal pay. Would like to date also.
Fitness Minutes: (74,443)
3,293 10/23/13 2:26 P
I really prefer everything to be equal, even from the beginning. However, I tend to date men from cultures where the guy is absolutely required to pay, so I try to be flexible...but don't like it. I also try to make up for it by doing the driving when we take trips (gas is expensive), cooking meals at home and buying tickets ahead of time if I can get away with it.
I am in the odd situation right now of being in a new relationship with someone who has been a friend for more than a decade. He absolutely insists on paying for everything and so far I have let him. He knows me well enough to know that I don't like it, but still he is adamant. At some point we will have to come up with a better system.
Is it normal in the US for men to pay for things? I thought that this went out in about 1969. I would never let an American man pay...but I have not dated one for a good 20 years, so what do I know.
Fitness Minutes: (29,093)
1,805 10/23/13 12:41 P
28 yrs ago, yes we rode the T-Rex to the movies, the gentleman paid. The lady reciprocated by cooking dinner, providing picnic lunches and by just happening to have two tickets to something that she invited the gentleman to attend. How ladies ended up with so many tickets to monster truck rallies I will never know!
Now with my daughters friends, young adults graduating from college, they seem to do a lot of group dates with everyone paying their own way. When they have couples dates, whoever has the money pays. It really seems to be more about economics these days. If one person plans something special that person plays.
I think that things have changed so much in todays world, that it's OK for each person to pay for themselves, however, if you ask someone else on a date, it wouldn't be right to expect the other person to pick up their part of the tab unless it was discussed at the time of the asking.
I'm old enough to remember when the "gentleman" did everything for the woman -- open doors, pull the chair out at the table, pay for the date, etc. Not only have relationships changed, though, but so has the idea of equality. So, that's why I say that anything should go these days.
Chivalry is still popular (if a person wants to go up and beyond impressing their interest), but not necessarily required to hook up.
Fitness Minutes: (6,555)
2,360 10/23/13 10:06 A
I agree, SherylDS, romance is totally the little things. We only get to hang out on weekends since he lives the next city over and is in law school but last weekend, he was studying and I was reading and he decided he needed a study break so he pulled me up from my chair and we started dancing with no music.
Whoever thinks you need to spend money in order to be romantic doesn't know the meaning of the word.
I guess it depends on the stage. For low-key getting to know you, like coffee or lunch, each covers their own expense. For actual dates, whoever asks pays, although the one who is asked might offer to cover tip or dessert at dinner, or parking, or some other tangential expense during the date. Once the relationship is serious enough to be considered long-term, the couple can work it out however they want to.
My husband and I started dating 10 years ago and I am pretty sure he paid for everything. I am sure I offered to pay at first, but he never let me. When I was dating, I only insisted on paying half or all if I was not very interested in the guy.
Fitness Minutes: (41,840)
4,512 10/23/13 9:33 A
DH & I did the same as you, LEC - when I asked him out, I paid; when he asked me out, he paid.
Fitness Minutes: (2,295)
200 10/23/13 9:28 A
Usually the man pays, or you can split it. Now that I've been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years, he still usually pays for things when we go out, but I pay for the groceries every day, so it's only fair! lol!
Fitness Minutes: (9,224)
611 10/23/13 9:17 A
When I started dating my hubby, he paid for most of our dates early on. Once we were together for a few months we started taking turns. Now, when we have date night, we take turns on who pays. We both have separate checking accounts, and get a small allowance each paycheck.
Fitness Minutes: (6,555)
2,360 10/23/13 8:25 A
This thought was sparked by another topic on the forum and I was curious what people thought about the whole thing and how it might depend on when you first dated your SO or how things have changed.
My own experience: the first couple of dates with my BF, whoever did the asking paid. For example, he asked me out to dinner for our first date so he paid for dinner but I paid for the froyo we had afterwards. On our second date, I asked him to go with me to a train museum so I paid for the tickets. By about the 5th date we were splitting everything down the middle.
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