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When is it being nice vs being flirty?



 
 
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ASHLEYGILLE
SparkPoints: (11,117)
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Posts: 1,427
1/26/13 8:40 P

Glitterfairy, Your son sounds hysterical! How funny!!



FITGLAMGIRL
Posts: 2,035
1/26/13 7:56 P

I have NO idea what flirting looks like!



OBIESMOM2
SparkPoints: (61,086)
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Posts: 4,472
1/26/13 7:01 P

post of the day award goes to Abi!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon



GLITTERFAIRY77
Posts: 8,023
1/26/13 6:29 P

TOTALLY he was hitting on you.

My son is very much like my kids' father. We were waiting in line when he was two years old, and the lady in front of us had a badonkadonk...He grabbed her hips and motorboated her rear end.
I was mortified. She couldn't stop laughing.

Edited by: GLITTERFAIRY77 at: 1/26/2013 (18:29)


OBIESMOM2
SparkPoints: (61,086)
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Posts: 4,472
1/26/13 5:02 P

I was walking down the sidewalk to Marshall's this afternoon and a little boy (about 4 years old) was in the parking lot with 2 ladies, walking toward me. He started yelling at the top of his lungs, "HEY SEXY LADY!"

the women were so embarrassed, and I was laughing hysterically. I heard one of the ladies say to the other, "he must be talking about her. She's the only person in sight."

for those who don't know, it's a line from Gangnam Style https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bZkp7q19f
0


I don't know if his mom knew that or not. I wanted to ask him if he could do the dance, but I was laughing too hard.




emoticon
do you think that little boy was hitting on me???

emoticon






FENWAYGIRL18
Posts: 5,843
1/26/13 4:37 P

being nice is using manners when you speak to someone and talk to them with respect. being flirty is being suggestive in the way you talk and actions your body might make as your talking that would suggest being flirty.



TACDGB
Posts: 6,024
1/26/13 4:31 P

nice topic. Some people would think that being nice is frirting. I think if you mention someones body parts it is flirting but if you say something like "nice hair cut" or "nice shirt" I do feel that is flirting. I also think it depends on who said it to you.......



GLITTERFAIRY77
Posts: 8,023
1/26/13 1:52 P

I just assume everyone wants me, because my backfat and built in waterwings are just oh-so-sexy. I tell them, though.
YOU CAN'T HAVE ME. I'M SPOKEN FOR.
They always look confused though.



SKINNYMISSKASEY
SparkPoints: (111,796)
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Posts: 3,939
1/26/13 1:42 P

Appently my 'being nice' is flirting, especially at work and its definitely not what i have intended and has led to... Things. I had a ustomer (twie my age, and very gross) leavve a rose on my car on Valentines day. Thats only one thing, there have been others...



KJFITNESSDUDE
Posts: 15,782
1/26/13 1:39 P

@JD: and that's the whole point of the thread right there in a nutshell. YES!



JDMAKEIT2HOT
Posts: 8,399
1/26/13 1:32 P

I feel like I dont ever flirt. EVER.
When at work, interacting with customers sometimes after I am done a co-worker will say I flirted and I wasn't.

I guess if your nice people think you want them.



OBIESMOM2
SparkPoints: (61,086)
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Posts: 4,472
1/26/13 11:34 A

@IHMF - I agree. I'm not different when DH is around. And if I feel that there could be ANY CHANCE that things would go too far, I distance myself from that person.

@Firecom - uh...Hef will be 87 this year emoticon



FIRECOM
SparkPoints: (107,673)
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1/26/13 11:29 A

There is one benefit of being older. At 77, I find that I can get away with a lot of chatter that might be assumed to be "hitting on someone" and get away with it. It is obvious that I pose no threat to ANYONE.
emoticon



KJFITNESSDUDE
Posts: 15,782
1/26/13 11:28 A

I would. I'm thinking my buddy wished it was HIM that was talking to her. LOL!



I_HEART_MY_FAM
Posts: 1,809
1/26/13 10:54 A

Am I the only open flirter who flirts when hubby is around? I never act different with or without him, but I also have a rule for myself never flirt with one you can get carried away with, don't set yourself up for failure. I haven't felt that way about anyone so I guess I am safe and in love. I flirt mostly with my husband and on a way different level. There is a level of flirting that can be mutual without going further. I have relatives that flirt, not blood ones but married into the family, but it stays at a minimal and decent . More then not when two opposite sex personalities click really well there will be subtle flirts from the strong connection. My husband never has/had a problem with me, I have asked him if it bothers him he says no way he enjoys seeing how men are attracted to me and knowing I am his. My husband is a smart man I love him dearly and have for 25 years because he knows me, he knows my heart, and he knows I will never stray.



BLUBEL1
Posts: 1,003
1/26/13 7:23 A

Would you say the same thing including tone and body language in front of their mom or SO.
or yours??



OBIESMOM2
SparkPoints: (61,086)
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1/26/13 6:56 A

I don't think you are that far off base on that observation, KJ. If there is even a hint of attraction, you are less likely to feel somebody is creepy. For some folks, that's all about appearance.

personally I rarely think somebody is good looking until I know a little about them (media types being the exception, 'cause you don't really know them). When XH came to work at the printing company, all the gals were talking about how hot he was. I thought he was kind of goofy looking until I got to know him. He looked like a young Robert Culp. So he was a nice looking man, I just don't see that 'total hotness' without the personality.

and I have worked with some very attractive guys (by most folks definition) that I found really creepy because of their personality. Confidence is attractive; arrogance is a major turn off for me. Some people are just smarmy!



KJFITNESSDUDE
Posts: 15,782
1/26/13 6:43 A

@128: do you mean if "one" has to ask another if they went over the line? Or are you commenting specifically to my second post?

Here's another thought: Having been an ugly, fat, crrepy looking old man most of my adult life and having been fit & healthy five years now I have been on both sides of the fence when it comes to being vs being flirty; before I would say something nice to a woman and I always felt like I was creeping them out and now when I do that I get a warm reception, either way, neither has been flirty as I cimpliment a lot when someone is showing effort into their make-up and/or hair and/or dress style. It may have just been me but I always pretty sure when I thought someone took my compliment or being nice as a creepy moment, lol.



128PERFECT
Posts: 3,026
1/26/13 6:28 A

If you have to ask you probably went over the line. I think most of the time people are just nice.



GLITTERFAIRY77
Posts: 8,023
1/25/13 7:10 P

I made myself laugh with that one.

I was thinking either "you have a nice rack" or "other word for rear end." I figured "rack" was a little "safer."



OBIESMOM2
SparkPoints: (61,086)
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Posts: 4,472
1/25/13 7:04 P

emoticon @Abi!



GLITTERFAIRY77
Posts: 8,023
1/25/13 6:49 P

Nice-You did a great job on that report.

Flirty-You did a great job on that report, plus your rack is awesome.



KJFITNESSDUDE
Posts: 15,782
1/25/13 2:39 P

@Foxmoon: Thanks, not ALL of my threads are thought-provoking, some are just antagonistic, LOL! As for our tech culture and ppl not knowing how to inteact with others....hmmmmm.....maybe. That may just be an another thread to start, though.

@Obiesmom2: LOVE hearing stories about that whack job ass't of yours!



OBIESMOM2
SparkPoints: (61,086)
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Posts: 4,472
1/25/13 2:31 P

do you know anyone who'll automatically interpret a nice gesture as someone "hitting" on them?"

oh, honey. The stories I could tell!!!

At my last job, my assistant (who was an absolute nut job...but I didn't realize it for a while) was complaining to me about one of the guys "stalking" her. Well, I was a dept head and had been through the training for HR certification. So I took her at her word. Fortunately the guy did not get fired, and he never said anything to anybody else about what the hassles he endured because of her. When I did find out what this girl was really like, I apologized profusely to him. He said not to worry; it basically gave him the heads up on what she was REALLY like long before the rest of us knew. And the company did document his side of things.

The IT guy came in from our corp office and hugged several of us that he knew pretty well. She asked me, "did Matt hug you?" When I told her he did, she said she was "relieved to know he wasn't hitting on me." By that time I had already caught her in infinite lies and exaggerations. I managed to hold my tongue, but I so wanted to scream "you are not that irresistible!!! NOBODY is going to find it difficult at all to keep their distance from you!"

I've known several people who misread friendly for flirtatious, but never anyone as extreme as this gal.




FOXMOON
Posts: 822
1/25/13 2:30 P

emoticon

KJFITNESSDUDE, you have some of the best thought-provoking threads around here. Love reading them!

OH and I forgot to mention (in that novel I wrote above...) that I deal with the public on a daily basis for my job, and most people are really genuinely nice! Having an awkward run-in with someone seems to be quite rare, but it does happen and who knows.

Maybe we can blame it on our technological culture, with lots of people burying their noses in their smartphones and computers instead of learning how to face-to-face communicate politely with other human beings? Do you think that could add to how flirting vs. being nice could be misinterpreted?



RONIGH
Posts: 631
1/25/13 2:21 P

Being nice is with everybody. Being flirty is probably eclusive to someone you're attracted to.



KJFITNESSDUDE
Posts: 15,782
1/25/13 2:10 P

LOL, of COURSE!




FOXMOON
Posts: 822
1/25/13 1:50 P

I think it honestly depends on a lot of context, and body clues.

As an example, if I'm out and a stranger says something nice about my hairstyle, or says 'how about that cold weather lately?!' and maintains a sort of distance from me, while having friendly eyes and other body cues towards nicety, I am all for it. I compliment a lot of people's style when I am out and offer up a friendly smile. 99% of the time, people respond favorably.

If that person starts getting closer to me, puts their hands on my arm or back when talking to me or starts whispering in my ear, playing with my hair... things like that, I consider it being flirty on their part. There are also some personal questions people may ask that, for a stranger, toes the line for me. "Hey I see you have a bunch of piercings, got any 'hidden' ones?" is one I've gotten before from a total stranger, which was way too forward for comfort!

I wonder if some of it is a regional or 'fish out of water' issue. I come from the NJ/NY area, where people aren't very touchy feely unless you really know the person on the other end. But, the last time I was in South Carolina (over a decade ago), I had a woman come up to me in a food store checkout line. She started running her hands through my hair, complimenting on how long it was. I was pretty uncomfortable with it, but it wasn't really a creepy kind of gesture so I didn't take it personally.

I also think there is a lot of difference between how men and women relate flirting and 'being nice'. As a woman, I have had a few bad experiences with men harassing me after I rebuffed their advances as nicely as I could, and they turned on me and called me names. I even had a guy tell me 'no girl has ever turned me down, you won't be the first' and followed me to my car until a bouncer noticed what was happening and thankfully defused the situation. It kind of makes you a little wary of people being 'nice' when that is a common excuse to try and justify their piggish behavior sometimes. Not saying that is all men, of course!



I_HEART_MY_FAM
Posts: 1,809
1/25/13 1:43 P

I noticed so many people mistake that myself. I never mistake friendly as flirting unless the person comes right out and says something that is an obvious flirt or has the need to real close up to me a lot. I am the funny one at gatherings so I am used to people liking me and talking a little off color especially the opposite sex. I am not tacky and trashy, but fun and naughty enough to catch attention and be funny and sexy with out being trampy or frigid, both of those are bad. I do see other men or women talking how this one tried this and that when all they were doing is being friendly, they wish, it is all in their head. When someone wants to flirt they will keep it up until the other catches on.



KJFITNESSDUDE
Posts: 15,782
1/25/13 1:39 P

Yeah, it's the person on the recieving end (or an observer) is what I am talking about. I was talking to someone new at work and my buddy said I was hitting on her. Reflecting on my conversation with her I didn't get the sense that she felt I was hitting on her because the conversation was on-topic about work but he was down the hall and said our body language was flirtatious. LOL! He didn't specifically if mine was or hers.




JUSTKLH
Posts: 1,489
1/25/13 1:37 P

I agree. If it would feel weird or wrong to do/say what you are doing/saying if you had a significant other, then you are definitely flirting. I think that it is a loose guideline (because some people wouldn't care) but it helps unfuzz what could be a fuzzy situation.

In general though, I think that the nice-ness reciever may think a nice person is flirting if the reciever is attracted to them or if they think of themselves as attractive.

Edited by: JUSTKLH at: 1/25/2013 (13:39)


NAUSIKAA
Posts: 4,848
1/25/13 1:30 P

If you need a rule, here's one that many people use: If you would feel weird/uncomfortable saying it with your wife/husband standing next to you, it's flirting.

Of course if you're not married, then I guess there are no rules ;)

I tend to assume that people are NOT hitting on me (comes from being fat forever), and on a few occasions I've had people point out that I was being hit on / flirted with and I had no idea. So it will depend on the recipient's mindset as much as the person doing the flirting (or non-flirting).



ARUSHING2
SparkPoints: (26,830)
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Posts: 720
1/25/13 11:55 A


Some folks are just decent / nice.

Some folks are just negative and/or insecure and will not take decent deeds at face value.

Nothing new under our Sun . . .



KJFITNESSDUDE
Posts: 15,782
1/25/13 11:50 A

I believe today's world has become so convoluted with "social" ambiguity that some people mistake "being nice" with "being flirtatious".

At face value being nice is being nice but do you know anyone who'll automatically interpret a nice gesture as someone "hitting" on them?



 
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