What to do when family isn't supportive?

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2/22/12 11:03 A

I am fortunate to have my husband on my side in this. We're both trying to lose weight so we can start a family. (It's kind of funny, because we got married 3 years ago, when he was 20 and I was 21. People kept asking our parents if we were pregnant, becauswe we were getting married so young. And now, it's 3 years later and we still don't have kids! People are so judgemental!)

I am glad I have him as a supporter. His parents also support he and I with our weight loss. My parents, on the other hand, are not. They don't care. I try talking to them about it and my struggles... and they switch the conversation or start talking about themselves. I'm used to it, because it's always been that way. They never supported me in any of my school activities or anything like that.

My Mom has this wonderful way of bursting your bubble. When I told her we had gotten engaged she said, "Well, you knew it was going to happen. I've go to get back to work, Bye". and when I was so proud of the 30 pounds I lost, I told her about it. "Well, it's just water weight. Can you actually keep it off this time?" I don't care if it is water weight (I do care, it's just not what I really wanted to hear from her). It's less weight on me and my body. I told my Dad how much that upset me. All I wanted was some words of encouragement. My Dad said, "Well, she IS right. But do you guys want to come over for burgers this weekend?" Seriously?

Posts: 170
2/20/12 1:26 P

This is a constant struggle for me. I usually get upset and depressed then really pissed and avoid!! Then a month later it happens again and again and I go through the same emotions. Not cool or healthy. It's good I have a supportive husband.

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2/11/12 10:58 A

Don't give up, and keep on taking care of yourself!.

I am a mother of 4 children the youngest is 8 years old, two on them have special needs, one of them has a life threatening condition too, and needs an special surgery and medical care. They have different schedules, taking them to school and others errands I drive an average of 100 miles a day, every week day and a little bit less on weekends. I have no relatives in the country and no other support. I work as a manual therapist .

So without any support, I figured it out that I have to absorb the information on SP and adapt it to my lifestyle, as well as make the better choice given the specific situation at any given moment.

We are all vegetarians since birth, so we are all together in that. No problem. However I have a limited budget and cant afford house help.

Now I am dealing with cancer as well, (somehow ironic because I work with cancer patients some time), and everyone is in denial. ok so, If i am not for myself , who will be?. If I am not around who will take care of them?.

My father passed away when I was a kid, and I know what it means.

So, I have a clear mission, to take care of myself so I can take care of my children, and that is not being selfish.

I have limited time and limited energy, so now I make sure I sleep 7 to 8 hours vs the 4 hours I used to sleep before, as a result the house is not picture perfect. I have an specific amount of time for cleaning and doing the different house chores, and I think about it as a workout.

In order to be able to walk outside, I take the children to the local park, they play and I walk around the park, always in a way that I can keep an eye on them.

I have an slow-cooker that I can program to start cooking at a later time, so now more often than not, most of the meals are cooked there. For me is simple, if there is a machine that can do part of the job for me, then the choice is clear.
Dishes go in the dishwasher, clothes in the washing machine and so on.

About your family not wanting to eat the healthy food you cook , If you add herbs and spices to healthy meals, your family will not complain as much. Because you will appeal to their taste buds, making food interesting.

It is has been very important for me to teach my children to take care of their own chores, like making their own beds, putting their own clothes in the laundry bag, taking their own plate to the kitchen etc at an early age, according to their ability, otherwise I couldn't manage to do it all by myself.

All the best ,

SoulThin

Posts: 172
2/11/12 3:56 A

Same trouble, but different focus. I don't live with my family, and I'm childfree by choice for a variety of reasons. That makes some of it easier. However...

My signifigant other is diabetic, takes pills for it, and is overweight. My BFF is about 100 lbs overweight, another close friend is probably 50-60 pounds overweight (both of them also have medication-controlled Type 2). My twin is 50 pounds heavier than me (at least), my mom has RA and can't get around very well (and only stays relatively thin because she eats next to nothing), etc.

NONE of the parties have expressed interest in eating healthier, losing weight, or joining me with exercise. I see them noshing on fried food and sweets all the time while my plate's loaded with veggies. My BFF talks about losing weight, but her eating habits aren't supporting it, and a chronic bone infection in her leg makes it hard for her to walk. My mom has the food preferences of a toddler and is in too much pain to join me on long walks anymore. And I do not want to see my SO go the way my dad did - death by 1000 cuts in the form of heart failure.

I also get "honey, you're fine as is!" from them a lot - aside from my mom who lives on air and kiddie meals. No, I'm not fine. The doc says I'm in good shape aside from the extra weight, but that my family history makes it a priority to lose it.

So, any way to point out the bad eating/exercise habits or that I could use some backup on the weight thing and NOT come off as a total jerk?

Edited by: ALLRONIX at: 2/11/2012 (03:58)

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4/30/11 3:11 P

Being a stay at home mom when my kids were little was hard. I loved it but it was very hard to find 'me' time without feeling guilty. So then I started involving the kids. We would go to the park and instead of them just playing on the equipment, we would do a hike first, or kick around the soccer, or play basketball (none of which I was good at but they didn't care). As they got older it was bike rides and picnics. Hikes in nature areas etc. Sometimes the whole family would go, sometimes just me and one of my kids. But it really helped! The hubby got very involved too when he saw how much fun we could have (and it cost little to nothing). Maybe you could try to fit in some fun physical activities but do it one on one with your kids. They will be supportive and feel like their getting special time. Good luck to you.

Posts: 137
4/30/11 2:48 P

I thought I was in the same situation until I read ur post. I am a homemaker with a son who will be 4 in Aug., and a 2 year old daughter. My husband does complaine about how much it costs to eat healthy, but buys it any way. He alao allows me to workout, but I try to get up before the kids to do it. They tend to complain. As for the food, they seem to like it. We have switched to whole grain pasta, geound lean turkey. He still buys the other stuff too. He supports me on the no chips or sweets rule. Good luck with your family. Oh my husband did tell me he wouldn't like me if I lost too much weight, said its because I wouldn't want him. I told him nonsense, I would still love him. Families are hard.

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4/30/11 2:26 A

I had a similar issue before and it took me to have a major melt down for him to see the importance of my need to be healthier. He started to see that not only my body weight was a factor, but now my emotional and mental state is at risk. Juggling a newborn-toddlerhood, the ranch, the house, the bills...it can take a toll on a person. (Burned out).

Luckily, he loves experimenting with food and starting to listen well that very small "junk food" stays in the house. So he doesn't mind me cooking anything different as he is a human garbage disposal. I have placed an appreciation rule that if don't like what I cook, then go hungry. My mom did this rule and I learned very quickly food isn't cheap, it isn't always easy to make or prepare and it sure shouldn't go to waste when homeless people have empty tummys all the time.

Do you distribute tasks? Someone sets up table, helps wash dishes, helps cook, clean, etc. Once they start to do these very often, it is possibly they will take notice of how much you do and how long it takes you to do it.

You have your hands full and I think for you to keep trying to get them to do things with you: Tag, swimming, dance class with your daughter (any dance she interested? I recommend belly dancing).

Set aside family night with rules. If suppose to play a fun game with home made pizza, then the TV remains off and no one can spend the night at someone else's house. Have individual times as well. My mom sometimes picked me up from school early and we go for a hike or she would sit with me at lunch time.

Then also remind them that every person needs a time out period at some point during the day. Your time out period can be doing anything you desire, as long as not bothered (unless emergency). during this 10, 20, 30 or an hour long period. Some people read, write, dance, nap, or wash food. It can take abit to get used to like anything we start out doing. Once a routine is established, things fall into place.

They might not like what you make, what you do and how much time you do it it. They will see one day the important lesson about mama's time out to refresh herself to meet everyone elses needs.

Make sure your husband's leg has a good fitting. He can still do things with you. Plenty of things he can do. Talk to his doctor and physical therapist if he has one.

Edited by: MUTCHKIN21 at: 4/30/2011 (02:34)

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4/29/11 8:32 A

My family went through teh same issues when I started college classes on campus - I had to study at night/on the weekend and things I use to do during the day as a stay at home mom were onl ydone on the weekends.

They're use to it - it just takes time to change.

Have a talk with your husband and tell him how you feel, emphasize the importance that getting into shape as for you. Talking never hurts - that's how my husband and I got on track together.

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4/27/11 7:55 P

Thank you for your support. There is one thing holding my husband back and that is his prosthetic leg. He did Power 90 in August and did really well with it until he developed blisters on his leg were it created friction between his prosthetic sleeve and his thigh. Then he bought a stationary bike but his foot kept slipping off because he can't feel it and we even tried tieing his foot to the pedal and that didn't work. I had forgotten about our WII. It is in the basement and we used to play all the time. I will ask my husband to bring it up to the living room so it is more readily available. Great idea. Unfortunately, we live in a little town in Maine and we do not have a zoo near by. We have gone bowling and Friday we are going to try roller skating. So I'm not giving up but it does get pretty discouraging at times. Again, I really appreciate your help.

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4/27/11 2:27 P

I feel you, that can be frustrating. especially when your kids are young. Maybe you can sign up for a class that you all may enjoy, or plan a day to walk around the zoo. plenty of walking plus quality time with family. What I do is put kids to bed and either do a workout video or wii fit. The wii fit is awesome! It is so much fun, my kids and hubby love it too. I can also be a used as a family time. Maybe your hubby will see how hard you are working and be motivated to workout with you.

Posts: 174
4/27/11 12:40 P

Oh Michelle, I am sorry that you are struggling with this. You are not alone many devoted moms do deal with this. We give our families every bit of ourselves, and they seldom return the favor let alone appreciate it. I would continue to try and get everyone exercising with you. Bike rides, tag, a game of catch, canoe, kayak, fishing, golfing, hiking, literally the list could go on and on. Maybe a little friendly family competition so everyone feels involved? Something perhaps like whoever gets the most exercise minutes in a week gets to put $20 into something of their choice, or something simple like this. Remember it is ok that you are trying to better yourself through diet and exercise. Also remember that it is important that you let your family know they need to support mommy like mommy supports them. Best wishes and luck

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4/27/11 9:15 A

I discovered SP in January and have been consistent using SP since February (consistency is a struggle for me). I have a lovely family, a husband of 13 years, a 10 and 4 year old daughter. I work full time and go to school part-time in the evenings. I've been trying really hard to lose this weight but it is coming off ever so slowly (lose .5 one week nothing the next, etc). Anyway I find it extremely hard to stay motivated because I'm finding my family to not being very supportive. They are finding that my healthy lifestyle is taking time away from them. I've been working out on average 45 to 60 minutes 5 times a week, after grocery shopping I spend time washing and cutting the veggies and fruits to make them readily available to snack on, and I'm trying to plan healthy meals which I'm finding is time consuming. Then my family doesn't like very many of the healthier recipes I've tried. My husband says that by the time I'm done working out, taking care of the kids (supper & washing them & getting them to bed) I have nothing left for him but he isn't willing to help me anymore. Most of the time he does the dishes so I can get the girls washed. My eldest daughter gets upset when I workout all the time because she says I never have time to spend with her anymore (but then she is always at friends houses, birthday parties, she has a better social life than I do). I've had a long chat with her about being selfish and that she could exercise with me but no one has interest in exercising with me. I used to be able to get them to go for a walk once in a while but they don't even want to do that anymore. Sometimes I feel so alone. I can't do this all by myself. Help! Any suggestions?
Michelle