Author: Sorting Last Post on Top Message:
FONDA712 SparkPoints: (20)
Fitness Minutes: (0)
Posts: 6
10/16/11 2:19 A

Hi Susan,
My husband died when our children were small. I discovered there's a difference between coping and healing. Most of us cope because life goes on and we must. We get the kids off, cook, shuttle kids to activities, clean, bake cookies for the school carnival, volunteer at church etc. So we get an "A" for coping. But healing is like our hair growing. If you see me tomorrow my hair won't look any longer than it did today. And it won't look any longer the next day either. But if we don't see each other for six months it will look longer. But it didn't just grow on the last day before six months. It's been growing all along. That's how healing is. Sometime it doesn't feel like we're healing from one day to the next, because like hair growing it's happening in such small increments that we don't notice it, but IT IS HAPPENING.
I'm thankful for those that are supporting me in this weight loss journey. I'm a counselor by education so I am hopeful I can give back on the message boards to others in a meaningful way.

JILLY814 Posts: 976
9/14/11 7:40 P

I am sorry for your loss. I too lost someone in April 2010. My daughter was three weeks old and I went into a complete haze. I lost 25 lbs and when I regained composure I gained it all back. Now I am making myself a priority and making my daughter's death mean something by taking care of myself for my 3 year old.

Good luck on your journey.

9/11/11 11:21 A

I am so sorry for your loss. I am 38 and was widowed unexpectedly in the spring and just found out that my mother also has early stages of cirrhosis (also a non-drinker).

I can tell you that for the first few months I didn't want to exercise and didn't care about what I looked like, so I didn't pay attention to what I ate. Until my therapist reminded me that physical health truly does help your emotional health. This includes getting enough sleep, water, vitamins, and activity.

I began by just taking the dogs for 10 minute walks to try to ease tension and anxiety built up by laying in bed all day (maybe you can do this with your kids). I gradually increased my activity to actual workouts (I could not do this right away because I had trouble breathing). I don't have any long term goals, however, I can tell you that my depression and anxiety, while they are still debilitating at times, have become more manageble. I'm not constantly on the verge of a panic attack at the moment.

I know this doesn't address the issue of weight loss directly, but working on your emotional and physical health are actually connected.

JSCSMOM31 Posts: 2
2/20/11 9:31 P

this past friday night as we were sitting down to dinner, my grandfather (whom i was very close to) wasnt feeling well. im in ems so i thought i would know what to do if anything ever came up. while taking him to the er he became unresponsive and my mother and i pulled him out of the car and did cpr till the ambulance arrived. i know that by then he was already passing thru the gates of heaven and begining his journey with his family waiting for him. so heres the MAIN problem... im questioning my career choice because of this. and then im eating more than usual bc im trying to sqaush my fears, and cover my emotions to be strong for my grandma whom has dementia. i am an emotional eater and have been doing well on weight watchers and thru spark. does anyone have any advice for dealing with this other than the always welcome but same ol things like journaling and trying to have some breathing time?

90KK95KK SparkPoints: (90,479)
Fitness Minutes: (39,243)
Posts: 4,090
2/12/11 9:48 A

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm dealing with a loss of my own and it's a huge learning process. It's important that you make time for yourself--you can't take care of your family if you're not taking care of yourself. I get up a little earlier than my kids so I can work out with no interruptions. I also make sure they go to bed at a certain time every night so I have time to myself to unwind. I keep my hands busy by doing needlework in the evenings, which is when I'm more susceptible to emotional eating.

SUSAN2448 Posts: 5
2/10/11 8:32 P

Thanks everyone for your support. I know it will take time to heal and to take the weight off. I'm hoping this will all help me through it! emoticon

ROFOMOM Posts: 117
2/9/11 2:55 P

I am SO SORRY for your loss. I am also a 34 year old mother of 3 (2 boys and a girl) and I know how hard it can be. I lost my mom several years ago when my daughter was little. . . I still miss her. It does get better in time. . . You will get back on track with the weight loss, just take it one day at a time and do what you can, when you can. . .You'll get there!

CHARMIAN2 Posts: 997
2/9/11 4:12 A

Best of luck

CHARMIAN2 Posts: 997
2/9/11 4:12 A

Sorry for your losses. Try to do 10 min a day of moving and drink 8 glasses of water. Those will be your fast start spark streaks. If you can do that for one month-you are doing well-then add another goal. Remember baby steps-you can do it.

PRESHA811 SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (2,801)
Posts: 573
2/8/11 5:55 P

I'm so sorry for your loss! You'll never be able to deal with what's going on with your body until you deal with what's going on with your soul. I know you're busy, but you have to make time to work on yourself. Otherwise, your children aren't getting the best of you, and they deserve that. Hopefully, things will start to fall into place once that happens. Until then, talk to your friends and family and let them know that you'll need some help in living healthier while you work on yourself. Have them do for you what you're unable to do for yourself right now. I'm sure they'd be willing to help. You'll be in my thoughts!

TOADJODE SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (3,237)
Posts: 273
2/8/11 3:52 P

I went through this last year, gained weight quickly after my Dad died, and then right when I started working out again, I got I couldn't diet anyway.

I have no advice from experience, but maybe you can try to avert your emotions to something else when you get upset and begin to emotionally eat. Write in a journal, or take a jog, or do anything to keep yourself from eating.

Thinking about your Mom, reminiscing,'s all normal. Crying is normal. Being sad about death is normal. It's how you get back to whole again. It will get easier with time, which sounds so cliche, but it does.


AWJEEZ511 Posts: 43
2/8/11 3:38 P

I am so sorry for your losses. Losing a parent is so difficult. My Dad passed away on January 1st of this year. He was battling cancer and lost the battle. I have gained about 15 pounds in the last month since he passed. I have two children and can never find time to pee by myself so I know how you feel about finding the time for a support group or doing anything to take care of yourself.

I am pretty depressed from losing my Dad. I don't know what I would do if I lost my Mom right now. I cannot imagine how you are feeling. If you can, you should go talk to someone. Make the time for you, it will be better for you and the best thing to get you through this hard time. Your kids need you but they need a Mom who is feeling good before anything else.

I wish I could be more support for you, I do hope that you figure out a way to get some help so that you can start to feel better again.

Hang in there, one step at a time. If you want a buddy, I'm here for you. hugs

SUSAN2448 Posts: 5
2/8/11 1:18 P

I'm a 34 year old Mom of 3 amazing boys but have had the roughest year of my life. April of 2010 my Mother went into the hospital unexpectedly and passed away within a week and a half. She had cirrhosis of the liver (mind you my Mom wouldn't even drink wine with communion let alone any alcohol socially), her outlook would not have been good even if she could have gone home...she would have needed a liver transplant and her quality of life wouldn't have been very desirable. Dealing with losing a mother is so hard, I can't even explain it. So, we all came together and supported my Father, cooking, cleaning, trying to be emotional support for him, anything we could do to get him through the transition. Well, September rolls around and my Dad started swelling terribly to the point he could barely walk...tests showed he had stage 4 lung cancer that had already spread to much of the rest of his body. Prognosis was not good...maybe a year. Many trips to chemo and radiation and lots more support for all of us, and he was still not doing well at all. Finally, he was feeling well enough to go to church for a fundraiser he had organized for New Years Eve. By morning he was back to the hospital...pneumonia - which with his lungs, was pretty much a death sentence. He made it through until almost 9 on January 2nd - then he left us to be with my Mom - just so happens it was their 49th wedding anniversary, they never spent a single one apart. All of this leads up to weight loss in times of extreme sadness. I haven't figured it out yet. I had decided to work on taking off the weight last winter and had succeeded in losing about 20 pounds...well, when Mom passed I gained it all back and since Dad passed, I've gained another 10 pounds. I need to be a good Mom for my kids, both emotionally and physically, I'm not sure how to do that right now. I try to watch what I eat and to not cry all the time, but this is BIG. Most people get a little more time between the deaths of their parents and most people are at least a little older than I am. I'm sure I need counseling or a support group of something, but like I said, I'm a mother of 3, I never even get to take a shower by myself! I'm hoping to find some support here. Maybe someone has ideas of techniques I can use to heal, or just some words of wisdom for me. Please help!!!

Page: 1 of (1)  

Other Parenting and Family Support Topics:

Topics: Last Post:
single mother of 2, and a little overweight 6/3/2013 1:24:23 PM
biting my tongue 12/29/2013 10:13:51 PM
Anxiety about second gastric surgery 2/1/2013 2:54:41 AM
Weight confusion 1/27/2014 1:29:22 PM
Any new moms... 11/15/2012 1:21:09 PM