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DEANJR86
Posts: 122
4/20/12 4:36 P

SO hard! When my wife and I were engaged, I was on a weight loss plan and she made fun of me all the time for it. I quit. We got married and both started SparkPeople together and it made all the difference. I don't have an easy solution, but I do know the difficult position that partners' indifference or hostility can bring to a healthy journey.



TORIAMAE
Posts: 1,080
4/20/12 4:08 P

This isn't just an issue for spouses...friends, family...even yourself.

Losing weight represents a shift in priorities and, ultimately for many of us, identity. We become dfferent people and it takes time and compassion to get to know that new person.

I would recommend being direct, using I statements to express how you feel and help your SO come around.



CHRIS138
Posts: 199
4/20/12 2:28 P

I actually know of a women who lost weight, started an affair and ended up divorced. But I am sure that there were much bigger problems there than just weight loss. A solid relationship should be able to work out and celebrate positive changes. Afterall people who love each other want what is best for that person.

I have an aunt who always wants me to take tons of left overs especially desserts, I spent years arguing with her, finally my SIL said take them and throw them away when you get home. So that's what I do. If it it something that will tempt me I stop on the way home and throw it away(gas station etc.). That way my aunt is happy and so is my diet. I don't think she is sabataging just wants to share.

I am fortunate that my husband is very supportive of anything I do--not just diet and exercise, he never offers me food. On holidays like Valentines he gets me what I ask for(chocolate covered strawberries). But when I am off sometimes he'll say is that on your diet, I think he is trying to help me get back on but it is not helpful.

My guess is if the insecurites become a big problem, it is time to end the relationship or get some professional help. No one should sacrifice their health to keep their SO happy.

chris







DAGNY6ALT
Posts: 201
4/20/12 2:26 P

I have to admit that I'm almost on the other end of this. My husband is very supportive of my weight loss, he was sad but never said anything when I put a lot of it back on :( But, I HATE being on a diet the same time he is because we have the standard, man loses faster than woman thing going on here. It's so frustrating to me to be working so hard and he just 'thinks' about dieting and loses twice as fast as I do.

I agree about sitting down with you SO and figuring out what's going on. He might not like it but at least my husband knows why I don't want him losing at the same time. He can start when I'm close to goal weight emoticon



SJTANGO
SparkPoints: (28)
Fitness Minutes: (0)
Posts: 1
4/20/12 1:54 P

Wow, perfect timing and it's so nice to see there are others with similar frustrations. While I'm not supposed to compare, my frustration gets worse every time I see my husband and his baggy clothes. I'm the clothes-hound, yet he's on his third set of new pants: "these are my skinny pants.. and they're too big. Guess we need to go shopping!". I on the other hand can't seem to lose anything.

I've gone from eating pretty much whatever within reason/healthy and working out 1x week to extreme calorie monitoring (food log), 6-7 workouts per week, personal trainer, bootcamps, even doing lunges/squats/pushups/etc throughout the day at random opportunities (like brushing my teeth) .. and NO change to my clothing size. Yes, I'm stronger, feel a little more muscle but geesh, it's been 7 months! WTF??

Even a little weight loss would be incentive to keep going, now my motivation is driven from resentment. Just perception perhaps, but I feel even more fat being near him since he's become so thin and carved. Hard to feel close with this underlying tension. We've tried to talk about it but there's not much to say.



GRIZ1GIRL
SparkPoints: (124,638)
Fitness Minutes: (153,182)
Posts: 2,225
4/20/12 1:33 P

It all boils down to one simple fact--we can only worry about ourselves in life! Yes, we love our husbands & kids & family members, and yes, we take care of those people...but when losing weight & getting healthy it has to be "all about me"!

Focus on yourself--and LOVE yourself--and everything else falls into place. Doesn't matter what other people think--it's all about YOU. And yep--it's ok to put yourself first. :)



CHICKYSOUP
Posts: 273
4/20/12 12:34 P

I actually think that the fear of a person getting healthy and leaving the partner who is not is a legitimate one. I mean, part of being successful in a long term relationship is growing and trying new things together. If, for example, there are two obese and sedentary people and one decides to embark on a healthier lifestyle (which we all know to be fairly all encompassing with changes in eating, activity and behaviors) and the other partner remains sedentary and doesn't take part in those new changes and activities, then I could see that over time the partners just don't have much in common anymore. I wouldn't blame the now healthy and fit partner for looking for something else after a while. It's unfortunate, but that goes deeper than just differences in physical appearance and physical attraction (which I also think is really important for long term success).

Not saying that this applies to anyone on this thread, it was just something I was thinking about.



2YOUNG2B2OLD
Posts: 1
4/20/12 11:55 A

I have that very same reaction. Then I feel bad because I feel that way.



RUTHIE254
Posts: 262
4/20/12 11:49 A

I think that the folks that truly love you will be nothing but happy for you and your improved health and fitness. I have had some acquaintance-friends seem resentful -- like they're avoiding me -- and I'm SO careful to say nothing about my weight loss! But I think they're jealous and unhappy with their own selves. I'm sorry there is nothing I can do about that. I certainly would encourage them if they asked, but otherwise I don't say anything. But my weight loss is pretty obvious. (One of them has one of those little signs that says, "Lord, if I can't be thin please make all my friends fat." -- and I think she means it.)



TINYCURLS
Posts: 401
4/20/12 11:23 A

My mother does this. I've always been bigger than her so I don't think she likes the idea that I may be getting smaller than her. I think in her mind as long as she is smaller than me, it's okay with her. it's weird. When I lose weight, she always makes negative comments.



CROBINSON827
SparkPoints: (342)
Fitness Minutes: (120)
Posts: 2
4/20/12 10:43 A

From the other side of things, I have to say I tend to feel quite annoyed when one of my Facebook friends alternately posts various versions of "up at 4:30 am and ran 7 miles. By 6 am I had my healthy breakfast, then did an hour of meditation, made the kids pancakes and then took them to school, walked the dog, cleaned the house, then stepped on the scale and realized I lost another 4 pounds! ,etc, etc. I am happy for her that she is so healthy and has her life so perfectly together, but it does get annoying to hear her go on and on about it. Does this mean I am resentful?



LKG9999
Posts: 1,375
4/20/12 10:42 A

I guess I'm very lucky. My boyfriend is thrilled that I am working out (he's an athletic coach at a local college) and provides lots of encouragement. We've gone for a few walks together when our schedules allowed, and he's told me how much he enjoys doing that. Like many couples we're in different places with the food, but he doesn't push me to eat more or bring treats he knows I can't have. He has commented that he wished I didn't have to be as restrictive to get or keep the weight off, but I feel like he's just mirroring my own feelings about the "long haul" of weight loss maintenance.

I do have a good friend who has told me I'm too skinny when I'm barely within a normal weight and BMI range. Don't think it's sabotage though, I think she just loves me so much she really accepts me no matter what my size is.

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KANSASROSE67
Posts: 1,402
4/20/12 10:39 A

Very intersting thread.

My husband has been mostly very complimentary of my weight loss, often telling me how great I look. (Though he did that when I weighed more too...bless him.) He does sometimes resent my running and workouts because I am religious about getting them in no matter what and he thinks I could just skip them once in a while.

He knows he is technically obese and borderline for high pressure and diabetes. He worries about his health but won't make the serious commitment to change that he needs. I have to admit feeling some resentment of him because he's already 8 years older than me and I'm afraid if he doesn't lose weight and get healthier I will end up spending our golden years caring for him instead of us doing things together. I know that's a selfish way to think but I can't help it...I want him to do what he can to improve his life and health so we can enjoy being together.



WILMANC60
SparkPoints: (1,804)
Fitness Minutes: (3,255)
Posts: 9
4/20/12 8:34 A

I find the resentment in another way. My sisters (I have 5) have decided that I have gotten "too skinny", because now I am smaller then a few of them, lol. BUT, I weigh 147, far from skinny. The only thing my husband says is that it's weird to feel bones, and my youngest grandson always comments he hugs me, "Grandma, you're so small." I love hearing those words.



CALMMAMA2
SparkPoints: (12,893)
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Posts: 1,256
4/20/12 7:36 A

Wow. When I started reading the chain I was thinking one way and now, after reflection on my own experiences, I have a different take. but first:

GIJOEBOXER and everyone else - CONGRATULATIONS on the weight loss you've experienced so far. It is to be commended. Also commendable is your own persistance to follow through on the goals you've set for yourself and to not to give up.

My own experience - I've been down, not because of snide remarks (my weight loss hasn't been very dramatic - yet) but because the people closest to me haven't commented on the loss, my healthier eating, or my exercising (as well as some other things going on in my life). I don't feel that I have the slightest bit of encouragement from the people I would count on to be my supporters. And, then I noticed that I started to eat for emotional reasons and either go to the highest end of my "allotted" calorie band or exceed it. Not good. Up until last week, I was letting people's non-action, get me down.

Last week I spoke with 2 professionals who independently said a couple of wise things:
1) perhaps the person who is hurting you or being discouraging or making remarks that you consider to be resentful doesn't know that's how you're interpreting it or doesn't know that you need and want them in your life and how to be. (some thoughts similar to what's below - Talk with them).
and
2) when something happens or you hear something that may be discouraging - make it a positive - Get Competitive. Say - "Oh, yeah. You think that. Well I'll prove to you the opposite." Use it to Motivate Yourself even more. The only person you can change or have a modicum of control over is Yourself.

Good luck on your journey.



SUSANK16
Posts: 488
4/20/12 6:14 A

Relationships are very complex things and are built on multiple levels. Any change to the nature of the relationship will force a reconfiguration. The question becomes does the reconfiguration meet the needs of both parties and if not are the the parties willing to make adjustments to bring things back into balance. An individual cannot deny who they are to keep a relationship and probably should not. Everyone is insecure at times, it is the nature of the beast. However, insecurity should not be the driving force in a relationship.



SHE-LION
SparkPoints: (31,809)
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Posts: 3,155
4/20/12 6:14 A

I'd had this happen during my first weight loss journey. Since I began the new trek to the same direction, it's starting again. I have grown thick skinned since then and ignore it. His fate is in his hands one way or the other. I do try, however, to encourage him and invite him to walk or whatever exercise I do so he doesn't feel left out.

I hope things will get better! Spark love to you! emoticon

Edited by: SHE-LION at: 4/20/2012 (06:17)


LULUBELLE65
SparkPoints: (26,869)
Fitness Minutes: (23,110)
Posts: 822
4/20/12 5:36 A

I don't have a significant other, but the last time I was on this journey, when I was on a strict low-carb diet and lost 43 pounds, one of my good friends--who is as heavy as I am--seemed to do her best to sabotage me every time we saw each other. She is very physically active, runs 4 times a week, etc., but is completely unrealistic about calories and what she is actually putting in her mouth. She would invite people over to dinner and everything that she served would be something that was not on my plan, and then she would push "just a little bit" on me.

I finally called her on it, and while she didn't own up to the sabotage, she did change her way of dealing with me.

It is too early to tell how people are going to react this time around, but already it is a struggle to explain why I am just having one glass of wine instead of a couple of beers at happy hour.



BAMBI31311
SparkPoints: (12,357)
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Posts: 498
4/20/12 3:22 A

This is such an interesting and complex topic. I think that people around us can become "insecure" about the changes that are happening, because it's not just that weight is being lost, confidence increases, self esteem, choices etc etc. weight loss is much more than just dropping pounds. Open, honest and loving communication to those who are our nearest and dearest is always a good thing. they just need reassurance. As for work colleagues, if they make snide comments or try to sabotage rather than support, hopefully it will just make you stronger in your resolve to stick to your goals.



BRENNAGIRL
Posts: 309
4/20/12 2:33 A

This has been an interesting read. My husband has sabotaged my efforts in prior years, but not this time. We've been eating healthy in our household for a number of years. He's used to it by now. The only change is that I am now logging my food and walking more. So as far as he's concerned nothing has changed. The meals are similar. My portions are just smaller. He has no idea that I'm 'dieting'. Actually, neither do I. Because I am not. I'm just eating healthy within a certain calorie range.

When there has been a special occasion (like easter, or my daughter's birthday) I was fortunate enough to be cooking the meals. But I made everything the same as usual. Bought a decadent birthday cake for dessert. Made my amazing lasagna. Just added a salad etc. And then made it work within my calorie range. I knew I could have a certain size of cake for dessert and put it in as my snack. I knew in advance how much lasagna I could have and then loaded up on salad. Nobody noticed a thing - and I felt completely in control. So for me not saying anything has been great. I get my support from my friends on Spark and that seems to be enough.

For me at this point my resolve is good and no one is going to force me to eat anything I don't want to. It's a nice change. I'm going to friends tomorrow for dinner. I know that there will be food that is high in calories. I'm not worried about it. It's out of the norm. I'll eat what I consider to be a healthy portion. Enjoy a glass of wine. Keep a mind journal of what's going in my mouth and see where I end up at the end of the night. If it's over the calorie range. That's life. The next day will be a different day. Perfection is for perfect people and that ain't me.



RAVINOO
SparkPoints: (16,645)
Fitness Minutes: (7,547)
Posts: 133
4/19/12 10:24 P

I sometimes resent that I have to be the one that takes the initiative to eat right and exercise more.Food and my weight has been a lifelong battle I have struggled with all my life. My husband is diabetic but he usually has no will power and if it wasn't for me shopping smart and learning to cook smarter he would be huge! I try not to resent what I know I need to do for myself anyway but it is really frustrating.



SWANATOPIA
Posts: 1,048
4/19/12 9:27 P

My husband is really supporting me during my weight loss journey but when I went to college, he would ask me the very same question. I always believed it was because he felt insecure of himself. I sat him down and talked with him about it and a lot of emotion came out. He thought that I was going to go to school, get smart and leave him for some businessman. He's not the jealous type at all but I guess it really bothered him that I was making a better life for myself and he wasn't able to. Communication is the best remedy...even if it doesn't seem to go well while discussing, at least you will get a break through!

Edited by: SWANATOPIA at: 4/19/2012 (21:30)


LINAREX
SparkPoints: (22,704)
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Posts: 1,566
4/19/12 9:00 P

I've been there too, but on the side of the significant other. My husband and I have gone back and forth with weight a couple of times over the years, and probably 2 years ago he dropped about 50lbs (and has kept it off, go him!). I found myself feeling insecure (because I wasn't losing, or even trying to lose the "baby" weight), and also kind of resentful because he was looking better than I was and taking charge of things when I couldn't bring myself to. None of what he would tell me about me looking good to him etc would make me feel better. But he is part of the reason that I decided to make some changes myself. Once I got over the hurt it just became inspirational to me and made me look at myself in a more honest light.



KARATE_KID
SparkPoints: (56,407)
Fitness Minutes: (72,765)
Posts: 1,544
4/19/12 8:34 P

lol - I FEEL resentment because my S.O. can lose weight just by sitting on the couch. I wouldn't make any snide remarks though, just suffer in silence
emoticon



MISSM1183
SparkPoints: (3,592)
Fitness Minutes: (6,763)
Posts: 31
4/19/12 4:52 P

My husband would do that to me at first try and force feed me, give me snotty remarks about leaving him lol! It used to make me angry but now I look back and laugh on that. He was just insecure about himself. He has since been supportive in my weight loss efforts and even helps motivate me.



JRWOLF1
Posts: 67
4/19/12 4:01 P

I too fine that it's hard with my spouse when I'm trying to lose weight because it seems that's when he brings home or cravings of sweets.
But this time, it's not going to work, I have let it sabotage me before but not this time I want my health to improve, I want my life to improve, I want to be around for a long time and I can't do that if I keep abusing the Temple that God gave me.

So do I believe now that I can do this, yes I do
you can only let someone get to you if you want them to and I refuse, this time I'll make it.



ERH12275
SparkPoints: (7,340)
Fitness Minutes: (3,415)
Posts: 294
4/19/12 3:56 P

My husband is very supportive. At first he would bring home crap...like candy..but since I didn't eat them he stopped. I am thinking my sister may be the one that won't like it.



JOYFULME01
Posts: 475
4/19/12 3:36 P

I find my spouse is my biggest challenge. First he didn't acknowledge my loss/success and he invested a great deal of energy trying to undermine my efforts (in my observation). It's interesting that last month he was diagnosed with diabetes and now he is wanting the same support he wasn't able/willing to give me. Hmmmmm



VUKELK
Posts: 548
4/19/12 3:30 P

I would try to not surround myself with people that weren't helping my healthy changes easier.
I know this is easier said than done. But we all need to have positive, helpful people in our every day lives for everything....not just dieting. Some days aren't always perfect for me either.



GIJOEBOXER
Posts: 40
4/19/12 3:29 P

It is sad to hear some of these stories. I also have friends etc that say ...oh come on! Live it up one night of eating won't kill you. Then its a birthday, then a wedding, then a reunion, it's always some reason they think you should be eating it up but then I would be right back where i started! Do I indulge at least once a week? Of course! I would go crazy if I didn't. But despite the negative feedback from my partner and some friends, I will say that weight loss can do amazing things on the inside, the outside is just the bonus. I have MUCH more confidence than ever before. To top it off I have 2 job offers on the table now and it is due to that changes I have made physically and even more so mentally. (I have been looking for a year for a job). So while I do not like the comments I get or the lack of support, excuse me for saying this..but screw them! I mean that with love of course. :-)

Now, I am going to go eat my greek yogurt and go for a walk. Have a great day all!

Joe in NYC



MARYXXXXXX
Posts: 65
4/19/12 2:58 P

I lost 30 pounds and significant other has not acknowledged the loss of one single pound. He just completely ignores it. This means I don't get negative feedback, but I also don't get any positive feedback either.



ROGERSBABE1
SparkPoints: (43,416)
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Posts: 5,351
4/19/12 2:32 P

I feel your pain. My husband isn't exhibiting insecurities, but he's not actively helpful either (brings home some of my trigger foods, etc.). I have experienced "haterism" from other people and it is simply their insecurities. I think anytime a person accomplishes something or begins to have more confidence, you will always find people with you and against you. I do have a family member who eyeballs me funny at family functions. It is noticeable, but I don't let it bother me. For the most part, though, I've had nothing but encouragement and well wishes, especially from my those who do matter most. You hang in there!



ASILHTEB
Posts: 470
4/19/12 2:20 P

yep, just last night my husband brought me a giant creme puff for a "treat"....sigh



CLOUDCAT13
SparkPoints: (7,763)
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Posts: 69
4/19/12 2:06 P

I have gotten this. I know it's because he doesn't like the way he looks either. He feels bad, but doesn't want to put forth effort to change, so he's trying to drag me down as well. I've tried the open talk, but he got extremely defensive. I do my best to ignore him and keep going.



TULLY2U
SparkPoints: (8,029)
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Posts: 25
4/19/12 1:51 P

I haven't experienced that with my husband, but I do have a friend that tries to sabotague me. She was all excited at first & we were going to go to the gym together & help one another, but she quickly quit trying, has only went to the gym with me once & since then always has an excuse. When I visit with her she always talks about fattening food she has had & brings out candy. When I try to encourage her she says snide things. Kinda sad, but all you can do is focus on your journey, take each day at a time & do what you need to do for yourself to be healthy & happy.



TSARITSA
Posts: 57
4/19/12 1:16 P

My bf has made fun of me a bit, but he knows that I'm just trying to be healthier. (At the same time, he hasn't noticed any change since I'm already skinny and only lost 3 kilos).

There are other people, though, who have noticed and may have some jealousy, but they also don't want to do the work because I've told them about counting calories and SP but they say they don't want to do it. Can't have results without putting in the effort.

As other sparkers have said, try to talk to your SO and maybe get him/her involved in some of the physical activities you're doing. That way if s/he also has some weight to lose, they can feel like they are a part of your journey.



ANARIE
Posts: 12,356
4/19/12 12:56 P

Ah, you're right; I made assumptions. But this still works if you just edit out the "her" and the "women" parts. And it looks like Joe's in New York, so the "pop the question" part is possible, albeit complicated.

In fact, I think "I want to live longer so I have more time with you" is probably even more important to hear in a same-sex relationship, because the idea of a life-time commitment isn't quite as automatic and doesn't have the same degree of social support. So change six bajillion brownie points to about nine bajillion.
emoticon

Edited by: ANARIE at: 4/19/2012 (13:01)


CALLMECARRIE
Posts: 1,598
4/19/12 11:47 A

Anarie -- all good advice, but if GIJOE is in a same-sex relationship, unfortunately it may not be legal for him to "pop the question." Not speaking for GIJOE, just something to keep in mind.

Edited by: CALLMECARRIE at: 4/19/2012 (11:48)


ANARIE
Posts: 12,356
4/19/12 11:23 A

You want to end the snideness forever and win about six bajillion brownie points?

The next time she says something, reach out and wrap your arms around her and say, "Listen, it was hard to talk about this before, but I did all of this for you. I was overweight. Overweight people die early. Men die earlier than women anyway. I don't want to die early, because I want every minute I can have with you. I don't want to leave you alone, and I don't want to get sick and make you take care of me. That's why I did this and why I promise to do my best to keep doing it."

Unless there's something already wrong in the relationship, this will work. She'll probably cry, and after that you'll never hear another comment.

(However, you might want to think about whether you've done anything to give her grounds for the "newer model" comments. A woman doesn't usually say things like that unless she's feeling insecure for a reason. Sometimes that reason doesn't have anything to do with you-- maybe a friend or coworker's SO did that recently, so it's on her mind-- but think really hard about whether you've got a little bit of a wandering eye or you talk a little more than you need to about other women you know, etc. You could even ask one of her girlfriends if they have any idea why she's worried.)

And if you're not married, think about whether it's time to pop the question.



DINGALLSTOO
Posts: 569
4/19/12 11:09 A

DH doesn't sabotage me, but he won't even try the healthy stuff, so we end up preparing separate meals sometimes and he still wants his snacks. He's always been a meat and potatoes guy, with limited veggies and God forbid I would try anything meatless. Luckily I can take whatever I want for lunch and he takes what he wants. At dinner I pile on the freggies. I've started using salsa on fish and ground beef, while he eats it on a roll.

A couple of my coworkers were doing Medifast when I started and they lost weight too, but have since regained and I think they are jealous. One (my immediate boss) NEVER has acknowledged my weight loss and never has anything nice to say when I wear a new outfit. I hear her compliment others...who knows what drives her. THAT definately motivates me to stay on program. I know it's mean spirited, but I can't help myself ;^D When someone brings in cookies...I just think...ha, I don't need that and watch the boss eat them instead. I know; EVIL!!! If she were supportive, I'd reciprocate. I have mentioned SP, but she blows me off...oh well



MORNINGGLORY609
Posts: 130
4/19/12 10:57 A

People show love in different ways. I think for certain loved ones, they show it by feeding us, and take our "rejection" of their food as legitimate rejection of them. And you're absolutely right...your Significant Other may feel left behind in all the positive changes you're making for yourself.

Ultimately, though, this is YOUR life. And though your S.O. plays a HUGE role in it, they do not have to live as you. Perhaps find ways to include them in the journey, even if it doesn't mean losing weight. Prepare healthy meals together, go for walks, etc. My husband is very into eating well and exercising, but not to lose weight. As a chef, I would have thought he would be totally repulsed by my "rejection" of traditional calorie-heavy meals he makes. But he took it as a challenge to try "feeding" me in different ways.

As others have said, communication is key. Be SURE to let your S.O. know that your journey does not exclude them, and the only way you've been able to do it thus far is through all their support.



OBSIDIANFIRE
SparkPoints: (5,211)
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Posts: 98
4/19/12 10:47 A

Somewhere (maybe on SP??) I read that humans are like crabs - if one makes it up and almost out of the pot, the others will pull him back in.....
People around us see us doing things that they perceive as "better than themselves" and then emotions come into play. Jealousy, guilt, fear.....
Why we can't just be happy, gracious, kind, supportive of people bettering themselves I will never know.
My husband gives my weight loss lip service, but when we sit down to eat dinner, I just cannot let myself be affected by his eating choices. Sometimes I feel as tho he's deliberately eating like a pig in front of me trying to goad me into keeping up, I guess.
I am sorry your partner feels so threatened by you taking better care of yourself. My own thinking is assuming there is no true reason for this person to be threatened (as in being traded out for a newer model) then they are just hiding behind that excuse as a way to avoid the real issue.
Stand firm in your goals. Somebody else does not have the right to "tell" you that you don't get to take care of your own self.



OBIESMOM2
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Posts: 4,472
4/19/12 10:24 A

DH totally supports my weight loss & fitness. He does not do things to sabotage me (he didn't get me a birthday cake this year, but he did bring home my favorite Thai dish for dinner). But he has asked if I'm going to find somebody 'who can keep up with me'.

Mom is the saboteur. She bakes my favorite desserts when we have holiday get-togethers and wants me to take them home. If I 'accidentally' forget, she brings it to me. She makes this really decadent cheesecake for DH, even though I've asked her not to. His weight is a major health issue for him and he will not turn down food if it's there.

IMO, all of this is insecurity. DH knows that it's hard work (he's lost the weight before). Right now he just isn't motivated to do anything about it. Mom is a yoyo dieter. She does every fad diet that comes out, then gains the weight back (plus more). She has willpower like nobody else when she's dieting, but she doesn't have the desire to make life changes to get where she feels good about herself. Mom also feels that because she is so active, she shouldn't need to exercise to keep the weight off. She doesn't understand that her body adapts to her activity level.



PJFSDIET
SparkPoints: (7,315)
Fitness Minutes: (5,930)
Posts: 12
4/19/12 10:19 A

My hubby's very supportive most of the time, but quite often will tell me I don't need to lose weight, he loves me just the way I am. I know I need to, for me, and my long-term health goals. I do have co-workers pushing food at me, but they know better now. I just say, "no thanks, I'm trying to behave" and most of the time, they leave it alone.



CALLMECARRIE
Posts: 1,598
4/19/12 10:16 A

GIJOEBOXER, you have my sympathy. My husband is pretty supportive, although I do hear well-intentioned comments like "Oh, one little bite won't hurt" a lot. I think the person posting right above you is correct; your partner is feeling left out, and you've changed the dynamic in the relationship. Hopefully lots of reassurances and honest communication will help ease the anxiety the other person feels.



CALLMECARRIE
Posts: 1,598
4/19/12 10:03 A

Starlite, don't let her get you down. I face the same thing with a few co-workers, and I know they take my weight loss as an implied criticism, even though it's totally not! Some people don't want to be reminded of the work they themselves need to do. We are having a pizza at work today (not my idea). I might have one small veggie piece, but I brought a salad and and orange, and I know I have co-workers who will try to get me to eat a big greasy plate of pizza. I'm not going to ruin my calorie count for the day to make a co-worker feel better, she'll just have to deal with it.



STARLITE777
SparkPoints: (7,691)
Fitness Minutes: (7,436)
Posts: 36
4/19/12 9:30 A

GM SP Friends,

I have a co-worker, who is constantly pushing food on me esp. now that she noticed that I have lost some weight. I dont know why some people are not happy for other people's success.

Also, please add me as your SP Friends. Thanks

Edited by: STARLITE777 at: 4/23/2012 (10:15)


CICELY360
Posts: 2,665
4/19/12 9:21 A

I haven't experienced it with a significant other, but I have with friends and associates. Instead of being happy, they'd say mean things about me, even stuff like "You'd better watch it. You know most people gain their weight back plus more." You may need to talk to your significant other. Your weight loss may be exposing his insecurities or he may feel like you are pulling away. Communication is important.



DMJAKES
Posts: 1,573
4/19/12 8:40 A

You're changing the "rules of the game" for the relationship...it's not uncommon for one party to feel left behind. I'd sit down and have a heart-to-heart with your significant other and ask what they mean when they say things like this. If you just ask open-ended questions and then let them reply without judgement or explanation (or being dismissive), you might get some insight as to what's going on in their head. My other half did the jealousy thing a little at the beginning of my journey, but now he's my biggest fan....and he's getting into working out again himself, so it's a double-win for us.

Be sure to reaffirm your commitment to the relationship regularly. Small shows of affection and kindness go a LONG way. That simple rule helped us stay married for 27 years!



GIJOEBOXER
Posts: 40
4/19/12 8:14 A

Has anyones weight loss gotten them resentment from their signifigant others or problems? I have lost 43 pounds and instead of helping it seems to be hurting my relationship. You know, the little snide comments and the oh I guess your'e going to leave me for a newer model stuff. Its strange, instead of hurting it seems to be motivating my weight loss even more so that's not a problem. I just wondered if anyone had encountered anything like that. I wasn't expecting this.



 
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