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LAB-RAT-808 Posts: 15
11/10/13 2:15 A

Take the higher road, it's less crowded.

Edited by: LAB-RAT-808 at: 11/11/2013 (18:44)
MISSJANE55 SparkPoints: (42,188)
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Posts: 1,252
11/9/13 8:33 P

she sounds like a miserable lost soul who has no self esteem, and she is a 'toxic' person...with people like that it takes a while before you can recover from the s---t they throw at you.
when you feel a little stronger, pray for her, i know it sounds dumb, but she's in a lot worse shape than you are, she doesn't have half of what you have, and everything she is doing is acting out how out of control she is on the inside. bless her. she'll fall hard when she falls, meanwhile you are beautiful.

Edited by: MISSJANE55 at: 11/9/2013 (20:34)
DARK_WONDERFUL SparkPoints: (3,610)
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Posts: 52
11/9/13 5:16 P

I would just feel sorry for them. Not because of any noble reason, imagining that they are in pain and taking it out on you, but jeez, what an unimaginative response? How dense must they be?

Seriously though, don't let it get to you. You know you're a better (and clearly more intelligent person) then her.

xoxo

SUNSET09 SparkPoints: (201,900)
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Posts: 40,257
11/9/13 12:29 P

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional so let no one steal your joy! I have the power to turn negatives into positives. Don't sweat the smal stuff! emoticon emoticon

Edited by: SUNSET09 at: 11/9/2013 (12:29)
BLUEHERON2C Posts: 2,403
11/9/13 12:04 P

What goes around comes around!

I actually had my own sister tell me I would never lose my weight and if I did, I wouldn't be able to keep it off. Now she is watching her grown daughter struggle with obesity and how painful words can be. I don't get any enjoyment watching my niece struggle as I have but a tiny piece of me wants to say to my sister - do you now understand how hurtful your words were to me? Not that I think she would care in the least.

Try to remove yourself emotionally from this hurt and be proud of how far you've come. I don't know you but I applaud your efforts for getting healthy!

PARKSCANADA Posts: 2,731
11/9/13 9:59 A

The universe works to balance everything so somewhere, some time, some day karma will come back around and teach her the lesson she needs to learn in the way she needs to learn it.

SOCAL_LEE SparkPoints: (34,668)
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11/9/13 12:42 A

I am so sorry that happened to me. Once when I was out jogging a car of teens drove by and a girl yelled at me, "Run, you fat b****!" The kicker? I was 5 months pregnant.

@MPN: I actually did once tell someone to stop singing at a concert by saying "I came to hear [artist], not you." I was younger and braver then!

GOALWTIN7 SparkPoints: (2,121)
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11/8/13 3:36 A

She wanted to lash out and if it wasn't the weight comment she would of picked something else. What a drunk low life random stranger says to me at a concert I wouldn't let bother me. I'm the type that would have said something back like, Wow, you got me or if I also had a drink or two I would of said, I can lose weight but ugly is forever. Not a wise move on my part seeing that people can get physically violent so glad I wasn't the recipient of that comment.

CAMEOSUN SparkPoints: (79,165)
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11/8/13 3:21 A

emoticon Good for you - you took the high road. As for her...not worth it. Out of her mouth speaks her dark soul.

BREWERFAN71 SparkPoints: (30,339)
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Posts: 384
11/7/13 5:56 P

I just wanted to say that something similar happened to me-in Junior High. So this lady has the intellect & social skills of a 14 year old boy! Yikes! Of course, no offense to the many 14 year olds out there that already know better.

Mocking someone's physical appearance is the lowest form of "humor" and insult there is; it reflects the mocker's lack of intelligence & obvious insecurity. Please don't let this stranger's words affect you any more-instead pity her for her immaturity, and especially pity her child!

CPRCINDYC SparkPoints: (9,822)
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Posts: 200
11/6/13 9:33 A

Some people can be so cruel! So sorry you had to deal with an ignorant perosn like that. Try not to let her get to you; she is not a good person. She's a bully. Someone was probably mean to her so she's mean to others to make herself feel better. Good for you for using it as motivation to better yourself- recognizing that words can be hurtful shows that you are a good person.

MELLYDIVA Posts: 1,017
11/6/13 9:15 A

Thank you!!!

FENWAYGIRL18 Posts: 5,855
11/6/13 1:37 A

Sorry that happened to you, bullies come in all ages.....and we wonder why we have a bullying problem in the schools. I know it hurt but don't give her words power, she wanted to hurt you because good for you , you spoke up about her talking.
Concert tickets are so much money you want to hear the artist not someone behind you talk through it all.

JANIEWWJD SparkPoints: (234,730)
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Posts: 7,194
11/5/13 9:50 P

I simply cannot understand how anyone can be so cruel!!!! I am so sorry that you went through that, but I can almost promise you that this person is such an insecure person that the only pleasure she gets out of life is to insult others. Don't let it get you down!!!! Keep your head up and always remember that you are a good person and that we are here for you!!! God bless you and have a terrific day tomorrow!!! Make it the best day of your life!!!!!
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REJ7777 Posts: 4,021
11/5/13 9:37 P

I'm sorry you were insulted like that. Sounds like an inconsiderate person in more ways than one.

LOLA_LALA Posts: 659
11/5/13 8:19 P

I'm sorry you were treated in such a rude way by this ignorant excuse for a "human" being, Melly. Her unchecked anger, inappropriateness, utterly trashy behavior set the scene...but when you mentioned she was also apparently drunk and had a very young infant at home, I think we can all see what might have been HER problem...

Please consider the source - a possible alcoholic. Any overeating you or I have done is a skip in the park compared to the mass disaster that illness can breed... emoticon

BLUENOSE63 SparkPoints: (101,558)
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Posts: 2,953
11/5/13 6:10 P

Well you are human and you have feelings; therefore, you are hurt when someone says something mean! Just remember that this woman was nothing to your life before the concert and she shouldn't be after the concert. Yes people are so narcissistic these days and they feel the world owes them something. I would have done the same thing and I have done it in movie theatres, concerts etc. Next time laugh at what is said like you don't care as that always ticks of the person with verbal trash talk.

MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 13,718
11/5/13 1:27 P

I know it would hurt my feelings, too.

She is an evil and hateful person and what she said reflects more on her than on you. So don't allow her to steal one more minute of your joy. Undoubtedly in her supreme ugliness she has forgotten about you and moved on to some other unfortunate target.

So don't allow her to take up residence in your head. Every time she starts to move her stuff in tell her to get out.

Journaling is also good for these things. And looking at pictures and doing things that make you happy.

emoticon And good luck in your journey.

TCANNO SparkPoints: (111,491)
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Posts: 19,767
11/5/13 11:05 A

Try and put it behind you


PATTIJOHNSON Posts: 2,075
11/5/13 11:00 A

At least heavy people can do something about it. Those folks with limited brain capacity have nowhere to go to fix their problems.

You'll likely never see this person again, so you will have to be satisfied that some day she may realize how insensitive and mean that was to say. She will pay her dues someday when someone says something mean about her.

KKLENNERT809 Posts: 7,761
11/4/13 10:00 P

Unfortunate, but don't let it bother you

JIACOLO SparkPoints: (291,151)
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Posts: 17,186
11/4/13 9:34 P

Sorry you had to endure someone's negativity! Don't let this cloud your view of yourself. Being a part of SparkPeople shows you are interested in being healthy and wanting to take care of yourself. Just focus on that!

MJEFFERSON23 SparkPoints: (32,691)
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11/4/13 7:42 P

I agree with everyone, her words were more about her than about you, but words still hurt. For the antidote look yourself in the mirror, and say something good to yourself! emoticon

MILLERISHEALTHY Posts: 6,019
11/4/13 7:39 P

I'm really sorry that happened to you. I went to a concert years ago and the person in front of me sang every single song along with the artist I paid to see. I wanted to say, "I came here to hear _____, not you," but I was too chicken. Kudos to you for standing up for yourself - it's a shame she didn't have the common decency to realize her mistake, apologize, and then shut up. I can never think of the proper response when someone says something mean or tacky, but the old standby is something like, "Well, I can always lose the weight, but you'll always be uncouth and offensive."

I was once asked by a salesclerk, "when is your baby due?" when I wasn't pregnant. And once when I lost 60 lbs., some people were worried and wanted to know if I was sick. My own MIL has said tacky things about my weight many times. Once, she kept going on and on about how a relative had gained so much weight - she said the relative was huge. Then she said, "She's almost as big as you are, Miller!" I was stunned - I didn't say anything because I didn't know what to say.

It hurt me a lot, but eventually I just chalked it up to her ignorance. She used to make fun of people for their weight, but now she finally gets it. She quit smoking and now has a weight problem of her own. Life sometimes has a way of teaching people lessons they need to learn and maybe the woman that spoke to you so rudely will someday understand the gravity of hurtful comments.

I know I would have a hard time letting it go, too. If you can, try to realize that she truly is ignorant. As they say, "you can't fix stupid."

RUKIDDINGME123 SparkPoints: (30,073)
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11/4/13 7:35 P

I can guarantee you she isn't thinking about you so don't allow her to continue to hurt you.

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SHERYLDS Posts: 12,123
11/4/13 3:44 P

You reprimanded her for being rude and she lashed back...end of story.
Someone like that is going to attack you with anything that pops into her little mind.
So why obsess with this memory?....It's meaningless. It has nothing to do with you.

Just move forward and enjoy your healthy lifestyle.

IVYLASS SparkPoints: (120,979)
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11/4/13 3:19 P

She's a clueless bitch who doesn't understand basic etiquette. Her behavior says a lot more about her than you.

MELLYDIVA Posts: 1,017
11/4/13 1:28 P

Thank you! That is a really good way to look at the whole thing. Trying to just treat myself well and put her words out of my mind.

ANNROW0354 Posts: 603
11/4/13 1:22 P

I heard a speaker say "hurting people hurt people" and that what they say usually isn't about the person they say it to at all.
That said, it is really hurtful and offensive and she was trying to bully you because you called her out on her bad behavior.
Do not give this rude, offensive bully any power over how you feel about yourself. I know that's easier said than done but truly, tell yourself exactly what you would tell your best friend if it had happened to her. You ARE your own best friend. emoticon

MELLYDIVA Posts: 1,017
11/4/13 1:15 P

Thank you all so much for your supportive words and advice! I have my work out gear with me and am going after work today. Going to put my frustration in to my work out and try to let the negative feelings melt away with the sweat. :P

It's just hard to hear those kinds of harsh words. But someone said it best when they said that lady is irrelevant to me. I need to not care about what some insignificant mean person said. I just hope she doesn't raise her kid to be a bully. (The six week old she left at home to go get wasted and talk through a whole concert...). 'Cause that would really be sad.



SONICB Posts: 4,259
11/4/13 1:11 P

Her comments were meant to be hurtful. It says a lot about her base character, and in cases like this, I can't help but feel sorry for people who like her. Name-calling is what mean bullies do on the playground in elementary school--she clearly never outgrew that.

I know it's hard not to reflect on the terrible things she said, but she WANTS them to haunt you--don't let her have that.

Something I've found helpful is to decorate a box or small container and fill it with compliments you've received. Whenever someone compliments you, write it down on a slip of paper and put it in the box. The next time you're feeling down, pick one of the slips of paper up and read it to yourself.

KJFITNESSDUDE Posts: 15,787
11/4/13 1:08 P

I've had this happen to me once before; my wife (now ex) flat out said, "You're fat, don't have seconds." Did I mention that I am now divorced from her?



MARYJ1959 SparkPoints: (11,347)
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11/4/13 12:49 P

It's quite obvious the woman was mentally unstable. You have to be very careful these days - you never know if someone has some sort of weapon on them such as a knife or firearm. Next time anything like this happens let an usher or security know as they are trained to deal with lunatics like this one. While it is difficult, try not to let her comments bother you as there is something defiantly wrong with her.

JLEMUS1 Posts: 4,054
11/4/13 12:48 P

She was a jerk, her wheel was turning but her hamster was passed out... sorry you went through that, I kind of went through it with a family member she walked in and said "oh my god you have gotten so fat" this was at the beginning of me working out!! It was all I could do to keep my daughter from tearing her apart, but I always tell my kids people like that get theirs from GOD, just leave it in his hands and he will take care of those that wrong us!! emoticon

MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 13,718
11/4/13 12:47 P

I am sorry someone did that to you.

ERINTFG SparkPoints: (38,632)
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11/4/13 12:30 P

What she said is about HER, not about you. It can tell you a lot about the kind of person she is, but it does not define who you are or what kind of person you are.

I would have a hard time letting it go, too. I'll just be honest. I take everything way too personally. I would just encourage you to define YOURSELF, and then do everything you can to live up to that definition of who you want to be.

HAPPYCPA1965 SparkPoints: (174,592)
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11/4/13 12:15 P

I go to concerts for the music but there is always someone there that showed up for the wrong reasons and it sounds like that person sat behind you. The only people that can hurt me are the people I care about. Unless you care about that woman I would not let her hurt you.

BUNNYKICKS Posts: 2,327
11/4/13 12:15 P

Oof. What a terrible person. She clearly has issues, and her comments you NEED to disregard. She was angry at you and she wanted to hurt you... but she doesn't know you soooo she goes straight to the "fallback insults"... she can see you're overweight so she goes with that. And ZING a direct hit. Make it bounce off. You don't want to give her the lasting "success" of having affected you emotionally. Remember, she didn't attack you in this way *because* of your weight. She attacked you because she was angry and that just happened to be her weapon of choice. If it hadn't been a "weight" comment it would have been something else, spit with just as much venom, and feeling just as bad *if you let it.*

I have only been insulted on grounds of my weight once. It was about a year and a half ago now, and I still remember it so vividly. I was at work (a govt office), a client came to the counter, I got up to assist, he needed to talk to someone specific, so I got that person for him, and sat down. He then proceeds to tell the other employee "my, how thin you are!" and she awkwardly accepted the compliment. He THEN proceeded to announce very loudly "I HATE FAT PEOPLE" and then carried on to regale us all with tales of how, when he managed an office, he wouldn't hire fat women because they are the worst workers blahblahblah. My coworker tried to shut him up but... damage done. It really hurt. But I tell myself, he may have issues of his own that my eye can't see, that are affecting his ability to interact appropriately... not many people are that lacking in "filter" without there being some underlying cause...

ASHLEYGILLE SparkPoints: (11,171)
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11/4/13 12:12 P

What a rude (and miserable!) woman! I'm so sorry that happened to you. Yes, those things hurt and, if it makes you feel any better, I think we've all had a similar experience at one time or another. Once, a woman asked me, "When is your baby due?" when I wasn't pregnant. Ouch! I felt terrible. (I guess the only "good" that came out of it was to get me out of denial and focused on losing weight and getting healthy.)

People have even been rude after I lost weight. Someone asked if I was "sick" and another couple insinuated that I might be anorexic! Usually, it's more about the other person's own issues than our actual weight, but it still hurts like heck.

Hang in there. You're beautiful! xoxo

RUBENB2003 Posts: 11,047
11/4/13 12:11 P

That woman is just plain awful. How much pain is she in that she needs to talk to people this way to feel good about herself? I've been called fat and other names before and I try to use their attacks as motivation when I workout. Every pound I lose is one less jerk I have to deal with!

PTREE15 SparkPoints: (7,104)
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Posts: 398
11/4/13 11:59 A

Wow, that is awful. I'm so sorry that happened to you. People today are so much more rude than in years past. Civility is really gone! It hasn't happened to me, and I hope it never does. That is so awful.

Edited by: PTREE15 at: 11/4/2013 (11:59)
KITTYCAT64 Posts: 599
11/4/13 11:56 A

I actually had it happen years ago, when I weighed 165# at 5'6". A teen girl was pulling out of McDonald's, and I w as s pulling in, and I guess I wasn't moving fast enough, so she gestured, and yelled f______ you fat b_________. I wanted to reply, but I was not raised like that, so I just let it be on her.

MELLYDIVA Posts: 1,017
11/4/13 11:44 A

I know I shouldn't let it get to me. It was at a concert and the lady behind us who had proclaimed she was "such a big fan" of the artist proceeded to talk loudly during every song. I finally turned around and said "Are you going to talk through every song?" and she proceeded to get really catty and said "Yeah, maybe, so what?" as if that is proper to do at a concert. If you want to talk the whole time you should just go to a bar down the street.

So then she just shouts at me..."Why don't you eat some more you fat bitch?!".

I can honestly say that's the first time that's ever happened to me.

This horrible woman left before the encore (thank goodness) and as she's leaving, she leans over by me & says "You should try Weight Watchers...".

This is a woman who was not thin by any means. And a woman who (from over hearing her) has a 6 week old baby at home while she's out getting wasted and being mean to people.

I am just having trouble getting over this. I know it was stupid and she was just an idiot, but the words still hurt me. I've gained a decent amount of weight over the last couple of years and am having a hard time losing any. Just hard to hear someone say something like that.

Anyone else have this kind of thing happen to you?

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