Husbands are totally different creatures than wives. Their role in the marriage has changed over the decades. Just think my father wasn't even allowed in the labor room with the births of my sisters and brother and I. When my youngest brother was born, he was allowed in the labor room.
I was a stay at home mom with 3 children. The roles were divided in the beginning of our marriage, but later on that line became dimmer and dimmer.
I have found that husbands only hear half of what you are saying, its not their fault, it just happens. I've found that if I would like to discuss something of importance, its best to get his full attention. I suggest that we make a date to discuss something and then I make sure that we have time to ourselves, usually after the children had gone to bed.
I always started out by telling him all the good things he does for me and the family. Then I tell him that I would like to talk about us. I would always give a positive and a negative feeling. I know this sounds like an awful lot of babying, but it isn't. I was finding it very difficult to give the bathrooms a good scrub down and I asked for his help with that, especially if people were coming to visit. Well, today I don't have to ask for his help he just does it.
Men don't think like women, their emotions are more logical, they want to fix your problem instead of just listening to it. He probably didn't even hear pass your comment of "wanting to talk about your needs" That word scares them.
Today's man has come a long way and if you as a wife are also working outside the home. Then you have every right to expect help with the house, kids and some appreciation for your contributing to the household budget.
Just explain that you would like to work on being a better couple. I don't know the age of your children, but they do get older and will have their own lives and you two will still be a couple, and just explain you still want to be a couple and need his help for that to happen. Ask him what he misses about being a couple, you could start it off that way.
I know this is long, but, I've been married over 40 years and have 3 children and 5 grandchildren and still love holding hands with my DH. take care, debbi