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LJACOB126 Posts: 43
6/4/14 2:02 P

I am a firm believer that the whole reason that animals eat their young in the wild, is so that those cute fuzzy babies dont become teenagers! I have 19 yr old identical twin boys. And I have a 10 yr old son as well. My big struggle with the twins is the "cross over". They want all of the privilege's of being a grown up (this includes the right to have alcohol when ever they want) and have no responsibility as if they were a child. Combine that with the know it all attitude and mouth... ugh! And my 10 year old mimics their behavior. I have actually thrown them out of the house for a time until they could agree to live by my rules. $100 per month in rent does not give you privacy or privilege, still my house, gonna be MY rules!! All of my older friends promise me that the aliens will bring my boys back, and we can be friends, as some folks testify in this message board... I pray every day that that is true! :-)

MICHELLEXXXX SparkPoints: (12,145)
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Posts: 3,765
5/6/14 10:14 P

I agree with Fanny. Have you talked to God about it and gone to the Scripture? Have you discussed it with a minister or other believer?

LAURELTOO SparkPoints: (564)
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Posts: 97
5/3/14 6:58 A

I'm sorry to be blunt but wow thats terrible that your husband has no problem with the screaming and name calling! That is awful, and it is a disservice to the girls because if they think they can act that way out in the world they will quickly find out differently.

Since my kids are stepchildren (whose mother raised them wonderfully) my own teenage years are probably a better example. If I EVER spoke to my mother disrespectfully (and I did a couple times) oh my goodness there was heck to pay. My parents are the kindest people you could ever know, but my dad would NOT allow us to speak rudely to our mother. Ditto on not doing chores (and therefore my mom came home from work to a mess), etc. At the time I thought of course I had the meanest, most awful parents in history, but now we talk every day, see each other every weekend, vacation together... I mean I can honestly say I'd rather hang out with them than any of my friends. My mom always said her job was to make sure we could tak care of ourselves as decent human beings, not to be our friend or do everything for us. And we grew up to be great friends, and all of my social group (I'm nearly 40 now) whose parents had the same sort of motto are all now super close to our parents.

So what I'm trying to say is your husband should get on board, and maybe seeing a neutral person to discuss this wouldnt be a bad idea. And don't be afraid to lay down the law, because everyone I know with strict parents now loves and appreciates all that strictness!

FANNYMANSON SparkPoints: (20,213)
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Posts: 475
5/2/14 5:53 P

Time to have a come to Jesus talk with them. They may be just going through a phase, but if it is affecting you negatively, tell them how and why you need them to straighten up. If not, I would take away every single thing until all they had was the bare necessities. Kids have no right to wreck your mojo. Crack the whip mama!

TCOOLEY412 Posts: 100
3/25/14 8:26 P

When my DD tried this I told her that if she kept yelling I would take her phone, she kept yelling and I kept taking. The more she yelled the more I took. I took her phone, her books (avid reader), her ability to hang out with friends then I moved onto clothes. I told her I would take everything out of her room except 5 prs of jeans and 5 tshirts (this is where she stopped yelling). Her add'l punishment for disrespect was to clean her own bathroom and do her own laundry since she did not appreciate all I did for her.

I kept her stuff for WEEKS until she apologized and meant it. After that she had to keep washing her own clothes and cleaning her own bathroom and I checked it. If it wasn't done I took her phone and her books. It worked because her attitude did a complete turnaround. It was HARD to stick to my guns but she has never yelled at me again. She has gotten mad yes, rolled her eyes yes but she has never yelled at me again.

She is away at college now and I am still enforcing my rules. No job = no car. I drove 5 hrs to pick up her car because she did not get a job (or try).

SPARKY_DAN Posts: 65
3/6/14 1:02 A

There is a huge gap between what we owe our children and what they expect from us. Sometimes it's good to expose their entitlement by making them do without. I would probably talk to my wife about what we consider necessities. Provide those things and let them know that anything else they want must be earned. That may really help prepare them for adjustment to adult life as well.

MICHELLEXXXX SparkPoints: (12,145)
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2/21/14 6:40 A

My parents would have thrown my computer in the garbage and denied any privileges if I thought about raising my voice to them. I was involved in a lot of sports and clubs so positive reinforcement was utilized in our household. I listened and respected them, as a result I got rewarded with the opportunity to play sports and parents who supported my ambitions and accomplishments.

IMDADOGGIE SparkPoints: (42,022)
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Posts: 3,128
2/21/14 1:51 A

Wow this sounds a lot like my 19yr old son. I know that raising teens is very hard and you are right if they talk like this now it will only get worse. Your husband and you must be on the same page. I changed the wireless pass code info on the computer so that my son could not use his laptop until he did the list of chores I had for him. Each week I make a list and he has to do them before he can go out on the weekend. He does not work because of college and medical issues so I also won't let him have money if he complains about doing them or he does not do them the way I want them done. For example cleaning the bathroom. He likes to do a quick job and I make him redo it if I think it isn't clean enough. Now it is usually done right the first time. I think they will be more cooperative if you set some specific rules and have your husband help you to enforce them. Good Luck I will pray for you. You have two of them to gang up on you so you definitely need the support of their father.

2/20/14 9:45 A

I have 16yr old twin girls that are driving me crazy … screaming is an everyday norm in our house….they have no chores they do not help around the house the stay on the computer all day and all night if I let them. When I try to give them chores they do a half ass job if I ask them to re-do it I get screaming and slamming doors…the problem was that I would take privileges away and my wonderful husband of 26yrs would let them have them back…we finally got on the same page after I threatened to leave him with the little monsters. The girls are good in school and for some reason think that this gives them a green light to behave disrespectfully to me and their father … My husband has no problem with the screaming and name calling but I think it is horrible he has allowed them to speak to him in a way that I would not dream of speaking to my parents as a child or adult, I have told him that this behavior would spill over to me and I do not have the patience for a child behaving in that manner well fast fwd into 5 years today and I am sitting in a car at 0630am with 2 16 yr olds scolding me 50yr old women about how it is unfair that I have them get up earlier to go to school … When my husband travels and that is often I have the honor of taking them to school My job starts at 0700am .Well I stopped the car at the corner of our subdivision and told them both to get out and walk to school or go home I really do not care…. I kept driving I have had it with the disrespect and the idea that they can behave in any manner and not have consequences for their actions. I know this is long but I really needed to vent. I came back to Spark because I realized that I gained my weight back because I do not have the support.. Please let me know that I am not alone

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