Long before I met my husband he had drinking issues, thankfully he had some really caring friends too. A few of his friends gave him a video camera and asked him to film the party one holiday, what he got was a visual document of himself arriving at the party and degenerating from an engaging, funny guy to a total ass-hat and unpleasant (though non-violent) drunk. The video prompted a permanent change in him. Sometimes words aren't enough, maybe next time he has a spell of anger and outbursts take out a video camera and set it up to catch him in an outburst. This way he can see what scares you so much. PTSD is hard to live through, my husband had, and still struggles with it after his tour in Iraq. Love, patience, and time will help. But, never sacrifice your safety or the safety of your children in tolerating unacceptable behavior.
Only you can.
Fitness Minutes: (14,985)
11/11/11 11:09 P
My comment about the gaming was just a general observation,I hear alot of spouses objecting to one hobby or another. Its always sounds weird to me,if that is important to the person then arent you objecting to the way they want to live/who they are? Then why would you be with that person?
Like I and a few others said I think you see the games arent the issue.There seems to be a deep issue there. I hope you two get it sorted before something happens to you or the kids.Everyone deserves to live a life free from fear of thier spouse. I hope you realize you deserve that too.
Sharing water brings us closer
Fitness Minutes: (4,207)
161 11/11/11 10:07 P
Thank you for the replys and sorry I just got back I was waiting for reply's and did not get any so kind of forgot about the post. To the previous poster, he has been to anger management it does not help and with him being in the army he will not walk with my daughter and I (being pregnant too and having issues its all I can do for exercise so stinks) and he does not like going to places to hang out for free because he said his ptsd makes him nervous in crowds ( I understand that so I do not pressure.) Anyway we do not go to bed at same times either but past couple weeks he has been better about gaming and anger. He still has moments where he does some pretty silly stuff. Example today he lost his ticket, blamed me, so tore up my whole house papers, baskets and everything thrown on floor. All over the ticket and because I was looking with out making a mess so pissed him off. But that is one of those things. His gaming is not a super huge issue I knew he was into games when I married him. Last week as well I asked him to trade in his trigger games, the ones that make him get very angry. That has helped, and because last time we had some serious issues with games before my miscarriage he is making sure I get as little stressed as possible. One more thing, to Larry, I am not controlling him. I am simply trying to get ideas as to handle this. Since we have a 3 year old I want her to know that when you get mad at a game or animate object breaking stuff is not answer. If he wants to game all day he can go ahead we stay active but this is for all of us. Alright thank you all for replying and he took a step in the right direction so its progress and that is all I want :)
10/31/11 1:02 A
I disagree with Larry. It doesn't sound like you are trying to control anyone.
It sounds like you have two problems. One is the anger outbursts, caused by the PTSD and triggered by the stressful gaming moments. The second, less concerning though still troublesome one, is the amount of time spent gaming. I can't speak to the first problem having no experience, other than echoing perhaps trying to get professional help. I understand that this could be pretty difficult as men, in general, are less willing to seek help professionally.
While my husband isn't much of a gamer, I did date a guy for a while who was a full-time gamer. When he wasn't at work, he was playing some kind of console. In one sense, since you have known he is a hardcore gamer for a while, you have to accept that. However, sometimes the amount of time spent gaming, like with ANY hobby, yours or his, can be unreasonable. Perhaps you can track the amount of time spent gaming as well as the number of upset outbursts in a day. Maybe just seeing the raw data would let him see it seems a bit strange.
Or perhaps you need to lead by example. Inviting him out for a walk or a fun night out, even if you expect the answer to be no could be the key. Or just go out by yourself. Maybe he won't notice for a while, but perhaps he'll want to join you eventually and this can help reduce the stressful outbursts. Or say something really hokey like, "you seem stressed out, want a massage instead?" Or maybe using humor could work? Again, I've never known anyone with PTSD so I am not sure if these are sound approaches.
As for the best time to talk, with my husband it's right as we go to bed. Unfortunately we rarely go to bed at the same time, but if you can time it for a night that you do, that may work. Or a meal time? Or a car ride where there aren't any other places to run away to ... though that can be hellish. Maybe if you're able to be really honest using "I" statements to tell him how you feel. As in, "I get pretty anxious and concerned when you get upset playing games. Is this something we can talk about right now?"
Well those are just some ideas. Hope there is someone who can better relate with better advice. Let us know how it goes, okay? Liss
Fitness Minutes: (0)
763 10/28/11 10:54 A
It doesn't sound like the gaming is the issue more like anger issues, which unfortunatly tend to get worse and more intense without some form of intervention. Is he ex-military, if so try looking into VA programs or Wounded Warrior might be a good resource too
Fitness Minutes: (14,985)
10/27/11 10:40 P
Umm not to tell you your business but isnt the mood swings and violent outbursts a bigger concern than gaming? Im a lifelong gamer. I dont break stuff or go nuts. Got a job,nice house and a paid for car. Playing videogames is a part of someone you either need to accept or move on.
Wanting to control a partner to the point of wanting to decide how they should limit a hobby is unreasonable. Expecting a partner to act in a civilized manner and not have violent tantrums is a reasonable expectation in a relationship. Someone that acts like that needs help.
Sharing water brings us closer
Fitness Minutes: (3,781)
10/25/11 11:04 A
I just lost a family member to suicide caused by his ptsd. He was prone to violent outburst as well, ,mostly when under stress. He gave no indication that he was going to end his life, he was just found hanging from the ceiling in the basement one night. It sounds like your husband is using video games as an escape from his ptsd, but it is also triggering his outbursts. He needs to see someone about this before he turns his outbursts on to you, or himself. You may not think he is capable of doing that, but if he is so enraged that he is breaking stuff, it will only escalated. He needs to see someone to help him, not only for himself, but also for you. For your safety and happiness. At the very least, you don't deserve to be ignored in favor of video games. If you don't feel you can talk to him about it, have someone else who is very close to you talk to him, or do it with someone else there.
Best of luck
Fitness Minutes: (4,207)
161 10/22/11 10:33 P
My husband has ptsd and has issues with games. Multiple tvs, game systems and remotes have been broken because of this even when we were teenagers. Well I have noticed that he will be playing a game loving it something goes wrong he starts cussing and says he hates it. It makes me nervous because of past stuff and he turns into a total butt in that exact moment honestly. I guess I am asking has any other wife or even mom had this issue and how did you go about asking them to limit it without getting them more angry. He plays all the time too so when do you think will be best time to talk to him? Just curious. I know I cannot force him into anger management so please dont mention that lol
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