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5/25/13 9:15 P

I agree with SlimmerKiwi. Your uncle's needs are the most important right now. Make his doctor aware of the situation. You are a professional. You know that sometimes you have to have the tough talk with family members who don't quite "get" what's going on.

As humans, we have a basic medical right to be relieved of suffering if it's possible. Your uncle's right to comfort needs to be respected, and you are in an excellent position to be his advocate.

Be strong. Do what you believe is right.

SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (243,779)
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Posts: 26,615
5/25/13 6:18 P

I agree with the others.

Perhaps you could have a quiet talk with your uncle's Dr so that he can discretely emphasize the need for him to have his meds in a timely fashion. It MAY be enough to cause your Aunt to understand properly that it is HIS NEEDS which must come first.


Edited by: SLIMMERKIWI at: 5/25/2013 (18:19)
IS1GAR SparkPoints: (121,177)
Fitness Minutes: (69,629)
Posts: 1,993
5/25/13 7:54 A

You have received two wonderful advise from the first two members that answered your plea.
The only thing I like to add is don't give up on yourself and staying with small goals at this time is crucial but doing one thing right is better than doing nothing.
Hope things gets better with your aunt's opinion about the needs of your uncle to make him more comfortable.
Reach out if you need some comfort, good luck.

EVWINGS Posts: 3,488
5/24/13 10:53 P


I believe most of us have been some sort of stressful situation while on spark people. I agree with all ARCHIMEDESII had to say. It all goes in baby steps. One thing at a time is what you try for at this time. If you don't want to go for a walk away from your home, try walking the perimeter of the property for 10 minutes. Or if you are indoors, walk thru the hall ways or around a specific area for 10 minutes or so. No one is perfect. so do the best you can. That is all you can expect from yourself - to do your best under the circumstances. Because you are a nurse, most likely you take care of others in your family. Try to take as good care of yourself. Three things I had to learn about this - actually four!!
1) Learn to love yourself because if you don't, it is difficult to accept that anyone else will.
2) If you don't care for yourself, you will go lower in most important things - strength, attitude, energy, etc. Think of it as a glass of water. You can't give your best if you are only half full. You'll be able to when you are totally full.
3) If you can do one thing a day, you'll be better than if you did nothing. This really isn't a diet. You are learning wise and healthy food choices, how to get your needed sleep, move more. It truly is a lifestyle change that you will most likely follow for life.
4) This is most likely the most important thing to remember on this journey - you are so worth it!!

Some of the things I recommend to those starting out are:
1) Take advantage of all the info on this site.
2) Use the exercise and food trackers!!
3) Keep a journal or blog here on the site. You'll be able to see how you are progressing.
4) Join a few teams and start making some friends. You would not believe how much support comes from the friends you will make here.

Continue to do the best you can for your Aunt and Uncle. In the end that is what is going to matter - that you know you did the very best you could. We all only have this moment right now. We aren't guaranteed another and we can never get this one back so it is best to live the best you can right now.

I hope some of this helps you. I also hopes your Aunt comes around to doing what is best for your Uncle.

Peace Love Cure

ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (195,862)
Fitness Minutes: (292,138)
Posts: 26,966
5/24/13 12:16 P


You are in a difficult situation. Because your aunt is also under a lot of stress, she probably isn't thinking too rationally. So, what to do ? Continue to be a professional. Even though he's your uncle, you're going to have to disassociate yourself and be a dispassionate professional. I know that's not going to be easy, but it's what you need to do to maintain your own sanity during this high stress time.

I give all new members one piece of advice and it's this,"Don't look at good health or weight loss with an all or nothing mentality". if the only healthy thing you did for yourself today was dirnk 8 glasses of water, that's still a step in the right direction. Take things day by day. Don't beat yourself up because you're not perfect. You don't have to be perfect to be healthy. Every little bit really does make a difference.

For now, don't think diet. Instead, do your best to eat foods that NOURISH your body. Stress can break down a person's body and eating poorly merely makes the situation worse. Thus the reason to try your best to eat right. Find other ways to vent your stress that don't involve food. If you need to take a walk. Walk away from the situation for 5-10 minutes. the fresh air will do you some good.

Remember, you are NOT a bad person or an unhealthy person because you're comfort eating right now. Be kind to yourself as you would to others. I hope your uncle will be okay.

KINDHEART72 Posts: 15
5/24/13 10:25 A

I had just started my free trial of SparkCoach, when my aunt asked me to come live with to help take care of my dying uncle. She has serious control issues and often ignores my advice. She withholds pain medicine because she wants uncle to be more alert. She can't understand that he would be "out of it" without morphine just because he is very weak & his body is slowly shutting he suffers because of what she wants. As a nurse, I was taught to be the patient's advocate. But my tactful discussions with her seem to fall on deaf ears. She'll agree with me, but then do what she wants. Thankfully, my uncle's daughters are on board with me. But I am still caught between being a good nurse and not offending my aunt at a very difficult time for her. Talk about stress! And I'm a comfort eater, so needless to say, with all the food people have been bringing over, my diet & exercise plan have fizzled. Perhaps I just need to accept this is not the best time to start plan. I don't know. Any words of advice or support would be greatly appreciated.

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