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BLOOGRL SparkPoints: (10,382)
Fitness Minutes: (2,093)
Posts: 381
5/5/13 3:36 A

Well, I'll start by saying, I began my weight loss journey April 1st. I'm a binge eater, notorious emotional eater, the whole 9 yards....but honestly, I've been REALLY good about staying on track. Due to a health condition, I can't do much exercise without it inducing nausea and vomitting, so it IS a minimum thing for me. I usually pick Fridays or Saturdays (depends on the day I spend with my best friend) and use that day as a day for one cheat dinner. I'm technically allowed, according to the site, could consume between 1280 and 1,580 calories to lose 60lbs by September 2nd. I always eat 1300 or less...once on a non-cheat day I went over 1400, but still...was "good".

Then it happened on wednesday after work...the transmission on the car was blown...I got the car in, it was 2200+ dollars to fix...on a stupid, old 97 Lincoln Continental (that I would otherwise love if it wasn't so terrible in gas mileage)...POINT ASIDE...the car ends up being released back to me FRIDAY...and come to find complete anti-lock break system is shot from when they fixed the transmission cuz of a fuze or other mishap that may or may not be wrong with it but it makes a TERRIBLE sound and sometimes feels like it won't break at all. :( I already put soooo much money into it.

So...when my cheat day (friday) rolled around...I broke. I binged. I cheated with a medium thin crust pepperoni pizza (the latter half I consumed later that night so I wouldn't be tempted by it the next day when I'd be back on my diet regime), bowl of clam chowder, and then later my best friend's husband who works second shift wanted to go out to Applebees for 1/2 off appetizers. So we went...and ordered four appetizers (cuz last time there was no where near enough for 3 people cuz they drastically cut their portion sizes, assumably to save money). Well this time, the portions were normal-sized. So we had soft pretzels and beer cheese, mozzarella sticks and marinara, spinach and artichoke dip with tortilla chips, and crispy green beans...I ate until I couldn't eat anymore....we all did. :( Only difference is, neither of them is trying to lose weight.

I was so mad and disgusted with myself and how big I am and how even though I otherwise stuck to the diet the whole week and even earlier that day just having corn flakes with milk and no lunch (I don't have time for a break at work on fridays TO eat anything), I couldn't get off the extra pound I had gained leftover from my period last week so I decided to punish myself today. I skipped breakfast (Stupid because it doesn't get your metabolism churning, I know)...but my stomach was sickly anyway and in knots over all my money problems and being sick regularly (thus only being able to work part-time) that I only consumed 640 calories for the entire day. I felt like...since I was so disgusting for how much I ate on friday, that when the next day rolled around, I didn't deserve to eat much for being so gluttonous the night before. the binge do you get over EMOTIONALLY...what you did to yourself after a binge in your weight loss journeys? I would've "technically" been back to being "good" if I had eaten right today, too...but it was almost an opposite effect. I'm just so scared to get on the scale in the morning, but I know I have to see all the damage I did from friday.

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