Break ups are difficult but you have to learn to deal with them , it's part of being an adult. I wouldn't give this guy the satisfaction of turning my whole life upside down for him , who knows if you were to make up it would of been all for nothing! Your an adult now, it doesn't hurt less when there's a break up of 4 yrs but your young and you'll find someone else, you need to concentrate on you and your future and all the money your parents have dished out for you to become a better you in life. Try and talk to a counselor at the school or talk to a friend, but don't leave school because of a break up you have to find the strength inside of you. I had a bad break up many moons ago before I met my husband and although it hurt, I never let him see how much I was hurting... I use to listen to Mariah Carey's song Hero and would play it over and over again and cry get it all out and then face this guy the very next day like it didn't bother me and a few months later I found the best thing that ever happened to me My husband, soulmate, best friend! Things happen for a reason.... be strong!
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12/5/12 3:07 P
you've been given some great advice, by people who don't even know the full extent of the story.
I do agree that your option with the best outcome/future would be to at least finish the semester, and do the best you can on your exams.
Then, if you decide to go to a different location, you have that foundation to build on
Life is full of turmoil and unpleasant moments, unfortunately. It's how we react and work to overcome them that creates the person we become/mature to be
I would finish your finals and give the decision some time. I don't know if it will make a difference if you are home or not to study- you will still be in pain. If it were me I would just stay and keep my thoughts on the studying and relaxing as much as possible. Your school probably does have a counselor or pastor of some kind so maybe you can talk to someone. It isn't whining to talk it out on a message board either.
Do you feel you might harm yourself if you are alone? That would change my answer on staying. If you are feeling that way I would definitely prioritize getting help and feeling safe. Don't worry about inconveniencing or burdening anyone. We all need help and support sometimes in life and you are still very young even if you are at college.
Were you unhappy at the school before your boyfriend broke up with you? Are the things you are unhappy with things that will change if you change schools? Are you involved in any activities or groups without your ex? Do you have any other friends at school? Is there anything about the school that you would not want to walk away from?
I think transferring to a school where you can get the therapy you need, meet your academic goals and move forward to form new positive social relationships is a very positive idea. I feel that it is great that you recognize that you might need to make some big changes to get healthy instead of staying in an negative atmosphere. Sometimes it is good to change your surroundings if it will help you move on and get better. I would research other schools and see where you might transfer to.
Bugg - I think most colleges and universities have some kind of counseling staff in house.....see if you can get a session with someone just to get some clarity from a totally objective person. Put your focus on doing the best you possibly can on your finals, and then go home during the break and make your decision.
Keep in mind that 5 years from now, you most likely won't remember OR care much about this breakup.....life does indeed go on, even though when you're in the moment the pain may seem unbearable. But, if you make a rash decision about school or let yourself slide through the exams and do poorly, that will follow you around (on your transcripts and in lost time and money) for years to come. Whatever you decide, make sure it's the best decision for you in the long run, and that you've carefully weighed the pro's and con's.
I agree that you should seek help in the form of a counselor or friend. Never having broken up with anyone, I don't know everything that you are going through. I have lost friends though and we shared the same campus. I wasn't going to show them that they have the power over me.
If the school is not the right fit that is one thing. If it doesn't have the right classes or the right kind of teachers, then yes-- find somewhere that fills those needs. But if you are leaving an awesome school because of one person, I say that you really need to think it over more. Don't give that person that much power.
Try and hang in there and listen to some of the advice here
12/5/12 12:30 P
I have experienced loss and I find that it isn't best to make a major "life changing" decision right after a big loss such as your break up.
Can you get into see a counselor/therapist through the school health system? maybe you could wait until after finals are over and you have time to talk it over with friends/family over the holidays you can make a better decision.
All the so called "secrets of success"will not work ... unless you do.
Aren't there people you can talk to on-campus? Counselors? Anyone? I would look into it, if I were you. I'm sorry you and your bf broke up, but maybe take just a COUPLE sick days if you're allowed them, and take some time to regroup, or drop these classes and see about restarting them after the new year-requesting a drop credit. Talk to your academic advisor to see if this is feasible. If it is not, you might have to suck it up and just do it. Yeah, he goes there, but so could another potential mate who may be your future husband. I know it's hard, but look at the reasons for the breakup. If it was him, he's not worth your tears and all the stressing over the break. If it was you, it's nothing more than a growing experience. You WILL be okay. Life will go on.
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7,720 12/5/12 12:30 P
You aren't whining. You're suffering from the break-up with your boyfriend and you need your family. As a mother and grandmother, I'd urge you to let your family know how much you need them right now, and how important it is for you to get some professional help.
Study hard and take your exams - completing them will give you more options for the future. Then give yourself some time before the next semester starts to decide whether to go back to your present school, which you say is excellent academically and gives you lots or extra-curricular activities, or to transfer to a different school.
Please, though, find some professional help. Relatives and friends, with the best intentions ever, can give you the wrong advice. You need someone who isn't personally involved in your life. After dealing with depression for probably 25 years, I asked my family doctor to refer me to a psychiatrist, and it was the best thing I ever did for myself.
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12/5/12 12:22 P
After a recent breakup between me and my boyfriend of almost four years, I realized I may not be ready to handle college after all. My boyfriend and I attend the same school, and thought we would both love it here. Truth be told, though, I don't like it here at all. I am not enjoying myself. I have a lot of academic opportunities here and great extracurriculars, but I am just miserable here otherwise. It is almost the end of the semester and I have a huge decision to make-- whether to finish up here after the semester is over, or to come back. Frankly, I do not know if I can psychologically handle being on such a small campus, the same campus as Craig, after we are apart. It will just be too hard, with the chance of running into him and possibly seeing him with another girl. Also, I have Borderline Personality Disorder and am in need of serious therapy-- something that I am not getting right now and would be hard to get while I'm in school. I have all I can do to get through finals next week. I am suffering due to the loss of Craig and need to go home-- but I feel like a burden to my family if they have to come get me yet again due to my inability to handle life. I'm not sure what to do. It would be ideal to leave tomorrow and go home for the weekend to have a secure and supportive place to study for finals, but then my parents would have to bring me back on monday to take my finals. I just don't know if I have the strength to tough it out here until next Thursday when I get to go home for Christmas break. Sorry I keep coming on the boards, sounding very whiney, my life is just in shambles right now and I need some advice from people who are in a rational frame of mind.
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