I love it when my gf gets pop-culture references of our day as oppose to some of my younger colleagues who don't laugh at, "Where's the beef!?" www.youtube.com/watch?v=bA1DRvp0HRI
Fitness Minutes: (286,943)
8/9/13 4:50 A
I was thinking some more about your original post. I problem I've been seeing (when it comes to online dating) is that many women think they aren't good enough for the guy. As I noted in my first reply, I've had many men tell me they won't date women my age because they think that woman is fat. Young women are thin. So, that kind of comment makes many women feel inadequate. The rejection makes them feel like they aren't good enough to be loved. Well, those man aren't good enough for me and they shouldn't be good enough for you.
The 40-50ish something man may be looking for a vibrant, hot, young woman, but you know what ? That 40-50ish something guy is probably going bald, has a paunch and is probably obese himself. So why is it they get to reject the woman based on our looks, but we can't reject him based on his ? Why is it women are supposed to look beyond that ?
That's why I say that guys who are looking for someone "hot" aren't looking for a companion. And the same is true for women looking for an older guy. Sure, there are personal preferences, that's okay. There are plenty of women who do date a guy just because he does have money. I know many men complain women won't date them because they don't make enough money.
Anyway, KJ's reply reminded me of a friend of mine. I have a 50 something male friend. I once asked him why he doesn't date hot young chicks in their 20s. His reply ? He said that dating someone in their 20s made him feel like he was dating his daughter. And that creeped him out. He too preferred women his own age.
Fitness Minutes: (56,791)
4,780 8/8/13 8:48 P
Funny thing ... life has a way of "evening things out" in the long run.
A lot of the women interested in dating older men aren't really interested them as people, either. They just want a "father figure" ... or are simply attracted to his money ... or his maturity, etc. She's not looking for a "real partner" either.
As time passes, sometimes they continue to grow/develop in ways that keep them compatable. But not always. As the woman matures, she might not want to be married to a much older man who enters his "elder years" long before she is ready for that change in lifestyle. Or ... he might not be as attracted to her once she is no longer young. Lots of possibilities.
Fitness Minutes: (8,890)
279 8/8/13 8:13 P
I am in a long distance relationship. with someone younger. This is so because this person is amazing and I widened my search after not clicking well with anyone that I ran into locally.
I find that I become involved in discussions with people about who they REALLY want to date and what traits and personality types they find attractive. Many 50ish men who are " not willing to settle" ( their words) will offer this explanation as to who and what will be suitable and acceptable to them..
I am 58 and I regret that I'm really still in the early phases of a relationship. I spent a good bit of time accepting that " I need to work on me.". I guess , looking back, I wish I had worked more swiftly and intensely or that God had moved up his time table by at least 10 to 15 years, to be blunt.
I do agree that this attitude I encounter comes across as dismissively sexist. When these men are challenged the response is often something like this, " I know what will make me happy. This is what I insist upon sand nothing else is acceptable to me."
Fitness Minutes: (21,732)
905 8/8/13 4:03 P
Well, upon reading the description of the type of woman this individual is looking for, my first reaction is simply, with the exception of the word "younger" why can a 50 something woman not meet the balance of that definition. I am not yet 50, yet I'm pushing it and yet.I feel that the description of this so-called "younger" woman is simply someone vibrant, youthful and happy. I don't think that you can determine that someone is all of those things just because of the number of years they've been on this planet. I know plenty of women half my age who are laden with baggage, negative attitudes, low energy, and boooorrring! I feel that despite my age (or maybe because of my years of experience) I am one of the happiest, energetic, fun, creative, lively, smiley head-turner people I know (humble too, huh? lol), if I do say so myself. This is a blatent case of age-ism and not something that you or anyone else needs to tollerate any more than any other form of arbitrary discrimination.
8/8/13 4:03 P
I don't know if I understand what you are asking... Did someone say you are to old to date and you want to know how to respond to them?
If that is what you are asking my response would be as follows, .... I would stop contacting this man. I would not respond to him because he obviously isn't worth your time. I wouldn't even answer him because he has made up his mind.
Fitness Minutes: (286,943)
8/8/13 3:59 P
Oh, I've had more than my fair share of similar replies when I was doing some online dating. I could write volumes.
Here's my own personal observation,"Men who make those kinds of comments have issues (baggage) of their own. A man like that isn't interested in dating someone his own age because that person reminds them how old they really are. They mistakenly believe that dating a younger woman will make them feel younger. they're trying to regain their "lost" youth.
This statement is NOT a reflection on you as a person. You wouldn't remotely want to date a man like this because he's not interested in YOU as a person. He's looking for a fantasy. It's like the CEO who divorces his wife of 25 years to marry a younger, hotter woman. It's all about wanting a trophy.
Well, you're not someone's trophy !!!
Keep looking, there really are decent men out there who will appreciate you for who you are, but it's true... you're going to have to kiss a ton of frogs before you find a prince.
What would I say to that person ? Nothiing. Just thank them for taking the time to reply to your email. Wish them well. that's all I ever did when a guy made a similar reply to me. No need to analyze. Just keep moving. Like I said, these guys aren't looking for relationships, they're looking for trophies. Let them live in their own little fantasy.
Many 50ish men seem to maintain that - Dating women my age is a non-starter for me. It is not an appealing idea - not something for me."
When pushed on this, Some of these men, if they are WILLING to be candid will opine ----- " I Want someone younger, more energetic, fun lively and with minimal baggage.I want someone who is creative, energetic and fun.who smiles easily. Someone who turns heads and has people asking , " How did you wind up with her!? !"
If asked , " Is this attitude fair to women your age?", They may well say, " This is what I want. What I am convinced will please me ans make my life sparkle. I do not need to please anyone else nor does how I live need to benefit anyone else."
What is the best helpful and wise manner to respond to such an individual ?
SparkPeople, SparkCoach, SparkPages, SparkPoints, SparkDiet, SparkAmerica, SparkRecipes, DailySpark, and other marks are trademarks of SparkPeople, Inc. All Rights Reserved. No portion of this website can be used without the permission of SparkPeople or its authorized affiliates.
SPARKPEOPLE is a registered trademark of SparkPeople, Inc. in the United States, European Union, Canada, and Australia. All rights reserved.