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CACTUS4 Posts: 88
7/25/13 8:05 P

I wouldn't tell my neighbor's anything until after the work was already done. Then, if they want to be negative, I would just thank them for their opinion and tell them that you are so very happy with the way the project(s) turned out. emoticon

WANNATHIN Posts: 380
7/25/13 8:16 A

MissRuth, you're a funny lady!
emoticon

MISSRUTH Posts: 3,738
7/25/13 7:53 A

I reckon I'm happy for your neighbors, that their lives are so well-ordered and stress free, that the biggest problems they've got to "worry" over are who uses Round Up and where you planted your tomatoes! Just let it go in one ear and out the other.

FRISKYBOY Posts: 193
7/25/13 7:16 A

I thank you all for your posts. I know it 's my yard and I'll do what I want, plant what I want. I didn't mention this , but it's funny when you have two raised flower bed and one I put vegetables in, but the neighbors say NO! don't put that there, Don't' get that vegetable, so you see it isn't just for the flowers or shrubs. Our properties are divided with a fence in the back yard, but that doesn't stop them. They all have tomato plants but they told ME not to plant them in that spot or this spot. It gets old after a while. They go around the neighbor hood looking at other houses and complain about them also. My neighbor uses weed killer( Round Up) to kill her weed which turns the grass yellow and the other neighbor hates that too. I'm having some landscaping designers quotes done. I will let them decide where to plant and tell them what I like as far as plants. NOW I'm excited about it. Let them make my garden beautiful.

SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (138,388)
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7/25/13 6:16 A

I think that sometimes we DO need to consider the neighbour - things like:
* will it block the light from their home
* Do they have allergies to any particular plants (smells/pollens)
* Are they invasive or easily spread
* Do they have dangerous thorns (some palms, cacti and others)
* Are the roots invasive (some will damage drives or go for drains, tapping their roots into them or undermine a house foundation)

I had a neighbour who wanted to put a palm tree right on their boundary - right in front of our lounge window. It would have blocked the light off our deck making it slippery in the winter, and it was also problematic for my asthma. I asked them if they would mind NOT planting it there, but if they wanted it, suggested they plant it on the far side of their garden. Our sections are 1/4 acre. They ended up not putting one in at all. Unfortunately new owners planted what they said were small shrubs (there was a fence so I couldn't see what they were at the time - I have since found out that one of the 'shrubs' is a palm that is high, blocks the sun from my deck and has highly perfumed flowers which affect me. They also planted 2 trees on our boundary. What they didn't take into account was the front of their section is only a drive width, and the planted them in an area that will impact on THEIR drive, except they have since sold and a new neighbour is going to have to deal with that.

As far as colours OUTSIDE the house are concerned, they CAN impact on a neighbour's property value, but ultimately it is the owner's choice.

When your neighbours start telling you what you can and can't have, unless it is for genuine reasons as mentioned above, just remind them that it is your place and you have always wanted to do what YOU wanted in your place, just as they can with theirs. I dare say they will forget about it before too long.

Sometimes we need to learn to speak up for ourselves rather than holding back, trying not to rock the boat. That tactic can cause more problems further down the track. I believe in being assertive .... not aggressive.

Take care,
Kris

WANNATHIN Posts: 380
7/25/13 3:51 A

Wow.... You are surrounded by GARDEN NAZIS!!! I have never heard of people who take gardening soooooo seriously! For pete's sake, the plants aren't going to climb over your boundary walls and go plant themselves in your neighbours' yards overnight!! They're YOURS and whatever you choose is supposed to make you happy, not them.

My suggestion would be that you don't tell them anything else until you have a very clear idea of what you want to plant and how it's all going to look. Once you have a vision in your head of how gorgeous it's all going to be, you'll feel more confident to defend your choices (not that you need to).

If another neighbour pipes up with a "suggestion", simply reply with something along the lines of "Thank you for your suggestions, but I have a plan already in place and I'm so excited about getting it done! I think I'll invite all the neighbours over for a garden party when it's done! I can't wait!" Once people see your enthusiasm, they are less likely to rain on your parade. And if they feel included (celebration style), they'll back off as well.

If they're still being cray-cray about it, simply say that everyone has different tastes and you think everyone's gardens are lovely in their own right, but you want something that reflects your style and as long as you like it, that's really all that matters. Follow that with a huuuuge bright smile. It'll work.

And finally to address your sense of motivation being lost.... These nazis are NOT worth losing hope and focus on your weight loss journey! They don't have to live in your skin or walk in your shoes. YOU DO! You are powerful, loving and unafraid. (repeat that a few times). You can stick to your plan, no matter what challenges (or garden goblins) cross your path! Every time you feel stressed and think about a binge, simple close your eyes, breathe deeply and visionalise your beautiful tranquil garden. You'll feel at peace and relaxed and won't binge. Promise!

GOOD LUCK!!!

HEALTHYFOREVER4 SparkPoints: (20,249)
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Posts: 234
7/25/13 1:55 A

I am truly sorry you are dealing with neighbors like that, but I had to giggle at your description of the man's reaction. You see, my boyfriend is OBSESSED with Leyland Cyprus trees. I LOATHE them. He's planted them all around the perimeter of his land, and all he wants is for me to like them. I hate them. Of course, it's his land; he can plant whatever he wants. The issue is that we've been together for years and will likely get married one day, in which case my opinion will matter. Right now though, I couldn't care less what he does with the land, especially considering I don't honestly want to live there; it's directly across the street from his parents' house, but that's a discussion for another thread. Anyway, he gets sooooo angry when I tell him I don't like his trees (of course, he knows this already, so why does he keep asking if it's just going to make him mad? Don't ask if you don't want to know the answer!). The description of your neighbor reminded me of how he gets about his trees, which is why I had to giggle.

But back to the point: you are right, it is YOUR yard. Plant whatever you want; your neighbors will get over it. I don't think there's anything wrong with telling him you don't like his flowers; of course, if he's like my boyfriend, he takes that as an insult to him, personally (Will says those trees are a part of him because they're something he likes. *insert loving eye roll here*). As for the neighbor who was getting mad about what the landscapers suggested, again, it's not her yard. Do what makes you happy.

KARATE_KID SparkPoints: (57,509)
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Posts: 1,546
7/24/13 10:18 P

Agree. "I'll think about your suggestions" is a great answer. Then do what you love. But don't shut out all the ideas neighbours may have; you never know, sometimes they may have a good suggestion emoticon



DIANE7786 SparkPoints: (78,872)
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7/24/13 5:17 P

They are doing what neighbors do. Your yard is an extension of theirs. Now it's a blank canvas. Each tells you how they would landscape. It's just small talk. They know you will do what you want, just as they did what they wanted. The trick is neutral language. "I don't know," was a great response. You didn't mean to, but you insulted the man's taste in flowers! Something like, "I'll consider that!" might have been a better choice. Don't let them upset you. Whatever you choose will be lovely. The neighbors will tell you so. Then they'll be offering ideas to the next neighbor working on their home or yard!

FRISKYBOY Posts: 193
7/24/13 9:04 A

This is affecting my motivation to stay on track and not to binge eat.

I live in a really nice neighborhood. I have several friends and neighbors around. I have been wanting to fix my yard up for several years now, so called a Landscaping company to give me a quote. After my neighbor friend came home from work she asked me how it went. I said it went well and told her what he had said. ( I usually can talk to her about anything).

After telling her what they suggested they were going to put in my front yard, my friend said NO! That's too many shrubs for the small yard, that won't work. The landscaper wants to extend the garden out more. I told her this. She still said it was going to be too much.I told her what some of Shrubs were going to be... the soft Holly. She said "I hate Holly!" She only has 3 Hostas in her garden. I let it go. I told her what they said about the back yard. Oh my gosh. Nothing I seem to do can please these people around here.( And really I am not trying to please anyone but myself.) She complained about what they were going to do with both the front and back. I live in a Townhouse so the yards are not that large. At that moment I was starting to get mad. ( Thank goodness this conversation took place over the phone).Who's yard is it? Is it hers? NO She did what she wanted to do with her yard, and I didn't say one negative thing about it. But I can if she wants to hear about it, but I'm not going to lose a friend over something so petty as that.

Since I moved in 9 years ago ( And I get along with everyone) My neighbors have been telling ME what I need to do to my house. What color paint for the walls, what to plant in the ground as flowers or Shrubs. I'm ready to scream! I don't even want to go outside anymore in case they are out there working. I have one neighbor that I talk too. She is sweet.

With these other neighbors I try not to say anything to hurt them. For example. I wanted to put some flowers in the back yard one year. My male neighbor who thinks hes perfect at gardening said to me." What kind of flowers do you want?" I wasn't sure at the time so said " I don't know yet". He suggested some plants that he has in his yard., I didn't like that kind. And said "No" I don't like some of his choices. So he got mad and said " Do what you want and stormed into his house and slammed the door. Ok.. what did I say?" I didn't like that plant", and he got all in an uproar.

I know it's his problem, and it's my other friends problem, but it makes me mad because HE wants ME to put plants that HE likes not what I like or what SHE wants. What can do you with neighbors that keep telling you you're doing everything wrong. Just so you know... I do what I WANT!

Edited by: FRISKYBOY at: 7/24/2013 (12:08)
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