OP, I could've written so much of what you've said! I especially hear myself when you talk about a body that's "less bad." I think a lot of it is simply that the weight loss process is so gradual that we don't really "see" it. But that's also why, when we see someone we haven't seen in a while, we often get that "Wow, look at you!" from them. I will happily tell anyone that I don't get on a scale EVER, but I know I'm down 3 pants sizes. But if you stripped me of that knowledge and made me guess, based on my reflection in the mirror I'd say I've lost 10, maybe 15 pounds.
So basically, I have no useful insight but wanted you to know you're not alone.
Go to a store. Pick out all the clothes on the racks that were your size 70 lbs ago. Try them all on. Remember how tight those clothes used to be on you. Ask yourself if you want them to be tight on you again tomorrow. It could be the winter blahs. Are you getting enough vitamin D?
Thank you everyone for all the input. It's been a really hard week for some reason, and I think it has a lot to do with being a perfectionist. I've been spending way too much time obsessing (an even crying!) over feeling like my body is just completely horrendous. It's just really sad to think I've done all this work just to get a body that's "less bad" and still nowhere near remotely attractive. I guess it's just something I'm going to have to work through day by day. I'm fed up with being the fat girl!
What you are experiencing is real. Everytime I look in the mirror I see fat. I found it interesting, that when I looked at those pics of the site lovexavie sent I see them as fat too. Just made me realize what a problem I really have. I may never be satisfied and that is scary.
Fitness Minutes: (28,906)
1,990 1/11/13 4:36 P
I know - it's so bizarre & eye-opening! I keep looking at the pages thinking, "I don't look like that!" "I don't look like that either!" or "Wish I looked like that!" or "I might look like that??"
What a neat idea that somebody had in making up that site. It's also good for seeing what you may look like at a certain size down the road.
"Beached whale" are very painful words to describe yourself.... I think that you might need a little help, counseling / therapy to be able to let your 'head' follow the change that happened to your body. Get support.
Your mindset is so focused on losing you arn't appreciating it along the way. I can tell you right now that if you don't let yourself love yourself and be okay even if you didn't lose any more weight you will likely relapse and gain much of your weight back. I went from being up to 210 and then maintaining more like 175 throughout college at 5'7 to 165 in my mid 20s and then over a 3-6 month period down to 132. I'll tell you I didn't see my progress and appreciate it and was still obsessing about the next 5-10lbs. And I have yo-yo'd between 140 and mid 150s ever since. But I am actually happier now with my body than I ever was and back on the road to taking care of myself regardless of weight that means. The weight gain has been a wake up call. You have to give yourself credit, maybe try just maintaining and finding some great clothes that fit you as you are now. Clothes that fit right make all the difference and learning to maintain is harder than you think. Its a mindset. So now I am doing 3 months of working on toning up and 3 months of maintenance cycling them to allow me to have a life. Living a happy life is the goal afterall and too much focus just makes that hard. Thats my 2 cents.
Fitness Minutes: (32,873)
21,673 1/11/13 4:49 A
What you have described is a very common phenomenon after having lost a lot of weight - particularly when we have been overweight for a long time. I have this too, but then I have to remind myself that I have gone from a NZ size 20-22 to a 12-14 top and 14-16 bottom. I have a few items of clothes that I USED to wear, and occasionally put them on for a laugh. THAT really embeds into the brain that we AREN'T the beached whale we used to be!
If you are still struggling with your new reality, I suggest that you talk with your Dr about it. Sometimes there are self-esteem issues which need dealing with - some people need a little counseling to accept their new look.
You deserve a huge pat on the back for a job well done
Take care, Kris
Fitness Minutes: (28,906)
1,990 1/11/13 1:26 A
I'm pasting a link that I believe I got on one of the msg boards. You enter your height and weight, etc, and it will show you what real women look like given those stats. Since I don't weigh myself, I entered in a clothing size and my height (you can also choose what type of shape you are - apple, hourglass, etc). Apparently, it's not uncommon at all to misjudge what we look like.
This was eye-opening for me as it may be for you. We see ourselves every day; seeing others w/ our same stats lets us view more objectively. Plus as you'll see, you can take two people of the same height, weight, etc. but their bodies will not look identical.
Hopefully you will find it reassuring.
Fitness Minutes: (3,430)
15 1/10/13 2:18 P
It's funny because I get that way as well...I kept all my big hoodies and still wear them freqently. It's like I was almost more comfortable when I was big because I was able to easily stay in the background and no one paid attention to me...or if they did it was to make fun when I was younger...lol. I don't really have an answer for you but I can tell you that there are SOOOOO many people who feel the same way. You are doing awesome and it's definatly possible to lose that...just don't be scared of success and at the end of all this...the end result is that you are more healthy than you were a year ago and it takes time for the mental aspect to catch up to the weight loss. I still have those same thoughts that you do but you gotta squish those thoughts and be proud that you lost 70 friggin pounds! :) Eventually those thoughts will switch but weight loss is both a physical and mental game and sometimes the mental game is the more challenging one....
Fitness Minutes: (210,610)
20,744 1/10/13 2:13 P
Congratulations on losing 70 pounds !! That's fantastic !!
There is an old notion that when a person loses weight, they'll be happy and everything will fall into their lap. This is a total misconception. It's true that losing weight CAN change a person's life, but it might not make them happy. If a person is unhappy with themselves when they are overweight, they'll find something to be unhappy with when they've lost the weight. People mistakenly believe that if you have the figure of a super model, you must be happy. Not true. Thin women have just as many insecurities about their bodies as overweight women do. And that's something the diet books never talk about.
The diet books never talk about the fact that when a person losses weight, not only does their body change, but their head must to change along with it. In many cases, changing the body comes a lot faster than changing the brain and the emotions. People say that if they lose 100 pounds, they'll be the same person, just lighter. That's not true. You really do change.
Right now, your body is still changing, but your psyche hasn't caught up yet. With time, your head will adapt to the new changes, but right now.... you still see a fat person even though you've lost weight. It's going to take time, but you will see that thin person.
I have my good days and not as good days (trying to avoid having bad days). When I do laundry, some days I hold up my pants and wonder how I got so skinny. Other days, those same pants seem as if I regained all the weight. We all have insecurities about our bodies. Instead of dwelling on how your body looks, concentrate on WHAT your body can do since losing the weight.
It's taken time, but I have learned that what my body can do is really more important than how it looks. I'm not perfect. I never will be. And I'm okay with that.
First...I have to say...70 pounds is pretty amazing. Pat yourself on the back.
Second, it could really be lots of things. The first thing that comes to my mind is TOM. You know what I'm talking about! Girls have to deal with the weirdest stuff during that time of the month.
The next thing I think is that maybe you're really eager to be done with the "losing" part of your journey, and want to see the "maintaining" part.
The NEXT thing I think, and I hope this isn't it, is body dysmorphic disorder. That's when your brain tricks you into thinking you are bigger than you really are. Hopefully that isn't it. If this continues, maybe you should talk to your doctor about it...just in case.
At any rate, you are doing great! Don't let this bump-in-the-road sort of day worry you too much!
Fitness Minutes: (26,149)
396 1/10/13 1:58 P
Literally, word-for-word feeling the exact same way. I have zero insight. I don't get it either!!!
I've really been struggling the last few days, and I was wondering if anyone might have some insight for me. I started with SP just about a year ago, I've lost over 70 pounds and gone from an 18/20 to now a loose size 10 at 5'4" (I suspect I should be getting 8's now or very soon). I'm literally the size I was in middle school and have not been in a very long time. But for some reason, I'm not seeing it. Logically I know there's been a change; the number on the scale is different, the clothes are different. But for whatever reason, when I look in the mirror I see BEACHED WHALE. I've never really struggled with feeling "fat" to this extent and I can't seem to break out of it. Even when I was basically double the size I am now, I knew I was heavy but it didn't really bother me. Now I spend entirely too much time and energy obsessing over feeling like a total blubbery person. I just want to be NORMAL. I want to get to a healthy weight, stay there, and not think about my size ever agin... But I have another 30 pounds to go, and it's feeling like it's going to be totally impossible...
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