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DOTTIEJANE1 SparkPoints: (145,518)
Fitness Minutes: (117,900)
Posts: 5,516
4/15/14 6:34 P

Ask yourself what you are getting out of the relationship? You may need new people in your life .

CST mo
SCOTTIEOWNER SparkPoints: (7,107)
Fitness Minutes: (285)
Posts: 681
4/15/14 6:24 P

I think I see the green eyed monster (jealousy) rearing its ugly head. There are people who delight in hurting others. Time to move past the negative people in your life. You should ask yourself "what do I get out of this relationship"? Sometime the answer is an eye opener.

I rid myself of those who tried to bring me down - goodbye and good riddance! Best thing I ever did!

Edited by: SCOTTIEOWNER at: 4/15/2014 (18:26)
MARTHA324 SparkPoints: (51,808)
Fitness Minutes: (38,942)
Posts: 1,446
4/15/14 4:14 P

How dare they? Time to let them know that you do not appreciate their negative feedback and to stop!

FAERIEBERT1986 SparkPoints: (3,456)
Fitness Minutes: (876)
Posts: 33
4/15/14 4:10 P

Tell them to shut up and mind their own business. If they keep it up it might be time to find nicer friends. emoticon

"Faith, trust, and pixie dust."- TinkerBell

"God loves everyone, but I'm His local favourite." - Me

GRAMMIEOFTWO Posts: 2,717
4/15/14 3:58 P

Friends, what friends? A real friend would not tell you they think you are fat.


Allie
JLAMING263 Posts: 2,928
4/15/14 3:15 P

If you are trying to please "them" you will never succeed. "They" have impossible (media) goals to measure against. You will never measure up to the media's goals. The media is only interested in your money, not your health. Your friends need to be interested in YOUR HEALTH.

Edited by: JLAMING263 at: 4/15/2014 (15:17)
Jim Laming
MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 14,127
4/15/14 3:02 P

It is definitely not your neighbors concern.

I will tell you a little story, that I read on the internet.

There was a woman and she would stand at the sink doing dishes. While her neighbor was hanging sheets on the line. She then started commenting to her husband. How dingy the neighbors sheets looked. And how she needed to learn to wash them better. The husband rolled his eyes and said nothing.

A couple days later same thing. The neighbor was hanging her sheets to dry. And the woman was standing at the sink. Commenting to her husband how dingy her sheets were. And how she needed to learn to wash better. Husband rolled his eyes and returned to his newspaper.

Then a couple weeks later. The woman exclaimed. Wow! She finally learned to do the laundry properly. Look at her bright white sheets. It is about time.

At this her husband looked up from his paper. Actually honey, yesterday. I went outside and washed your windows.

The moral of the story is that people need to wash their own windows. Before they go and comment on someone else's life.



Eat what you like and if someone comments, eat them too

Mandies_Friends Zazzle Store
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Making a purchase from Mandie's_Friends helps with Mandie's medical expenses.
LOVE4KITTIES Posts: 2,029
4/15/14 1:39 P

I'm still wondering how you are currently responding when people say these things to you? Maybe, if you had a different response, they would stop saying this sort of stuff in the future.

Do you bring up you weight or stomach with them or do they do it, out of the blue?

What does your doctor say about your weight? Maybe you should bring this up with your doctor. Then, when the nurses or other patients at the dialysis center say anything to you, you should let them know you've talked it over with your doctor and let them know what your doctor had to say. I'd handle the neighbor the same way.

Edited by: LOVE4KITTIES at: 4/15/2014 (13:39)
EOWYN2424 Posts: 6,342
4/15/14 9:32 A

now even my neighbor is noticing my belly problem!

MICHELLEXXXX SparkPoints: (8,586)
Fitness Minutes: (5,830)
Posts: 2,604
4/15/14 7:43 A

Are they medically advising you to lose weight?

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16
KEEP_GOING247 Posts: 1,754
4/14/14 2:01 P

I agree, go to your happy place and pretend they don't exist.

MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 14,127
4/14/14 1:07 P

It is too bad that you can't ignore them. So when they start running their mouths. Go to your happy place and tune them out.



Eat what you like and if someone comments, eat them too

Mandies_Friends Zazzle Store
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Making a purchase from Mandie's_Friends helps with Mandie's medical expenses.
EOWYN2424 Posts: 6,342
4/14/14 1:43 A

These friends happen to be nurses and also patients at the dialysis center I go to. So, much as I would like to avoid them, I can't.

REVELLEDIVA SparkPoints: (20,999)
Fitness Minutes: (12,324)
Posts: 11
4/13/14 1:12 P

I'm a big woman and always will be. I'm never going to be a skinny 6 ft woman. I have learned to accept that. I am a full figured fabulous woman and i love it. And that is what i tell them.

BUNNYKICKS Posts: 2,359
4/13/14 12:52 P

Eowyn.... every couple of months you make a post like this, describing some rude or cruel thing your "friend(s)" have said to you.... and every couple of months, you get all kinds of encouragement and suggestions from the people here - "tell them it hurts your feelings" "tell them to stop" "tell them to mind their own business" "ignore" "find new friends".....

Have you ever attempted to do any of the things people have suggested? Have you ever tried to tell your "friend(s)" to STOP? If so... what happened? Did they stop for awhile and start back up again? Then perhaps you need to remind them that their comments are unwarranted and hurtful. Did they ignore your request to be treated with kindness and dignity, and just keep insulting you even when you explained how hurtful the comments were? Then perhaps you need to follow the often-repeated advice, "Find New Friends."

You will actually need to take some form of action, if you ever want anything to change. Assert yourself with your existing friends, or throw all your energy into creating a new social circle. One or the other.... otherwise, the cycle of hurt is just going to continue.



Goal 1 - break 200 (46 pounds lost)**DONE**
Goal 2 - leave obesity behind (BMI 29.9, at 185#) **DONE**
Goal 3 - BMI = Normal (154# or less)
FREDSEVOLUTION Posts: 3,217
4/13/14 12:44 P

Looking at you profile image well, I'm having a hard time with people calling you fat :/ Those same people who are calling you fat, even if there are some loved ones in the mix should rethink what they are saying. Don't you let yourself become negative and down on yourself because some people say stupid things. You know sometimes little people say little things. YOU are awesome, stay focused and stay positive. Hope I did not say too much. Best regards.

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”
― Mark Twain

CAMEOSUN SparkPoints: (85,078)
Fitness Minutes: (5,526)
Posts: 10,408
4/13/14 12:00 P

...just ignore them.
They [whoever] should mind their own business.


~ Do what good you can, and go in peace ~

TRYINGHARD54 Posts: 4,597
4/13/14 7:52 A

first of all, but what I see your far from fat... second of all tell them you can lose the weight but they will always be ugly.. !!!

I CAN DO THIS
MLAN613 SparkPoints: (185,105)
Fitness Minutes: (173,751)
Posts: 11,829
4/13/14 7:46 A

First and foremost, if you are asking them, whoever they are, if you are fat, and you don't like that they call you fat, you need to stop asking them. Good friends will answer questions honestly.

If they are calling you fat without provoking, you either need to get new friends or tell them to stuff it.

MICHELLEXXXX SparkPoints: (8,586)
Fitness Minutes: (5,830)
Posts: 2,604
4/13/14 7:28 A

Who is "they"?
I only believe what God says I am.

Edited by: MICHELLEXXXX at: 4/13/2014 (07:34)
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16
FITWITHIN SparkPoints: (314,205)
Fitness Minutes: (204,496)
Posts: 21,502
4/13/14 2:08 A

You need to let them know that you don't appreciate being calling fat. Especially, if it's the same people all the time.

Progress may be slow, but it happens!
No such thing as last place only finishers.
SUGAR0814 Posts: 4,658
4/12/14 11:35 P

People can be so mean. Ignore them!!!

*Smooches*

Tammy - Central Time Zone
CHOCOLATELEA SparkPoints: (2,685)
Fitness Minutes: (1,278)
Posts: 133
4/12/14 11:31 P

You can't change what they say, but you can know that they are wrong.

You can have fat, but you cannot be fat. (You're human, there will be bones in there somewhere.)

You have fat, accept it. (I think 0% body fat is an impossibility.)

Are you happy with the fat you have? If yes, that's awesome. If no, that's why there's Spark. :)




"Never eat more than you can lift." -- Miss Piggy, Muppet extraordinaire

NEXT WEIGHT LOSS GOAL & REWARD:
185 lbs- Sunshine Goodie

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED:
April 27, 2013 — climb the CN Tower – 29 mins, 45 secs
May 31/June 1, 2013 – 30 Hour Famine – done!
JANIEWWJD SparkPoints: (270,599)
Fitness Minutes: (226,240)
Posts: 8,126
4/12/14 10:25 P

It seems to me that your so called friends need to get a life, and you need to get new friends!

Janie Garcia Moreno

"WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE"

"PRAYER CHANGES THINGS"

"NEVER PUT A QUESTION MARK WHERE GOD HAS PUT A PERIOD!"

"WHAT THE MIND CAN CONCEIVE AND BELIEVE, IT CAN ACHIEVE!"
LOUNMOUN Posts: 1,332
4/12/14 7:00 P

"I feel so depressed over my muffin top! I guess that's why they keep calling me fat! "

...or you just know some mean, toxic people who you should stop spending time with.

BLUENOSE63 SparkPoints: (106,604)
Fitness Minutes: (80,795)
Posts: 2,953
4/11/14 8:28 P

These people are not your friends!

UMBILICAL Posts: 12,786
4/11/14 6:39 P

Ignore them

LOVE4KITTIES Posts: 2,029
4/11/14 5:07 P

How do you respond when they say these things to you?

SHKIRK Posts: 1,168
4/11/14 2:54 P

I am with IVYLASS. If they call out a negative feature they think you have call out one YOU think they have. No one is perfect.

IVYLASS SparkPoints: (137,376)
Fitness Minutes: (43,429)
Posts: 6,744
4/11/14 2:18 P

If they continually say this after you have told them how hurtful it is (and that you are working on it) then don't be afraid to get bitchy right back at them.

"Thank you for pointing that out. I had no idea until you told me."

"I'm working on my problem. Are you working on yours?"

One stumble does not a failure make.

Everything in moderation.
ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (150,594)
Fitness Minutes: (224,100)
Posts: 21,964
4/11/14 1:39 P

Eowyn,

Eleanor Roosevelt once said,"No one can make us feel inferior without our consent".

Yes, it is definitely time for new friends if all the current ones keep telling you that you're fat when you're not.

I understand that standards are different in Malaysia, but considering you are a dialysis patient, you'd think your "friends" would cut you some slack. So your friends are absolutely perfect ? Have six pack ABs and size 0 bodies ? If so, lucky them. I wonder how often they must fret about their figures ?

Some times, so called friends will insult people because it makes them feel superior. Are your friends that shallow ? If so, definitely time for new friends.


TALLESTCLOUDS Posts: 76
4/11/14 12:49 P

I agree with most of the comments on here - you should find friends who build you up or encourage you, not take jabs at you or make you feel insecure around them. I know that can be hard too, though, especially depending how much history you have with them. Sometimes you want to stick with people who already know you, and I get that.

Maybe call them out for being so rude then? That's what I would do, but you might not be as hot-headed as I am. If one of my friends called me fat I would turn around and tell them how rude or unnecessary it was to say that to me.

While you're figuring out what to do, I just want you to remember that fat is just a descriptor. Whether you actually are is between you and yourself, or maybe you and your doctor. Try not to let it bother you too much. Everyone has different ideas of what constitutes fat or thin or ugly or beautiful, and if you keep telling yourself that you're a beautiful person then it won't matter what anyone says. Hard to do, but so worth it.

I hope everything works out!

"If you always do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten." -Anthony Robbins
MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 14,127
4/11/14 12:34 P

I would get new friends. I don't like toxic people that feel the need to put others down. This is not healthy for them or for you.

When someone makes a nasty comment about you. It says more about who they are, then it says about you.

Edited by: MANDIETERRIER1 at: 4/11/2014 (12:35)


Eat what you like and if someone comments, eat them too

Mandies_Friends Zazzle Store
www.zazzle.com/mandies_friends+gifts

Making a purchase from Mandie's_Friends helps with Mandie's medical expenses.
SUZIEQUE77 SparkPoints: (9,254)
Fitness Minutes: (40)
Posts: 1,063
4/11/14 7:36 A

I agree with others that you should find new friends if you are not doing anything to invoke these comments. Are any of your friends also a little heavier than they would like to be? Do they tell that person they are fat too, or just you? At least in the society where I live, it is not usual for even thin or tiny women to say something like that to a small woman such as you, who may not be stick-thin.

If you still want to hang out with these people, or have to for some reason, never, never, never bring up your weight, or how you wish you could lose it, or refer to what you call your "muffin top." If they bring it up, don't feed into it. Change the subject. Most of all, do not EVER put yourself down when talking to your friends, talking about what you consider your own physical flaws. You do put yourself down on this forum and so I hope that is not something that you do when among friends. One thing I learned many years ago is this: If you want others to like/respect you, you must like and respect yourself first. If you treat yourself badly and talk badly about yourself, others may not really respect you either. So even if you do feel badly about yourself sometimes, I believe it is important NOT to let that show to your friends. Put on a confident front and I think you will see a difference.

Edited by: SUZIEQUE77 at: 4/11/2014 (07:36)
SHERYLDS Posts: 12,731
4/11/14 7:23 A

you keep saying your friends call you fat...but you are an adult and you know you have choices. Stay away from these people, or ignore their rude comments, or do something about the weight. And if they are rude people, they may pick on some other thing to torment you with. Don't let others decide who you are

Sheryl from New Jersey, EST...2015 start wt. 231
DUBLINROSE Posts: 2,157
4/11/14 5:38 A

You need to surround yourself with people who build you up and make you feel good not people who drag you down. Just keep thinking of how they will have to eat their words when you reach your goal.

FAITHP44 SparkPoints: (66,063)
Fitness Minutes: (38,498)
Posts: 4,468
4/11/14 5:33 A

It's time you got some friends who will build you up and encourage you instead of people who consider it their business to comment on your body shape.

Do you ask for their opinion on your weight and body shape all the time to prompt this kind of comment?

I'm still only just in the overweight category (instead of obese) and my friends make positive comments about my weight loss instead of the negative comments you seem to attract.

Start sticking around positive people who will be a blessing - and you be a blessing and speak positively to them as well, and maybe you'll get more helpful comments.

ANAMORPHOSIS Posts: 1,617
4/11/14 4:27 A

People can be so rude! Sorry about that. Nobody's perfect. It's okay. emoticon

Like Gold to Aery Thinness Beat. ~John Donne
EOWYN2424 Posts: 6,342
4/11/14 2:52 A

While it is true that I have put on a few pounds and I don't have perfect washboard abs but I m not obese and I am not fat! I may b a little overweight and not perfect but I don't consider myself fat.

But there are ppl in my life that keep telling me that I'm "so fat"!

But I can still wear most of my clothes, so I can't be that fat, can I?

I feel so depressed over my muffin top! I guess that's why they keep calling me fat!

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