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The "I'm Fat and Not Enough" Mentality



 
 
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ARCHIMEDESII
SparkPoints: (138,079)
Fitness Minutes: (207,320)
Posts: 20,482
5/4/13 5:16 P

KOOKIEDOO15,

You're being much too hard on yourself. We are our own worst critics. Flaws we see in ourselves, no one else sees. I know this won't be easy, but you have to learn to love yourself AS IS aka warts and all. No one is perfect. Don't try to be perfect or you'll just end up frustrated.

There's actually one simple thing you can do to help feel better about yourself. Go out and buy yourself a snazzy new outfit. Don't buy something smaller as incentive to lose weight. NO ! You want clothes that flatter your figure right now. Buy whatever fits regardless of the number. Get your best gal pals, you know the ones with good taste, and have them choose some clothes for you. If you don't like the number, cut off the tag.

Try to avoid ill fitting clothes that are either too baggy or too tight. When you wear ill fitting clothes, it makes you feel bad about how you look. If you wear something really wonderful that flatters you're current figure, you'll start feeling better. Nothing says new attitude like a new set of clothes.

Because you're not overweight. You may feel fat, but you're not. As the old song goes,"accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative". Start playing up all your positives and stop beating yourself up over any perceived negatives. We all have flaws ! It's those flaws that make us unique.

So, how about it ? How about going out and buying some snazzy new outfits that flatter your current figure. Trust me, it really does help wearing nicely fitted clothing.




TANGOKATE
Posts: 365
5/4/13 4:38 P

It is a fake it 'til you make it. I am in my 40s and still find myself faking it 'til I make it at times. And that's with women friends, as well as with men I find attractive. We go through times when we are more or less confident depending on what's going on in life. That's normal.

When I really can't fake it, I stay home and do something really self-nurturing and then go out when I am ready.

Comparing ourselves to each other is torture because there will never be one perfect person to emulate. In two years there will be another "it" girl to emulate and two years after that, there will be another.

I too, wished I had learned all this many years ago. But I know it now and I am acting confident as much as possible. And big secret... so is everyone else.

You can do this, if I can do this. It's not easy every day, but it is well worth it cause it beats the alternative of feeling "less than" and "unworthy." And you, my dear, are neither.



LILLIPUTIANNA
Posts: 1,038
5/4/13 1:37 P

I think you answered the question for yourself.

You are young. Insecurity doesn't magically vanish when you turn 20. Being confident comes with age and experience.

The very first thing you need to do is stop comparing yourself to other women. This is not a contest. They are not your competition. (In fact, if you start seeing them as your teammates instead of your competition, you will get a lot farther in life...wonderful things will happen, I guarantee it.)

My second piece of advice, and this one took me a long time to figure out, boys like girls who are confident. You aren't a perfect size zero? It does not matter. The attitude is everything. Stand up straight and look people in the eye. If they don't like you, that's their loss.

Think of Christina Hendricks on Mad Men. Is she thin? Heck no! But she walks by and traffic stops. Why? Because she's beautiful, curvy, and confident.

So, practice being confident. Throw the baggy clothes into the nearest trash can. Enjoy your young life. Learn the lessons we all learn with time, but learn them sooner than we did. If you do, you will have a spectacular life.

Edited by: LILLIPUTIANNA at: 5/4/2013 (13:38)


KOOKIEDOO15
SparkPoints: (7,866)
Fitness Minutes: (2,695)
Posts: 44
5/4/13 11:50 A

Hey guys,

Feeling really low right now, besides being stressed from all my group projects, I'm having some self-esteem issues. Last year, when I was at my lowest, I was at 142 (all thanks to Sparkpeople!) But I met a guy, had a lot of fun hanging out with him, gained a bit (reached 148) but due to a fallout (all because I just wanted to be friends but he looked like he wanted to be more and I couldn't deal with it) which led to a backlash of pigging out and having lower self-esteem instead (I can't talk to guys anymore without stuttering or being a nervous wreck) and I'm currently fluctuating from 151-153 and it's frustrating me.

I've been exercising, though I think I could do better w/ my diet (I usually stay below 1800-1900's) but it's taking awhile to see results and I'm frustrated because last year around this time, I was at my lowest and at my most confident but looking at me right now, I'm stressed, heavier, can't fit my nice clothes and I just want to crawl in my blankets and never go outside (I'm at the phase where all I do is wear baggy clothes and compare myself to every girl out there, thinking "I wish I'm like her") It doesn't help that I feel even more awkward and...I can't believe I'm saying this...ugly and fat, whenever I'm around guys.

How do you guys do it? Like how do you guys just get rid of this feeling and continue being confident? I don't know how I did it last year (though last year, I was focused on following OxyPro diet but this time, I'm trying to lose the weight normally) Augh, rereading this, I feel like an insecure teenager even if I'm 23! Anybody have any advice?



 
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