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JENNIK2 Posts: 1,829
12/7/12 9:40 P


12/7/12 9:35 P

I am upfront, but tactful. People listen better when you tread softly delivering a message vs. being abrasive or blunt.

MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 16,487
12/7/12 8:53 P

I am tactful.

I disagree that because someone is tactful they are fake. I tell the truth but wrap it in soft words.

MEANREDS92 Posts: 818
12/7/12 8:07 P

I am blunt, to the point it gets me into trouble. I need to learn a little bit of tact, but I will always be naturally blunt.

JAMINURSE Posts: 3,773
12/7/12 7:50 P

My natural personality is blunt. I have tried to change it, and failed miserably. With patients and families, I am tactful.

MIAMI_LILLY SparkPoints: (169,838)
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Posts: 8,125
12/7/12 7:32 P

I'm tact, my hubby's blunt.

JENAE954 Posts: 7,020
12/7/12 7:30 P


SHARONSOWN Posts: 1,746
12/7/12 1:53 P

I will go tactful as much as possible, but if the message is not getting through, hit 'em with a hammer. Which is to say, go blunt.

Unless there is a hammer nearby......

MNNICE Posts: 16,146
12/7/12 1:39 P


GRANDMABABA SparkPoints: (303,193)
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12/7/12 1:39 P


12/7/12 1:39 P

It really depends on the situation- my natural bent is to be very blunt, but with my patients I always look for ways to be tactful- soften the mesage a bit

PCASEY7 Posts: 2,899
12/7/12 1:26 P


PSCHIAVONE2 SparkPoints: (20,629)
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Posts: 783
12/7/12 12:53 P

I think that I am tactful, but most people view it as blunt.

I_HEART_MY_FAM Posts: 1,809
12/7/12 12:50 P

The period comment was tacky and blunt.

JENNN77 SparkPoints: (144,326)
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Posts: 653
12/7/12 12:49 P

I try to be tactfully blunt :)

Sometimes plain blunt isn't even enough though...

MAGGIEVAN SparkPoints: (204,392)
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12/7/12 12:16 P

Both depending on the circumstance and person.

DIETER27 Posts: 8,471
12/7/12 12:15 P

i try to be tactful but sometimes you just got to be blunt.

ASHLEYGILLE SparkPoints: (12,744)
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Posts: 1,889
12/7/12 12:05 P

Love you, RAPTORMELON! So funny!!

12/7/12 11:37 A

Hmm... I feel like there's some underlying connotations at play here.

Tactful= Schmoozer
Blunt= B***h.

I don't actually think there's TOO much of a difference between being honestly tactful and gently blunt.

My personal opinions aside, there's cultural norms and expectations that are at play here as well.

Culturally, Americans value bluntness more than other countries do. It's not necessarily that we value honesty more, but that we value people being straight and to the point. Americans also value being "tough" (one who can take bluntness) over being "sensitive" (one who will respond better to a gentle tactful response)

Because of these cultural values, many Americans have difficulty picking up on tactful interactions, and may not take them as seriously... Because culturally, they are right, people who have a strong point to make are expected to make it bluntly.

Bluntness is effective not because it is inherently more effective, but because in our culture, we are expected to be blunt.

GLITTERFAIRY77 Posts: 8,023
12/7/12 10:38 A

Told ya...

BRAVEHEART4ME Posts: 2,005
12/7/12 10:35 A

Usually tact, but there are times when blunt is the only way to go.

YELLOWDAHLIA SparkPoints: (94,844)
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Posts: 13,413
12/7/12 10:31 A

I have great admiration for someone who can be tactfully blunt. I wish I could be more that way.

12/7/12 10:24 A


You ARE blunt, :)

LOSE4LIFE47 Posts: 69,265
12/7/12 10:15 A

I try being tactful.

GLITTERFAIRY77 Posts: 8,023
12/7/12 10:14 A

I can dish out bluntness, but I can't always take it. It depends on whether or not I'm bleeding from my vag.

ASHLEYGILLE SparkPoints: (12,744)
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Posts: 1,889
12/7/12 9:03 A

Same. I try to be tactul, but sometimes, when dealing with my closest loved ones, I'm blunt!

TIG123GER SparkPoints: (77,547)
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12/7/12 8:59 A

I'm with the previous person. Mostly tact but there are situations and specific people with which you have to be blunt or the point is lost. My mother-in-law is a great example. You could hit her between the eyes with tact and she'll just smile and toddle along on her merry way.

GINNABOOTS Posts: 7,887
12/7/12 8:57 A

It depends on the situation, I most often use tact, but sometimes I have had to be blunt.

KKKAREN Posts: 12,753
12/7/12 8:44 A

I grew up with a very blunt Mother which turned me into a very tactful person. My Mother calls me the Ambassador!

12/7/12 8:43 A

yeah, like I mentioned before, if you're (anyone) communicating to me then blunt is okay so long as it's not an attack disguised as your truth.

FIRECOM SparkPoints: (0)
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12/7/12 8:09 A

Tact is my normal but pending on circumstances, I can be very blunt.

MOTOMAMA Posts: 2,010
12/7/12 7:59 A

Tact, I worry about hurting feelings too much to be blunt

KELLITWINS SparkPoints: (0)
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Posts: 581
12/7/12 7:47 A

My friends would say blunt works best for me.

MILTONS1 Posts: 3,708
12/7/12 7:34 A

Usually tact but some people don't get the nuances

RIVETPA Posts: 1,177
12/7/12 7:30 A

Given my profession, I'm tactful and strategic at all times.

CMCOLE Posts: 2,667
12/7/12 7:29 A

I've been accused of being tactless because I'm often blunt, or "to the point" - here's the information, now go away.

I've been working on being more discerning

DARJR50 SparkPoints: (0)
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Posts: 2,247
12/7/12 7:21 A

I am usually blunt but can be tactful if needed.

BLUENOSE63 SparkPoints: (108,021)
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Posts: 2,954
12/7/12 7:06 A

I go by the rule 25% tact; 75% blunt generally. Yet that has backfired on me.....can't win for losing huh...I always preface it by saying " Do you want me to tell you the truth or do you want me to give you the warm fuzzy with some truth mixed in?"

Have a good one everyone

TRYINGTOLOSE64 Posts: 89,581
12/7/12 6:47 A

a little of both depending on the situation

NEEKEPOO Posts: 709
12/7/12 6:45 A

Tact for sure...

12/7/12 6:25 A

There are self-help books about learning people skills, my first one Dale Carnegie's "How To Win Friends & Influence People". The title of the book is atrocious and especially if one is of the mindset that anything not brutally honest must be fake. But it's a great book and there's something for everyone in it even if you're not a believer in people skills.

BLUBEL1 Posts: 1,003
12/6/12 8:05 P

You could consider that your words are either assertive vs aggressive . Assertive is speaking up for yourself honestly but considering the other persons feelings. Aggressive is speaking up but not caring how it makes the other person feel.
As to where to learn this try searching key words on google .

23KAIYA Posts: 4,935
12/6/12 3:30 P

I like being somewhere in the grey zone, telling the truth but gently. Usually. If I am talking with someone that isn't responding to tact, I get more blunt. Unfortunately when I'm angry with that person, I may be a lot more blunt that what's needed....working on that one.

I_HEART_MY_FAM Posts: 1,809
12/6/12 2:49 P

A mix of both is good, there is a way to be tactful while you are being blunt. Don't be a bully or a coward.....

YOJULEZ SparkPoints: (15,981)
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Posts: 2,171
12/6/12 2:34 P

I'd say about 75% blunt, with 25% tact :) I tent to be pretty blunt so that's something I've been working on. Like you said, it's one thing if someone is just being honest, but another if they're being honest but also being mean. Those are the types that say "sorry if you can't take honesty", where as someone who is a bit more tactful might say "I'm sorry if what I said offended you".

JOFGA_AK Posts: 33
12/6/12 2:26 P


You nailed it. For years I had the hardest time distinguishing being 'tactful' with being dishonest.

12/6/12 2:17 P

@Jofga_Ak: I think it's much harder for folks to be BLUNT rather than tactful (at least in my opinion). I think some folks are just too sensitive to handle blunt speak and often times may see it as an attack or with malice rather than what it actually is; a person's opinion void of bias.

What I have witnessed at times are folks who ARE blunt sometimes see tact speak as being phoney or untruthful.

HOLLYM48 Posts: 15,342
12/6/12 1:54 P

I think I use tact more, as people don't really like blunt. Of course I do live in Minnesota and we are "Minnesota Nice"!

JOFGA_AK Posts: 33
12/6/12 1:52 P

What I'd like to know is where one trains or learns how to be tactful vs. blunt. I am painfully blunt because (except in obvious situations where I know what I say will hurt) it just never occurs to me that what I am going to say might cause discomfort.

12/6/12 1:28 P

Tact: a keen sense of what to do or say in order to maintain good relations with others or avoid offense

Blunt: Abrupt and often disconcertingly frank in speech. Brutally honest.

For me, I don't mind people telling me either way so long as blunt comments are void of malice. That said, I like to use tact wen I'm the one speaking. I quickly find out if I'm talking to someone who prefers to be told things bluntly and then in that case I still use tact but with less "filter".

What about you?

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