Thank you so much for sharing some tough things. You are focused and intelligent and on the path to some great successes. You are an inspiration in your courage to share and tell your story. I know you will succeed. I do understand much of your sharing and commentary. I have many parrallels.
When I read that 'for some reason,' a person can't eat enough calories to meet the recommended limit, I know that there's a drive to eat less AND weigh less there. Just visiting the average supermarket and picking out one indulgence would put you into the zone of calories recommended. I'm pretty sure that indulging in some daily caloric food treat would put you in panic mode, even as thin as you are now - which is pretty thin. Not emaciated, but thin. When I was 120 lbs and 5'6", I was comparably thin, I'm guessing. I had starved myself down to that weight so I remember it well.
Now I'm obese and just as obsessed with food. They are opposite ends of the spectrum, weight-wise, but overweight and underweight (or approaching it) are kind of the same thing. Despite an appreciation of the healthy aspect of food, there's an attitude that food is a beast that must be tamed! I remember washing the leanest ground beef I cooked to remove any trace of fat - even the coaches on my diet laughed at me for that. It's a mystery how food ends up being just an issue but when it's there, it can get pretty ugly.
I'm slowly losing weight on WW now but I wouldn't advise WW to anyone who tracks food already and exercises a lot. I have a daughter, too. As a young woman now, she's been putting on weight and I absolutely force myself to simply listen to any comments she makes about her weight and I don't say anything except, 'We went to WW together once and you remember the basics...' She went to keep me company - she was in high school - and it gave her all the tools. But whatever the scales tell her, it's her issue, not mine. I know how very dangerous the whole weight/fat/body image thing can be. From personal experience.
My daughter was just average weight through high school. Also, she played sports. She ate whatever the family ate. She ate other things with her friends and at other houses and restaurants. What scared me was watching her fat friends (even just a little bit chubby, all the way to downright obese) be constantly criticized by their panic-sticken parents. It was terrible to hear a parent focus on his child's weight or eating habits. Publicly. Awful, awful scenes. It doesn't make a difference if it's public or private - I just cringed because I was a witness.
Now my daughter has become interested in gardening and cooking and she lives in a city chock full of fabulous restaurants and social occasions with food and liquor. When she last visited us, she seemed to be drinking beer as a beverage at meals. I wanted to say, 'Whoa, watch those calories!' but I backed off. She has a life, a brain, a body and the ability to use what she knows to manage all three! Most important of all, my input is dangerous - it can make her have MY issues. And obviously, I do have issues... to get to this weight.
Edited by: ALGEBRAGIRL at: 6/17/2012 (13:50)
Fitness Minutes: (2,501)
729 6/14/12 2:53 P
I am also 5'8" and female, and the range of medically recommended healthy weights for this height is 125 lbs. to 160 lbs. It would not be medically advisable to try to go below 125 lbs. It sounds as if you are already towards the low range of healthy. It may be a good idea for you to see a counselor or join a support group for people with eating disorders.
I hope you are able to find a way to love and appreciate your body for what it is. Your muscles, your strength when you run... you have lost a lot of weight and worked hard to get there. You You can relax a bit now. Love what you have, don't try to force yourself to attain some arbitrary number that is underweight.
Edited by: KFWOHLFORD at: 6/14/2012 (15:01)
Fitness Minutes: (4,362)
3,171 6/14/12 1:20 P
"Hi, I personally don't believe that believing that you have a disorder will help you. "
That is a really MESSED UP thing to say to a person who has stated that they have history with an eating disorder and are struggling to eat.
Relapse rates are high and EDs have the highest mortality rates of all mental disorders COMBINED. More people die from EDs than people with schizophrenia and bipolar etc.
Go to Pubmed and you will find several studies on relapse rates for older women.
Also, people with EDs have a tendency to MINIMIZE the extent of their behaviors and struggle with lack of awareness. (She even said that she did not realize that people would pick up the "ed" thoughts and phrases.)
Also, NEVER tell a person with an ED to "not force themselves to eat." Some people with Bulimia and Anorexia have problems with not being aware of hunger cues. Anorexia is lack of appetite.
Recovery involves: battling with your thoughts (telling you not to eat), problems with hunger cues, and a messed up digestive system. I spend 9 months being weight restored and I forced myself to eat each bite.
PLEASE do not imply that having an ED is normal or NORMALIZE eating disorder or disordered behavior and thoughts!!!!
From what you have shared originally before you edit, it sounds like you have some soul searching to do to help you feel good about your body at the healthy BMI that you have. Here are some articles that might help.
Hi, I personally don't believe that believing that you have a disorder will help you. While some people may disagree with me, this can actually make you think that you are 'not normal' or something is wrong with you.
All I can tell you is that you should open your eyes. I can tell by your ticker that you have almost reached your goal. My suggestion is to be thankful for what you have achieved so far and celebrate with non-food rewards. Don't sweat about the number of pounds you are losing. Don't constantly monitor the scale and keep track of the time. Enjoy it. You have come so far already. Don't force yourself to eat food but remember that you still have to stay healthy for your daughter. Keeping these in mind will eventually get you to eat right because you are no longer concerned about weight. You will be more concerned about health. Good luck.
And some eating disorders aren't psychological. Some are chemical, related to serotonin production and uptake. Definitely talk to a counselor, preferably one with VERY up-to-date knowledge of adult eating disorders.
And if you really don't think there's any disorder, keep in mind that marathon running and a BMI under 20 are pretty much incompatible goals. At that low a weight, you're not going to have the strength or muscular development to continue or improve your running much longer.
Fitness Minutes: (14,252)
9,659 6/13/12 10:09 P
According to your ticker, you're within 5 lbs of your goal weight. That means that you're very likely already at a healthy weight! Could it be that you are where your body wants to be?
I think you may find it more helpful to put away that scale (so fraught with triggers and stress) and start aiming for less tangible goals. Work on your body composition, and have your fat % tested. Aim for fitness goals, instead of weight goals. Lift weights, improve your fitness, and don't worry about how much you weigh. You should look good in the skin you're in, not fit some random idea of a scale weight that isn't going to stay in one place anyway, no matter what you do! (weight's not a static number. It's more like your pulse or your body temp... changes all the time!)
Have you considered talking to a counselor? They might be able to help you fend off the eating disorder lurking under the surface. Eating disorders aren't about caring what other think about you... at their very core, they are illogical and resistant to facts and reason. Your brain knows the science, the facts... but your heart's telling you lies.
A professional can help you cope with the disordered thinking, and slay this dragon before it consumes your life!
Fitness Minutes: (4,362)
3,171 6/13/12 10:05 P
I am very good a picking up certain phrases that people with a current or a history of EDs use. LOL..
It's trickier when a person says phrases or mentions behaviors that are disordered eating but not eating disorder.
Relapse can happen at any age and they can have a genetic component. Please don't wait too long.
I didn't realize my post would covey an eating disorder, but yes, during my college years(1995-1999), I did struggle with bulimia. I did seek counseling for it but have come realize that it is going to be a life long struggle. I can proudly say that I have "not given" in since 1999.
I have an 11 year old daughter, who is normal sized and very athletic but a part of me worries about her on a daily basis. I run for me but I also run for her. I want her to see that it is ok to be active and athletic. I know I watch what/how much she eats. When I was her age, I was 30 pounds heavier than she is(she is 80 lbs). I really try not to "call" her on what she eats because I don't want her worry about what she looks like, but I also don't want her to be like I was.
It scares me to think that I could still let an eating disorder take over at 34 years old. I mean, shouldn't I be over that. Shouldn't I be over caring what people think of me. I know it doesn't matter to my husband. We have been married for 12 years and when we meet(15 years ago) I was 180lbs.
I have to laugh when people ask me if I can still fit into my wedding dress. I say, hell yes! Actually it is WAY to big.
I can't believe how much rambling I am doing on here tonight....Thanks to all of you for listening...
i agree that reaching out to a real, live person who has some sort of counseling experience is going to be your best bet. i'm two inches shorter than you and 115-120 is the lowest i should weigh. your extra two inches need some muscle/bone from somewhere. add to that that if you're running that much, even if you had the tiniest frame possible for your height and due to that were theoretically healthy due to frame size, that working out lifestyle part bumps you well out of that low range. you're already right where you need to be, and if there is anywhere you weight needs to go, it's up ten pounds, not down.
Fitness Minutes: (4,362)
3,171 6/13/12 9:26 P
You are not alone, I have spent almost a decade battling an eating disorder.
My suggestion is that you consider seeking counseling services. I am not saying you have an eating disorder, but some of the thoughts you have expressed can quickly turn from disordered eating to a full blown eating disorder.
I am struggling with eating my recommended caloric intake. Right now SP has it at 1400-1600 calories a day. For some reason, I can't make myself eat that many calories. I am a marathon runner, so I run anywhere from 40-70 miles any given week. I am 5'8" and weigh 127 and I think that is to heavy. I would love to weigh anywhere from 115-120. When I hit the 1000 calorie mark, I make myself stop eating. I know, in my heart, that it is not enough but I can't seem to convince myself to eat more, because I have not been losing much weight lately. I flucuate between 122-127 on any given day. At my heaviest(when I was 18), I weighed 240 or so pounds, so I know that I have come a LONG ways. I just wish that I would be able to happy with where I am and not where I "need" to be.
Sorry for rambling but I just needed to get it out. I hope that I am not the only one struggling with this. Thanks for listening.....
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