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ALLIBERRI Posts: 87
7/24/13 9:41 A

Hello there,
I am sorry that you are having such a hard time. I can relate with how depression sneaks in and then we tend to see things through different lenses. I can also relate to the feeling that the deck is stacked against you. I empathize.
I noticed however that you have a tag on your post that says lost 50 lbs. If this is true - what an amazing accomplishment. I cannot relate to that. I am still working on that first fifty. I am having up and down days. I work in an unhealthy environment, but cannot financially afford to leave it quite yet (kinda like the new car thing) - it sucks.
Unlike you though, I raised three kids as a single mom and it was tough. I lost weight then - cuz there wasn't enough food in the house to feed all of us. Not the way to go for sure because then when I got a better job, I felt like I had to gobble up whatever I could cuz who knew - we might hit another rough patch.
When my depression was bad and I couldn't see the forest for the trees, I went and spoke with my doctor about taking some medication to help. It did help. I was able to stand back and see the forest, then decide which trees to tackle, as well as being more able to not only ask for help from others but actually receive their help. Perhaps it may be a place to start? I have had to be on antidepressants on and off for a few years now due to the stress in my working environment, but it has helped me at least fight the demon of depression and keep a fairly balanced life.
Just a thought.
Mostly, I just want you to know that I will be thinking of you, and checking in on your spark page to see how things are going. emoticon

CHESAPEAKE60 SparkPoints: (3,734)
Fitness Minutes: (2,119)
Posts: 396
7/24/13 7:15 A

I do not like Dr Phil but I love the comment about not being incomplete if you are alone! I have seen friends in bad relationships that I know without a doubt would be better off and happier "alone" but they are too afraid of that word and so stay miserable in bad relationships.

As to age, there really is no cut off age for dating and finding someone. I was widowed suddenly at 59. And here I am at 62 and being asked out - and by nice and attractive men. People can and will find each other at any age. It is just a matter of living the life you have at the moment, finding the joy and satisfaction of your successes (and bettering yourself through education is definitely a success) and letting time take its course. Things and people happen in their own time...... :)

ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (140,551)
Fitness Minutes: (210,550)
Posts: 20,738
7/24/13 6:22 A

WHOLENEWME79,

I know things seem really overwhelming and frustrating right now, but part of that problem comes from your trying to do too many things at once. Ever watch Dr Phil ? I know he's not exactly Freud, but I remember watching a show he did on women over 30 and dating. Do you know what he said to one woman who was convinced she'd never find love or be happy ?

He said,"You are not an incomplete person because you're single and not married". We make these assumptions that we'll only be happy if we're married and have children, but that's not true. The happiness buck stops here. If you're not happy with yourself right now, you're not going to be happy later. You have to love yourself before anyone else will love you.

You can't change overnight. It's not happening. Start with some simple changes first. Don't try to do everything at once or you will end up frustrated. That's why we need to start with simple changes so that we don't overwhelm ourselves. Pick one or two things per week. Take baby steps, literally and figuratively.

Be kind to yourself as you would to your best friend. Would you tell your best friend you're a fat loser who will never find love ? Okay, if you won't say that to your best friend, why are you saying it to yourself ?

One small change really can change your life. But, you have to be brave. You're going to have to do things that are going to take you out of your comfort zone. Take a leap of faith. If you need support, post on the forums, the spark community will support you when you need it.


Edited by: ARCHIMEDESII at: 7/24/2013 (12:27)
RETREAD57 SparkPoints: (2,134)
Fitness Minutes: (2,063)
Posts: 38
7/24/13 3:01 A

I can really relate to struggle. I am a physical therapist. i invested my energy;and money into an office space and started a private practical at he end of March my landlord evicted all his renters and closed down the building with no notice. i got really depressed. i gained 15 pounds and having a hard time exercising tool

It's frustrating that I can't get myself too exercise i keep telling myself to take baby steps but they are not changing my weight and body fat.

HEALTHYFOREVER4 SparkPoints: (20,173)
Fitness Minutes: (6,240)
Posts: 234
7/24/13 12:46 A

I definitely understand the biological clock ticking! However, I try to think about how badly I want to be fit or at a healthy weight BEFORE starting a family. I want my children to grow up with healthy habits. Of course, my boyfriend goes back and forth on whether or not he even wants kids, but that's a topic for a whole other thread.

34 is not too old to not have children yet. Medicine is insane these days with the things they can do! Focus on getting yourself fit and healthy. That's something that should be done before getting pregnant anyway.

I am also a student and understand the financial stress. I love spin class and the elliptical too, but I also love hiking, and I'm training for my first 5K in October. Is there a gym on campus? That definitely helps me. If possible, you could also swim or bike. Also, it's possible that while pursuing these healthy endeavors, you will meet the man of your dreams. emoticon You are NOT to old to find a satisfying romantic relationship and start a family, but these things, of course, have to happen in their own time. emoticon

WHOLENEWME79 Posts: 940
7/23/13 9:19 P

I'm going through a phase of depression right now. I find myself struggling with over eating and not exercising.

I know exactly what the problem is, just cannot seem to work my normal optimistic magic and get past it. I am 34 and I have no kids and am divorced. I worry that I am too old to find a new relationship and have kids before it becomes to risky for the myself and any child I attempt to bring into the world. It isn't just having a baby, though, it is the idea of a family, and I worry, too, that an saggy, former fatty with massive school loan debt won't be able to attract a man. Or I should say, attract a man I find attractive. I know I attract men, but not the type of guy I have any interest in developing a relationship with.

I feel like the deck is stacked against me. I am broke- I am student right now and I was forced to buy a new freaking car when I work 2 days a week and spend 5 days a week in an unpaid internship which is 136 miles ONE WAY away from where I live. I have to pay rent on two apartments and I cannot afford to do anything at all just about it- Including doctors visits or seeing my therapist.

I forget sometimes how to get myself on track. I know that fitness used to help, but the things I enjoy I cannot do here (spin, my hip hop abs DVD, or my power pump class). I find I am no where near as motivated to do fitness like walking or hiking as I am for spin or an elliptical machine, and walking is my only option here.

Ugh.

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