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Strong Partner Attraction or Not?



 
 
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TANGOKATE
Posts: 365
1/25/13 11:55 P

Nausikaa, Thanks alot for that advice! It is wonderful.



CMCOLE
Posts: 2,667
1/25/13 7:54 A

I think it can grow and mature, as you grow and mature together.
Not saying I'm not attracted to him, still, but I think it's different than when we first met.



NAUSIKAA
Posts: 4,848
1/25/13 7:19 A

The attraction between me and my husband is crazy intense. So much so that we were engaged 4 days after we met and married 5 months later. To this day I often get tears in my eyes just looking at him. Our attraction has certainly grown a great deal over time but it was there from the first second that we met - and I do think it's very important. Knowing what I know now, I would advise a friend to wait for that level of attraction, and not to settle for something less.



128PERFECT
Posts: 3,026
1/25/13 6:33 A

You bet..........And 25 years latter the man still drives me crazy with desire.



TANGOKATE
Posts: 365
1/25/13 12:19 A

OMG! Thank you all so much for your warm and lovely responses. I wanted to ask the question because I have made several attempts in this lifetime to settle for someone, because they were nice or a good person but just couldn't seem to find a strong enough attraction for them.

And yes, I agree, it's not all about the physical attraction but an overall attraction that I have yet to experience.

Thanks for giving me the courage to keep holdin' on to feel something really good with someone.

I am very grateful for your lovely stories as they give me hope. I need a little hope right now. emoticon



FIRECOM
SparkPoints: (107,673)
Fitness Minutes: (11,796)
Posts: 5,855
1/24/13 3:11 P

We met in college at a start of the mixer dance. the rest is history. Married 55 years, 5 sons, 11 grandkids. Life is good.



TRISSA3
SparkPoints: (9,688)
Fitness Minutes: (4,820)
Posts: 802
1/24/13 2:59 P

My DH says it was love at first sight for him. Me...on the other hand...

We were introduced by a mutual friend that I worked with. My DH had worked at this office, too, but before I arrived. (He went back to school at that time.) This Mutual Friend kept telling me, "Have I got a guy for you." I finally said, "Put up or shut up." Then one day Mutual Friend asked if I was willing to "go out among 'em" after work. When I went to his office, this young bearded man was talking with him. We all left together...they were still talking. Mutual Friend finally introduced us before we entered the local pub 'n grub that we were headed to. After a half-hour of chit-chat, Mutual Friend left us to ourselves. We decided to go to a Chinese restaurant. Kept talking...

He stopped by my work place (his old work place) almost every day after that around lunch. I just thought he would be a nice guy to hang out with at first. He proposed after three months. We were married six months after that and have been together 30 years. I am VERY attracted to my DH. It may have been "love after 20 times" but it's awesome!





I_HEART_MY_FAM
Posts: 1,809
1/24/13 12:22 P

I think a strong attraction has to be there but not all in looks. Some of us are lucky and find love at first sight like I did. My story is is very similar to one I read already on here. We both were married, his wife was a big cheater and my first husband (yuck) hate saying that was physically abusive. God put us together and saved my life and possibly his. I met him as he was driving a tram at my local mall. My friends car was quite a distance from where he was, but I felt silly so I told my friend lets hop that cute guys tram and flirt. It was just going to be for fun, I could not even see him I could only see the tram car. He approaches us so we get on, instantly his eyes met mine in rear view mirror and mine his. Things were going in my mind in fast motion. I kept thinking what's happening. It felt as if someone sprinkled love dust on me. I wanted to know everything about him and him of me .I felt a strong tingle throughout my body, mind and soul. We smiled and we looked in each others eyes. We started talking. We learned about each others bad marriages and did not want to over step our commitments so we stayed friends for 3 months, but I went and seen him once a week and each time the same thing happened, same feelings, same thoughts, heart wouldl beat fast ,the desire to grab hold of him and kiss him was very strong. We had an intimate time during those three months, the first kiss was at the tram shed and even though I have kissed many, many times my knees turned to jello, I literally melted in his arms. This is not exaggerated fireworks went off in my head and i felt light headed with such an excitement running through my body. Anyhow we did part for 5 months with zero contact to get our life's straightened out. I knew he was mine and he would come for me someday. I told everyone about him and how he will come for me someday, I know it sounds fair tale-ish but this is my story. That day came 5 months later. He remembered the house my friend lived at with her mom. He was working one Saturday at his Dad's shop when a woman came in that looked like me, he told his dad he had to leave and went looking for me. My friend's Mom answered the door and let him him, he told our story and she called her daughter to tell her and then my friend called me. We met up two days later and have been together ever since, that was 25 years ago come this April. We will be married 23 years this November, and we have two beautiful daughters together, a wonderful SIL and the sweetest grandson that we share. Our life together as a couple has not had too many problems, but outside problems come in from other family members but those events just make us grab a hold of one another more tight. Our little arguments are over in no time. The hardest time is when I left him two weeks before one time before marriage due to him socializing after work with the guys and not calling first. I left him, he came back apologizing, promised it would not happen again and proposed to me. I went back with him and said yes. Without bragging it gets no better then this. My husband is my hero, no doubt in our minds we know our God put us together. He told me has been praying to God that if his marriage wasn't to be give him a sign, I showed up. :) We are still in love :)



MWOODS21
Posts: 504
1/24/13 11:40 A

We met while he was at work and I was in training, I was instantly attracted to him. I called him that same night and we didn't get off the phone until 7am that next morning, now we have been together for 19 years this February. emoticon emoticon

I think that there can be instant attraction and people can grow, for me though it's attraction instantly not just looks either! Everyone's story here is unique and beautiful I like sharing stories like this...

emoticon



COSMOJINX
Posts: 177
1/24/13 11:37 A

When I first met my husband I was definitely strongly attracted. However, we didn't start dating until a few years later. When we first met I was terribly shy, and didn't have the courage to say anything. We had friends that were friends, so we would see each other everything once in a while. A few years later I saw him again at a Halloween party and finally got the nerve to say something. We have now been together 10 years!



SCCUDDLERS
Posts: 193
1/24/13 11:26 A

My husband & I met as Freshmen in high school. Yes, there was an attraction from the very beginning. I remember thinking he was the coolest guy I'd ever met. We've been married 20 years this May.



TIG123GER
SparkPoints: (76,906)
Fitness Minutes: (17,391)
Posts: 2,116
1/24/13 10:23 A

We met in college through a friend. There was an instant attraction that has never dimmed. We have been together now for a bit over 27 years and will be married 25 years this June.



RIVETPA
Posts: 968
1/24/13 9:06 A

It's really touching reading people's responses here... I'm so envious!

You're all very lucky to have found such happiness.

I wish that someone could feel that way about me.





YOUGOLALA
SparkPoints: (5,478)
Fitness Minutes: (2,517)
Posts: 376
1/24/13 8:30 A

My initial feelings for my fiance were the "hit me upside the head with the sledge hammer, this is DEFINITELY the one" attraction. That's the kind of attraction I'd dreamed of all my life, and I got it, and it hasn't faded one bit in two years, even though we have a very stormy relationship. I think it can be different for different people, though. I don't think you can go from NO attraction at all to something off-the-charts, but I do believe it can grow through time, and even though I wouldn't change how things have happened for me, sometimes I think it's more peaceful and easy when it's not quite so hot from the git go.



BLUENOSE63
SparkPoints: (96,020)
Fitness Minutes: (74,210)
Posts: 2,905
1/24/13 7:19 A

We had been best friends and had chemistry as friends first. I always knew he had my back. Then it grew into a very love and that increased the attraction. We have been married for 23 years this July!



LOUNMOUN
Posts: 1,231
1/24/13 1:37 A

I met my dh at work. We started dating 1 month after we met. We got engaged after dating for a month and got married about 6 months after that. We've been happily married for 13 years now.

I'd say that we were pretty strongly attracted to each other, not just physically but also in terms of personality and similar interests. I felt instantly at ease with dh and we just had a close connection very quickly.

I think you should be attracted to some degree to a potential partner. I do feel that a small attraction can grow over time as people get to know each other better. If you don't have any attraction toward the person then I think it would be better to look elsewhere for a partner.





REYNINGSUNSHINE
SparkPoints: (20,346)
Fitness Minutes: (41,738)
Posts: 523
1/24/13 1:34 A

My honey and I have been dating for a couple weeks shy of 15 mo. We started dating pretty much as soon as possible after meeting each other... We "met" each other our first day of college in our 8AM Chemistry class, but we were both shy and we were both in a relationship at the time. The relationships were already failing (his ex was abusive and the relationship was very unhealthy- he describes it using 'stockholm syndrome"- and mine was quite a bit older and lived across the world and there was nothing there to begin with). We let our relationships ride out naturally, developing our friendship, and no, I don't think we were "responsible" for the others' failed relationship... We had decided that we would care for each other as friends during that time. It took us about 2 mo from meeting each other until we had our first official date.

There was strong attraction, yes, but it wasn't the same as the attraction you might have to like, Johnny Depp or Megan Fox. I thought he was incredibly handsome, but it was less physical and more spiritual, IMO. Sometimes you just look at somebody... and they shine. This isn't always sexual... Friends and family do that too. Personally I think it's just a "this person is meant to be in your life" thing. I think that with Rob (my boyfriend), it is what some people call "love at first sight." I don't think that's possible, because I believe love is a result of a series of choices, and to me, it was more like I had this desire to know him and to love him.

I think that having this almost instant desire to provide for him everything he needs to grow and become a better human has helped our relationship quite a bit... and I don't know if it would've survived without it. Obviously coming from an abusive relationship, and me having my background too, there were trust issues and self esteem issues- all of this coupled with a huge loss he experienced a week after we started dating- and I think had it just been a physical attraction, many people would have been like, "Go get your sh*t together" and left. Especially after a couple months when the problems seemed to pile on. For me though... it was like, "This is what is happening. Let's figure out why and what we can do so we can be healthy." I just wanted to see him happy... We had already progressed to the phase where it was easy to do what he needed instead of saying it was too much work.

But here we are, a year later, and I'm getting watery-eyes just thinking about him! We aren't married or engaged, but we have talked about it, and the way things look... I don't want to spend my life with anybody else. He is my biggest support outside of Christ, always pushes me to be my truly best self (even if I don't always like it :P), and honestly... I'd be content if I could just help him be where he needs to be.

I know I'm rambling on and on. I'm just very much in love!

OH! I also want to say- the attraction grows, at least for me, the more I love him... and my love for him strengthens every day.

Edited by: REYNINGSUNSHINE at: 1/24/2013 (01:36)


JANIEWWJD
SparkPoints: (209,810)
Fitness Minutes: (189,640)
Posts: 6,623
1/23/13 11:38 P

Very strong attraction, and we met at a wedding.



CJSNLOVE3
Posts: 404
1/23/13 10:04 P

When my boyfriend started to text & call me I had no interest at all but a mutual friend told me I must give him a chance so I did. Now he is my best friend & we are madly in love!



OBIESMOM2
SparkPoints: (61,086)
Fitness Minutes: (40,069)
Posts: 4,472
1/23/13 9:56 P

I met DH at work. We were friends for 6 years before we ever went on a date. We've been a 'couple' since Oct 1994; married in May of 2000



TANGOKATE
Posts: 365
1/23/13 9:25 P

When you first met your partner, and I'd love to know how, were you strongly attracted to them or not? Do you think it's important to be strongly attracted to someone? Or do you think the attraction can grow? How long have you been together?



 
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