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Author: Message: Sort First Post on Top

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Posts: 11
3/8/13 12:15 A

It is very difficult to give advice on this because we are getting a small part of the picture. So please take my advice with a grain of salt. I would like the other poster said sit down and get to the bottom of why he feels this way. I would explain how I felt and why I want' to keep the job. I would not have this conversation after coming home late, I would pick a time when it was neutral.

That being said, if he still said I had to quit, I think I would quite honestly call his bluff. I would not quit. I understand your not wanting to throw in the towel on your marriage or have it turn sour however what are you telling him if you let him decide where and when you work. You would be giving him control over you and your life, and the next time it happens you won't be able to change that either.

Good luck, I hope everything works out for you.

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3/6/13 4:38 P

If you want my honest opinion, this sounds like the sort of behavior that often is a precursor to physical or emotional abuse. He's trying to control you and isolate you.

The thing is, you are an adult, and he doesn't get to give you curfews or ultimatums. FRankly? If my husband were to do something similar, I would choose the job, and not because I cared more about the money, but because I do NOT appreciate being told what to do like I'm some kind of child.

Have you sat down and talked to him about why he feels this way, and why he thinks it's fair for you to be expected to quit, and him to work 10+ hour days?

Have you guys thought about counseling? I think that you should consider going. Couples counseling if he'll go, or individual counseling if he won't.

I don't like the implications of that kind of control attempt... you should definitely sit down and get serious about this!

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3/6/13 1:57 P

If anyone has some advice it would greatly be appreciated, because extreme stress makes me eat when and what I shouldn't....hence I gain back some of the weight that I've lost.

I have a job that I love very much. Been here for over a year now. It's a great job, lots of work during the busy season (like right now), but sometimes there's not enough work to keep two of us in the office full time all the time and the Office Manager has been here 5 years now so it's only right that she has the full time all the time hours.

My problem is this, when we have deadlines (like right now), there are nights like last night that I stay until 11:00 pm or so. This doesn't bother me, I don't mind getting the extra hours on the paycheck! The problems start when I get home. My husband threw such a fit last Friday that I was supposed to work on Saturday that I didn't work. He threatened that if I went to work on Saturday, he wouldn't be home when I got home. Last night was the same thing. I got home about 11:30 pm, got the stink eye from him, and he said he'd have his stuff gone by Saturday. He said that I needed to be home by 9pm at night (giving me a curfew like I was a teenager). Pish.....I'm 40 something years old. But this causes a lot of stress, he absolutely HATES my job, even though the money is good. He states that I shouldn't choose my job over him. Now if the OT like this happened all the time, I can see him getting upset, but it only happens a couple of times a year (last year at this time I pulled over 130 hours in a 2 week pay period, the hours were exhausting, but the paycheck was nice!). He gave me an ultimatum last night to turn in my resignation by Friday. I can't do that. #1, Jobs are hard to find, #2, jobs that you like are REALLY hard to find, and #3, I don't feel that he has the right to give me ultimatums like that or to throw a fit when I have to occasionally work over to meet a deadline. I'm worried because we have another stringent one the week after next. There is some work that I can take home with me, but since we use MAC's at work and I have a PC at home, there's not a lot. I try to come in early for these deadlines to work on stuff, but somethings we don't get until the last minute. Yet, my husband tells me that his job will be ramping up and he will probably be working 10 hours days coming up soon, and will have to go in on Saturdays and expects me to be ok with that.

I love my husband very much, and I don't want my 15 year relationship to turn sour and end, but I've been through one controlling (not to mention verbally, mentally and emotionally abusive) marriage, and I won't go through it again.


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