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MRSMALTZ Posts: 8
1/25/13 5:56 P

Wow!!!! I can so relate to you !!! My Stepson was just found out to be doing drugs (heroin) and my husband and ex have been trying to get him into rehab. It's more difficult than you think. We finally found a place that our insurance covered and my stepsons friend picked him up after one day there. He came to our place to crash and my husband wanted to try to help detox him. I have 3 small kids with my spouse. So he leaves and we find out he got arrested for buying drugs. He was an honor student going ot school, very sad. It's so fustrating I understand. Your husband needs support now and you should tell your husband to go to NA meetings for the family. My spouse hsn't gone to one meeting so I know it's not easy. Try to focus on yourself and your kids if you have other kids. It has been a roller coaster ride. My stepson is in counseling now and was tested today (which he failed). His mom lives in another state not too far and he stayed there for one n ight.

JESSAELINN SparkPoints: (17,454)
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Posts: 366
1/25/13 10:27 A

I like that comment: "In reality, marriage is a process... I have to decide if this is worst part and if I don't lose my own sense of self, it will be okay."

Your husband loves his son, no doubt. My husband was a rebellious teenager, the same as your husband's son. His mother never stood for it. In the end, he is grateful for his mother keeping her foot down. Keep stating your standards, keep your foot down. Be patient. You'll see in the end, this can't end well, we all know it. You'll be grateful you stood your ground.



ZGIRL21 Posts: 67
1/10/13 10:26 A

If I were you, I'd tell him point blank that, if he doesn't change his behavior, you're done. Maybe he doesn't realize how deeply this is affecting you, and being direct with him might open his eyes to the severity of the problem.

LIBBYL1 Posts: 5,884
1/8/13 9:55 P

Hi
This is a decision only you can make. It sound though like your challenge is with your husband and not his son - and as if he has issues he has to deal with about his relationship with his son (from your story it sounds like he needs to be approved of/liked by his son). You are right in being conscious of whether or not you are losing your self. It is a process, but a two way one.


RUNNINGYOGINIRE Posts: 21,891
1/8/13 12:35 P

Hi DragonChilde,

I have been going to a therapist. It has helped me with patience in dealing with some of the stuff. Unfortunately, my husband won't go with me. His son after being in a 'Behavioral Sciences Dept' (aka Psych Ward) of a hospital did go for awhile. He stopped because he says the doctor doesn't call him back. Anyway, when he was going, he was better. I have told him to just find a different doc he would like.

In reality, marriage is a process... I have to decide if this is worst part and if I don't lose my own sense of self, it will be okay.

DRAGONCHILDE SparkPoints: (57,014)
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Posts: 9,646
1/7/13 2:10 P

Unfortunately, I don't think we can rerally make that choice for you.

Have you sought out counseling? Even if your husband won't go with you, I think that if you're seriously considering leaving over this, you need to get it for yourself.

RUNNINGYOGINIRE Posts: 21,891
1/7/13 1:27 P

My husband's son (22 yrs old) was kicked out of his mother's home after repeatedly bringing drugs into her home. So my husband volunteers to let this person move into our house. NOTE: I was not asked. After 3/4 months of insanity (not following our rules, lying, etc...), finally my husband kicked him out. The son is renting a room from someone else and is working which is good. So far, it is going okay but my husband is always funneling him cash because the kid blows his money on video games and alcohol. Also, his behavior is terrible. He makes fun of everyone, makes racist and sexist comments. IE... while watching a reality show, he made a comment that only fat white women like black guys. My husband laughs at these comments. I have tried telling the son those comments are not appropriate but then my husband gets made at me. They make me feel very uncomfortable.

My question is do I leave this relationship? The son isn't going to go away. The way things are going - I don't feel it will get better. Actually, the husband is more racist and sexist than he has ever been. If someone makes an error while driving, he says - must be chinese or mexican. I am tired of being surrounded by their negative behavior. I feel like a part of me is dying and that my husband doesn't care about how I feel.

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