My heart goes out to you but please don't feel defeated by the adversity you faced this morning. In each life a little rain must fall, they say. You sound like a strong and loving person but it is not always possible to give 100% in everything you do. Even 51% is more than half and can mean victory rather than defeat. It seems you really want to make the right choices to help transform the outer you to match the inner you so please don't give up. You can do it.
11/1/12 9:50 A
I've started over more times than I can count. Sometimes that's all I can do!
It sounds like you have very high expectations of yourself, and that's leading to beating yourself up emotionally when you think you are not achieving those expectations. It's OK to have high expectations and goals, but we are all only human after all. There is nothing at all "wrong" with you. You're not defective, or disgusting!
It might really, really help to set a very specific goal. It doesn't have to be a dramatic goal. How can you even measure if you are giving "100%"? I wouldn't know how to measure that. I can, however, count how many glasses of water I drink every day. It provides a yardstick for whether or not I am heading in the right direction.
You can do it!
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107 11/1/12 9:35 A
Your post was moving. It's tough being a mom, and we can't really control other people's feelings or actions, even our kids'. Remember they are young and going through who-knows-what in their growing, changing bodies and difficult social lives...take a deep breath, in no time they will be all grown up and doing great.
Good that you chose to "vent" here, and not in your fridge. Don't waste time criticizing yourself for not embodying the values you are trying to impart to your family. Instead praise yourself, do something supportive for yourself, be kind to yourself. Take a walk, for instance!
To be perfectly honest I am having a pretty sucky day! I had a fight with my 14 year old son and my 9 year old daughter was no less than a handful to get out of the door for school this morning. Today is supposed to be the day when I start over and give 100% in all I do--including me. I really need some words or something that will remind me that the effort is worth it...that I am worth it. I feel partly embarrassed because I feel like such a hypocrite. I am constantly telling my family that we need to follow through, stick with what we start but here I am at the beginning yet again. I really have no goal weight on the scale, or a deadline for results I just want to get my mind and heart wrapped around the importance of a better me physically, emotionally and spiritually. I want to do better. I just am having a hard time balancing all the rest of life. TIme is not an issue. I am blessed to work parttime and partially from home. Its my attitude and lack of motivation. I am disgusted in looking at my naked body in the mirror but wont do anything to change it. What is wrong with me? This issue of...I dont know what is overflowing into other areas of my life and I need to stop it but how? I figured with today being November 1st it was as good a day as any to start again. Thats a step in the right direction, right??
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