You are going thru so much right now. But you say you don't feel like eating, and when you do, you try to make wise choices. How can that be "letting yourself down"? You have to do what you can. If you don't log into spark and do everything, so be it. If you need some support, and feel like logging on, do it. SP will be here whenever you are ready.
My prayers are with you and your family as you go thru this horrible time.