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CORTNEY-LEE SparkPoints: (53,856)
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11/5/13 2:50 P

I sit at the front dispatch desk of a major trucking company so I am always getting "attention" from the opposite sex. This was something that happened even before I lost my weight.

Usually I take the compliments in stride, smile and say thanks. Sometimes I may pull the boyfriend card if the guy is a real creeper (and yes, we have LOTS of those) or other times I may compliment them back.



TINIERTINA Posts: 4,985
11/5/13 1:38 P

For the very first time in my life - ever - and I'm 59 years old now, I've had that problem ... sure, when I'd been young, kinda low-class types from time to time would flirt with me ... I'd gotten thin, and sometimes the same kind of happy weight kind of thin --- but never like THIS -- I live in Skinny Rules kind of territory (the New York City metropolitan area--two types are considered "hot" in a female of nearly any age, the other being kinda like Jackie Warner (but mainly amongst the more monied classes, I'm sure)----but-but-but as a result of wasting syndrome, and now management of disease, I am getting stared at--and strange women are asking me how I get my hair a certain color, and approached by men ...

But I channel how I used to observe young(er) lone women at the mall(s) and on the subway fend off advances and comport themselves ...

DRFOOTWEAR SparkPoints: (2,309)
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Posts: 60
11/5/13 1:01 P

Sorry, KJ. No offense; just playing. Actually, I didn't do a 'before' picture because I didn't have confidence that I would slim down. I don't want to post a current picture because I don't have anything to compare it with.
I am almost in the stage where I want to concentrate on adding muscle as opposed to losing weight(I understand that muscle burns calories and I have been using weights); kind of what you mentioned in another post about goals. I need to have a goal rather than just 'maintenance'.
What kind of weight program did you do? I want/need to do more squats,but I like to run and I invariably end up with extremely sore legs from squats. I might as well bite the bullet; the soreness will eventually go away.



JOSOP2009 Posts: 1,273
11/5/13 11:41 A

KJ--This is why you spent hours in the gym, enjoy it!

Seriously, since this is happening at work you probably need to ask HR what to do. I know she's not creeping you out (yet) but at some point she may start and having this "on the record" will help speed up resolving things before it becomes a mess. Also, you need to be on record first. At some point she may get tired of you ignoring her subtle advances and get mad. If she accuses you of sexual harassment, but you complained way before she did, well... (I know this sounds cynical but I teach HR Law and routinely have my students dig up the most bizarre news stories they can find, just to illustrate how careful you need to be. This kind of thing happens daily.)

On a personal note, this NEVER happens to me. Seriously. Never. I got no advice for you there!

PTREE15 SparkPoints: (7,104)
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Posts: 398
11/5/13 10:27 A

I have never had this problem, but if you are uncomfortable about the comments, you might want to say something to this person about them. I know where I work, comments about appearance, good are bad, are frowned upon. It's a delicate subject, and maybe she is just being nice, but if it's bothering you, you should address it with her.

LEC358 SparkPoints: (9,647)
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Posts: 2,246
11/5/13 8:26 A

While my BF and I were talking to a mutual friend (who has a long term GF), the mutual friend remarked that he had never seen me in a dress and said that I looked hot. My response was to change the subject since I still don't see myself that way. My BF's response was to say "Yeah, she is" and then kiss me. It was a nice confidence boost.

KIRSTENCO SparkPoints: (11,539)
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Posts: 214
11/5/13 7:48 A

Awesome! Go you!!!

JUSTEATREALFOOD Posts: 1,373
11/5/13 7:27 A

Say thanks. I think good health radiates a positive energy that people can't help but notice.

Most of my friends are women and I compliment them all the time. "Wow you look great. Whatever you're doing keep it up." or "Your ass looks amazing in those jeans." Kinda thing. I'm not trying to hook up with them though.

NACHTSKAI SparkPoints: (11,921)
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Posts: 536
11/5/13 6:24 A

beauty is only skin deep

TENNISJIM Posts: 10,105
11/5/13 6:23 A

i would say -- are you kidding me?

KJFITNESSDUDE Posts: 15,787
11/5/13 6:04 A

Not the "toxic" lady thank goodness!

@drfootwear: I have been nice for a long time now so you need to follow suit....btw, where's your pic? We have never seen you.

DRFOOTWEAR SparkPoints: (2,309)
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Posts: 60
11/4/13 11:39 P

I think the OP just wanted to let everyone know that someone thinks he is 'hot' emoticon .

JANIEWWJD SparkPoints: (234,137)
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Posts: 7,173
11/4/13 10:44 P

I just smile, say thank you, and keep right on going.

KAZZIE531 SparkPoints: (42,030)
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Posts: 1,101
11/4/13 8:37 P

yeah..right

GARDNSONGSTRESS SparkPoints: (14,405)
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Posts: 90
11/4/13 5:51 P

It makes me incredibly uncomfortable when someone compliments me on how I look. One of my long term goals is to enjoy compliments.

SLIMTHICK2 SparkPoints: (83,132)
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Posts: 7,149
11/4/13 4:08 P

Are you kidding me.

CAMEOSUN SparkPoints: (78,918)
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Posts: 9,952
11/4/13 3:22 P

LOL. That was my reaction. DD's high school friend (18 y.o. boy) asked her if he could be her Step-father after I met him. Hilarious.

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ROXYCARIN SparkPoints: (61,224)
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Posts: 2,641
11/4/13 3:00 P

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AZULVIOLETA6 SparkPoints: (62,609)
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Posts: 3,043
11/4/13 2:36 P

This happens to me all the time, but I've never seen it as a problem. Take the compliment and move on...

If it were happening to me a lot at work though, it might put me on guard a little bit. You don't want to be perceived as acting inappropriately, especially if you are a teacher. People have some whacky ideas about what is and isn't appropriate for teachers to do.

This isn't toxic friend/only friend lady, is it?

SHERYLDS Posts: 12,116
11/4/13 2:22 P

What is wrong with a little light hearted flirting?...Especially if there are no physical or aggressive advances going on. To me it's just another form of humor that keeps things interesting and on the bright side...rather than dull, gloomy, and mechanical.

Edited by: SHERYLDS at: 11/4/2013 (18:25)
SHKIRK Posts: 1,168
11/4/13 2:19 P

Oh just take the compliment and do not make more of it then it is. We can not control how someone else feels. As long as she stays within work boundaries -just smile and say "THANKS... I FEEL HOT" emoticon

BUNNYKICKS Posts: 2,327
11/4/13 2:15 P

I am either lacking in awareness, or lacking in hotness, because I don't find that this happens to me.

OBIESMOM2 SparkPoints: (61,851)
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Posts: 4,472
11/4/13 2:09 P

fortunately, the times that somebody at work has been overly persistent (to the point I was very uncomfortable), they backed off when I told them how they were making me feel.

the folks that I don't see as often (occasionally somebody at the grocery I frequent, for example) I just ignore.

there is one creepy guy at church that makes me want to run away screaming - I just keep my distance

MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 13,718
11/4/13 12:50 P

I don't know, I don't think that I have ever had that happen.

KJFITNESSDUDE Posts: 15,787
11/4/13 12:46 P

LOL @ "dilemma"

Any other folks out there that have this happen to them? What do you do? (original question)

OBIESMOM2 SparkPoints: (61,851)
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11/4/13 12:26 P

my reaction is usually laughter. It catches me off guard, and I tend to laugh.





ASHLEYGILLE SparkPoints: (11,171)
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11/4/13 12:22 P

What a nice "problem" to have! :)

Unless someone says something that bothers you and/or is inappropriate, I don't think you can comment on the way they look at you or simply a feeling that you get. You're right, she may be interested in you OR perhaps this is simply the way she communicates with others. How is one to really know?

Good luck with your dilemma! :)



KJFITNESSDUDE Posts: 15,787
11/4/13 11:58 A

Yeah, I don't get a creepy sense from her and she gave me another compliment today....I returned the compliment, she was wearing a nice colored blouse.

PATTIJOHNSON Posts: 2,075
11/2/13 11:10 A

I agree with MMK113. Only I would put it this way:

"Thanks -- I'll tell my girlfriend that she's not the only one who thinks so!" and then give her a wink. Then say, "Oh, BTW, excuse me -- I have to go call her about our date this evening."

Maybe if she sees that you are involved with someone else, she'll let off.

I know you didn't need this advice, but we are all giving it to you. You didn't mention if this woman is in a relationship herself. She may find it exciting to flirt, even though she can't act on it herself. It's definitely uncomfortable when people cross the line and you don't feel the same way. Flattering, yes, but how to make it stop is touchy.

At my age, I don't have much of a problem with guys kissing the ground I walk on.

Good luck here, KJ.

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KKKAREN SparkPoints: (215,991)
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Posts: 11,675
11/2/13 11:03 A

I've never had a stalker nor do I want one but if a person I meet flirts with me I'm usually flattered. I smile, say thank you and hope it happens again!

MMK113 SparkPoints: (11,141)
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Posts: 380
11/2/13 10:46 A

Smile and say "thanks my ( wife- girl friend- sig other) thinks so too"

EMPRESSAMQ Posts: 5,077
11/2/13 9:19 A

Lol, nobody has thought I was hot for a very long time so I don't have to worry about reacting to that.

FEDGIRL4 Posts: 1,948
11/1/13 7:41 P

To each his own. Different things make different people uncomfortable. I agree that, unless it gets in the way of your work or REALLY REALLY creeps you out, saying thanks and going about your business is the way to handle it. But at work, she needs to be careful not to cross that harassing line.

However, if she slinks around where you hang or visits your desk for a LONG LONG time, then it's time to talk to her about space and limits. I don't know if you have or want to mention your girlfriend because some use that as a catalyst to act worse.

MOLLYSGAN Posts: 475
11/1/13 7:07 P

I ask them to put their eye glass on, and take good 2nd look; one of them keep call me and leave message like " just want you to know am thinking about you", Just wonder when can I see you .... Please ! there is only several way to say NOT interesting, why can't people just leave people alone? go talk to some one like it, I don't have time for it.

REBCCA SparkPoints: (267,356)
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11/1/13 6:53 P

There is a fine line sometimes between compliments and creepy. Most of the time when I have recieved these sort of flirty vibes I am flattered and lifted. If it feels creepy I talk about my significant other and treat the admirer like a brother.

UMBILICAL Posts: 11,906
11/1/13 6:17 P

Not

TACDGB Posts: 6,132
11/1/13 5:53 P

I would think saying "thanks for the compliment but I am taken" would be a nice way to handle it. I get told I am hot a lot. I just say "thanks" and leave it at that. I must admit it feels good for the self esteem. I always tell Dennis that someone said that and his remark is always the same.........I told u so......!!!!

AZULVIOLETA6 SparkPoints: (62,609)
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11/1/13 3:59 P

If she is making you uncomfortable, you need to tell her that and ask her to stop.

FIRECOM SparkPoints: (107,673)
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Posts: 5,855
11/1/13 3:10 P

I am pleased to announce that at 78 yo, this is not a problem. When I was younger and grossly overweight, it wasn't a problem then either.

BLUENOSE63 SparkPoints: (101,558)
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Posts: 2,953
11/1/13 3:06 P

I smile and say thank you. The only time it has been creepy is when I am swimming lengths at the pool and a gaggle of older (read 70s) gentlemen sit in the hot tub and watch me for an hour....I mean seriously what can be so hot about a swim cap and tinted goggles!

KENDILYNN SparkPoints: (11,004)
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11/1/13 3:02 P

Unless it's crosses the line into creepy, I always assume they're just being friendly/flattering and I don't take it too personally. I've never been great at taking a compliment. My husband sometimes tells me that someone asked him how he landed such a hottie or mentions that a neighbor or someone spends a lot of time looking my way, but we're both secure enough to laugh it off.

LOVINGAFRICA Posts: 1,067
11/1/13 2:38 P

RIVETPA, I think you are just not reading the signs right.
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I am married, have learned to avoid situations that will be 'tricky' to explain. I would just 'cool down' the friendship a bit.
Hot people feel flattered, use it to boost their confidence, and treat their adoring public with bored politeness?

RIVETPA Posts: 1,160
11/1/13 2:21 P

What an interesting problem to have!

Nobody has ever found me to be remotely interesting, let alone "Hot" - can't say as I've ever gotten a second look from a girl and usually when I'm out with a friend or two I am not the one who gets the attention of anyone.



KJFITNESSDUDE Posts: 15,787
11/1/13 1:58 P

So, somebody at work or at the grocery store or just somebody (not a relative) you see every now and again thinks you're hot. You know this either because of the way they treat you or look at you or outright TOLD you that you're hot.

Suppose you got this notion several times before from that person, what's your reaction? If they aren't "hitting" on you does it bother you that they think you're hot?

"Hot" is TOTALLY subjective and is in the eyes of the beholder except, none of us can control someone else's thoughts, so do you say something to them like, "Hey, stop treating me like I'm hot." and if there are no "advances" then how do you tell them to back off?

A woman where I works thinks I'm hot stuff (oh yeah, not only do I notice this but my colleagues notice it, too). She has not made advances to me but constantly gives me compliments about my look even when I feel like CRAP! and deflated.

I always say, "Thank-You" and I don't want to go "OFF" on her and tell her to stop it because she's creeping me out, that's awful to say especially if I am WRONG and she's just being nice.......D'OH!
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I don't really need advice on this but I was just wondering what other "hot" people do in this case,.....lol.
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