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So embarrassed!



 
 
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404140
SparkPoints: (5,258)
Fitness Minutes: (5,690)
Posts: 3
2/13/13 9:23 A

I have been there where I don't want to go out because I feel too heavy. If at all possible, try to find at least one or two outfits that you feel really comfortable and confident in. It might be a pair of black pants with an elastic waist band and a great top with cool accessories. Heels always help to give me confidence too! If you don't want to spend a lot of money, consider a consignment shop since you won't be at this size very long. Hormones can really mess with your weight so best of luck with your specialist appt.



ACCEPTINGME73
Posts: 138
2/11/13 11:19 P

Absolutely. I've been there and am there. I have insecurities about my weight and thinking I will be judged. However I must say its not a healthy thing for me to hide away. I encourage you to accept what is now and love yourself the way you are. You are the same person before the weight gain and after. It is ok. You recognize you have gained some weight but don't let that dictate how you treat yourself. I have made the effort to find love and acceptance within myself and find that helpful. I get out a little more, I have confidence in who I am and have made good strides to losing weight with healthy expectations. Hugs to you. Keep at it, accept and love who you are and before you know it things will be easier and easier with your plan with food and exercise. Pop over to my SP page and add me as a friend I would love to be friends to help encourage and support you and vice versa.



SCRAPBUG1
Posts: 48
2/11/13 10:03 P

Been on both sides. Currently I've gained 50 lbs. it's so awful. I am embarrassed for people to see me this way. Ugh. I am taking one day at a time. I've lost before and can do it again



COFFEEQUEEEN
SparkPoints: (15,132)
Fitness Minutes: (21,355)
Posts: 381
1/16/13 11:41 A

For those of us that have been struggling with weight our whole lives, we get the whole "hiding out" thing. Sadly, it becomes a way of life and we stop living. It's ridiculous to let the opinion of others have such control over us, but it happens--often.

For those of us that eventually find health, we dream of re-living every moment of our life at a healthy weight. For now, I'd settle for finding a couple ex-boyfriends and showing them this booty! Ha ha

Just know that you're not alone. Although it's hard to imagine, nobody actually cares what you look like nearly as much as you do. They're too busy wondering what you think of them! Ha



LOVEXAVIE
SparkPoints: (28,006)
Fitness Minutes: (27,191)
Posts: 1,938
1/14/13 9:33 P

WANDERLUSTROUS,

So happy for you - I can tell you've totally got this!
Anyone who has the love of all those people as you do...who is smart, poised & professional enough to present in court, well, you just know you're going to emerge victorious!

I've always felt that being heavy was not easy. There's so much to contend with that those who've never faced it will never understand. I think it messes w/ our heads most by chipping away at our self-confidence. Even though outward appearance is a fraction of who we truly are.

Just the way you present yourself here on Spark, I know people are looking at you and seeing a fabulous, put-together, confident woman. And you box?! That's awesome & sounds like fun!

All the best and Woo-Hoo to you!



WANDERLUSTROUS
Posts: 482
1/14/13 5:32 P

Thanks, everyone. I definitely understand the need to feel comfortable at work in order to continue successfully in my career, even though getting dressed every morning seems like a nightmare! This is especially true on the days I have to go to court--- I didn't invest in many larger sized suits, so I'm extremely uncomfortable with the one suit I wear. I must look unprofessional with such tight clothing. Just starting out, I don't have the money to buy all new suits, especially with serious intentions to lose the weight asap.

I'll put more effort into not being as embarrassed on weekends when I socialize. I'll try to "fake it until I make it." I know my friends like me no matter what I weigh and my husband loves me no matter what, so it really is just a matter of getting out of my own head.

Love, emulating the traits of those whom I admire is a fantastic idea! It's that little self-doubting voice in my head that keeps drowning out the voice of co-workers, friends, and family--- it needs to go away. The weight gain is turning me into a bad listener! You're totally right! I have to focus less on myself (how selfish) and emotionally invest in others.

Also, I am getting on what I need to do. I wanted to ease into exercise because I didn't want to overwhelm myself, but I can't wait forever! I ordered TapOutXT! I love boxing (I was on my school's boxing team for a while) and I need to enjoy working out. It'll kick my butt, but at least I'll have (quasi) fun doing it!

I'm trying to harness this negativity into something positive- the determination to get well!!! For being such a type-A, self-made, pull myself up from my bootstraps kinda gal, I owe it to myself to propel into action and succeed despite the enormous weight gain!!!




LOVEXAVIE
SparkPoints: (28,006)
Fitness Minutes: (27,191)
Posts: 1,938
1/14/13 12:18 A

Oh my gosh, YES! Totally!! I once abandoned a grocery cart in Trader Joe's when I saw an ex-boyfriend and I didn't want him to see me heavy. So I get you loud and clear
I knew I was gaining but I guess I didn't realize it was "that bad" until my ah-ha moment, where I realized it not only was "that bad," it was worse.

Would have loved to turn into a hermit but that just wasn't practical. As an acct exec, I call on lots of different accounts and see tons of people. And part of my job is doing presentations.
Talk about no where to hide.

Since I am not independently wealthy & wanted to keep my job, I had to get my head on straight about this.
At the end of the day, people care less about what you look like as opposed to how you make them feel. Were you attentive to their requests? Listened to them? Help them obtain what they need to enable them to do their job? Were you pleasant, helpful, professional & kind - w/ good humor?
Think of people in your life who you really enjoyed being around. Emulate their traits. Conversely, what was it about the people you didn't care to be around (negativity...cattiness..poor eye contact, etc.)? Don't be them.

Just focus on being the kind of person you'd want to interact with. Get on to what you need to do so far as nutrition & exercise. The rest takes care of itself. Putting my emotional focus on others got me out of my head, which was a good thing so I would be less apt to dwell on my physical situation.
I did probably lay more low on my days off. But I simply had no choice at other times. Like the PP said, sometimes staying at home can increase the odds you'll eat more (it does for me).

Hang in there. This, too, shall pass. Be your wonderful self, have patience & a sense of humor. Keep one foot in front of the other and you'll get past this. Use this feeling to propel you to action and success.





TANGOKATE
Posts: 365
1/13/13 11:44 P

A few years back when I was really heavy, I wouldn't take my coat off in a café... ever. At restaurants I would sit first and then take my coat off and put it on before I stood up. I wouldn't go dancing with friends. I wouldn't want my picture taken and was really good at disappearing at photo time. I would only wear shapeless baggy clothes. I too have this t-shirt.

Now though, I am learning to take my coat off before I sit down. Someday, I will wear the jeans with the tucked in shirt and I might even wear sleeveless shirts. Who knows, the sky is the limit. I wear clothes that show off my body and I feel really good about standing and sitting taller. It's amazing what even the beginning of this journey and the commitment can do for us.



MINE_AH13
Posts: 83
1/13/13 11:10 P

I completely understand that feeling, I gained 50 lbs in a year and have gained another 25 in the following 4 years. It feels like every pound buries my social butterfly deeper and deeper.

I'm almost at the point that even the thought of going to the store makes me cringe. BUT I know that the last 25lbs came when I stopped going out and doing "things" so I am slowly but surely forcing myself back out, and despite how anxious and uncomfortable I feel as I walk out the door, more often than not I find myself laughing and having a genuinely good time.

My new years resolution was to try and see things in a less negative light, and in doing so Ive realized that my paranoia/shame in myself is over something really only I can see. I mean, I know people notice, but nobody dwells on it or treats me any differently because of it. As far as strangers opinions, I really don't care because my building social anxiety isn't leaving me room for new friends.

There are two quotes/sayings that I absolutely adore when I'm trying to find the courage and/or drive to go out and be the girl that the fat has hidden. "Fake it 'till you make it" ~anon. and "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

Edited by: MINE_AH13 at: 1/13/2013 (23:11)


WANDERLUSTROUS
Posts: 482
1/13/13 10:13 P

I won't even say officially how much I weigh because I'm painfully embarrassed by the number. (My tracker is not accurate) I lost weight this summer for my wedding by being an idiot and crash dieting. I took the bar exam, moved back home with my husband to my mom's (where it was impossible to eat well), and started my first job. 6 months later and I'm up 50 lbs!!! I knew I wasn't making the best choices, but by no means did my behavior warrant a 50 lb gain!

I have some hormonal imbalances, and I have an appointment to see a specialist on March 1st. Until then I've been conscience of what I'm eating and I'm easing into working out. I know the scale is just a number, but that number was brutal! I've never weighed even close to this amount.

I don't want to go out. I don't want people to see me until I get smaller. Has anyone else ever wanted to hide until you lose weight?

Edited by: WANDERLUSTROUS at: 1/13/2013 (22:14)


 
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