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TWINMOM555 Posts: 130
8/8/11 10:34 A

Hi Hope,

One piece of advice I received that I still hold on to regarding weight loss is that you can't just stop a particular behavior without replacing it with something else. Nature abhors a vacuum, so if you reach for food (like most of us do) for comfort, you need to replace that action with something else. I turned to crochet for awhile and it really did help. Keeping my hands busy helped me retrain my stress instinct to not reach for food. I still slip up but not as often now.

Also, can you ask the hospital about any support groups they know of for caregivers? if you could spend a bit of time with others in your situation, it may help you come up with some ideas and provide some much needed support. I know it is incredibly difficult being in your position, which is even more reason to make sure you take time for yourself. Keeping you in my prayers!

AGAIN4ME Posts: 194
8/8/11 10:16 A

All good ideas and some I will use. Not taking a walk in 100 degree weather but might consider getting a massage. I've been thinking how good that would feel for a long time. I am going to enjoy my break and take advantage of every minute of peace. On the plus side, I don't need to sit here and watch him eat buckets of food..
Time for some relaxing Tai Chi.

MBW209 Posts: 82
8/8/11 3:58 A

I am glad you are getting a bit of a break for whatever reason and I hope you will find some ways to nurture yourself while he is in the hospital. I know food will be a part of that, but maybe just going for a short walk in a beautiful place or window shopping (just because you can and you are "off the clock" for now) would help you feel less drained as well. I also have a husband who is quite ill and I know how exhausting it is to do all you do even though you know tomorrow he will probably be worse instead of better...guess it is better not to go there in your head, if you can avoid it. It is what it is, but we don't have to focus on that part of it, right? Maybe this hospitalization is God's little gift to you - time to just "be" instead of always having to do everything right and having to think for both of you. Of course, I support your efforts to stick to a healthy eating plan, but maybe giving yourself permisson to be less than totally responsible in every way for a few days will be more helpful to you in the long run?


AGAIN4ME Posts: 194
8/8/11 1:09 A

Hi All,
Yes, my husband has dementia and is a very sick man. It is driving me crazy and no, I have no support. Our only daughter threw us away over a year ago because of his illnesses and didn't want anything unpleasant in her life. She also said my being fat was disgusting and she didn't want me around the grand daughters either. Didn't want them to think fat is okay.

I did buy GOOD chocolate and I ate one piece slowly and it tasted awful. So a little while later I tried another and it was still not as good as I remembered. They finally tasted pretty good by the time I finished the bag of 12 pieces. Lindor white Chocolate Truffles. I doubt I'll ever buy them again but I am not going to deprive myself either. I will just try to be careful to be sure the calories fit into my daily count.

Yes, Hubby went a bit off and he is now hospitalized with dementia. They just don't know which disease is causing it. Or if it's the combination of meds since we added the Parkinson's meds. I have no support. I only know two people in the neighborhood. We have been isolated a long time with one or the other being ill. I know while he isn't here, I will be more relaxed and not eat for the sake of eating. It doesn't matter what they find is causing this episode but as long as I get a break I don't care. I know when he comes home he won't have improved any, just progressed and if they find cancer on his liver as they suspect, it won't matter either because he won't treat.

I do have a psychologist with whom I can talk about anything. I have one online buddy that helps me a lot and two women I talk to on the phone almost daily. That's my support system. And now SparkPeople where I feel I belong and can benefit from and help others in this battle to lose weight. Being a caregiver is a job with no satisfaction as the person you care for never gets well. It gets harder to face the inevitable every day. I will recommit myself and no more whole bags of chocolate at one time. In reality, I can normally live with one or two pieces, just not always.
Thank you all ever so much,

TWINMOM555 Posts: 130
8/8/11 12:28 A

From what I understand, you are the caregiver for your husband who has dimentia, correct? Being a primary caregiver is extremely stressful. Do you have someone who can come for w bit to give you a break? You need to find a way to still engage with a hobby and the outside world. My stepmom cared for my dad until he passed away last month and she was amazing. However, she never made time for herself and it was very hard on her. She gained a lot of weight because food was the only way she could comfort herself.

Please find some support if you don't have any. And put the chocolate in the freezer. It takes longer to eat that way!:)

CMESPARK Posts: 383
8/7/11 5:49 P

Good luck- I think most people can relate.

Just stay strong and move on!

ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (197,057)
Fitness Minutes: (294,223)
Posts: 27,065
8/7/11 2:31 P


We all have moments when we've eaten something we thought we'd enjoy only to discover it wasn't that good in the first place. Don't beat on yourself because you ate more than you should have. These things have happened to us all.

Don't starve yourself for the rest of the week because you ate too much chocolate. Instead, eat more mindfully. Try to eat more wholesome foods. Try to eat more fresh fruit and veggies. Make sure you drink plenty of water. You don't need to be punished because you ate the chocolate.

One thing to remember is that Spark People isn't about deprivation. It's all about moderation and portion control. Yes, even chocolate can be a part of a healthy lifestyle as long as you are mindful of the portion.

I would recommend ditching all the "cheap" chocolate and replace it with better quality chocolate. That means shelling out $3-$5 a bar for good quality chocolate. Here's what I've found, the cheap chocolate doesn't taste any good any more. You literally have to eat an entire bag before you seem to get even a slight hint of flavor. That's why I pay extra for better quality chocolate. Try Dove dark dark chocolate some time. Sit and savor the piece. Don't inhale it like a Hoover. the faster a person eats, the less likely they are of tasting the food.

Take time to sit and enjoy that piece or two of chocolate. It really will taste better than a cheap stuff. The cheap stuff does taste waxy. So, no more cheap stuff. Buy the chocolates that have 60-70% cocoa content. You'll find that all you need to be satisfied is one or two pieces. That's how rich it is.

So, don't worry ! Everything is going to be fine. Trade the cheap chocolate in for the better quality stuff. Then you allow yourself to have 1-2 pieces. eat it slowly. No deprivation. All things in moderation.

KODIAK13 SparkPoints: (16,025)
Fitness Minutes: (12,929)
Posts: 143
8/7/11 12:35 P

I am a recovering choco-holic who also ate it for emotional reasons. I totally get what you went through and why. Everyone else here has said it but it bears repeating. We will all make choices that weren't as smart as what we want in retrospect, but we must learn to move past them without letting it knock us down permanently. Learning to eat well, exercise regularly is just part of the weight loss and maintenance journey. Another critical part is learning how to cope when we don't eat well. When we take a step back. It's not a one step back that hurts us, it's the third, fourth and fifth step back and continuing on in that direction because we let ourselves play the blame game and give in to the negative emotions that we feel for 'failing'. There isn't a one of us that is perfect and our world around us is filled with stress points. Learning to cope is a big part of the battle and in that learning process, we're going to fall from time to time.

*hugs* Here's to a better day!

AGAIN4ME Posts: 194
8/7/11 11:31 A

Thanks everyone,
It was nice to come here and find the encouragement that I needed. I know I have to just pick myself up and keep going. I need to remember one slip isn't a disaster when this is a lifetime journey. That doesn't mean it won't happen again bur it has shown me this isn't the end of the world, just a little blip on the radar of life.
The emotional problem is still here but today I got up late and after stripping and remaking the bed, I went on to do 20 minutes of Tai Chi with deep breathing. Now I'll eat a healthy breakfast and try to avoid getting caught up in the drrama going on around me. I have to find ways to channel the emotional eating to emotional exercise. Don't ask me how but it's a goal, a work in progress,

AMZY68 Posts: 400
8/7/11 9:03 A

Don't worry about it, we all make mistakes. At least you've learnt from this one, that eating CAN'T solve your problems and that you have to address the real issue. Tomorrow's a new day: I hope it's a positive one for you!

SP_COACH_NANCY SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (112,042)
Posts: 46,222
8/7/11 8:58 A

Hi Hope,

It's so easy for us to focus on all the could've, would've, should'ves instead on the positive things that we do.

Changing life-long habits takes dedication, determination, and most of all time. So many of us have made unhealthy habits such a big part of our life that it is going to take more than a few weeks or months to truly integrate the new habits into our lives so that we no longer have to think we just do.

If you look at this journey as a quick means to get to a certain number on the scale only to go back to the way you used to live, you will not keep it off for long.

Just by making small permanent changes into your life can lead to big results down the road. There is no place for perfection in this journey we call healthy living. One oopsie moment doesn't mean we have blown it for the day...we always have the opportunity to make healthy choices any time.

Every day brings the opportunity of new beginnings...if you fall, pick yourself back up and carry on and know that your SparkPeople friends are here to help you along.

I hope this helps! I wish you well!


8/7/11 8:39 A

I know what you mean about the chocolate. I eat stuff sometimes cause I am craving it or it sounds good, and I will sit there and think. "why am I eating this? it doesn't taste that great" but I will not stop. It is frustrating but you will learn from it. I have actually stopped myself before I eat something, and tell myself (just as the other post said) that didn't taste good last time, so I am not gonna waste my calories on it. It will get better!!

HELZIE Posts: 509
8/7/11 7:59 A

You only ate them out of habit, it's what you automatically go for. Part of the process is learning other ways of dealing with things...not involving chocolate! Everyone does it, the important thing is to move on, start afresh and next time, remember how that chocolate wasn't up to scratch, didn't taste as good. It will help you make better choices if you learn from these mistakes.
Good Luck with your new day!

REDSHOES2011 SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (66,181)
Posts: 7,159
8/7/11 2:28 A

emoticon tomorrows another day.. Don't have chocolate bars at home.. Can't eat was isn't available..

AGAIN4ME Posts: 194
8/7/11 1:15 A

I was feeling sooooo good. Two weeks and those were easy. I spent time finding my way around but still get lost. Now, now I ate for emotional reasons only. I wasn't hungry. The chocolate didn't even taste the same. All waxy and horrible. I ate them all. All 880 calories of them but never got my chocolate rush. Just felt crappy and thought about not adding it to my nutrition counter but I knew it didn't matter. I had eaten them and not writing them down wasn't going to make the calories go away.
I'm trying not to beat myself up but I have had a very emotional day. Hubby had a bad day and if you understand dementia, after a great day yesterday I felt like I missed something in his care. The strain can be unbearable at times so I have to learn not to internalize it so much.
Now I'm going to put myself to bed and pray for sleep and a better day tomorrow. I promise myself to stop and read some of the wonderful motivational stories tomorrow and try harder to use the tools here.
God Bless, Hope

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