Dear CRISSYLYN2, My heart goes out to you. And being a single parent of two teenage boys, and divorced from an ex, his total existence is to use kids as a property pawn and cruel mental games, then emotionally/mentally attacking me too, revenge....I have realized "divorce" does not equal "free" from ex and the continuous harm. I share this because I want to tell you what I have learned....1) recognize and experience your emotions. It is grueling and exhausting, fluctuating. But keep finding ways to work through the emotions. Look for a divorce support group at a local church. They are typically free. They really help you identify triggers and ways to manage the "whirlwind" of divorce (which help you regain energy), regardless if you are a religious person. 2) on your worst days, keep telling yourself "this is temporary". it is not fun, painful, hurtful (he knows all the buttons to push), but it IS temporary. There IS light at the end of the tunnel. And you taking care of your physical body is a very admiral step to get you to "the light". 3) set realistic expectations....you are not "free" from ex using every way, including your son, to sabotage you. Life does not become perfect once ex gone. you have a LOT on your plate and it TAKES TIME. Be patient. Don't think "perfect", think "how do I improve my quality of life at THIS given point". 4) the only thing you can control is YOU. Ex no longer has that control. So you find the 10min to run stairs, etc and laugh at the idea that he no longer effects your decision to take care of YOU. Work on turning him and dealings with him as a business and scheduling relationship and do your best to take the emotion out of it. Be very brief and do not waste anymore of your precious time "unraveling" over him or letting him un-nerve you. 5) use exercise to deal with stress. 6) GOOD, consistent, conscientious eating. use nutrition as your "steady" to fuel your body. Dont let nutrition take the same roller coaster ride and send your body through ups and downs. 7) make sure to keep up your sleep. Tell yourself, "the sun always comes up in the morning and tomorrow is a new day". Keep taking small steps because collectively they WILL bring about success. 8) find ways for you and son to stay connected and physically active. ie frisbie golf at the park, batting cages, water aerobics or swimming laps together. if he is in sports, for the first 30min of practice you brisk walk and then watch his last 30min of practice. Think about scheduling physical activities, one on one time. it will help him reduce stress, stay bonded with you, help him develop fitness habits, see he has a strong mom who empowers herself, and gives "car ride" times where teens FINALLY open up to talk. You CAN and WILL do this. Find ways to get to the source and battle the emotional exhaustion and it will help your personal fitness goals.
Edited by: FIREFLY362 at: 8/24/2011 (15:24)