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FENWAYGIRL18 Posts: 5,868
12/12/13 3:33 P

She doesn't sound like a true friend, I'd call her more of an acquaintance now.... I wouldn't make plans with her again and just keep her a text friend or FB.... she's not worth getting frustrated about, clean your life of so called friends like that and enjoy your real ones who don't cancel out on you.... have a good holiday season!

EMPRESSAMQ Posts: 5,077
12/12/13 3:30 P

No reason to feel guilty but things happen and people change, however, for me, that wouldn't be cause to write someone off as a friend either.

Personally, I need all the friendship in this world that I can get, so I'd go visit the person if I were able and she wanted me to, but otherwise, just shrug and not worry about it.

But removing people from my life, although I've done it for good reason at times, is not something I want to do.

SUPERMODEL2BE SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (4,508)
Posts: 336
12/12/13 2:38 P

I have a friend like that too. I always have to drive to her. She is having a destination wedding, I'm not going :)

SHERYLDS Posts: 17,361
12/12/13 2:17 P

Do what makes you feel deserve to enjoy the holiday.
If it feels like an obligation, then don't.
Life is short.

RIET69 SparkPoints: (47,087)
Fitness Minutes: (11,285)
Posts: 3,116
12/12/13 1:23 P

In my opinion: feeling guilty = waste of time. Don't do it if you can help it. EVER

TRI_BABE Posts: 2,968
12/12/13 11:22 A

Yeah saved me from having to cancel on her in reverse and proved my theory on her as well.

Another friend may have a party and/or go skiing, so that's an option. I'm also OK with staying at home for NYE, it is not really that special of a day for me, I don't start the year with resolutions or that this is some sort of brand new start. Any day can be a brand new start if that's what the person chooses.

Christmas I'll be with my family but she and I hadn't planned for that anyway.

FAITHP44 Posts: 8,583
12/12/13 10:58 A

Well, that's probably good news. But I hope you have good plans for Christmas and New Year. Have a great time whatever you do.

TRI_BABE Posts: 2,968
12/12/13 10:39 A

HAHAHA just updating this, No, I don't have to feel guilty at all, because SHE just canceled out on me... unsurprisingly... said she just found out family is coming into town, LOL so I don't have to think of a reason now, I'm already out of the situation. So she actually did ME a favor and I know in the future what to do with this.

Thanks all!!

CPRCINDYC SparkPoints: (10,043)
Fitness Minutes: (2,295)
Posts: 200
12/9/13 2:11 P

Don't feel guilty at all. Relationships are all about give and take and balance... It shouldn't be just one sided. Do what you want!

JOYCECAIN SparkPoints: (137,463)
Fitness Minutes: (95,160)
Posts: 3,627
12/8/13 7:21 A

Do not feel guilty. I agree with the others. Meet half way. Do not fret over this.

1SHEYLA Posts: 8,767
12/8/13 6:13 A


JANIEWWJD SparkPoints: (564,374)
Fitness Minutes: (345,407)
Posts: 15,898
12/7/13 9:35 P

You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. Go on with your life and be HAPPY!!!!!

JBALDWIN29 Posts: 5,136
12/7/13 7:55 P

I wouldn't, she really should take the ride to see you.

HARPIE Posts: 279
12/7/13 6:16 P


FAITHP44 Posts: 8,583
12/7/13 5:47 P

I agree with the others that you shouldn't feel guilty. If you want one more shot at the friendship you could try inviting her to stay with you - maybe over New Year or, as someone else has said, meeting half way. But if it's always you doing the running it's not an equal friendship.

TRI_BABE Posts: 2,968
12/7/13 4:35 P

Ok. We were roommates during part of a Master's program in college, and pretty much best friends. I will say she did ask me this year to drive with her to move some more things from her old place across country, and I did say no, because I honestly had other things going on and couldn't. I don't know if that set the tone for things now, or what.

I'll take some of the responsibility. As a workaholic, I didn't put an emphasis on building strong friendships in the past, and I think your own attitude attracts others into your life that reflect that attitude. Simlarly, I also didn't make myself a priority, and again, if you don't do that, you will attract others in your life who also don't make you a priority. With my recent (and ongoing) weight loss, I am changing my life. If I want people of quality in my life, I need to act the same toward others as well.

Maybe it's kind of like when you lose weight, you have to get rid of your old clothes that don't fit anymore, even if you liked some of them from before. I guess the same can be said of relationships and other things in our lives that no longer fit with who we are, who we've become, now.

I used to be a personal trainer and found with my clients, they often got stronger mentally and emotionally with the physical changes. Maybe the same is happening to me as well, and I'm starting to see people on that new level, too.

LADYCJM SparkPoints: (57,456)
Fitness Minutes: (36,342)
Posts: 2,545
12/7/13 4:30 P

The only guilt should be on her part for not returning the favor of a visit. I would keep her as a FB friend if you want but leave it up to her to schedule a visit with you. And then see her only if you really want to and it's convenient for you.

MANDIETERRIER1 Posts: 17,452
12/7/13 3:49 P

I would 'not' feel guitly

ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (197,004)
Fitness Minutes: (294,148)
Posts: 27,058
12/7/13 3:21 P


Nah, no need to feel guilty. While we all hope to keep a friend for as long as possible, some times friendships do grow apart. People change and so do relationships/friendships. If going out with her on New Year's doesn't seem right for you, it's okay to tell her you both should make other plans.

These things happen. Just be honest.

FIELDWORKING SparkPoints: (29,946)
Fitness Minutes: (64,745)
Posts: 748
12/7/13 3:05 P

I wouldn't feel guilty about it. Perhaps, if you guys want to see each other, meet halfway (an hour and half from home) and hang out. I just wouldn't mention visiting her anymore. Don't make plans to go. If she asks why you haven't visited her, ask her why she hasn't visited you. I don't know what your relationship with her was like in the past, but I'd not worry about it. There is no telling why she didn't visit you when she was in town. Maybe it was intentional, maybe not. Maybe she thought you were busy. If you know she's going to be in the area, ask if she'd like to go to lunch or come to your house for supper. Maybe this is a friendship that is on its way out (not in a bad way, but meaning that you two have grown apart).

LOUNMOUN Posts: 1,334
12/7/13 2:57 P

I wouldn't feel guilty. It sounds like you two have grown apart. It happens.
I personally would keep someone like that on my facebook or e-mail friend list but not count on them to be there if I needed something or go out of my way to visit them.

TRI_BABE Posts: 2,968
12/7/13 2:31 P

I have a friend that I said I would come visit sometime soon, she lives about 3 1/2 hours (driving) away from me. I already visited her this year, and last year helped her move and drive cross country as well.

However, she hasn't come to visit me, and has been in my area at least twice this year yet has not stopped by to see me for various reasons (busy, or with other relatives who were tired and wanted to go home, etc... though I saw she stopped by to visit other friends en route back to her place). I am not in her area unless I go visit her. She has family that lives in or near the town that I do.

She is supportive when I have a problem, via email, texts or Facebook messages, but doesn't always reply either, unless my message is positive/fluffy in nature. It feels semi-fair weather.

I was supposed to go visit her a few weeks ago, but several days before I got sick. Before I said if I could still come visit or not, she jumped in with, "It's too bad you can't come now," and then it seemed like she had already made other plans, so she had added in, "If you get better and want to come, you can still join us." It made me feel like she got a better offer and used me being sick as an excuse to go with the others. So in part for that (and not feeling well) I didn't go.

We are supposed to have New Year's together, but now I sort of don't want to, even if it means me just staying home and relaxing. Should I feel guilty about this? Could I just be reading too much into it? I'm removing the clutter from my life and want to include only high-quality things... including my friends and relationships.

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