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TALLAROO Posts: 347
8/25/11 7:46 P

I can offer a suggestion for the conversation. Tell her:
1. ...that you're unhappy with your lifestyle (that's 'your' singular, not 'your' plural) and you're going to make some changes.
2. ...that you'd love it if she would get involved with you. Make this in positive statements. 'I'm going to try one new healthy recipe each week; would you try it with me?' Not 'We should really stop eating Twinkies.' 'I'm going to do one active hobby every Saturday; I hope you'll join me.' Not 'We've got to stop playing computer games.'
3. ...that if she doesn't want to participate, you're sorry you'll inevitably see less of each other, but you hope she'll support you.

If it were me, before I brought it up I would try to take sole responsibility for my current health. Even a little thought that it's someone else's fault that I'm fat would be poisonous.

MARRIKA Posts: 76
8/25/11 4:12 P

many times your loved ones will see you do something and see the benefits of it and wish it for themselves. I bet if she sees you become more active and healthy then she will want that. If she tries to drag you back down to where you don't want to be then that is just not being supportive. My husband can eat whatever the heck he wants but he sees me watch what I eat and has gone to healthier choices now. There are times he tried to convince me to eat "Just a piece" of cake but I politley decline (most of the time) and if he says something like "I love you no matter what your weight is." I reply with showing him "fat" pictures and ask if he would like me to look like that again... he backs down. Sometimes you have to do what is good for you and focus on that and soon others will want to have what you have.

KYALII SparkPoints: (42)
Fitness Minutes: (665)
Posts: 3
8/25/11 12:50 P

So do I have the right to make her skinny?

Apologizes in advance for the length, and thanks in advance for reading it...

Before I started dating my girlfriend, I weighed 120-125 (I'm 5'1", but had MUSCLE), wore a size 6, did martial arts, rode horses occasionally, and was on an intramural team at our university for part of the year. I wasn't ready to run a marathon or anything, but I was in pretty good shape, and considered myself healthy. I was vigilant about what I put into my body, having been overweight through middle and high school, and coming from an obese family. Then I started dating my girlfriend. This December, we will have been together for two years, and I now weigh at least 180 (I've given up on looking, I don't want to know anymore), wear a size 14, and consider it an accomplishment to make it through 25 push-ups on my knees. My girlfriend comes from a poor obese family where meat and potatoes was all that made it on to the menu and nutrition is based on a bunch of half-truths and guesses. She played sports throughout high school, but went to a K-12 with 300 kids in it - they weren't exactly competitive, and she would have never made it in most places - coaches would have taken one look at her (shes obese, has been for her entire life) and laughed. Needless to say, she doesn't do anything active now that we're at university, except the occasional visit to the gym.

We've lived together for a year now, which is where I've noticed nearly all of my weight gain. I think its safe to say that my relationship has made me fat. In order to spend less money and have more time with her, I've given up martial arts and horses (we are both REALLY busy, so that sort of time commitment would give us almost no time together). I also started conforming to her habits - eating more of bad food, and playing video games or sitting on the computer instead of going out and doing something, because my idea of exercise was not fun for her. I love her so much, and would love to spend the rest of my life with her, but our lifestyle is starting to get to the point where I can't handle it. I promised myself I'd never go back to this fat, unattractive, unhealthy self, and yet here I am. I can't change without her changing with me - our lives are too intertwined at this point. How do I sit her down and say, 'look, we need to change?' Do I have the right to tell her to change? I know shes taken a long time to become comfortable with her body, and I don't want to take that away from her. But I want her to be healthy, and I want me to be healthy. Is that unfair to ask?

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