So do I have the right to make her skinny?
Apologizes in advance for the length, and thanks in advance for reading it...
Before I started dating my girlfriend, I weighed 120-125 (I'm 5'1", but had MUSCLE), wore a size 6, did martial arts, rode horses occasionally, and was on an intramural team at our university for part of the year. I wasn't ready to run a marathon or anything, but I was in pretty good shape, and considered myself healthy. I was vigilant about what I put into my body, having been overweight through middle and high school, and coming from an obese family. Then I started dating my girlfriend. This December, we will have been together for two years, and I now weigh at least 180 (I've given up on looking, I don't want to know anymore), wear a size 14, and consider it an accomplishment to make it through 25 push-ups on my knees. My girlfriend comes from a poor obese family where meat and potatoes was all that made it on to the menu and nutrition is based on a bunch of half-truths and guesses. She played sports throughout high school, but went to a K-12 with 300 kids in it - they weren't exactly competitive, and she would have never made it in most places - coaches would have taken one look at her (shes obese, has been for her entire life) and laughed. Needless to say, she doesn't do anything active now that we're at university, except the occasional visit to the gym.
We've lived together for a year now, which is where I've noticed nearly all of my weight gain. I think its safe to say that my relationship has made me fat. In order to spend less money and have more time with her, I've given up martial arts and horses (we are both REALLY busy, so that sort of time commitment would give us almost no time together). I also started conforming to her habits - eating more of bad food, and playing video games or sitting on the computer instead of going out and doing something, because my idea of exercise was not fun for her. I love her so much, and would love to spend the rest of my life with her, but our lifestyle is starting to get to the point where I can't handle it. I promised myself I'd never go back to this fat, unattractive, unhealthy self, and yet here I am. I can't change without her changing with me - our lives are too intertwined at this point. How do I sit her down and say, 'look, we need to change?' Do I have the right to tell her to change? I know shes taken a long time to become comfortable with her body, and I don't want to take that away from her. But I want her to be healthy, and I want me to be healthy. Is that unfair to ask?