@Bluenose: I have been told many times that in both virtual and real life I have a way of making things sound absoluTe without the possibility of alternative answers which, in my opinion, could NOT be further from the truth. I think it's because I exude confidence to an annoying level.
Fitness Minutes: (268,600)
9,996 4/11/14 11:38 P
My daughter, my husband, and I are able to talk wherever and whenever we needed to. The setting was not that important, the discussions were. That's the way it was when I was growing up too;.
Fitness Minutes: (82,255)
4/11/14 8:39 P
Face it ....you make a listing impression with your posts! As for my settings....the dinner table as there are no outside distractions!
@B-C: no worries, it's just that IHMF use to give me a seriously hard time about the threads I use to start or replies I made and would follow me around SP making snarky comments after mine, that's what almost got me kicked off of the site because I would "defend" myself and then got reported as the aggressor. Necro-Threading is fine but funny, thanks for the compliment, brother.
KJ I like to visit past threads and find what interesting especially if not much interesting in the current discussions. I picked about 4 from yesteryear and you just happen to be one of them. I guess you come up with interesting subjects that needs bumping to the top of the list.
hmmmmmmmmmm.....other than Chuck's love for Necro-Threading my threads I am sensing another theme from these resurrected threads....a certain former SP member (posted below) who resembles a current SP member that uses similar language. *hmmmmmm*
We used to use the "dinning-table" to discuss really important subjects, but now that the kids are adults with kids of there own we normally sit around the living room and discuss there problems they want to talk about.
It depends on the importance of the topic and the personality of the other person. My favorite setting is 2 comfortable chairs in the living room with no tv on. It's a nice big room, no one is sitting in the position of dominance, no distractions.
I prefer to discuss most problems in private. I think problems should be talked about asap but I would wait to talk until we could be somewhere private without distractions or anger. I might tell someone I had something to talk to them about but I would not leave them hanging for days. In our family, bedrooms are places where we might go to talk over problems mainly because they are quiet and private. If problems concern a group of people then it may be around the table would work well. I think I am pretty direct about getting to the point of what is bothering me. I usually think through what I want to get across before I start the conversation and try to achieve understanding between both parties- not punishment, shaming or scoring points.
With the kids, I found that the good old fashioned dining table talks work the best. Anywhere else just offers more distraction. Also, have to have the TV off, radio off, computer off, no noise, nothing on the table to fiddle with. No yelling. Everyone gets a chance to voice their opinions on how to fix the problem. Also, no tears -- just reasonable, thoughtful talk, no matter your age, until a solution is agreed upon.
With anyone else, never while driving. It's totally distracting. Outside settings, like taking a walk with someone or sitting on a bench under a shady tree while discussing a problem seems to be less confrontational.
Fitness Minutes: (11,796)
5,855 4/16/13 10:59 A
If the discussion will probably lead to some negative thoughts, I do it in private. Likewise, if the discussion is going to be in a positive nature and intended to be supportive, I might like to take in a private setting.
It depends on the individual you are addressing, and reading your post shows me that you know that since you listed several people and their preferences. I have learned each member of my immediate family is different on how they like to talk or be approached for discussion or what have you. Your title reads what yours? My ideal away to be talked to is anywhere as long as it is away from others, and a talk meaning no loud voice or angry look. I prefer to be talked to when problem arises, rather then later so I can try to fix the problem.
My friends dad, when we were kids, would always want to solve problems or confront my friend by telling him there were going to sit down at the dining room table and talk about whatever it is they needed to talk, a CLASSIC and antiquated way to deal with things with that impending doom feeling.....
Me? It depends on who I'm having to talk to about serious problems. For my daughters I know they respond well when I come to them wherever they're sitting and then I start a conversation not related to the topic, I almost never go to them mad and angry, I can't say the right words then and I end up making things worse so I now use this approach.
My ex-wife was a "right here, right now" kinda person. The problem with that is it could be anywhere at anytime in front of anyone. She would put me on the defense immediately and would badger me to respond immediately so I would NOT have time to "measure" my words which made her mad all the time because she'd think I was speaking without passion or lying.
My Mom was well known for her kitchen table talks, I never suspected there was something important to discuss until I was already deep into the conversation. She liked to give me long examples about life situations to help put things In perspective for me (you kinda know this about me already just from this post alone, lol). She was awesome because the end part of the conversations were always "so do the right thing" kinda message like in those Lassie TV shows where Timmy's dad would tell him the moral of the story at the end.
My gf likes to discuss serious problems either while we're driving or on the phone (she's an introvert and quiet & shy to boot), she can't look me in the eye to tell me I'm doing something wrong or bothering her, she says it's because she's afraid I'll be upset. I never am as I know if I want to keep her not only will I keep my cool but I won't use any kind of discussion techniques on her (aka Jedi Mind Tricks).
What about you? Is there a certain way you like to solve or discuss problems? While shopping? While doing an activity like golfing or walking?
SparkPeople, SparkCoach, SparkPages, SparkPoints, SparkDiet, SparkAmerica, SparkRecipes, DailySpark, and other marks are trademarks of SparkPeople, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
SPARKPEOPLE is a registered trademark of SparkPeople, Inc. in the United States, European Union, Canada, and Australia. All rights reserved.