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GRAMCRACKER46 Posts: 1,400
12/12/12 11:01 A

46 years of marriage and my DH is still saying the wrong thing. And yes, he thinks he is the solution guy and criticism is a loving gesture. Wow, I thought I was the only one with a guy like that.

My need a different sweater. We all have clothes that are flattering and less than flattering and they can even be the same size!


"It's not what you eat between Christmas and New Years that matters, it's what you eat between New Years and Christmas that counts. "

Sharon from Florida

MORTIZ8234 Posts: 742
12/12/12 9:43 A

When a youngster calls me "Mister."

ANDIGATOR Posts: 127
12/12/12 8:58 A

LACIEKAY, spot on!! I bet he was trying to fix your problem for you. Most guys I know do this!

SOLYHICO Posts: 75
12/12/12 8:50 A

i read somewhere recently that most (all?) hollywood actresses wear spanx or even double up the spanx under their dresses/gowns on the red carpet etc...
being thin does not mean you will be smooth and bump/roll free!

AMANDALOVE0525 SparkPoints: (1,605)
Fitness Minutes: (45)
Posts: 18
12/10/12 12:46 P

Your husband definitely did not call you fat. I understand where your coming from though, or at least when I hear my husband say something that in girl language translates to "you're fat", I know that I need to work on my self esteem. I know that my husband loves me and would NEVER intentionally hurt my feelings. If you feel like he was saying that or think he would actually intentionally hurt your feelings, you need to either look at how you feel about yourself or look at your relationship with your husband.

COXBETH SparkPoints: (8,174)
Fitness Minutes: (3,770)
Posts: 467
12/8/12 7:10 P

I was going to comment on the "he never said you were fat" angle, but it's covered above. I guarantee if it was my husband, he'd have meant it in a helpful way - like, "Use your Spanx today and keep the sweater because I know that if you want to firm up, you'll make it happen."

Of course, my husband has explained in the past that he thinks that criticism is loving. He wants me to tell him things like, "You've been letting yourself go and you're not really looking your best in that bathing suit. Are you going to change your diet or are you going to start running again?" He honestly finds it sexy that I challenge him like that. Let me reiterate: He finds me criticizing his body a turn-on. (shakes head)

We had to have a conversation about how I don't feel the same. He still doesn't understand that and makes comments I don't like sometimes. It helps to know where it's coming from though and it helps that he is trying to be more aware of the fact that I hear "You are fat" when he thinks he's saying "You are a strong enough person that I think you can do anything."

Yesterday is but a dream, tomorrow but a vision. But today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope. Look well, therefore, to this day.

~From the poem "Salutation to the Dawn" generally attributed to Kalidasa ~
SLIMMERKIWI SparkPoints: (176,439)
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Posts: 23,165
12/8/12 6:10 P

Your husband didn't say you were fat - that was YOUR take on it!

Overall a man's choice of words to say something is often quite different from a woman's. - have you read that Mars/Venus book? If you are wearing a size 4 there is no way you are fat!

I would ignore the comment and DEFINITELY your take on the comment, and just replace it with a better fitting one - it may even be that they style isn't the best - just because a person is slim (and yes, you ARE slim) doesn't mean that all clothes styles will look great!


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LUANN_IN_PA Posts: 17,583
12/8/12 5:00 P

" my "ever-so-loving" mate is calling me fat?!"

He did not say that at all.

YOU know you are not fat, don't you? There is no reason to take his words that way.

He probably just parroted what he heard you say a time or two...

�We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.�
~ Randy Pausch

"There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results."
~ Art Turock

"We have a saying in Tibet: If a problem can be solved, there is no use worrying about it. If it can't be solved, worrying will do no good."
~ 7 Years in T
LACIEKAY SparkPoints: (7,142)
Fitness Minutes: (1,802)
Posts: 194
12/8/12 3:53 P

hum... i'd venture to say that your husband was just trying to offer a solution to your problem. men tend to think that way. if you present a problem, they think they have to fix it. i doubt he meant anything negative by it. you're a size 4 after all. any ''roll'' you have is surely not to be confused with being fat.. even by a clueless husband emoticon

"Discontent is the source of all trouble,
but also of all progress, in individuals and nations."
Berthold Auerbach
"Half of the failures in life come from pulling one's horse when he is leaping."
Thomas Hood
DROPCONE Posts: 1,592
12/8/12 3:24 P

I say blame it on the sweater!

Seriously, you know you're tiny. The wrong clothes will make anyone look bad, though. You don't need Spanx. You need a different sweater!

Some people (your husband in this case), don't have the ability to analyze that type of thing at first glance, though. Or he's clueless and thought you were trying to figure out a way to not have to return the sweater. Everyone has clothes that strong undergarments improve, not just fat people!

My Sparkpage is set to private, but I'm open to SparkMail!

"People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing--that's why we recommend it daily." - Zig Ziglar
12/8/12 12:48 P

Something just happened, and I need a place to vent! I bought a new sweater, and it fit tight (not painted-on tight, but not baggy either). I commented to my hubby that it didn't fit right, and I need to return it. He said, "It's just a little roll, just wear your Spanks."

Whaaat? I wear a size 4 in pants, and my "ever-so-loving" mate is calling me fat?! Granted, I haven't been working out as much as I should lately, but talk about making me feel like a cow. I guess no eating for me for the next week!

How do I turn this into motivation instead of downing a quart of ice cream??

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