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ANNE007 Posts: 153
9/26/12 8:23 A

I like AndreaG's suggestion- just say, "wow, that looks good...maybe later." You've complimented the host or cook and you have not rejected their offer. I've actually used this before, also.

My boyfriend is a sweet person and shows that by almost continuously offering whatever he has, which includes food. "Would you like a bite? Have you tried this? This is wonderful, let me put some on your plate. Can I get you some? Why aren't you eating that?" OMG!

If I didn't realize that he does this with everything (not just food) I would probably have to hurt him :-)

But because it's an endearing quality, I had to just get used to it and learn to say, "no, thank you." Sometimes I am asked to explain why, which can be exasperating, but I keep reminding myself it's his way of showing he cares. God love him :-)

TORTOISE110 Posts: 7,801
9/26/12 7:35 A

So much good advice here. It comes down to kindly, firmly, clearly say no thank you. Self and group respect will follow even if you have to say it 5 times!

SUSANK16 Posts: 2,635
9/26/12 5:32 A

It is a rough one -- if it is a trigger food for me - I just say no. I know that trigger foods will just make things worse. If it is something that I can enjoy a small portion of - like at the holidays, I will just go ahead and eat it. I am in this for a lifestyle change and not a diet and I know that I cannot resist food for the rest of my life. So on special occassions I just go ahead and eat but then I say no thanks to the little things that people offer during the week.

LIVELAUFLUV Posts: 1,522
9/26/12 5:30 A

I have a hard time with this also, as most times I don't want to hurt people's feelings. BUT, most people know that I watch what I eat, and that I just got back to my goal weight, so they ask but don't have expectations that I will partake in the goodies!

GOING-STRONG Posts: 6,982
9/26/12 12:24 A

It takes a lot of practice to get good at saying "no thanks"... especially when something yummy is right under your nose!

GETIT2GETHER SparkPoints: (35,282)
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Posts: 863
9/25/12 11:39 P

My favorite line: I am OK or I am good while shaking my head and a wave of the hand.

KIMMIE124 SparkPoints: (0)
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Posts: 770
9/25/12 7:13 P

I'm allergic to broccoli, and so many diet foods and recipes throw it in. It can be frustrating! I wasn't always allergic to it, but since the GMOs and pesticides came along, it could put me in the hospital. emoticon

9/25/12 6:54 P

this reminds me of my brother. HIs mother-in-law didn't want her daughter to throw herself
away on my brother and whenever he was near her she asked him if he wanted coffee, like he was a stranger. He never drank coffee in his life and would always say no thanks. 11 yrs of marriage the woman persisted with it and pestered my brother. Should have taken it and thrown it like the story about the boat and wine below.

My extra problem is being asked if I want bread, cake or cookies and I eat gluten free. I just always say no thanks I can't eat that. Looks great. Just so i don't sound so rejecting. But it is annoying.

Also, I suspect that we can gain weight by looking at treats (sure seems like it) so I try not to look even.

GETULLY SparkPoints: (130,739)
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9/25/12 5:30 P

Usually a "no thanks" works; but when it does not I have used the same thing that AA uses "one is too many and a million is not enough." My problem is not with sweet things but chips and salty treats. Fortunately, for me, most of what appears at my workplace are sweets. I decline and get a cup of coffee or tea. It takes me away from the source and gives me a chance to walk down and up three flights of stairs.

ANDREAG89 SparkPoints: (27,515)
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9/25/12 1:53 P

It is definitely difficult - but you have to be strong and recognize that every bite really does matter. Perhaps saying to those offering: "It smells (or looks) great...maybe later" then hotfoot it out of there and eat the snack you've allowed yourself, or drink a big glass of water. Then give yourself a high-five for the success of passing up stuff that will sidetrack your efforts.

9/25/12 12:55 P

i am still struggling with this... i seem to have to avoid it at all costs, because if i have even a little i have a hard time stopping! because i try and log my food for the day before i eat it, i usually just tell myself i've already used up all of today's calories

WHEELS54 Posts: 492
9/25/12 12:39 P

I have no problem saying " Candy/donuts/etc makes my pants shrink." It usually works. Or I say that I have to watch my sugar which is true as I am pre-diabetic and don't want to be.

9/25/12 11:47 A

I agree with everybody that said just to say "no thank you."

Personally I don't bother saying "I'm full" or "I'm watching my weight "or any of that. I don't need a reason, because other normal well-adjusted adults are supposed to be able to take "no" for an answer.

LAHUDSONCHEF SparkPoints: (25,396)
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9/25/12 11:36 A

I have an aunt who has the habit of asking, upon anyone walking in the door, "Do you want something to eat?" Oddly, though, she's not pushy. If you say, "No," she's okay with that. Thankfully.

I have a friend who likes to get treats when we go out running errands together. And since we get to spend so little time together, I enjoy that, too, and plan for it. The struggle comes when I've decided on a certain reasonable item and she wants something much less healthy for herself. Though generally VERY supportive of what I'm doing in trying to build a healthy lifestyle, she (possibly out of guilt that she's not doing the same thing) says something like, "Oh, you're going to be good. You're making me feel bad now." I don't let it stop me getting what I've chosen, but I try to encourage her to do similarly.

The goodies at work were always a problem for me, but that was a lifetime ago. I don't have that situation where I work now, so I'm not sure how I'd respond at this point. I do know that when I'm expecting extra foods to be there, I try to plan for it as best I can, so I can partake without over-indulging and without killing my numbers for the day.

ANNE007 Posts: 153
9/25/12 10:50 A

Great stories! Isn't it amazing that we need excuses not to eat something?

I love the parallel story with the glass of wine. I've often thought of that before - some people cannot or prefer not to drink alcohol. **usually** we don't push them to drink anyway. Yet people don't think twice about pushing others to eat junk.

GRIZ1GIRL SparkPoints: (192,735)
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9/25/12 10:46 A

Simple is always better than a long, drawn-out explanation.

"No thank you." Easy....repeat as necessary. :)

N16351D Posts: 2,349
9/25/12 10:23 A

One tactic I sometimes use is to say, "I am an athelete in training and that _______is not in my diet plan."

That becomes harder as I age. At age 55, most people can't believe I am training for something physical. Then the naysayers join in, "You won't do that_________" (Name the challenge.)

N16351D Posts: 2,349
9/25/12 10:22 A

One school principal would refuse generous and thoughtful cookies from caring families expressing their appreciation for the principal by saying, "Thank you for being so thoughtful to bring these to me. I don't really like cookies. May I put them out to share with others?"

The truth was that she loved cookies and was trying to watch her weight. But by doing this, she passed by several dozens over her 30 years as a teacher and principal.

N16351D Posts: 2,349
9/25/12 10:20 A

Here's a story for you that happened to me, only it was about alcohol, not extra, unnecessary treats. I do not drink alcoholic beverages.

I was visiting friends around the dinner hour on a boat near our community. Everyone was having food. As I had already had dinner, I declined the food, but was offered alcoholic beverages. I declined with a simple, "No, thank you." It was offered a second time, by the same person and again I declined. The host persisted saying, "Oh come on. You'll like this special wine." I truthfully said I do not care for alcoholic beverages. He continued to persist a forth time putting the glass in my hand and telling me to take it. By now I was becoming extremely uncomfortable as I was being disrespected. The fifth time he put the glass in my hand, and wrapped my fingers around it to hold onto the glass. I turned and tossed the wine overboard, holding onto the glass.

I could not believe this friend was being so pushy and persistent, and he couldn't believe I threw the wine away.

My host exclaimed, "What did you do that for! That was expensive, good wine!"

I simply repeated, "Five times I told you I did not care for the drink. I don't drink alcoholic beverages. You heard me the fifth time."

He never asked me if I wanted a drink again.

JMOSESRN Posts: 537
9/25/12 9:26 A

Loving all the great ideas here. And it helps to know that so many of you have experienced the same thing.

LULUBELLE65 SparkPoints: (37,106)
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9/25/12 8:54 A

I don't see my family very often, so eating my mom's cooking, or having something special for dessert is not really going to make that big of a difference in the long run.

As for birthday cake and other work treats, if it is homemade, I will sometimes have a bite, but if it is from the grocery store or whatever, I will just say that I am full, or that I have not been feeling well lately. If it is a social event, I usually plan in advance, both by making something that I can eat that is low calorie, and by making sure that I have saved room in my day for an indulgence.

The only person who actively tries to get me to eat is my father, and I think that is really more about him wanting to order pizza and my mother not letting him unless one of the kids is visiting. Now I just do the ordering myself and get a medium instead of an extra-large, and veggies instead of sausage. He's happy to have pizza, and I am able to be moderate.

9/25/12 3:44 A

When there is one piece of pie etc people allways assume the fat girl will eat it maybe if I was not so polite.

81MSMITH1 SparkPoints: (18,258)
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9/24/12 10:47 P

I say 'No thank you.' If you are friends with someone at the office or if you have a family member you are close with, you could share your goals and what you are trying to accomplish with them and then if people try to push the food on you, there would be a second person to support you and help you stand up to the peer pressure.

GRAMCRACKER46 Posts: 1,765
9/24/12 9:50 P

Many fantastic helpful ideas people.

TCBLIKEABOSS SparkPoints: (0)
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Posts: 26
9/24/12 9:08 P

I asked a man in my office if he would like a piece of the office birthday cake and he very lightly said, "oh no. I have not had a piece of birthday cake since 1986". I was so shocked by his precise answer and amazing will power that I could not find the words to pressure him further. At first deep down I was kind of sad for him but when I realized he was not at all sad about it I thought it was pretty darn cool.

GIMME! Posts: 111
9/24/12 8:39 P

If you are worried about being rude by saying no, think of it this way: THEY are being rude for trying to make you unhealthy. You can't really say that to them...but think that. YOU are trying very hard to eat healthy, and here people come just trying to ruin it. That is SO rude!!

Someone else mentioned saying "I don't eat that" instead of "I can't eat that." That really works good for me too.

When there are cakes/cookies/snacks around, I am sometimes tempted, but I think to myself "this is not the last time I will ever have the opportunity to eat a cookie. I can have one later."

9/24/12 7:20 P

I just say, "No, thank you." and leave it at that. If someone tries to press me, then the conversation goes something like this:

Them: "Oh come on, just one little taste."
Me: "No, thank you."
Them: "Are you sure you don't want just a little?"
Me: "I'm sure."
Them: "None at all?"
Me: "None thank you."
Them: "But why?"
Me: "I don't really feel like having any, but thanks."

Repeat as necessary.

Eventually they'll get bored and stop trying. In many cases, people are seeing how far they can push you before you'll break down and have some whatever-it-is, especially if you've been vocal about wanting to lose weight or make healthier choices.

UGAKATE85 Posts: 2,630
9/24/12 4:48 P

I find saying "I don't eat that" instead of "I can't eat that" works wonders for me. I work in a day treatment center where we feed the clients lunch every day. There is almost always leftover cookies, chips, etc that staff sometimes snack on. I read the labels to all of it and if there is any high fructose corn syrup, partially hydrogenated oils, tons of sodium/fat/calories, etc, I won't eat it. My coworkers still give me grief about it but they also tell me they wish they were as dedicated to healthy living. I think a lot of times when people make fun/get upset/etc, it's because they know they should be making similar choices.

GIZMO08 Posts: 80
9/24/12 3:50 P

My hubbie is always giving me bites of his food!

MYRTROSE SparkPoints: (51,556)
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9/24/12 3:13 P

I actually have a coworker who would complain that I wasn't fun anymore because I didn't want to share his treats. Really? Is my food addiction that big a part of my personality? I sure hope not. He feels like it's a challenge to get me to eat something when I say I don't want it. I'm fat, so of course I must secretly want it and he's going to get me to break down.
"I'm full...I just ate" is probably the best weapon in my arsenal. There's no room for argument. It's not that I can't or shouldn't eat something, which only piques his interest.

EMILY_B2 SparkPoints: (0)
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Posts: 143
9/24/12 2:59 P

When I have brought things in to work for share-and-treat (oh, it sounds corny, and it is!) of course you want people to try and like the things you made. But when someone says "no, thank you" I do not recall ever batting a lash. It does not hurt my feelings, and I imagine it would not hurt any of yours. That is why I have no issue just saying "no, thanks."
And 99.9% of the time, that is enough.

On the rare occasion someone is persistent, I have used anything from claiming to be full, to pretending to hear my phone ring in my office, to... You get the idea. For the reasons Nirerin listed, I stopped using "I'm watching what I eat" early on; hurt feelings or open doors for discussions of why Fad Diet #582 is superior to tried and true calories in vs. calories out is not a favorite pastime of mine. The people that do not take the first "no" for an answer are typically the same people that are overly persistent with everything else, so I handle this particular "no" in the same fashion as I do their non-food attempts.

9/24/12 2:33 P

I have a friend who only eats very healthy food. Others give him a really hard time about it. He usually just says to come talk to them when they're 50 and have high blood pressure, diabetes, etc. Or he says he'll live longer than them. It's a sassy approach, but it works for him.

SOCAL_LEE SparkPoints: (43,325)
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Posts: 246
9/24/12 2:31 P

Here's how I'd handle the person who puts food on your plate when you've already said you don't want it: don't eat the unwanted food. Just push it aside (maybe douse it with hot sauce or something else you don't like to make inedible) it or, if you're really upset about it, get up and scrape it into the garbage. You specifically refused it once already; no one can force you to eat it. If your sister's feelings are hurt, well, she offended you when she tried to force unwanted food upon you.

Sorry, I just can't believe how rude your sister was in doing that to you!

JEAN2666 SparkPoints: (2,069)
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Posts: 33
9/24/12 2:26 P

I can soooo relate to this post. I have some family on my husband's side that have never had to watch what they eat (to remain thin - not saying they are healthy). My ultimate favorite is when I decline to eat something or politely say no thanks, I get a reply of WHY? I ate a salad one time and there wasn't a dressing I felt "good" about using so I ate it without. I got drilled as to why I didn't use any dressing!!! GRRRRR I simply said "I don't need any" but thanks for asking!

ANNAFRECKER SparkPoints: (0)
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9/24/12 2:10 P

One thing I hate is when you say, ''No thanks, I'm watching what I eat'' and they say, ''you don't need to you are skinny''! AHH! I'm skinny BECAUSE I watch what I eat! Skinny people don't need to eat junk food, no one does! I may not get fat, but my arteries will clog and my blood sugar may spike. Being fat is not the only consequence for an unhealthy lifestyle! Most of the time now I just say something like "I'm not hungry but thanks!'' When they ask again complaining they didn't see me eat, I just say " OH I ate, you just didn't watch me!" WHY CAN'T EVERYBODY BE SUPPORTIVE OF A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE?! Do you want me to die young?

9/24/12 1:10 P

Ohhhh. Food pushers. Yup. They can be a problem. A few tips:
"No, Thanks!" Sounds easy to say, but it's not. Chances are, though, that will be all it takes.
For more persistent food pushers:
"Oh, you're so sweet. But, my doctor said I can't."
For even more persistent food pushers:
"OK. Give it to me." Then, discretely dump it in the garbage. I know it looks good. I know they spent lots of time making it, but it's not worth ruining all the hard work you've put into your good choices today.
If you have a food pusher who is a constant problem in your life... avoid them, or confront them. "Do you want me to be fat and unhappy for the rest of my too-short life? Please, please show me a little kindness by keeping your delicious.... out of my face, so that I can do this thing that is already SO hard for me to do."
Good luck. Let us know how you're doing!

YEAHROI SparkPoints: (0)
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9/24/12 11:33 A

At my last job, I worked in an office of about 15 southern women. They liked to feed you. Donuts would be brought TO you at your desk. You'd be told, "You need to eat that!" or "I brought such-n-such. Make sure you get a piece!"

After a few months of saying "No, thanks!", I quickly became the person that was viewed as the health nut (which I'm not really.. maybe just health conscious). Couple that with the fact that I've always been allergic to dairy (casein) and I recently discoved I have a significant gluten intolerance... I was the oddball in the office. (It suited me just fine, and made avoiding hurt feelings pretty easy at potlucks where 80% of the food consisted of dairy based dips and baked goods. After all, I was allergic--- it wasn't personal against their food.) For me, when the occasional thing would come into the office that I actually could partake in, it was rare enough to go ahead and indulge.

Maybe the general idea there is that eventually, if yousay no often enough, people will get the hint that it just isn't something you do very often, for whatever reason. You can ALWAYS seek out the treats on a day you can afford it, even if they aren't bringing it to your desk. Even my mother-in-law has finally quit telling me to get seconds and makes healthier allergy-friendly desserts when we visit!

SHAKEUPTAMPA SparkPoints: (0)
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9/24/12 11:25 A

The worst is my MIL's house. I hate her cooking to begin with because she is boring and her pasta sauce makes my stomach sick. (the woman won't try new foods, loathes onions, and has no healthy plan in life) I force DH to try new foods lol.

So on Football game days it starts with chips and dip, then cookies, brownies, or ice cream (or two of those) and chicken, pizza, fries whatever for half time.

Last game I went over I took a portion of almonds for myself (to make up for chips), expresso beans that I sucked the dark chocolate off of (for their cookies), a smart ones quesdadilla (for their chicken), and a smart ones dessert (for their ice cream)

To be polite I took one chicken tender and some bbq sauce lol.

Don't let what other say or think sabotage all your hard work and will power! I have gotten better and not taking left overs from family events and cookouts unless it's something they only make once or twice a year (my Aunt makes a squash dish maybe twice a year lol)

ILOST150POUNDS Posts: 1,662
9/24/12 10:11 A

This can be so hard - it's almost like "negative peer pressure" among adults. When I was losing, and even now in maintenance, I learned to just say no thanks. I finally realized that my health was more important than their feelings or insecurities. I am always polite, but also always firm.

CHRISTYV57 SparkPoints: (103,324)
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9/24/12 9:54 A

Tigger, I can so relate to what you said. My mother-in-law would bake wonderful things and put a plate in front of you before you could say what you wanted. Then when I tried to refuse, she would say "But it's very good" or "I made this just for you." Then if I insisted I did not want it, she would act extremely rejected and tell other people "she is so mean." I finally figured out that my big issue was, I cared too much what other people think! I cannot eat healthy and be worried about what everyone else will think.

TIGGER2094 Posts: 511
9/24/12 9:22 A

This just happened this weekend. I was at my step-sister's house for a cookout. I had eaten a light breakfast and had tea. Well, when it came time for lunch, she had sausages and hotdogs, macaroni and cheese and baked beans. I had a bit of sausage and a hot dog (knowing that I was going to have a bigger dinner when I got home). I promptly got the "if you are trying to lose weight you need to eat because..." everything that I already know from going to school for my profession. (Background-my step-sister works for a nutritionist and I am a medical assistant.) I am only allowed 1200-1500 calories per day and I had already eaten or drank about 800 calories after eating the hot dog. So, she puts a spoonful of macaroni and cheese on my plate and says "portion sizes". There goes another hundred calories...

9/24/12 8:06 A

If it's a snack that I really would like, I'll take a piece or a bite. That's sufficient to be sociable and allows me to decline the usual icky fare I wouldn't be eating anyway, such as the "Jolly Ranchers" or other hard/chewy candy stashed by the printer. Home-made (and not from a mix) is something I rarely decline, either - people don't go to that effort every day or even every month, and with that rarity there's no point in my being a stick-in-the-mud. (However, if it ever becomes even close to a weekly occurence, I'll simply just say No Thank You, I'm full.) For my part, I've brought in Trader Joe's coffee beans covered in low sugar dark chocolate, or they've gotten leftover healthy muffins from a couple bake sales I have participated in.

The above is at work. At gatherings, I'll bring something I like, filling, and healthy for me. And I can rightfully say I am full when the desserts come around. What I hate is when people come to my house, bringing a mass of store-bought cupcakes, and duck out before I can make them take the leftovers home with them. (There's a solution for that, though -- I bring them to work...:)

Edited by: ARTEMISTHEGREEK at: 9/24/2012 (08:10)
SKINICOOK Posts: 149
9/24/12 8:03 A

Great advice NIRERIN! I'll remember it the next time I feel pressured.

GIGGLGAL76 Posts: 111
9/24/12 7:54 A

"No thanks, I don't want any," often works. "you enjoy," can work as well. I personally would advise not to give in if it is something that you don't want to eat anymore. After a while of saying no, chances are, you will honestly be able to say to them, "sorry, it doesn't even taste good anymore." Sadly, for me anyway, though I have plenty of old favorites that I can't really stand the taste of anymore, I still get cravings for them occasionally, and they still sound/smell good, up until that first bite. However, that first bite goes in my mouth, and I have to try not to do a spit take.

NIRERIN Posts: 14,235
9/24/12 7:11 A

"i'm not hungry right now, but thanks" is going to be your best friend. there isn't much debate to it; you're hungry or you're not. "i'm full" is also a great one.

when you say things like "i'm watching what i am eating" you open the debate to what is and isn't healthy [a big can of worms if ever there was one], you're insulting the person that offered it to you if they did think of what you were trying to do and specifically made something "better" for you [even if their idea of eating healthier and your's are light years apart], and you're implying that you do want some [a lot of people do fad diets and an open response is often the cue for the person offering to talk them in to why they can have some].

also, be sure you are taking the offensive. bring something to the family gatherings [kabobs are great for bbqs for example] or host them yourself. we have a family recipe that serves nine and calls for 2 sticks of butter. after some trial and error, i can cut out 1.5 sticks of butter and no one really notices. and this is my dead grandmother's recipe, the one we always have at family gatherings. if it were off, everyone would complain. and if i'm making it, i can tweak things like that. i mean, for most things, you can do it all at one go, but you can make a few small changes that make the recipes better. if you know you go out for lunch with coworkers who tempt you, take the initiative and invite them to the restaurant of your choosing [chosen because you can easily find something you want and should be having there]. if other people have candy dishes that call your name, get your own candy dish or snack jar for your desk and fill it with things that you can snack on.
and just remember that you don't have to have something everytime, but you can have it sometimes. if susie makes great brownies, it's fine not to have them everytime. remind yourself that she brings them in every friday. so if you choose not to have one today, you can still have one next friday if you want one. same with the donuts that bob brings in on tuesday, if you really want one, they will not only be there all today, but they will be there next week and the week after, and if you really want one in between you should be able to find a store that sells donuts in the interim. focus on how available those things are. scarcity is one thing that makes things harder to resist [there are only two left!]. but if you focus on how easy they would be to obtain if you really wanted one [not wanting one just because they are there and everyone else is having them], it can make it easier to say no now. you're not rejecting a once in a lifetime opportunity. i mean, do you buy new underwear every time you pass a store that sells them? do you get gas every time you see a gas station? do you buy toilet paper every time you see a tp aisle in the store? no. food is just the same. it will be there if you really want it, so you shouldn't worry about this one of many opportunities right now. which means you should feel like you can choose to skip it.

GOOGYSPO Posts: 28
9/24/12 6:50 A

I find it difficult sometimes, but usually, I allow myself to have a very small portion of only the things that I REALLY want. I went to a family party recently, and of all the foods there that no longer fit my plan, I decided that chips with queso was the ONE thing I really wanted.

So I ate a small portion and I did not go back for seconds.

When I entered it into the tracker, I was pleased to find that I didn't "blow it" nearly as badly as I thought.

_SARIE_ SparkPoints: (8,322)
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Posts: 90
9/24/12 6:34 A

Your body- your mouth - your goals on the line - you make the call! The more often you say no to these things, the easier that will become. This is about creating healthy long term progress and a lifestyle that you can live with. You can't always avoid those people but you can create an opportunity out.

I'm always being offered, sweets especially!, where I work. I find a simple "No thank you :)" is usually enough, and if they insist I say something like "I've had enough sweets today!" or "My lunch is waiting for me in a bit!"

Good luck! Stay strong!

ZENNITH SparkPoints: (40,273)
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Posts: 644
9/24/12 6:09 A

I agree that you shouldn't be afraid to say you're watching what your eating but it's hard especially at first. I always keep saying to myself 'I am stronger than I think' that keeps me knowing that later when I have resisted the temptation and peer pressure that I will feel really good about myself. I also only taste something that someone is offering if I really want to taste it not if it's just the other person wanting me to taste. It gets easier with time and practice!

LEASIM1231 Posts: 326
9/24/12 2:37 A

You don't have to be afraid to say "I am watching what I am eating." Or if you really want it, say you will cut off a bite (I did that yesterday). But I agree, it is hard! It is also good to have some of your own snacks handy, so that you aren't hungry and tempted to indulge.

JMOSESRN Posts: 537
9/24/12 1:07 A

I've discovered that one of my biggest diet challenges is what I call "Secondhand Food". I call it that because it reminds me of the challenge of being around smokers when I was trying to quit smoking. When my family is cooking food that will not fit my diet plan or coworkers are offering to share sweets... that's when it's hardest to stay strong and committed. Often there is even a sort of peer pressure element to it..."one bite won't kill you". Any suggestions ?

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