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IWILLBEWELLTOO SparkPoints: (63,717)
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2/9/15 1:17 P

It has been a while since I was pregnant but somehow that time stays with you. One recommendation I would make is to have someone watching out for you during the labor delivery process.

SUNNYD76 Posts: 1,524
2/9/15 12:23 P

It is totally normal to have some fears about it. I was definitely nervous but it all worked out well. I had a good pregnancy and a very easy birth. If we didn't have fertility issues, I would have a second child in a heart beat. I just don't want to spend the money on fertility drugs when I could be putting it aside for my daughter's future.

For me, I only listened to positive birth stories when I was pregnant. I also told myself, that I can do anything for a day and that if it were so terrible, people wouldn't have a second child. I tried to educate myself as much as possible so that I would know that what my body was going through during labor was normal. In the end, I really didn't think labor was as terrible as everyone was making it out to be. Everyone's experience is different, but I had a great birth. It was only 6.5 hours long. I got an epi when I felt like I might be losing handle on things and my daughter was born 2 hours later. It is also amazing how your body just knows what to do.

Pregnancy can be difficult to wrap your brain around as your body is constantly changing. But I reminded myself that it was just temporary so that I could have a healthy baby. That is how I got through morning sickness and weight gain. I did remain active during my pregnancy. I worked my normal office job M-F and kept waiting tables on Saturday nights until I was 8 months pregnant and needed that time to get the house ready for baby. I also walked around the block every day. Near the end I would walk at a very slow pace, but I do think it helped me with my labor and delivery.

If you are really that terrified, maybe go see a counselor about it and see if you can work through your fears. And try to surround yourself with positive stories about labor.

Let me tell you...when you gaze down into that little person's face for the first time, you forget about everything you went through! It is so worth it.

Edited by: SUNNYD76 at: 2/9/2015 (12:28)
BRENDAHUGHES37 SparkPoints: (253)
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2/1/15 12:46 P

I agree, I would love to have another child but just thinking about the weight gain and the deflated body makes me not want to do it....

BIKEHIKESKIGAL8 SparkPoints: (880)
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1/30/15 11:25 A

I will add, the body stuff is hard. I remember my first shower after delivering - I felt like a deflated bag of skin and at first got down on myself, but as I stepped into the shower I though, this body just made a PERSON and she's AWESOME! It was a really cool powerful feeling and really does change how you view your body, almost like its appearance matters less now.

BIKEHIKESKIGAL8 SparkPoints: (880)
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1/30/15 11:23 A

Hi there, I just did it (mom to beautiful 2 month old girl) and it scared the crap out of me, too! Pregnancy is very anxiety-producing. But, you would be amazed what your body can do when it has to. Looking back now it was all so doable, and so very worth it. It's hard to imagine how something so scary can be so worth it until you've got that incredible baby (I sound so cliche, I know, but its so true). For me, researching pain-free options made me feel better, and ultimately an epidural made my birth a really fun and easier experience. I know a lot of women who swear by hypnobirth as well. It can be done! And its actually really cool and awesome to do it!

NSKYLINE115 SparkPoints: (50,453)
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1/30/15 7:24 A

Thanks for the encouragement FUNNYGIRLJESS! You are right about talking to a positive crowd. Its funny, I was talking to one of my managers last year who had 3 kids, and 1 on the way. She told me how its not as bad as people make it, it is what YOU make it. Ofcourse its not a walk in the park, but its not as horrible as people make it sound... then during her last couple weeks she said she couldnt walk, her hips kept dislocating, she could cry before bed every night... omg and the list kept going. I really think its mostly in my head, and I think of the worst scenarios.
Anyways, no pregnancies yet, I am getting married this June, but we are not talking about having kids yet =)

FUNNYGIRLJESS SparkPoints: (10,234)
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1/29/15 10:35 P

noticing NOW that this topic started almost a year ago....any new pregnancies since then?

FUNNYGIRLJESS SparkPoints: (10,234)
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1/29/15 10:33 P

find positive moms to talk to...ignore the women who have "horror" stories...they are just trying to brag about their situations.

everything will be fine, trust in the nurses and doctors...nurses do most of the work

NSKYLINE115 SparkPoints: (50,453)
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1/26/15 1:24 P

Congrats MLS616! Thats so exciting! I hear ya on the pain thing, I dont have a high tolerance at all, I get a paper cut and I cry internally haha jk. No but really, I dont do well with pain at all. And if I see blood forget it, i'll probably faint (really!). I guess its just one of those things you need to get through one day at a time, but at the end... omg so scary!!

MLS616 Posts: 157
1/26/15 1:17 P

I'm the same as you. I just found out I am pregnant with my first and I'm 41. I'm not even worried about complications - I fear the actual birth! It is so odd I know...and I have a very high pain tolerance too.
I just have never wanted to go through it...

I will probably take a course or something. But at this point, it feels it would be worth it and I think that is how it is once you're expecting

FALLENLEAVES28 SparkPoints: (1,267)
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1/10/15 4:41 P

I cannot wait to get pregnant! I'm turning 22 this month,but am waiting a little bit too lose some weight. I want to get to around 125lbs so I need to lose around 30lbs ...

Pregnancy is totally different for everyone! My mother had 3 kids and she says it was easy for her.

My husband comes from Ghana and he's a child of 6 children. His mother had all the children in her house and all of the kids are incredibly healthy.
I mean we are all here because of our mothers. Pretty amazing and I really can't think of a better purpose in life then to give life. It's a gift! Not something to be feared.

With health history, genetics, and health conditions being different not everyone will have good experiences ..but working out helps loads! Being fit for pregnancy will definitely give you an easier delivery. There are all types of birthing exercises out there you can do to prepare yourself. Nutrition is also vital in pregnancy. You want to be eating stuff that will be beneficial to your child and eating enough. Vitamins like folic acid is vital as well (prevents birth defects). I started taking a prenatal vitamin now so my body will be prepared.

Not stressing out is very important too. So you need to have support and to relax. What has helped me prepare for the mindset more is reading. I've been reading pregnancy books and all sorts of parenting blogs. It's so exciting!

AZULVIOLETA6 SparkPoints: (0)
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11/14/14 1:45 A

"I think i'd rather know what to expect than find out when it happens."

I hate to tell you this, but ALL of life is like that. We like to think that we can plan and control everything, but the reality is that stuff just happens. You never know what kinds of challenges are ahead.

At some point in your life you will be faced with a challenge that you think you could not possibly survive--but you will because you don't have any other choice.

I think that you will be fine with having children in a few years. You are still very young.

AERO_NERDETTE SparkPoints: (19,466)
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11/4/14 1:47 P

I've been trying to find a job that will allow us to move closer to where our parents live so that we can have family within "emergency distance". We currently live 900 miles away from our families (about 13 hours one direction, driving). I'd be comfortable with maybe being 4 or 5 hours away, because at least you can make that drive in one day (but you don't get pressure to come for Sunday dinner every week). Being at least in the same state as our families would put us in a place that is more affordable to live on our current income, too.

NSKYLINE115 SparkPoints: (50,453)
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10/31/14 3:47 P

I didn’t realize I had more people comment on this thread, thank you! I guess pregnancy/labor/child birth is one of those things you don’t really know till it happens to you.
Congrats on your pregnancy AMBROSIAHINO!!! How exciting!!!
AERO_NERDETTE, that’s interesting how your husband is the one freaking out, I’m sure he will be a great dad one day =) And your right, financially you want to be able to give your child all they need. I guess once it’s happening, you just have to take it one day at a time

AERO_NERDETTE SparkPoints: (19,466)
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10/23/14 10:18 A

I guess my relationship is kind of the opposite of yours, NSKYLINE. I'm (29) totally ready for a kid, but my husband (34) is FREAKED out. He's the one worried about complications or whether our kid would have a birth defect or disease or developmental disorder, while I'm ready to roll with the punches when they fall. He's especially terrified that he'll be a bad father, which I keep telling him means that he'll overcompensate and be a great dad. I think it's because he didn't have younger kids around him growing up and just didn't have the experience of being around babies and toddler-preK aged children. I had lots of cousins and friends with younger siblings, and babysat a lot as a teenager, so I'm not scared of having to take care of a child...but the thought of not being able to "give it back" is a little unsettling.

The one thing I will say I'm a little scared of is, not having enough money in savings to cover household expenses during the time I'm not going to work after the baby is born (I am currently the breadwinner even though we both work full time).

The process of being pregnant and giving birth seems daunting, and I also have moments of anxiety about it. However, knowing that the end of the process is bringing a new life into the world, and that that life is a manifestation of our love makes me forget my anxiety and look forward to having kids. We aren't trying yet and we don't currently have any kids. My mindset is, if I was stubborn enough to get through my bachelor's degree (aerospace engineering) without changing majors, I can get through a pregnancy and childbirth. Different though the two may be on the surface, they're both difficult and varied experiences for anyone who goes through them.

If you feel like you're overly anxious or having panic attacks, I'd suggest talking to a therapist and reading some of the books suggested by other posters. The good thing is, you're only 25. You have plenty of time to figure out when you're ready. If you're never ready for pregnancy/childbirth as you approach your "threshold age" (the age where you wouldn't want to get pregnant), but still want kids, you can always adopt.

4/2/14 10:28 A

Being nervous and anxious about the process and changes your body will go through is normal. I think your reaction might be a bit more, so finding someone to talk to about it is probably a good idea.

BUT that said, it is something that you tend to adjust to once its a done deal. With the idea of pain, there are pain medications they can, and will if you let them, give you during and after. Pushing comes naturally, and its amazing how quickly the hospital staff can swap to a c-section if there are complications. Complications can be scary, I know, I had them BUT my son was totally worth it to me. Right now, I'm pregnant again, and know that there is a very high chance that I'll have the same problems in the end, BUT to me, its worth it, and I'm just not going to worry about what I can't do anything about.

TCOOLEY412 Posts: 100
3/28/14 7:28 P

NSKYLINE, I am 45 yrs old and have heard A LOT of birth stories and never ever heard of anyone passing out. emoticon I really think it is a different kind of pain and really cannot be described. All of my labors were as different as my children.

BEAUDWAY SparkPoints: (920)
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3/28/14 1:51 P

I have two kids, and like someone else said, I can spin it as awful or as great. For example, my first labor was long (34 hours), but it was also pretty mild for the first 18. I had a lot of complications with my second, but my little girl is my reward. Truth is, you body literally produces chemicals at and immediately after birth that make you forget the pain. Not that you had pain, but the intensity. If it were that bad, there would be a heck of a lot more only children in the world. In fact, I would say that pregnancy and labor were intense and sometimes overwhelming. But I don't remember it as painful. Will it be painful or unpleasant being pregnant and giving birth? Yeah - sometimes. But it will also fill you with a sense of awe, as you realize that you and your body are so much stronger than you thought!

NSKYLINE115 SparkPoints: (50,453)
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3/27/14 11:25 A

Thanks for the input everyone. Thats just it, I like hearing about peoples experiences, but it freaks me out. I think i'd rather know what to expect than find out when it happens. TCOOLEY, its great to hear the cramps are managable... I guess thats my ultimate fear, what if I cant do it, what if i cant manage the pain and anxiety... what if something goes wrong... what if I pass out from the pain (is that possible??), I dont know... i havnt been through it so everyone that could go wrong is what i'm thinking off. Its crazy though, I dont plan to have kids anytime soon, maybe in a couple years or longer... but i'd rather be educated and know lol but then I freak out knowing women actually go through this.

TCOOLEY412 Posts: 100
3/26/14 8:12 A

I have 4 children every pregnancy and delivery were different. I tell my daughters all the time that contractions are like cramps on steroids but usually manageable if not there is always the option of meds. I had 1 medicated delivery and 3 unmedicated (personal choice that I don't push on anyone). With every pregnancy I decided that I could not in any way shape or form push those babies out. They were staying where they were...forever. I wondered what the heck I was thinking getting pregnant AGAIN! But when the time came nature took over.

If I were you I would tell whoever is talking about their deliveries in front of you that you prefer not to hear them because you don't want to worry about those things when it is your time. If they don't respect that walk away or hang up. It took me years to realize that my "horror" stories (which in hindsight was not so horrible) freaked women out who had not been there yet. When someone mentioned it I felt so so bad and I stopped freaking other women out.

3/24/14 11:13 A

I had all three kids drug-free, last one at home (planned). All three labors were different, and I could spin them as bloody horror stories with hemorrhage, prematurity, twisted umbilical cords, and evil nurses, or as just three of the variants of normal. Labor was painful, but I've had stomach flu and a bone fracture that were both worse. Labor is hard work with a purpose, and that somehow made it easier. I third the advice to talk it over with a therapist. Bradley is also great, just to inform you about what really happens. My third labor was the longest, and the easiest.

ZORBS13 SparkPoints: (191,765)
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3/13/14 7:59 P

I had a completely drug free and natural childbirth and it was the most painful thing ever..

and I wouldn't have done it any other way..although I was begging for drugs and fortunately I had made it clear to my MW and husband that I was not to be given drugs even if I was begging..but that's why they have epidurals, for people who don't want pain.

NSKYLINE115 SparkPoints: (50,453)
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3/13/14 6:56 A

Thanks for sharing BERKANA! Thats interesting what you said, some people bite their tongues when they have a positive story. Your story deffinitely made me feel better, but I cant help but think that wont happen to me =( I'm not even pregnant and i'm scared of whats to come haha. I hope more people open up about their positive experiences!

Zorbs, i'm glad you love your son. I know I want to have kids, I'm excited to be a mom one day, my point is i'm scared of the pain and what comes with childbirth/labor

ZORBS13 SparkPoints: (191,765)
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3/9/14 10:21 P

I was scared of having kids too, I thought I'd have 2 kids. I have never liked kids but I thought I'd be ok with my own.

I have 1 son, and the whole experience has taught me first and foremost..that I am not a great mom, that I still don't like kids all that much (although I like my son more than other kids) and that there is no force on earth to make me have more kids.

take home message: don't have kids if you're not sure.

BERKANA_T Posts: 138
3/9/14 9:18 P

People always love telling the 'horror' stories of childbirth. Whenever people start telling those stories, I start to grin, because I know as soon as it's my turn to tell them my story, they're going to be mad at me... Not because my birth story is going to one-up their horror story; it's the total opposite, actually.

I had a wonderful pregnancy, with very little morning sickness. I was in labour for 4 hours, and IT DIDN'T HURT! It was like pressure, not pain...Sort of like if someone grabbed your forearm and squeezed, but not to the point of bruising.

I don't know if it will help, but try to keep in mind that, for every horror story out there, there are dozens of untold positive stories that most women just bite their tongues and smile, rather than sharing.

NSKYLINE115 SparkPoints: (50,453)
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2/28/14 7:23 A

Thats a good idea OMENDER, thank you for the suggestion! I go through phases where i'm like ok i'm ready, one day i'm gonna go through this and it will be fine its what women do and its just something we have to do and the really painful part is just that one day and we will deal with the aftermath later, and my family will be there and I have all this support... then I have other days where i'm like BABIES COME FROM WHERE???!!!!???!! OUCH!!
Oh gosh, on Yahoo articles yesterday there was an article titled, 'Why I Think Its ok Not to Love Being Pregnant"... ofcourse I read it, and it talked about all the downfalls of pregnancy (the morning sickness, the body stretching and not going back, stretch marks, hips cracking, depression, having to cut and stitch up the ya know... by the end of the article I was like... (o_0)

EXNOLA Posts: 309
2/27/14 3:57 P

There are actually books and classes that deal with just this fear. It is not uncommon and it can be overcome. Read Birthing From Within which focuses on birth and the emotional preparation for birth. Terror of childbirth and pregnancy cam come from many sources and that book uses art, journals, and basically self-discovery to help deal with the reasons for the fear and how to deal with it. The book was was much too artsy for me, but I also did not have a real fear of it.
I would also recommend, when you are pregnant, take Bradley classes. Bradley makes sure you are prepared and informed of your choices, needs, and the risks even if you end up needing a c-section, choose a medicated birth, or have a natural birth.

NSKYLINE115 SparkPoints: (50,453)
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2/22/14 12:25 P

Thanks Sunset!!!! =D

SUNSET09 SparkPoints: (526,149)
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2/21/14 9:44 P

Online Now  • ))
emoticon It is the miracle of life which this is the time we understand what Creation is all about! Every pregnancy is different and if you have been working out, you don't necessarily have to stop until closer to your delivery time. We stir up the fears within us our first job, getting married, divorced, relocating, moving, the list is goes on however, God did not give us the spirit of fear and a baby is a gift of love. The idea that you're thinking about it is a great thing! you'll begin to wonder who will she/he look like; the color of the eyes, and hair! Just think, you can birth the next President, lawyer, doctor, golfer, actor or actress, or athlete! The opportunities are endless! Your hair and nails will grown and you'll glow as you gain inches an dpounds! I had a friend who went through the same things you're going through and I didnt' think I would be a good Mother, what do we know as you cannot learn this art from a book?!??! It comes to us naturally. It's okay to have these feelings and there's an answer for everything! My advice to you is, you won't know what happens, until it happens to and for you! We're here for you! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Edited by: SUNSET09 at: 2/21/2014 (21:47)
NSKYLINE115 SparkPoints: (50,453)
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2/19/14 11:55 A

Aww thank you for the comment PARKSCANADA, that was a wonderful post. I'm glad to hear this from someone who didnt have the easiest pregnancy, but can talk about how wonderful the experience was. I always hear all these horror stories and about the pain, I forget what joy comes out of it. I'm excited to be a mom one day in the future, and i'm sure once I actually get pregnant, i'm be posting here and freaking out about that, hopefully in a less scared way lol!!

Edited by: NSKYLINE115 at: 2/19/2014 (11:57)
PARKSCANADA Posts: 4,802
2/19/14 10:28 A

Being pregnant and giving birth is the most amazing life event a woman can experience. At first it doesn't seem real - so many changes are happening to you and yet it still seems surreal. And then the first time you feel that little butterfly flutter and you wonder if that was your baby moving. And as your baby grows and you feel them move, you start to fall in love with them and you wonder who they are and what they will look like and you start to plan their future. And will you be that glowing beautiful expectant mother? Maybe, maybe not, but that doesn't make the joy in bonding with your baby and experiencing the changes in your body as you nourish that new life inside you any less. And yes, giving birth is the hardest thing you will ever ask your body to do. There's a reason it's called labour. And you probably will come to a point when you say you're done, you're not doing this anymore. And the nurses and doc and your partner tell you they can see your baby's head and just one more push. And then you are holding your baby and it's the most beautiful moment in the whole world and your heart expands and you fall in love with this new little person...and you forget all the tough and you just remember this moment. And I know this because I have 5 kids - 25, 23, 21, 19, 16. And I was the worse pregnant woman in the world, and I never glowed because I spent every pregnancy with my head in the toilet. And I never had an easy birth and I had gestational diabetes and high blood pressure and long, hard labours. And I wouldn't change a minute of it because it gave me my wonderful, amazing, awesome, beautiful children! Yes, it's scary, and frightening, and wonderful and amazing but it's sooo worth it.

NSKYLINE115 SparkPoints: (50,453)
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2/15/14 7:30 A

Thanks Dragon =) Its true, I hear a lot of scary stories... 'my wifes hip cracked, my hips dislocated when I walked, I lost so much blood I turned a different color, the cord was wrapped around my babys neck, my sister couldn't walk for weeks...' all this stuff could definitely happen to any woman... I have days where i'm like awwww babies!!! i'm excited to be a mom one day... then other days i'm like... OMG A WATERMELLON IS COMING OUT OF ME.... and freak out =/
I've never broken a bone or seriously got injured, so i'm guessing my tolerance for pain isn't all that high... I cried when I got my foot tattoo lol. I'm sure with technology now child birth isn't as bad as it used to be... but the unknown is just so scary... especially with something like that

DRAGONCHILDE SparkPoints: (61,270)
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2/14/14 6:11 P

For some people, yes. I'd recommend finding a therapist. It's generally not as bad as our brains make it out to be (I was terrified) and it doesn't help that people always share their horror stories. First off, don't tell people; they always want to volunteer their worst stuff. Why, I dunno.

The good parts more than outweigh the bad, though. Women have done this for millenia... you can too!

NSKYLINE115 SparkPoints: (50,453)
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2/14/14 12:22 P

Hello, I am 25 years old and have been with my fiancé for 6 years now. We do not have kids, but eventually we want to, but it scares the c^@p out of me! The idea of having children in our lives doesn’t scare me, it’s the idea of pushing a baby out of my body… and the pain… and the changes… and especially any complications… it really really scares me. I’m so excited for one day to become a mother, but the whole process just really freaks me out. When people at work talk about child birth I get light headed… they are not mentioning anything graphic… but just talking about the process makes me dizzy and I need to sit down or distract myself. Many people have told me when I’m ready I’m ready, and when it happens I will learn a lot more and my body will do what it needs to… but how do I get over this anxiety?? Is this normal?

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