Fitness Minutes: (2,704)
121 5/10/13 8:57 P
I Can totaly relate, right now I am stressing and wanting to eat. My friends gilrs 7 & 9 are over and both are ADHD, she said she would be gone only an hour or an hour and a half max! It has been over 2 1/2 hours and they are driving me nuts!!!! All I want to do is go eat something asI am getting so extremely anoyed!!!
What do you say when she does this quite frequently and knows I do not like kids that much, at least any that are not mine (mine are older).. i am so done with this age. Plus I am so not used to hyper active wiggly kids!
I also knnow how sensitive she is IF I would say somthing it would partially wreck our friendship. BUT Her disrespect is wrecking it too.
Sometimes I just need to see and read the words of what my gut is telling me
I ended up texting her that night saying simply "Carpooling is stressing me out and hurting our friendship. Let's take a break and just take and pick up our own kids." (I knew that short notice would not cause a problem for her.)
Saw her the next day at dd's game and we looked at each other and just said 'sorry!'. Things feel ok. I feel WAYYYYYYY less stressed!!
PS: Writing here for help really saved me from going off the deep end and binging my brains out! While I DID eat more than usual, I only ate foods that are on my plan (cheese sticks, ff cottage cheese, greek yogurt). My new 'comfort foods'????
Fitness Minutes: (36,922)
526 5/9/13 10:22 P
just say no, and do not do it anymore if its stressing u out this bad
As the others say... tell it like it is... Carpooling the kids together isn't working for me at this time so starting the week of ________ I will just be driving dd. Do you want to get together in the early afternoon of May 27th for coffee? It'll give us a chance to catch up.
No excuses, no reasons. You need a change and you are inviting coffee (if you want) to continue as usual.
There are two responses on her end... one is the ok sure.... la la la... is there anything wrong. No, it's just not working for me to do this anymore... (you don't have to give a reason.) No obligation.
Second response is losing the friend/person from your life. Either way, there is a win-win. You just have to be able to stand the thought/knowledge that someone doesn't like you. You'll still buy groceries, love your family and pay taxes whether this person likes you or not.
And... you are human... while it's easy to type this I KNOW it is harder to do. I too, have the t-shirt. But objectivity gives us an edge on your situation that's all. You'd probably give me the same advice.
I am behind you 100%.
5/9/13 1:48 P
I also wonder if "Jane" is also a one-friend-at-a-time person. I think it is important that you do what you need in regards to the carpool, but if you have enjoyed spending time with her in the past, perhaps you can plan events without the kids.
5/8/13 10:40 P
I had to read your post a couple of times, but after doing so, I see things kind of differently than you do.
I think your friend is trying to keep her daughter from becoming antisocial. She's a one-friend-at-a-time person as you said, and her mother is afraid she'll cut herself off from the world if she is allowed to stop hanging out with your daughter. You said your friend is a control freak. I think she's trying to control her daughter more than she was ever trying to control you.
5/8/13 9:19 P
I agree with Dragonchilde. Life is too short to have someone in your life who causes you so much stress. You need to de-stress yourself so you can continue your successful weight loss journey. Pulling for you!
Fitness Minutes: (14,252)
9,692 5/8/13 8:31 P
Get honest! Tell her, point blank, that you don't have the time to do the carpool anymore. Thank her for it, and tell her it's been SO helpful, but unfortunately, you're just not going to go anymore.
Life's too short to waste it on parasitic friends. ;)
I have a woman friend that I'm thinking is really a 'friend'.
What's the difference??? A 'friend' is someone that wants you to THINK they are interested in you as a person and you are friends, but they really only want something from you.
Most of the time I'm pretty good at spotting these people (esp. mom's of my dd's friends) that try to establish some kind of relationship to get me to do something for them or get something from me. Ex: buy something, contribute to something, loan them some item or clothes, watch their kids & or dog, pick up their kids from wherever.
This time, I think I really missed all the signs. Or maybe I was so thrilled to have a new friend, that I willfully ignored the signed until they slapped me in the face.
I've known this woman I'll call 'Jane' for abt 4 years now. At one point, our dd's were thick as thieves and BFFs. Abt 1 1/2 yrs ago, my dd decided she wanted to branch out and do things with other friends. She is outgoing and likes to hang out with different groups of kids. My friend's dd is a one-friend-at-a-time girl. This caused stress and my dd decided that the other girl was 'too high maintenance' and tapered off the relationship.
Jane and I enjoyed weekly to bi-monthly 1 hr coffee chats. As the girls grew apart, we tried to keep the girl's friendship going by going together to movies, amusement parks, etc. For the past 6 months, I agreed to Jane's suggestion to carpool our kids to/from school & sports events. One of her kids goes to another school, so the trips involve going to both the middle and high schools with 2 different start/end times. The kids are at the ages where they march to their own drummers and don't pay much attention to organization and time schedules. Add to the mix is that Jane is a regimented control freak and high reactor. I am way past that stage as my dd is #3.
The carpool situation is STRESSING me out! Dealing with all of the above factors on a twice daily basis is making my head pop off.
Long story shorter: I'm in over my head in this 'friendship' and need to figure out and execute a graceful exit plan. Got ideas????
I can't believe that at 53 I'm still such a people-pleaser to the extent that I've evolved into a 'car mat'
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