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SABOTAGE BY LOVED ONES



 
 
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SURVIVOR61
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12/5/12 7:58 P

emoticon Yes it's his family and no..I don't really have his support. :-(



IVYLASS
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12/5/12 7:37 P

If they're bringing over sweets, tell them you thank them for the effort, but you're trying to eat healthy and would prefer not to have them in the house. If they pout that says more about them than it does about you.

If you are over at their house and they are shoveling food on your plate, come up with a way to put them off, "I need to take a break from eating right now" or "I had some already, it was delicious!" or "Let me run to the bathroom/take this call/check on the kid/some other excuse"

Is this your husband's family? Do you have his encouragement and support?



SURVIVOR61
SparkPoints: (49,064)
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12/4/12 10:23 P

emoticon SO MUCH !! for your words of encouragement...I am really trying hard. Some weeks is better than others. Just when I think their getting the message they surprise me. I have however turnned the tables a couple of times by making a few healthy meals and taking them dinner and they actually enjoyed it. Like, I make a lo fat shrimp scampi on whole wheat pasta. I use peeled and ready to shrimp, cut up fresh small green onion tips, basil, garlic and 1 tsp of no salt butter. Bring water to boil for pasta, I like whole wheat Linguine. And fresh parmesan. rinse shrimp remove any remaining tail, heat pan remove pasta set to side and keep warm. saute' shrimp in butter with spices and Oh I forget you'll need two tblsps of olive oil. Toss oil and past together top with shrimp and sprinkle parmesan on top and enjoy. I also like a simple ceasar salad with dressing on side.



MICHELLEGEORGE1
Posts: 103
12/4/12 8:50 A

I have to say, this was a difficult part of my early journey to weight loss - my parents live in the apartment of my house and my mother bakes continuously. I have often come home to the smell of fresh baked bread, pies and cookies wafting through the vents up into my house. This was bad enough but this was always followed by a phone call wanting to know if I wanted any. It took a while of me saying "no thanks" before this stopped. She still bakes continuously but she has stopped offering. Same applies at work, we have cakes/cookies for every occassion, someone's birthday, graduation, holiday, the day happens to end in "y"... it's constant, again it took a few of these things and me saying "no thanks" before everyone stopped trying to coax me into having whatever was going around. That's not to say I don't sometimes indulge but now they are aware of my healthy eating and no longer give me grief about it when I don't partake.

I know everyone's situation is different, but you can't control everyone else, you can only control your reaction to them. I believe eventually (most) everyone will accept your new lifestyle and stop trying to sabotage you.

Hang in there! There's always support on the message boards! :)



SURVIVOR61
SparkPoints: (49,064)
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11/21/12 3:42 P

Oh yea, ladies his other sister weighs in and I love her dearly at 467 Lb.s has diabetes, and asthma. Used to wake us at 2 or 3 am in the morning with Chinese food. Thank the sweet Lord she moved to Palm Bay, FL to be closer to her daughter when she had her first baby. So this is not my imagination. both her and her husband were obese. Now she has gotten heavier and I believe she is a manic depressive, but the family does nothing to help her. I feel so bad for her and wish I could help. :-(
Pss.
the husband has since passed,,,:-(

Edited by: SURVIVOR61 at: 11/21/2012 (15:43)


SURVIVOR61
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11/21/12 3:36 P

Your right TurtlesDove, I just finished walking 2 .34 miles when my husband came and picked me up in the truck. I even did some strength training when we got home. Normaly I walk for 5 miles. Well while I was doing my strength training, my husband apparently left went to our local store. Now we live in a rural or way out of the way country bumpkiss area only one store who sells home made ice cream. Well guess what he brings me, and it wasn't and yes I have requested that if he feels the need to buy it, buy a small kiddie cup. But no, it had to be a Chuluota Chiller the largest ice cream they sell.So, I have learned to split it with the three dogs we have and when we get close to the bottom then the two cats get the rest and I tend to cut back on dinner. Or he gets really angry, if I don't eat it. So, I am still working on other ways to get rid of the sister in law problem.



TURTLESDOVE
Posts: 1,061
11/20/12 12:56 P

I hate this, too. I have learned to shut my mouth about dieting and saying I am trying to lose weight and/or trying to get healthy. It DOES NOT work in my experience. I think people are unaware that they are really unhappy with their own weight and appearance and they want you to stay right up there with them. I dunno, but I've learned to shut up completely about dieting. Accept your donut or whatever it is, and do like another poster said and carry it around with you and when no one is looking, dump it in the garbage, then go tell them how delicious it was, and you are too full to eat another one.



MRSBOBBY2012
Posts: 11
11/20/12 4:58 A

I feel this sometimes as well. Just yesterday my best friend and co-worker brought me coffee and a HUGE bagel. I felt so bad to tell her I already had plans to have a whole wheat english muffin and sugar free jam. I think the best policy is to kindly be honest with people, and they will understand. I am having trouble with my husband as well offering me high calorie treats, I have to remember that until recently I was right in there picking out the fatty snacks and going out for bugers too. It is a change that will take some time but I am hoping once the people in my life start to see my results they will be less likely to offer those bad snacks.



ROONZERS2
SparkPoints: (3,239)
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Posts: 19
11/20/12 3:41 A

I hear you! It's hard when your family and friends do things that make it harder to keep going. I don't think it's intentional, but I sometimes feel like my nearest and dearest friends/family see me as the person they can hang out with when they want to cheat on their normally healthy lifestyles. I can't get mad at them for expecting that I'm going to enjoy going out for a heavy meal or snacking on candy at the movies when that's what we used to do together. It still can feel like sabotage when that's what they suggest though.
Part of the reason that I'm doing better than I have before is because I moved 6 hours away to go back to school. The new people I'm meeting aren't used to me in the old context. They aren't offended if I turn down treats because that's not the role I've ever had with them. I know everybody can't just up and move away, but maybe there are other things you can do to shake up your routine to get out of your patterns. Can you accept the treats with a thank you and then toss or donate them? Instead of getting mad when your husband buys you ice cream, maybe you can suggest an alternative that you would appreciate next time? I've finally learned that the saying about catching more flies with honey has a lot of truth to it. Perhaps those around you will be more inclined to shift their behavior if you respond in a way they won't expect?
I'm just trying to think up what I would do if I hadn't had the opportunity to move, and what I will do this weekend when I'm visiting my old home for the holiday. Good luck to you! I hope you find a way to keep moving forward. emoticon



SURVIVOR61
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11/18/12 1:50 P

My apologies Luann in PA,
I n that retrospect, I am truly sorry. But, for some of us I believe our families just prefer the happy jolly fat person. In some way they believe that their going to loose the one they love, at least to some degree that may be true. We are changing, for the better though. We're not willing to sit around and watch tv anymore, (husband)he's not very active. At least not with me, his idea of fun is going out with his buddies on the airboat and drinkng, I do not drink alcohol, my dad was an alcoholic, so therefore I do not like to hang with a bunch of men who like to get buzzed and go out on boats, and he rides motorcycles, this I like, but not the bar scene. This is and has always been his and his parents thing. I was called goody two shoes. And I mean skanky bars. Yes tried it, didn't like getting hit on by drunks, who disregarded my wedding rings. In-laws attitude over look them. Don't get me wrong I love my husband very much, we have been married for 34 years. I just a down home girl who was a tom boy that really loved the out doors, give me a horse, a plow , tiller, hoe, even horse shoes, go to a rodeo, tractor pull. Even visit a museum, taken some theatre. I am fexible, but don't take me where I feel uncomfortable. And don't expect me to eat just to be polite. It leads to disagreements and confrontations, not with just the husband,but other relatives whom are very out spoken. I cannot apologize for being a Christian and turning the cheek to avoid unnecessary confrontations. But, this is What Christ teaches, be tolerant of one another. If only our world leaders would learn this maybe there would be less wars. emoticon Please, your sister in Christ Jill



LUANN_IN_PA
Posts: 15,952
11/18/12 11:51 A

"Luann in PA, Unless you've walked in our shoes you really don't know what your talking about."
I have, thank you very much!
And I DO know what I am talking about.



SURVIVOR61
SparkPoints: (49,064)
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11/17/12 5:12 P

Thank you NIKKIG3, for being understanding, I do try not to waste it. I have to bachelors that live in the front of me and I do take most of it to them if my husband doesn't eat it or I will throw it out. But on days when I have to get up and go to the dr it's hard if it's in the house and I haven't had time to prepare before hand a meal for myself. We live outside the city limits and I have to get up at 6:00 am to be at a 8:00 am appointment and being disabled I do go to the dr. quite a bit. As for my husband, I think he gets jealous of the bachelors in front. The guy wasn't always single, his wife of 23 years just decided when their daughter started college that she wanted to be single. So now his brother lives with him to help pay the mortage. And I think there are reasons why your family try to sabotage you. It is not in our heads. But we do have to find ways to combat it. emoticon



SURVIVOR61
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11/17/12 5:01 P

Luann in PA, Unless you've walked in our shoes you really don't know what your talking about. I have flat out asked and told my husband and his sister, not to mention they watch me walk around a 3 mile HORSE PASTURE to loose weight every single day. We own 5 acres of land my mother in law owns the adjacent 5 acrces and my sister in law lives with mom. Im' up to 5 miles on that tract of land and it takes me 1 hour AND 45 min.s which sister n law watches from moms front porche. I haven't taught any one anything, as a mattter of fact I've stopped saying Thank you. My husband accepts the treats now. And his sister has had the balls when she had too much to drink to gripe at me for not being grateful for the treats. And further more if I wanted treats, I was brought up old fashioned and there isn't anything I can't bake or cook for myself.



LUANN_IN_PA
Posts: 15,952
11/16/12 4:11 P

You ladies have taught your family that if they buy the stuff, you WILL take it, and you may even eat it.
You need to say "No thank you" and mean it. Say it as often as you need to, and do not take the item from them.

"If you brought over pie yesterday, why would you bring over donuts today?"
Because you accepted the pie yesterday!



NIKKIG3
Posts: 1,443
11/16/12 3:11 P

OMG... I just blogged about this yesterday!!! My family is the same way. A neat trick I do in situations where I dont want to hurt anyone's feelings is I take the treat, donut, etc. and walk around with it for a while then I go to my room and throw it in the garbage. I always keep extra plastic bags in there for events like these.

That way no one feelings get hurt and I dont have to eat the crap and ruin all my good work. I know some may not agree with wasting food but I dont consider certain things food. And I think that family and friends do that on purpose. If you brought over pie yesterday, why would you bring over donuts today? Enough already!!!

Good luck to you, I know EXACTLY how you feel.



SURVIVOR61
SparkPoints: (49,064)
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11/13/12 9:16 P

Sandra this is exactly what I am talking about. Just today my husband's sister showed up again with treats. This time jelly filled donuts. And what does he do, He accepts them instead of saying no thank you. We really are trying to eat more healty. I mean, I just came in from walking 5 miles. Couldn't he have bragged a little. Isn't my health a little more impotant than hurting someones feelings. I totally understand how you feel and to top it all off if he thinks that I'm mad at him, he'll go out and buy me a homemade icecream. And not a small one, noo, it has to be a large and he won't split it, I have to eat it, so I don't hurt his feelings. My dogs are gaining weight now, because I split or give them most of the ice cream to them. I love the man but sometimes I have to wonder, where he's coming from. But you are so right, you do get angry. It's hard not to, especially when you finally commit yourself to you. I have high Cholesterol and other health issues. I don't have high blood pressue yet, thank the Lord. But your right our health is more important.



SANDRA1982
Posts: 172
11/13/12 11:58 A

My husband is great at trying to get me to eat junk food every time I am doing good. When we go to his family's house and they offer us food he always gets mad when I pass. He says it is rude but I refuse to continue being unhealthy. I use to just ignore him but now I have started to get angry at him. My blood pressure is high and I have high cholesterol. My health is more important that being "polite".



SURVIVOR61
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11/12/12 7:58 P

emoticon AKHISER for understanding. sometimes though I do know that one person does do it intentionally. I mean everyday it's a candy bar or a package of cookies. I've resorted to throwing them out. Which I really hate, because I don't believe in wasteing food. I used to kids in the neighborhood, but they all have moved up north. ;-( I miss them terribly.
I understand about your mom, my mom is the same why. Bless their hearts;-) I suppose as long as you remove the breading, it might help. Or invest in an indoor grill as a Christmas present with a cookbook for mom and dad . And see how that goes. I actually did this and my mom loves hers. But I have sinced moved away because of my health. Closer to my doctors.
Good luck!



AKHISER
Posts: 8
11/12/12 5:43 P

I agree that it can be difficult to tell family no and that you are trying to eat healthier. I tend to have that same problem. me and my kids eat a lot of meals with my parents. My mom is what you would call "old school" where you fry EVERYTHING. I know that this is not healthy and I should do what I can to eat better. *Sigh* Hope your support here helps you get through this :)



SURVIVOR61
SparkPoints: (49,064)
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11/12/12 3:34 P

emoticon so much for the link it indeed was very helpful. I think one very important factor that they had on the link was that my family may be missing the person I used to be. I worked in the food indsustry and could make up so of the best and newest recipes on the market without ever having gone to a culinerary school especialy deserts. So perhaps this could be a hint for me to make something for the holidays. I just may have to toughen up a bit. And again thank you for such a quick reply and the helpful link. It is definitelt food for thought.
Jill



MICHCLEARY
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11/12/12 3:31 P

I don't understand why as a society we equate saying no to food not on our list of healthy things we want to eat is a bad thing or would start a fight. I've gone through some grief from family members because I became a pescatarian this year and don't eat beef, chicken or pork.

I think first I would seek support from the husband and talk to him about what your goals are and how you are feeling. Seeking health is a good thing and should be supported by those you love. Second I would look at some options like saying I'll have some later and then after they leave tossing the sugary treats in the trash. Maybe you tell them what your goals are and invite them to participate with you?



ARCHIMEDESII
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11/11/12 3:16 P

SURVIVOR61,

I don't think your family is trying to sabotage you, even though it may seem like it when they bring home treats. In many families (like mine), food is love. But, do keep in mind that while it is okay to have a treat once in a while, it's okay to say,"no thank you" too.

Spark People has never been about deprivation. It's all about moderation and portion control. Yes, cookies, cupcakes, brownies, candy can all be a part of a healthy lifestyle as long as we are mindful of the portion. So, don't feel that you have to totally restrict yourself. A once in a while treat is okay. If you feel that they're bring treats too often, then you will have to put your foot down. Be honest and tell them you're trying to eat more mindfully as well as healthfully.

One thing you might do is read spark member INDYGIRL's page for motivation. She's had some really great blogs about losing weight with a disability. At one time, she weighed over 460+ pounds. two years later and she's lost half that weight. I think you'll find her list of "indy=isms" helpful.

www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_
individual.asp?blog_id=5115494


emoticon



SP_COACH_NANCY
SparkPoints: (158,833)
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Posts: 46,222
11/11/12 12:46 P

Hi,

Hang in there and know that you hold the power to say no...I understand that it can be quite tough but you can do this.

Below is a link to a really insightful SparkPeople article with great tips and advice that you may find helpful. It also has other references at the bottom the page you may find helpful.

I hope this helps!

Coach Nancy

www.sparkpeople.com/resource/nutrition_art
icles.asp?id=371




SURVIVOR61
SparkPoints: (49,064)
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Posts: 4,140
11/11/12 12:36 P

emoticon I don' quite kow how to feel. On one hand I know I am responsible for what goes into my mouth, on the other when family members know how hard you are trying to loose weight and that with your disabilites it is extremely difficult. But yet they continue day after day to bring cookies, pies, cupcakes and brownies I have to wonder if it isn't a diliberat attempt to sabotage at my weight loss efforts. This particular part of the family, my relationship is very strined with them, after their wolf hybrid attaked me and put me in the hospital for three days. They lied to animal control and told them that I was trespassing. It took me having to be the bigger Christian to let go of what happened to me to repair the rift in the family(husbands side). But, I just can't eat another sweat treat this week in order to be polite. It is totally dragging down my Spark Buzz. Any Ideas? With out starting a famiy feud. emoticon



 
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