Fitness Minutes: (19,119)
1,399 9/25/12 2:44 P
You can't make someone love you.....so sad, but true. Sounds to me that ultimately you had a lucky escape. I had a on/off relationship with a guy for nearly 10 years!! I must have been insane! I am now very happily married ( 22years) to a man who tells me he loves me everyday and makes me feel like a princess! You deserve to be loved. Good luck!
Actually, even if I wanted to block his calls etc, I can't - as he's already blocked me anyway..! :/
I will re-read all your suggestions again later when am feeling down, and shall try my best to move in a forward direction..
Fitness Minutes: (52,510)
9/19/12 4:40 P
There's a reason why every ex of mine is an ex. Sometimes it's because of something he did, sometimes is because of something I did, sometimes it's because we just weren't supposed to be together.
Give it time. Treat yourself like a queen, and keep in the present. No point in looking backwards, and the future will work itself out.
Best of luck...it will get better. :)
9/19/12 2:36 P
Im sorry you put yourself out there only to be trod on again, but even though you love him it doesnt change the fact that he's a coward of epic porportions. He has shown you this more than once - let him go honey and be grateful you wont be stuck trying to find him once again when the going gets tough in your lives. Let him go.
Fitness Minutes: (53,437)
9/19/12 1:45 P
Perhaps you just needed this. To get that final rejection to leave this page behind. Cry, because you need to get it out of you. And then, one day soon, you won't cray anymore. There is just no need anymore.
"lesson learned" is what you need to glean from this experience.
Fitness Minutes: (0)
9/19/12 11:50 A
Sometimes when moving on from relationships you have to keep reminding yourself why you left in the first place and stick with it so you never revisit the old hurt. Good luck to you...
Fitness Minutes: (78,711)
9/19/12 11:43 A
I agree that it is time to move on and explore new relationships.
9/19/12 11:42 A
I agree with several posters on here. Write a letter to externalize your feelings, but don't send it (that'll start a whole new bunch of drama) and block him out. That'll keep him from trying to use you as a booty call and ripping off all of your bandaids (figuratively speaking) again.
Fitness Minutes: (1,601)
84 9/19/12 11:41 A
This guy isn't even "friend" material. Cat Nips is spot on with her advice to you about blocking HIM.
Fitness Minutes: (9,687)
72 9/19/12 11:38 A
J C ------ Jesse Calire -------- Take this advice from a guy....Just like anyone in relationships it is hard to give up. Maybe he had good intentions, but I doubt it. Look at what he DOES, not what he SAYS. When couples get back together as you have, they tend to dwell on the good times and try to minimize the bad old parts of their past. Nothing changes. Don't try to love something that cannot love you back, whether it is a man or a material object....Try to focus on new activities. Join a club of some kind that focuses on an activity you like, whether hiking, walking or whatever. Then if you meet someone, you automatically have a common interest.....I have done it many times in the past. I met my current wife that way and we have been married for 20 years. Keep in mind you cannot beat yourself up. PLEASE DON'T GO NEGATIVE ON YOURSELF. YOU'RE BETTER THAN THAT.....Most folks go two forward one back in their personal lives.....Take it easy. You are a great person, a great catch and can benefit from beginning the search for a new soulmate now.....You have great value. Now go out looking for someone who has the ability to appreciate and cherish that value...Stay strong....Good luck.
It IS tough, no doubt about it. I commend you for being brave enough to share on SparkPeople! Fortunately, most of us here are very caring, compassionate people who only want the best for you. For me.....I'd been living in TX, had gotten a divorce after 30 years, had only lived there 4 months so had NO support, no friends nearby, no hugs........I was a mess & gained weight til I weighed 205# Long story short, after 8 years I moved back to IL & saw a highly recommended therapist to help me move on. Believe it or not, it took 3 sessions & I've been SO much happier. Nobody wants to be alone; but better to be alone until you (& me both) find the person we're meant to be with. Good luck Sister.
I reread this and you need to realize you are throwing yourself at him and he doesn't want you to be his catch. You approached him after being rejected once. Love yourself enough to know right from wrong.
Jessie - sorry you're having to go through such troubles, but it sounds like you're doing all of your thinking with your heart and ignoring some HUGE red flags.
Why would you want a man who would toy with someone's emotions, and then pulls such childish "silent treatment" stunts afterward? I can only imagine how much satisfaction he got out of that whole situation. You gave his ego a huge boost, my dear....and that's all you did. You even said it yourself....he doesn't care! Why would you want someone like that?
Even if the two of you were to get back together, those immature antics that would be his way of controlling the relationship. You deserve better and you need to keep repeating that to yourself. Happiness is indeed the best revenge, so how about focusing on YOU and learning to love yourself enough to insist on respect in your relationships?
Fitness Minutes: (82,255)
9/19/12 7:06 A
Definitely time to move on -- everyone has one of those people in their life to work through.....huge attraction like a moth to a flame thing....yet very unbalanced......move through that person as the person you deserve to be with is on the other side. This guy now is just showing you all the traits you DON'T want in a partner
Fitness Minutes: (314,567)
12,720 9/19/12 2:06 A
I think it's better if you move on.
Fitness Minutes: (128,714)
5,169 9/18/12 11:44 P
You are worth more than this treatment, there is a life lesson in all that we do. Learn, grow and never settle!
So sorry but it must of been for the best stop crying and start moving forward
Fitness Minutes: (7,721)
62 9/18/12 8:47 P
hugs first .... i've been there... I found that when these ppl come to mind.. we are just to pray for them.. pray hard for them to find salvation or get free from their ways.. and watch just how fast they move out of your mind forever!! Cause nothing makes the enemy more mad than to pray for OUR enemy! I also find: These ppl come into our lives right as we are on a brink of a new path. God is about to move us toward something new, and the enemy throws a "wait a minute.. ponder THIS thought a little bit.." He did it to me just last two weeks.. and threw me off my God course... God had something amazing for me, but delayed it b/c I got focused on another thing :( Its ok.. its just been delayed and I have to pray it through now... :) but seriously? hugs..and praying your new path comes quickly :)
9/18/12 8:33 P
So sorry that happened to you. I have been in that situation myself and went back to him more than once. Like someone else said, the stories I could tell you.
Every once in a while it still pops in my head all the time I wasted on him and I cringe.
It's going to take time to get past this, you have to be strong every day. Focus on yourself and your loved ones to occupy your time. Take care of yourself because the love of your life is coming, you don't want to miss it! I wish you the very best!
9/18/12 6:49 P
Sorry to hear that you are going through this. I know that feeling of rejection is a terrible one.
You are worth it. You deserve a guy that is going to love and cherish you.
I like the ideas of writing a letter and destroying it. Or releasing a balloon. Or maybe doing both. By doing one or the other or both, you are taking your power back.
When you break up with someone and all the time had past keep letting it go. Calling them up is just trouble and the guy rarely really changes and in 1 year. He probably is doing you a huge favor. Block him from your life and don't call him again. Got to be careful to fall into there trap or fall in love so fast. Sometimes we do that if we have been single to long and just want a nice guy to spend time with and so on.
I think you should make yourself busy and get out with friends and be social and have a good time and live your life and fill it with joy. There is someone out there for you just don't wait for it to happen.
Re do your house or go through things that just maybe need to go. Redecorate and have fun and give your place some sunshine. The less you have to do around the house the more time you have for fun. Even a night in with a movie and a nice dinner is ok. You can do whatever you want and no one is going to ruin your day.
Try reading or walking when you get the most upset.
I hope things will move on for you. Take care of you~
Fitness Minutes: (9,177)
343 9/18/12 6:32 P
I agree with Cat Nips. Block him. The reason for that being, if you block him, you are taking control of the situation AND your emotions. You won't be sitting around thinking that he might call, and you will know that it is DONE. I recently blocked two family members who don't contact me anyway, but blocking them made me have some closure and actually made me feel kind of empowered for taking control. Now, it's not up to them to ever contact me, because I know they can't. And since I deleted them, I won't be contacted them either.
I had a boyfriend for a couple of years who I thought I loved, and who I still think that I did love in some way. But, we broke up and got together again and he sounds like this guy was to you. Kind of led me on, but kind of still cared. I think back and am so glad that it is over! I regret all the time and energy I wasted on him. You will be ok. Don't let him take one more moment of your happiness from you.
Fitness Minutes: (3,801)
9/18/12 5:47 P
So sorry to hear about someone being careless with your heart. I think we've all been there. I've been in similar situations, and I think the best answer is to change how you think about him. Instead of thinking of him as this person that you had all these intense emotions tied up with him, you need to change him into your mind by realistically labeling him: toxic.
Personally, once I changed my mindset about my ex, I was finally able to let true and authentic love into my life. So stop contacting him. Delete everything. Read a book about codependency, write journals, and practice the art of self- love.
Don't be confused by how this careless person treated you--you have worth and are worthy of love, respect, and honesty.
Fitness Minutes: (490)
88 9/18/12 5:38 P
You need to block him. Block his number and his email. Do not see him again, do not speak to him again, etc.
Nearly everyone has an ex that cycles in and out of their lives. Mine liked to come by for an ego boost. It wasn't for sex, it was for coffee. Or for dinner, or for lunch, or a walk in the park. Something that made him feel like he could still have me. He did that for a few years, showing up when his life got rough and watched me dance for him, and then disappearing when the times were good to him.
It only ended when I stopped responding. This person is never going to love you in the way you need to be loved, or care for you in the way you need to be cared for. Block him and move on!
His behavior is in no way indicative of your worth.
Edited by: CAT_NIPS at: 9/18/2012 (18:00)
9/18/12 5:17 P
At least you were smart enough not to do the "sex with the ex" thing. If he is a jerk, just move on.
9/18/12 4:27 P
Don't cry yourself to sleep. Start doing the "Snoopy" dance that you are rid of this mean monster. There is somebody out there for everyone. You will find 'Mr. Right" one of these days. Just hope his first name isn't "ALWAYS" like my husband.
I'm sorry you had to go through that some people like to play with others emotions and those people are toxic for your emotional well being. You will find someone who will want to be with you and love you for you. I used to tell everyone around me, I'd never find love. I stopped looking and moved on with my life and it found me! It will happen and most likely when your not looking for it. Go out with some friends, have a good time and forget the hurtful and negative people in your life. Surround yourself with family and friends, laugh a little, go out and get your hair done or nails, whatever makes you feel good about yourself and enjoy life. This is always easier said then done, but better days are yet to come my sparkfriend.
Jessie honey, I have been there - and back again with my ex. Oh my word the stories I can tell you.... Anywho. Listen, there are relationships that we tend to hold onto for unrealized reasons, those reasons are so far down in our subconscience that we don't actually know they are there. (that's what I'm convinced of) There will come a time when you will make the decision to put him and everything about your relationship behind you. Once you do that, and make a giant leap forward - you will finally see that life can and is so worth living without him.
I never understand whey guys can't just come out and say, listen, I really think you're great, but, you're just not for me. It would be a heck of a lot easier - but NO, they would rather lead women on and pretend there is a chance for a relationship. Take it from me darling, you don't need to waste a moment more on him...time is a valuable asset we all have, whey waste something so precious on someone who can go kick rocks?
Cheer up doll...Cin
9/18/12 3:51 P
So sorry you had to go through that with your ex. Don't wallow in self-pity. Treat yourself to a new hairdo or a manicure. Get together with your friends for a night out. Hang in there.
Hugs. Take care of you. Anyone that can do that to another is not worth your time. What if you got real serious again and saw him for another 6 months or so and he pulled that. Do not contact him ever again. This is a blessing you must remember that.
Fitness Minutes: (274,858)
9/18/12 3:38 P
I'm sorry that you had a difficult meeting with your ex, but he's moved on and so should you.
I know this won't be easy, but you need to let him go if you want to proceed with your life. Don't live in the past. You have to live in the here and now. He's not part of your life anymore. It's going to be painful, but time does heal all wounds.
Here's something you can try. Go out and buy a balloon. It will be a symbol of your relationship with your ex. Go to the park. When you're ready, let the balloon go. release the balloon the same way you're going to release this relationship. It's NOT a healthy relationship.
You are not an incomplete person because you're not dating or married. There are men out there who are worthy of your love and affection. It's sounds like you could use a little pampering. How about a day at a local spa ? Get a massage. If that's too expensive, grab your best girlfriends and have a mani/pedi party.
Don't wallow in self pity. Do something for yourself.
9/18/12 3:22 P
Sending you big hugs...don't be so hard on yourself. When I went through my divorce and even after it was finalized, for a while I still felt at times that our marriage could have been saved. I think that is human nature...that when you are saying goodbye to something/someone, you begin to think only of the good things and not the bad.
Personally, I think it's good that God has given you a sign that it's time to move on and invest yourself someplace else. You need to truly love yourself and when you do, you'll meet better friends and guys because you will be less likely to settle for anything less than what you deserve.
I'm sorry you had to go through that, some guys are jerks even when you think they have grown up. It sounds like you are way better off now, good riddance to bad rubbish. Your stronger and better for the experience!!
Hang tough spark sister it will only get better!!!
Fitness Minutes: (5,698)
9/18/12 1:42 P
"The wind of one door closing...opens another." You're not a doormat. He's toxic for you. Stay away & move on. Find places to meet other, nicer guys. Volunteer to help others. Generous/good-hearted people are out helping others.
Fitness Minutes: (74,443)
3,293 9/18/12 12:56 P
That must be really frustrating, but it sounds like it is probably for the best.
Many of us have someone like that in our past who we just can't ever totally shake no matter how much we want to. Mine is now my best friend, but there are still feelings there, on both sides.
Could you write a letter and get out everything you are feeling? Don't send it, because it really isn't about him...keep it, burn it, just all of those thoughts out of your head.
I made the mistake of contacting my ex - after one year of no contact. I thought I was able to be strong and was just interested in "having a chat" etc, but it seems my sub-conscious mind had other plans and we met and everything felt as though not even a day had passed since we'd seen each other last.
We held hands, kissed, and he even called me his "girlfriend" (I know, that's impossible for us to have been immediately back together like that, but I guess what I'm trying to say is *I guess* he was probably feeling happy to see me again too), I felt so happy again and realised in fact, yes, I still LOVE him. We met again the following day and the day after he had to go away, I told him my fears that he would not return again (like he'd done to me before), he PROMISED that that would not happen. And yes, he rang me the first couple of days of while he was away, BUT, my fears were confirmed when he didn't call after a few days, and when I tried to call, not only was he not answering my calls, but he'd BLOCKED my number..!!!!!!! I can't tell you how upsetting that moment was. That not only had he not told me a simple "sorry - we can't be together again (not that, that was necessarily going to happen anyway)", or even a lie, or even not answering my calls - but he had actually BLOCKED me from any contact!!!!!
I honestly feel like a discarded piece of rubbish right now. Yes, you are probably thinking that I brought this on myself by calling him in the first place, but you know, it takes two to tango and he very quickly managed to reel my emotions back, only to throw them away just as fast..
It is so upsetting to think that he doesn't even CARE to hear from me - I mean, even if I wanted to tell him how I feel, I can't!!!!!!! - And even if I found another way - i.e. used someone elses phone or sent an email, well, I just think that is degrading to myself anyway, as he will most probably then view me as a desperate stalker - which at the core of the matter really upsets me that our "relationship" has really boiled down to that.
I've been crying myself to sleep some nights. It's really horrible.
Any words of advice or comfort or thoughts would be appreciated.. Thankyou!!
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