Question for the Ladies: Your S.O.

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10/14/11 11:55 A

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10/13/11 9:19 P

No leash can make a man yours/ Trust & communication is the key

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10/9/11 3:39 P

I trust my S.O. enough that he doesn't have a leash at all.

The boyfriends I had in the past didn't have leashes either because they weren't my responsibility, and I'm not about to tie a grown man to my proverbial apron strings. If my S.O. wants to do something I don't approve of, unless we're married or he asks for my advice or help, he'll be handling the consequences on his own.

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8/26/11 11:09 P

I agree with a lot of what's been said. I don't do the short leash thing, but I have no reason to. Trust is definitely key, and I can understand people who have been hurt in the past would keep their SOs close by, but, unfortunately, that will probably drive the other person away - unless they are equally as paranoid. & some people just love to spend so much time together it's sickening (although, conversely, good for them). I agree, too, that if someone wants to cheat they will find a way. & although I personally don't get that (why invest time (and presumedly money) in a relationship that you obviously don't want), I completely get the "if I find out about it, it's over" because that is soooooooooooooooooooo true. & if it's not, both of the people in the relationship are idiots (just callin' it as I sees it).

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8/23/11 2:48 P

I know women who keep their men short leashes. I don't know all their stories. I only know of one that had a rep for cheating, but she married him anyway. It drove her crazy and made her unpleasant to be around because she was sooo paranoid. I myself do not keep my bf's on short leashes. If I am feeling insecure about em they aren't around long.

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8/22/11 7:35 P

No leash, however, when in a married or serious relationship it's common courtesy and respectful to let your s.o. what you're up to. For example, if I was out for a girl's night out and I was going to be gone later than what is typical for me I'd call and say as much. Even though he wouldn't be calling to find out where I am and what I'm doing. I would expect as much from him. It's just nice...not to make your s.o. worry, you know?

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8/19/11 3:34 P

No leash unless we are in the bedroom!!

Edited by: -DYET- at: 8/19/2011 (15:35)

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8/17/11 1:09 P

It is better to have a literal leash for fun, and for one's partner to remember their collar when they are out and about lol.

The dynamic is complex from both sides. Most of the women I know who have their men (or women) on "short leashes" are in relationships with people who tend to behave badly, and that behavior plays into the aforementioned insecurity factor.

As we have three kids, and live in an area where cell service is spotty at best, we always know where the other is for safety in case of emergency. We also lead a very interconnected life together, many couples I know need (or have more opportunity, without kids) more personal space than either of us does.

If I didn't trust him, I wouldn't be with him. If he didn't care to be open with me about what he's been doing, I wouldn't trust him. Especially in the beginning stages of a relationship, trust is not implicit-it is built upon patterns of behavior in the relationship. People who have trust issues because of past relationships often carry their baggage into new relationships, and those partners should either run fast and far or prepare to work hard to earn trust.

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8/17/11 10:45 A

I am so glad I'm a southern girl! yeah - sometimes a smile goes a long way. Too far to people who misread it! I am only familiar with one song "Simple Man" - and it's a Skynyrd song. A good LS song! One of my faves! :D I'm not a big time Skynyrd fan tho. I give em props and repspect tho. God know I shake my A$$ if the band plays it right! lol! I've kinda been more in a Led Zepplin mood the last couple of weeks if we're going classic tho!

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8/17/11 9:39 A

I gotcha Salt. We are southern girls. They call me a redneck I reckon that I am, but there's things going on makes me mad down to the core!!LOL!! That's a lyric to "Simple Man" I forget who sings it. Anyway, I smile all the time and I know what you mean. Some guys think you are flirting when you smile and you are nice. It happens to me all the time. Down here in Georgia it's called southern hospitality.
Speaking back about the song, whoever sings it, doggone I can't think of his name, but he ought to run for president!!LOL!!
"if I had my way with people selling dope, I'd take a big tall tree and a short piece of rope. I'd hang em up high and let em swing til the sun goes down"

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8/17/11 8:46 A

Wow TDOVE, that is short! I never had it that bad, but my x was always thinking I was flirting. I could be walking down the grocery aisle and smile at someone I almost rammed my cart into, and he'd start asking me, "Who is that? Do you know him?" Grrrrrr. No I'm a southern girl. We speak and wave! Hey Y'all! Drove me crazy. Turns out it was due to his wondering that he was afraid of me doing it. A thief thinks everybody steals right!? Insecurity and immaturity are an annoying combo!

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8/17/11 7:38 A

significant other.

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8/17/11 7:31 A

What is S.O.? It is not in my lingo or understanding.

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8/16/11 6:29 P

very well put Salt. My exhusband had me on a very very short leash. If I was 5 minutes late getting home he would call me at work and ask why I wasn't home. I would tell him, "I have to finish something up and then I'm going to leave" Then he would say, "well, what time will you be home?". Uh, duh, didn't I just say when I finish with what I'm doing? I didn't know when that would be. Gee, ok, I'll be home at 5:42 or I'll be home at 6:12. That really bugged me. And he wouldn't even let me go grocery shopping without him. Also, I wanted to join the gym but he didn't want me to. Talk about a short leash. Geez.

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8/16/11 2:58 P

Not to follow in the "all men are dogs" philosophy, as I disagree with it but......
Have you ever noticed if you lock the gate, that the dog will dig his way out, but if you leave the gate open and just keep him fed and watered - he won't stop howling outside your window at night or sleeping as close to the door as he can get!??? I've just always thought there was a lesson there. If he's a wonderer - let him go hang with his mangy strays! If he knows where is home is - he'll never wonder far.

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8/15/11 4:34 P

My wife prefers a shock collar to the leash.

Seriously though, if someone is on a short leash it is becomes they are untrustworthy or there partner is insecure or both. Not the foundation of a healthy long term relationship in anyone's book.

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8/15/11 2:35 P

I couldn't handle being on a short leash. I don't have time to be up somone's a$$ that far either.

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8/14/11 1:15 P

I think when you start putting restrictions on your partner the relationship will go downhill pretty fast.

Janet summed it up pretty well.

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8/2/11 7:35 P

My ex wife had me on a super short lease after we was married before no leash. After we divorced mostly for that reason, I said I would never get married again. I stayed single for about 12 years when I met my wife. She knew up front that I would not tolerate a leash or a shock collar at all. Nor would she be on one by me. 14 year together and no leashes. She has male friends and I have female friends, I travel more than she does but we live on trust.

In reference to JoJo she is dead on I had several times I could have cheated on the ex wife and never did. FYI my ex was married 6 times after we divorced, a few years ago she killed herself. I Imagine there is a moral there as well.

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8/2/11 5:58 P

I have learned that it doesn't really matter the length of the leash or if there is one at all. If a man's (or women for that matter) going to cheat, then there is nothing you can do to stop it, I tried. I had no leash, could do what he wanted, a long leash, let me know where you are and a very short leash which didn't work at all. He still found the money and time to cheat. So fellas and ladies, it comes down to a matter of trust. Either you trust them or you don't, it is that simple. If you do then you don't need a leash, and if you don't the leash will not make a difference. BTW this applies equally to men who keep a very short rein on their women. From now on I just go on my gut, if I don't trust him I am running for the hills

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8/2/11 2:55 P

yeah, unfortunately, I was in a relationship like that. I finally realize that I had to live for me and do what made me happy. It was so hard but I did it and now I'm more happy than I've ever been. I know what you mean,man, I've lived it.

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8/2/11 1:33 P

My husband travels internationally for business for up to 8 weeks at a time. He has no leash. LOL I don't have time nor energy for that anyway (I prefer cats over dogs as well). If he cheats, and I find out, our relationship is over. He's aware of that. *shrug*

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8/2/11 1:12 P

You would if you were made to think there was no one else who'd ever have you as she conveyed to me.

....sad but true.

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8/2/11 1:02 P

wow, KJ, if my opinion matters, I could never be with someone like that. Woe was you.

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8/2/11 12:21 P

ah, for the ecord (if ever there is one), the man in the profile pic was NOT the man she kept leashed, that man died a few years ago (pounds ago).

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8/2/11 12:20 P

That's very true as I am one of them.

I allowed myself to be kept on a short leash while SHE (my soon to be former S.O.) was allowed to frolic about, without informing me, anywhere she wanted.

The few times I tried to put my foot down I was crushed and paid dearly for it. She also use to keep my wallet short, too. "A man with money in his pocket is a CHEATIN' man." she'd always say.

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8/2/11 10:53 A

I don't know a few women, I know MOST women do in my circle. But I blame the man for this.

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8/2/11 10:50 A

@OSF: You probably wouldn't but a few women I know IRL definitely had their S.O.s on short leashes from the start and withOUT a real reason to do so.

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8/2/11 10:40 A

I wouldn't have an S.O. that I didn't just trust. If a man can't behave without supervision I don't want him.

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8/2/11 10:26 A

Get a few men in here that'll say they enjoy being on a short leash, and then you'll be redirected to the scenic route.

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8/2/11 10:09 A

oops.

I'll be happy to edit my response and go down the scenic, twisty path. Sounds like fun.

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8/2/11 9:59 A

@Billy: and THAT's the correct answer, brother.

Dang BMB, I wanted this to be a long teasing thread and you just go ahead and solve the puzzle a.s.a.p.! LOL!!

Good work!

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8/2/11 9:18 A

And you are quite correct in your postulation, as far as I'm concerned. Dh's leash has lengthened significantly in the past couple years....He just tends to let it drag now.

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8/2/11 9:08 A

I know I'm not a lady, but I'll tuck if I have to just to chime in.

I'll postulate that the woman's level of self esteem and self confidence is directly proportionate to the length of the leash. That is all.

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8/2/11 8:59 A

uumm that's a tricky one. I refuse to answer on the grounds it might incriminate me. LOL

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8/2/11 8:57 A

Mine leashed himself...? I asked him yesterday about going to his brothers bachelor party (which will probably include strippers...) and he replied with "I'm not going to Montreal!". I have no reason not to trust him, and I wouldn't leash him if I didn't...I just wouldn't be married to him.

I let him do what he wants. He is his own person, and I expect the same from him. If I wanted him leashed, I would have never gotten a dog.

Edited by: HAIL_10_ at: 8/2/2011 (08:57)

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8/2/11 7:57 A

Is it better to keep your man on a short leash (knowing where he's going) and maybe have some friction or is it better to let him be free (have NO idea where he's going) as a bird and just trust him?

The "Happy Middle" is a cop-out, fyi.