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LINWASH23 SparkPoints: (83,399)
Fitness Minutes: (113,453)
Posts: 1,984
1/9/13 1:55 P

I hope this blog helps: Spit the seeds out
“Don’t let the seeds keep you from enjoying the watermelon”(Lillie in the movie Made for Each Other) Friends, we are on a journey to have a better quality of life by eating healthier and exercising. There will be days that we will want to eat over our calorie limit. There will be days that we will not want to exercise. These are seeds that we have to spit out. So today, spit out the seeds and do what you need to do to have a better life. Spit the seeds out. ‘The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart’ (Lk 6:45 NIV).
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LINWASH23 SparkPoints: (83,399)
Fitness Minutes: (113,453)
Posts: 1,984
1/9/13 1:51 P

I hope this blog helps: Spit the seeds out
“Don’t let the seeds keep you from enjoying the watermelon”(Lillie in the movie Made for Each Other) Friends, we are on a journey to have a better quality of life by eating healthier and exercising. There will be days that we will want to eat over our calorie limit. There will be days that we will not want to exercise. These are seeds that we have to spit out. So today, spit out the seeds and do what you need to do to have a better life. Spit the seeds out. ‘The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart’ (Lk 6:45 NIV).
emoticon emoticon emoticon

LOVE4KITTIES Posts: 4,690
1/9/13 1:42 P

Do what you need to do for yourself. If this means limiting contact with certain people or even cutting off contact, do that. If it's not possible or feasible, don't discuss your weight or weight loss with them.

If they start talking about it, calmly tell them that you'd rather not discuss weight loss and would rather talk about something else (or something along those lines). If they persist, you can either ignore them or leave the room. Be calm, but insistent with them that you aren't going to discuss it, then stick to that all the time. Make it something that is never allowed. Never. If you let them get away with it sometimes, even if it is rarely, it will only reinforce their behavior.

The best way to reinforce a behavior (making it even harder to stop) is to intermittently allow or reward it. This makes people more persistent with their behavior because they sometimes get away with it and they will push and push and keep on and on with it over and over until they finally get their way because they know that, if they keep on, they will eventually get what they want. So, never let them get away with it! Never! Eventually, they WILL give up and stop, mostly, although they will probably still try to get away with it on occasion.

NGREGOR SparkPoints: (16,523)
Fitness Minutes: (5,754)
Posts: 728
1/9/13 1:06 P

Sunshine - I like the poem. I might print and post on refridgerator under one of several magnets.

SUNSHINE6442 Posts: 2,187
1/9/13 8:33 A

Sometimes its hard to take just remember

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”

Sodium, sugar and carbs stall weight loss and also give you cravings.
You'll see success faster and dont have to tell anyone.

I like this little poem...
The best six doctors anywhere
And no one can deny it
Are sunshine, water, rest, and air
Exercise and diet.
These six will gladly you attend
If only you are willing
Your mind they'll ease
Your will they'll mend
And charge you not a shilling.
~Nursery rhyme quoted by Wayne Fields, What the River Knows, 1990

Lose weight to please yourself! Good Luck!

Edited by: SUNSHINE6442 at: 1/9/2013 (08:34)
SCGAALMOM Posts: 232
1/7/13 5:39 P

Just keeping these "helpful" people entirely out of your weight loss loop may really be the thing to do! I find, the older I get, that I learn more and more to be selective about what I share with whom about all kinds of subjects - helps keep me sane. Or less crazy anyway. emoticon You go ahead and shut out the white noise that they're buzzing in your ear! All the best to you! emoticon

LOVEXAVIE SparkPoints: (42,597)
Fitness Minutes: (48,071)
Posts: 2,443
1/7/13 2:37 P

You are always welcome to share here in the Spark community!
What I love about Spark is that so many people here are going through exactly what you're going through.
Just knowing you're not alone helps sometimes.

SHAGADELIC Posts: 1,403
1/7/13 1:32 P

Thank you all so much for responding! What a tough morning I was having.

I tend to think that these people pressuring me are more interested in how they feel about me and my weight than how I feel. I don't know. Seems everybody has some kind of stake in this. I had a conversation with my boyfriend just a few days ago where I tried to explain that I don't need the pressure or the "constructive criticism" from people on the outside looking in. They have no concept of how difficult this process can be and how changing yourself can be a years long process. It really hurts me.

But all of your advice is true. This is about ME and the changes I need to make for myself. I can't do anything for them and I certainly can't live the way they want me to. How does that benefit me in any way? When I ask myself why I want to lose weight, my best answer is to feel physically better. More energy, less fatigue, better sleep, improved overall health. Looks and appearance are at the bottom of my list but at the top of everyone else's.

I feel like I should stop sharing things about this process with them. They don't understand anyway. Plus, I feel better when I keep it to myself and just do it.

NGREGOR SparkPoints: (16,523)
Fitness Minutes: (5,754)
Posts: 728
1/7/13 12:39 P

So many have already offered helpful suggestions. It is clear that most of us have faced the problem of others knowing exactly what we should or shouldn’t do. They think they are helping and they do mean well. In reality they make us feel guilty and angry at ourselves as well as them. Don’t bite your nails, stop smoking, you shouldn’t drink (alcohol) so much, stop drinking all of that soda/pop, don’t eat candy, and as many others as there are people who have or have not yet discovered Spark People.

One thing I just thought of you might try. Go to SP Motivation and find the place that shows all of the motivation quotations. Pick one a week or one a day and just keep that in mind. When one of your dear friends or relatives who has not looked in their own mirror has yet another ‘suggestion’ for you, say, “thank you, that’s something to consider” and think about your own inspirational/motivational quote.

Always remember emoticon

LOVEXAVIE SparkPoints: (42,597)
Fitness Minutes: (48,071)
Posts: 2,443
1/7/13 12:18 P

Of course you are not asking a silly question!
My only advice is this: since you can only be responsible for you (you can't "make" others behave), you will just have to focus on either tuning these people out or limiting contact.

Sometimes, limiting contact isn't much of an option. In that case, water-off-a-ducks-back, baby! Let it sliiiiiide off. They cannot bug you unless you let them. I know it's tough, and learning to tune out the naysayers is an acquired skill, one you'll get better at over time & one we all need to learn.

This is YOUR journey. Hang in there.
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TIEDYED69PEACE SparkPoints: (6,717)
Fitness Minutes: (2,694)
Posts: 165
1/7/13 11:30 A

I wanted to give you some advice, but the wise ladies that posted before me have really got it all covered. You can't please family. I've learned that, especially when it comes to your own appearance, and you shouldn't have to do it for them. You need to find a way to stop them or cut them from your life. Let them know that you won't be entertaining their toxic comments anymore. I feel for you. :) Good luck!

ARCHIMEDESII SparkPoints: (192,827)
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Posts: 26,682
1/7/13 11:16 A


I've been through a similar situation with my own family. Let me tell you a story from my own childhood. When I was a teenager, an aunt of mine (for incentive) told me she would buy me a set of skis and boots for Christmas IF I could lose 20 or 25 pounds. It was one or the other. For several weeks I starved myself trying to lose that 20 pounds and get those skis. That's what person did back then to lose weight, wasn't it ? Just stop eating and you'll lose ?

Well, flash forward to Christmas. Did I lose the weight ? Not quite. I lost about 17-18 pounds. Which wasn't good enough. What did my aunt say,"If you really wanted those skis, you would have tried harder". Can't tell you how many times I've heard in my life that if you just tried harder, you'd lose weight. Work harder to get that A because the B isn't good enough.

That's not how losing weight works. What that episode eventually caused me to do was yo yo diet for many years. Here's what I've learned since then.

You CAN'T please your family ! It's impossible. If you want to lose weight, it has to be for YOUR own reasons, not theirs. this is YOUR body. You're making decisions that impact YOUR health. That's why you can't listen to these people. They think they mean well, but not really. they think that criticising will "help" you to lose. ditto, not really.

You really do have to stop listening to these toxic voices. because they aren't healthy.

Let me ask you this, why do YOU want to lose weight ? What are your reasons ? Those aren't easy questions. But, once you can answer them, that's the motivation to help you learn healthier habits for life.

Remember, you're trying to change habits learned over a life time. That's not going to happen overnight, a week, a month or even a year. Change takes time. You can't put your body on a time table. It would be nice if everyone lost weight the way they do on the Biggest Loser, but that's just not typical. Weight loss really is a slow steady process that takes time. Not only do you have to change your body, with time, you need to change your head too.

If you need support, the SP community will support you if you aren't getting the support you need from your family. Don't listen to their criticisms. Lose weight for your own reasons. because once again, you'll never make them happy. people like this will find other things to criticize. My aunt was that way. Let me tell you, it took years for our relationship to become civil.


Edited by: ARCHIMEDESII at: 1/7/2013 (11:37)
MOMANDNURSE150 SparkPoints: (0)
Fitness Minutes: (2,074)
Posts: 33
1/7/13 11:03 A

Cut those people out of your life if they refuse to stop harassing you!

I don't care if it is your mom or sister or best friend or boss or neighbor. The "tough love" is obviously not what you need and if they can't come to you in a kinder, more supportive way, they need to hit the door.

Turn that tough love back on them and let them know that if they can't be a positive influence, they can't be an influence at all.

Chances are, they will see the error of their ways, and care about you enough to edit their motivation techniques.

Sending light to you!

SHAGADELIC Posts: 1,403
1/7/13 10:54 A

I feel like I'm about to have a breakdown. I cannot stop putting pressure on myself about losing weight, nor can I seem to stop others from putting pressure on me too. I am so hard on myself that I have developed serious anxiety issues, coupled with depression. People are constantly telling me that I must not really want to lose weight, that I don't love myself, etc. and it makes me feel AWFUL. I suppose they are coming from a place of caring but I don't feel like they understand me. I tell them all the time that pressuring me does not make me perform better. I'm not motivated by tough love or hard truths. I would prefer if everyone would just let me be and trust me to get through this.

I absolutely do want to lose weight! I need to. No doubts about that. But how do I ignore pressure from outside and channel pressure from within so that I can work out, eat right and find enjoyment in the process? Am I asking a dumb question? I just don't want to feel pressured about it anymore.

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