I asked my wife her opinion last night and she said she'd been approached by her 2 aunts asking if they could use our equipment as well, so it sounds like I might be having 3 workout partners.
Anyway thanks for the responses.
Fitness Minutes: (1,149)
143 6/11/13 8:34 P
There are some women I would have no problem lending my husband as a workout partner (though good luck convincing him!), and others I'd go berserk if he suggested going anywhere with them. It isn't because I trust or distrust him, but because I know THEM, and we do not need the drama they bring. It is something you and your wife need to talk about, not your wife and her friend. If your friend approaches your wife, your wife is in the awkward position of coming up with a plausible excuse as to why she is not okay with it, whereas if you approach her, she can give her honest opinion. More, if my husband were hesitant to approach me, that would be instant suspicion.
If you are uncertain enough that you need to come here and ask, though, that tells me it is probably not a good idea. As with anything in a relationship, when in doubt, do not risk it. You say you do not need the drama, so why chance it? Your friend can find a different workout partner, and as you said, you've done fine on your own up until now.
I think the answer will be different for different people. There are some people that "aren't allowed" to have opposite sex friends, there are others that say "I only get along with the opposite sex, so my SO had better deal with it!" I also think that by your thoughts about it, you might already know her answer.
I'm pretty lone-wolf when I work out (though I sometimes ask my husband to check on my form), so I don't really "get" workout partners. Most of the workout partners I see at my gym (of every gender combo) end up chatting a lot and sitting on a machine not doing anything while they wait for their buddy, so my perception of workout buddies is a little more skewed towards "let's hang out!" as opposed to "let's really push each other to reach our goals". If you're sure it's more the latter, and you want the support, well it wouldn't hurt to ask.
Fitness Minutes: (14,810)
9,705 6/11/13 5:27 P
Hey Bob, now that's worse! Not all women talk all the time. When I'm hitting the weights, I don't want to chatter... too busy trying not to die!
Fitness Minutes: (1,285)
6/11/13 5:23 P
Sorry dragon ..more man thinking...
What man would train with a women in a gym!!! It doesn't work I have never seen it work. You will have different goals and even worse..she WILL end up talking all the time!!
Don't do it.........................
Easy solution -- get your wife to train with her....
Fitness Minutes: (14,810)
9,705 6/11/13 5:08 P
"I like to maintain a pretty chill relationship, I hate arguing and making eachother uncomfortable so I'd hate to bring any unnecessary tension into our relationship by asking my wife if this would be ok."
Okay, stop right there, buster. ;) That's man-thinking.
The way you maintain a "chill" relationship is by talking to her. Just ask your wife. Tell her point blank. "So and so asked me to work out with her. I don't care one way or the other, but I wanted to ask you if you minded or not."
It doesn't have to be tense, but avoiding a conversation because it might be uncomfortable for you isn't avoiding tension, it's avoiding discomfort for you, and it's a bit selfish. My husband does that all the time, and it drives me INSANE. I would far rather get something out in the open. Especially since I'm a fairly laid back person, and nine times out of ten, it's something so dumb that I don't even know why he was avoiding it.
One thing you learn after a while is that the most comfortable relationships are the ones where partners talk about things that they're bothered about, even if it's uncomfortable. Not the ones who avoid all uncomfortable things.
I would totally be okay with my husband working out with a woman, as long as he mentioned it first. Although he doesn't exercise, and if he wanted to go with someone else when I've asked him, then I'd be hurt. However, I'm going to assume that the situation would be like you describe it, where I supposedly didn't want to. In that situation, I'd say go for it, and have fun. Let me know where you're going, dear!
If I found out that he didn't mention it, THAT would piss me off. There have been times when he has decided not to do something because he was afraid I'd be upset, and that pissed me off too, because it implied that he didn't believe I could handle it, and I perceive that as rude and disrespectful. Respect your wife enough to talk to her about this. Only she can say if she'd be okay with it or not. Not us!
Edited by: DRAGONCHILDE at: 6/11/2013 (17:12)
Fitness Minutes: (96,833)
6/11/13 5:05 P
good advice, Anarie. Women are so bad about not being honest with how they feel about this type of thing. OP, hopefully you know your DW well enough to know if she's being honest.
FINE often means anything but!
for DH, I'd be fine with him exercising with somebody else. Matter of fact, I'd be ecstatic that he was actually doing some exercise!
I'd also be hurt because in our case, I ask him to go to the gym or the park with me just about every time I go (and he declines).
I would like to say that I trust my husband enough that even if he worked out with a naked supermodel I would be ok but let's face it, I'm human and I wouldn't like it. I have had girl friends in the past that I would be fine working out with him but others would be a big no way.
On the other side of this, I like working out with men and my brother is currently my running partner so no issues there of course, and my personal trainer is male but in no way my "type" so no worries there either for my husband. Because of how I feel if he worked out with an attractive female I wouldn't workout with an attractive male. Not fair to either of us in some ways but it's best to avoid temptation when possible. Most affairs start as "just friends". Better safe than sorry.
Your wives friend should have asked your wife if it would be ok before approaching you.
I think you should tell the friend that you're ambivalent about it because you don't know how your wife would feel, and that you're not willing to be the one to ask. This is something the women need to work out between them. It really depends on their relationship. I have a couple of friends that I know I could ask, "Hey, can I borrow your hubster?" and they would absolutely say yes. My best friend's husband is 6'10", so if I ever go out to buy a car, I'm borrowing him just to stand there while I negotiate.
But I have other women friends that I would never even mention the idea to. One of them (more acquaintance than friend) gets nasty if she finds out that her husband ran into a female friend in the store and they said hi. I'm not exaggerating; if, God forbid, he carried a grocery bag to the female friend's car or the female friend lent him a coupon, there would be nuclear war.
So let the women decide how comfortable they are with the idea, and if your DW does say yes, don't assume that's the end of it. Keep an eye out for tension down the road, ask at least once every few weeks whether she wants to start coming along, and just generally make it absolutely clear that she comes first and you'll dump the workout partner on a second's notice if wife is ever even the tiniest bit doubtful about it.
6/11/13 3:53 P
I don't think she meant to not include my wife, I think she just asked me to see if I was open to the idea prior to asking my wife.
I'm open to it, but I don't like unnecessary drama so would rather not bring unnecessary tension you know? That's why I posted here to see what other women thought about it and if the consensus was that it would bring drama, then I would just politely decline.
I'd love for my wife to be my workout partner but she hates working out with me because when she was pregnant, the dr said she had to workout 30 mins a day I made sure she worked out 30 mins a day and since then she's refused to go workout with me...lol.
Fitness Minutes: (2,769)
6/11/13 3:28 P
For me.....I think it is in poor taste that she would approach you and not ask your wife who is supposed to be her friend. For me, this would tick me off. I expect my friends to be open with me, plain and simple. They all know that if they can't do that, they can go elsewhere.
This can bring a lot of tension into the marriage, particularly if the non-workout spouse has insecurities.
Since you posted this, my guess is that you are uncomfortable with the idea. Your best bet is to talk to your wife, tell her how you feel about it, and include her. Allow her the choice of going with you for workouts.
6/11/13 3:14 P
My friends wife asked me the other day if I would be open to her being my workout partner so we could push eachother to meet goals. We both have similar weight loss goals.
I've been working out alone for a few years now and would be open to having a partner I just don't know if this is something I should approach my wife with, they are friends have been for probably just as long as we've been together. I was wondering, do married people workout with the opposite sex? Does it bring any tension into their marriage?
I like to maintain a pretty chill relationship, I hate arguing and making eachother uncomfortable so I'd hate to bring any unnecessary tension into our relationship by asking my wife if this would be ok.
Married women out there, would you be cool with your husband working out with one of your married friends?
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